Haruhi Soap Opera
by Rai Shu
Summary: Haruhi realizes just how normal Kyon is and sinks into a depression, causing Kyon some consternation when he realizes that he's fallen for her. Things get worse when Haruhi imagines what the SOS Brigade could be like...
1. Disappointment

Haruhi Soap Opera

- x -

by Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS Brigade

Important note: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people or places in this story is purely coincidental.

Author's notes: Please be aware that there was no actual author. Any resemblance of this story to existing stories is purely coincidental.

- x -

- Chapter 1: Disappointment

I'm not normally one for tired old sayings, but if there's one thing I've learned from hanging around with Haruhi Suzumiya, it's that time really does open every door to he who waits. I used to think that having fun adventures with interesting people was an impossible dream, too. I never really stopped believing that it was possible, even if I did decide for a while that it wasn't really worth believing in. The funny thing is, I opened that door myself, and suddenly all kinds of interesting things started to actually happen. And I may act like a jerk about it, but it's a fun new world that I really would hate to lose. I don't know how long Haruhi herself has been waiting for her particular door to open, though she never really struck me as the patient type.

This may sound weird, but it's not that hard to convince yourself that something isn't true, even though you really believe it, deep down inside. I know. I did that myself for a while with the subject of interesting people. I also know that Haruhi and I aren't all that different. I think there are times when she does the same thing. Although in this particular case, she was convinced that something was true, even though she never really believed it.

I'm not sure how long this particular something had been going on for her, but for me, this all started on one particular Sunday. Haruhi had collected up the nerve to come over to my house and ask a very personal favor of me. This wouldn't be the first time she's asked such a favor. I actually don't mind doing these favors all that much, though it would be nice if she planned these things ahead of time or even simply asked whether I wanted to participate.

"Hey, Kyon," she said. "You got some money on you?"

"Good morning," I answered, standing at the foyer, still trying to get my bearings after having been roused by the doorbell. "Money?"

"Yeah," she said. "We're taking a little trip."

"Where to?" I asked.

"Down memory lane," she replied. "It's not that far, but I can't cover all our expenses."

I couldn't recall ever hearing of a street or a building called "Memory Lane," nor did I think Haruhi had ever mentioned such a place before. It took me a few moments to realize that she was speaking figuratively in some vague way.

"Hold on a second," I told her. "I'm still not completely awake."

"I have enough for the trains and buses," she explained, "but it's going to take all day. I don't think you want to go there just to starve."

"Where are we going again?" I asked.

"You remember that old seaside village you told me about a while back?"

"Yeah."

"That's the place."

Now that I think about it, I had mentioned my old hometown at some point. I hadn't really thought Haruhi was all that interested. At the time, she'd just told me to shut up, and continued blathering about whatever it was she was thinking then. I have to admire the way she could remember what I had said, because I can't remember for the life of me what she'd been talking about then.

"What do you want to go there for?" I asked her.

"I thought it might be nice for you to reminisce," she replied. "I don't suppose you've been there in a while."

"No, I haven't," I said. "Well... I guess I'm not really the sentimental type."

"Really?" she said.

It's not so much that I'm not sentimental. I am, actually. The thing is, Haruhi always looks at me like I have an extra head whenever I do say something sentimental. I really don't want to keep repeating that unpleasantness. Since this show of familiarity and generosity was so unfamiliar, I reflexively expected this to be an SOS Brigade activity.

"So, is Miss Asahina coming with us?" I asked, stating my only real concern whenever we do things in the SOS Brigade.

"What?" she said. "No. Why would I bring her?"

"Forget it, then," I answered. "I'm going back to bed."

"Hold on a second," she commanded.

"What?"

"I'm not going to waste a Sunday with you being lazy again. We're doing this."

"Wouldn't you rather look for aliens or whatever?"

"Well, we haven't exactly had a lot of success doing that. Are you saying you would rather do some more SOS Brigade work today? Because I have plenty of work left for you to do, yet."

I don't doubt she could make a lot of work for me. The last thing I need on a Sunday is more work. All the same, it has to beat spending the day dealing with Haruhi. "If it's just the usual thing," I said. "I think I'd actually prefer doing that."

"Aren't you curious about your father?" she asked, catching me off-guard with an unexpectedly considerate question.

At the moment, I live with my mother and her husband. My father, on the other hand, stayed at my old hometown dealing with whatever vehicular problems people were willing to let him solve. We had been close, but there had never seemed like a good time when we could get together and talk about things. Meanwhile, over five years had suddenly gone by.

"You haven't spoken to him in a while, right?" she added.

"Not in person, no," I replied. We sometimes spoke over the phone, but that isn't really the same thing.

"Don't forget your umbrella," she said. "Looks like it could rain."

"Okay," I said, resigned to my sentimental nature, which she had undoubtedly learned all too well.

- x -

The trip to my old hometown was not very far, but it did involve a train and a bus ride. On the train, it occurred to me that we wouldn't get very far if she had miscalculated the fare. My own funds were rather low at the time.

"You sure you can pay for all this?" I asked.

"Of course," she answered. "You're going to pay me back for your share of the expenses."

"Why should I do that?"

"It's only fair."

This was typical Haruhi. She always snares me into something and then tries to weasel out of being responsible for whatever it costs, later on.

"But this trip was your idea," I complained. "I don't see why I should have to bring any money at all."

"You are so cheap," she shot back.

"Okay," I offered, "next time we go somewhere and I drag you along, I'll pay for the trip. How about that?"

"Since when do you ever want to go anywhere?" she said.

"Exactly," I stated.

"I feel sorry for your friends from middle school," she said. "Do they get to feel this kind of love?"

Being dragged around isn't exactly my idea of love, but knowing her, this was about as close as she was likely going to get.

"My friends are my friends," I stated. "I don't go dragging them around wherever I want."

"That's just my point," she added. "You never do anything."

"What's there to do?"

"Spend some damn money, for one. That's what money is for, right?"

"Is that what money is for?"

"Well, you can't just blow it all on food."

"I do whenever you're around."

"This time, you can spend it on something worthwhile."

Haruhi's idea of worthwhile, of course, means whatever she wants to do, whenever it's convenient for her to do it.

"You really want to visit my dad this much?" I asked. "I didn't realize my life was so interesting."

"Don't get the wrong idea," she answered. "I'm just along for the ride."

"Right," I snidely remarked, having apparently perceived why she had decided to do this in the first place.

"I mostly want to visit your old haunts," she hastened to explain. "Get a feel for life before your family went to suburbia."

"Well, okay," I told her, not really interested in her motives. "But you're going to be disappointed. Nothing interesting ever happened to me there."

"That's fine," she said. "I kind of expect that to be the case."

Yeah, right. And I expect to see Santa Claus sliding down the chimney next Christmas. She was definitely in for a disappointment.

"I'm actually looking forward to this," I said, distracting myself from thinking about Santa. "I wonder how much has changed."

- x -

When we got off the bus at my hometown, Haruhi immediately took out her umbrella and said, "It's raining. What did I tell you?"

"Good thing I have my umbrella," I said, taking out mine.

I took out my phone and called up my dad. It's not a good idea to pay people a surprise visit. In my experience, you end up being the only one who's surprised, and rarely in a good way.

"Hey, Dad. It's me," I said.

"Hey," he answered. "What's up?"

"I was in town and I thought I'd stop by."

"In town, huh?"

"Yeah, I brought a friend."

"You think you'll be hanging around for a while? How about you stay for dinner?"

"I don't know. Probably not for that long. It's just a little visit."

"Okay, that's too bad."

"Maybe I could stop by the garage?"

"That's fine."

"Okay, see you. Bye."

I put away my phone and looked around at the sky. It wasn't too cloudy, but it was still raining.

"Your father is a mechanic?" Haruhi asked.

"It pays the bills," I answered.

"So, is he as cheap as you?"

"Actually, he sends me money every now and then."

"Really?"

"It's mostly to buy stuff for Sister."

"I didn't know being a mechanic paid that well."

Being a mechanic doesn't pay that well, but it's not a bad profession.

"It's not that bad if you don't have to worry too much about rent," I explained.

"This is the middle of nowhere," she added.

"I wouldn't exactly call it that," I said. "The rent is definitely cheaper here, though. Why are you so caught up in money, anyway?"

"What?" she said.

"Seems like all we've been talking about all morning," I replied.

"You're the one who's tight-fisted. I just mentioned that you could stand to spend some, every now and then."

"All right. Forget about it. As long as we're here, I've got it covered."

All this talk of money made me start to wonder if Haruhi worries a lot about money. Maybe her own situation isn't that great. It's hard for me to see her as anything but a snotty upper-middle class brat, but that's exactly the class that should worry about money. Not rich enough to buy tax shelters, but not poor enough to escape being taxed a lot. Add to that the fact that she lives in a nice house, and it spells a lot of worry for its residents.

"I think I got a text," she said, suddenly taking out her phone.

"What's that about?" I asked, only catching a glance.

"It's from Koizumi," she replied. "He wants to know where I ran off to."

"Tell him we eloped," I said. "He'll love that."

"I don't think so," she softly answered with a scowl. "Okay, I just sent him a text back. Let's go."

"Where to?" I asked.

"How about the beach?" she said.

"In this weather? I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Where else is there?"

"We could wander around town."

"Aren't all these towns just the same?"

I had a double-take when she said that, not really expecting her to be disappointed already. You don't generally think of a beach as being a better place to look for interesting things than in town, but Haruhi does see things in a strange way.

"The beach isn't going to be all that different from any other beach," I informed her.

"What do you have to do for fun around here?" she asked.

"It's a seaside village in the middle of off-season," I replied. "What did you expect?"

"Okay," she said, "we'll just wander around."

- x -

We then went straight to my father's garage, since that was really the thing I had come here to do. For a while, I couldn't remember where the garage was, but then I thought about my time in elementary school and the many times I had gone straight from there to the garage. I then found my way there purely on memories and thoughts of better times.

I think all this remembrance and casual talk was lulling me into an unguarded moment. I began to really believe that Haruhi was just being herself, and not actually putting on some front or trying to throw her weight around, so to speak. I guess I really ought to go into detail about that incident in the garage, but it's just too personal. I can't even think about it now without the blood rushing to my head, and I think Haruhi would just be embarrassed, so I won't bother writing any more about it than what came up in conversation later.

I should hasten to add that Haruhi had an ulterior motive for being so straight-forward, and I was so dumbfounded by this refreshing attitude of hers that I mostly just spent the whole time in a daze, not really thinking about what had happened. Shortly after leaving the garage, we went back to wandering around town. I'm not sure how much time had gone by, but it couldn't have been that long.

"The rain just stopped," she said, putting away her umbrella. "I told you we should have hit the beach."

"We can go by there later," I answered, putting away my umbrella and wondering how long the rain had been stopped before we actually noticed.

"Funny," she added.

"What?" I asked.

"Your father is an interesting guy," she replied. "Nothing at all like you."

"Is that so?"

"I can see where you get your sense of humor, though."

"Yeah, it's all starting to come back to me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

Thinking about all these good things was nice, but that always inevitably brings up all the bad memories. You can't remember how wonderful things can be for a while without remembering how it all ended.

"Well, don't just leave me hanging," Haruhi said. "What?"

"Oh," I answered, "just remembering that one time I ran away from home."

"Huh?" she said.

"It was no big deal," I said, shrugging it off. "Yeah, my dad has a pretty crude sense of humor, actually. I think he was just playing nice to try and impress you."

"He still managed to make you blush a few times. He must be really crude if that was his softer side."

"I noticed you didn't seem to mind."

"Should I have? Did I just ruin your impression of me?"

"No, I was just noticing."

"I'm not one for crude humor, myself but-"

"You'd have to have a sense of humor, first."

She scowled and said, "Ha ha ha." She then smirked and added, "I really don't care if someone wants to joke around like that."

At this point, we had somehow wandered out in front of my old school building.

"What is it?" she asked. "Oh, is this your old school?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"I'll bet it's all starting to come back, now," she said.

"Huh?" I said. "Oh, sure. It looks the same as it did then."

"Really?"

"Well, I don't remember it looking so run-down, but maybe you don't tend to notice things like that when you're a kid. It also kind of looks smaller. Weird."

"I recently went by my old school, myself."

"What was your impression?"

"The same thing."

This terse reply made me immediately think of Yuki Nagato, who has a keen grasp on the art of keeping her sentences short and to the point. Thinking of her made me realize that this type of thing was something she was missing in her life. I briefly wondered if she actually had memories anything like this, but then I snapped back to reality.

"Oh," I said, "so you can relate."

"Yeah," Haruhi agreed. "I mean, there weren't all these types of shops nearby."

"You grew up in the suburbs?" I asked.

"Pretty much," she replied.

This kind of answer made me think of Itsuki Koizumi, who pretty much takes everything you could imagine with a kind of casual and pleasant semblance, if sometimes pretense, of calm. I have no doubt he could relate to this kind of wistful musing, but then this is my story, not his.

"I used to love hitting up the local snack shop, here," I said, steering my thoughts back to where they belonged.

"This one?" Haruhi asked, pointing it out.

"Yeah," I said. "Me and my friends would hang out here."

"I can imagine."

"I would sit right over there and order, and my mother would bring me something."

"Your mother?"

"She used to work here."

"Sounds like it was tough for Sister."

And this kind of answer made me think of Mikuru Asahina, whose introverted probings belied an awkwardly but thoroughly considerate demeanor. If she were standing here, her first thought would be of all the possible difficulties in raising a child in circumstances like that.

"Not really," I assured Haruhi. "My mother just can't stand not working for very long. Actually, Dad probably did more domestic stuff than Mom ever did."

Haruhi frowned and muttered, "Now that sounds familiar."

"Mom did a lot of motherly things," I added. "Don't get me wrong. Any time there was discipline to hand out, it was my mother who took care of that."

"I'm having a hard time picturing it," she admitted.

"What's to picture?" I said. "A sleepy little town where everyone knows everyone, and a small family. Me, my sister, my mother, my father. It was like the perfect picture of an ordinary family."

"And your mother would take your sister to work with her?" Haruhi asked.

"Of course," I replied. "What else was she supposed to do? Leave her alone at home? It was just a part-time job, anyway. She only came here to work three or four days a week. What's the big deal? People share in raising children at work all the time."

"Okay," Haruhi said.

It wasn't perfect, and I have to admit there were times when my mother and father would fight about the situation, but there was one significant upside.

"We didn't have a lot of money," I said, "but we did have a lot of togetherness."

"So, why'd you run away?" Haruhi suddenly asked me.

"That was..." I said, struggling to find something I could tell her without wanting to vomit my heart out. "That was right after my parents broke up. I'd rather not talk about it."

"What happened?" she insisted. "Where did you go?"

"I went away," I replied. "Don't worry, I came back."

"I kind of figured that," she said, disappointment creeping into her voice.

"How about we go by the beach?" I offered, hoping to help her cheer up.

- x -

The beach wasn't that far away, but it did take long enough that I started to think about where the old home was. I didn't want to actually see it again, but then I realized that there would likely be some other family living there, anyway. My father had long since moved out. In any case, by the time we reached the beach, we suddenly needed our umbrellas again.

"It's raining again," I said, unnecessarily.

"No big deal," Haruhi said. "It's not like I was going to go swimming."

"The shops around here are great in the summer," I offered.

"Yeah, we should come back here again some time," she answered.

"Summer here was the best," I added. "Especially the fireworks shows. The beach is perfect for that kind of thing."

"You get a lot of tourists?"

"No. It was mostly just old folks, making their way north for one reason or another. I'd sit right over here and read comic books."

"Comic books? Seriously?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with comic books? I was a kid. Gimme a break."

Comic books were about all I could afford, aside from regular books. A regular book didn't really hold much interest for me, back then.

"I just can't picture you as the type to do that," she said, frowning.

"I was just a normal kid," I explained. "How do you picture me? Are you trying to imagine me as a broody little brat?"

I think it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps there was a reason that I ran away. I think she then realized where a lot of my sometimes sour disposition had come from.

"My favorite thing in the whole world was to sit here and read adventure comics," I added.

"Oh jeez..." she said, strangely disgusted.

"Why?" I asked. "What's wrong with that?"

"I'm just realizing that it fits you so well," she answered.

"Yeah," I said, proudly remembering. "The great super heroes in their adventures, fighting super villains. It was nice to imagine. I mean, I always loved to dream about that kind of thing."

"Okay," she said, "that is weirdly familiar."

"Why?" I asked. "Did you read stuff like that?"

"Not exactly," she answered.

For a moment, I had a sudden thought of Mikuru being dressed up by Haruhi and I started to wonder whether Haruhi herself had been the victim of a similar kind of situation. Maybe her mother liked playing dress up with her in hero or villain outfits. Or maybe... Well, I can't really finish that thought.

- x -

Once we got back to town, naturally the rain started going away again.

"And the rain lets up," Haruhi said.

"Maybe we should get something to eat," I added.

"Is it lunch time already?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Okay," she said. "Let's look for somewhere to stop."

With a bit of concern, I remembered how Haruhi usually treats shopkeepers. I might have a cold and impersonal feeling about most of the shopkeepers in the city, but here in a small town, you have to recognize how valuable it is to get along with people. Here in a little village, it definitely pays to be friendly.

"Be nice to the shopkeepers around here," I warned.

"What?" she said.

"I'm just giving you fair warning," I told her. "People around here don't put up with the kind of thing you can get away with in the city."

"Thanks, Dad," she shot back. "I think I can handle it."

"I just want to avoid a faux pas," I explained.

"Says the guy who ran away from home," she added.

"I can see it was a mistake to admit that," I said. "You're going to keep harping on that, aren't you?"

"At least until you tell me what happened," she said, making it clear that she was going to keep harping on it.

"I had a lot more problems at school than at home," I told her. "I'm surprised you care so much about that one incident."

I think Haruhi started to wonder just how bad school could be, if running away was something relatively minor. Maybe it hadn't occurred to her that I didn't exactly have a perfect school life, either.

"Hey," I said, noticing an old friend, "look who it is." I waved and added, "It's Akira."

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"I used to live here," I replied. "You remember? About five years ago? We went to school together?"

"Oh!" he said. "Hey, Kyon. Wow, it's been a while."

I turned to Haruhi and explained, "This guy sat behind me in fifth grade. Akira Suzuki."

"Hello," Haruhi said.

"Is this your girlfriend?" Akira asked me.

"No," I informed him. "This is Haruhi Suzumiya. She's just a classmate."

"Really?" he asked, smirking and quizzical at the same time.

"Sure," I replied. "Is that hard to believe?"

He turned to Haruhi again and said, "Well, then. Nice to meet you. You from the city?"

"Yeah, I am," she replied.

"I kind of figured," he said. "You dress like it."

"So, was Kyon always such an introverted guy?" she asked him.

"Oh, sure," he answered. "That didn't stop him from being popular, though."

"He was popular?" she asked.

"He was popular with the girls," he told her.

At this news, Haruhi beamed with mirth. I think she relishes these moments that are awkward for me.

"No one ever told him," Akira explained, "but the girls were constantly hitting on him. He was totally oblivious to it."

"Well," Haruhi commented, "this is something."

"It was funny as hell," he added. "We had so much fun teasing him. He'd complain about being a nerd, and then totally ignore some poor girl trying to flirt with him."

"You couldn't have told me?" I asked him.

"No way, man," he answered. "You know what this town is like. You've gotta have whatever entertainment you can find."

"He seems to have been cured of that problem," Haruhi informed him.

"I wouldn't bet on it," Akira said. "Kyon does have a way with the girls, even if he is oblivious to it."

Haruhi went from smiling to suddenly looking like she wanted to punch me in a moment. As I was puzzling over this quick turn around, Akira started to walk away again.

"Anyway," he said, "I gotta run. Nice chatting with you again, Kyon. Nice to meet you, Miss Suzumiya."

It was funny how Akira had changed. He was a lot ruder to me back in the old days than he was to me just now. It took me a few moments to realize that the guy had simply grown up. While I was pondering on this, the rain started up again.

"It's raining again," Haruhi said.

"Oh," I said. "Time to get out an umbrella."

We took out umbrellas and stood for a while.

"Well, aren't you glad?" Haruhi asked me. "You were Mr. Popular back in grade school."

"That isn't the way I remember it," I said, stating the obvious.

"And popular with the girls, at that," Haruhi added.

"Anyway," I said, "I was a little too young to appreciate it."

"So, messing with people is what passes for entertainment around here?"

"Pretty much. It is a small town. I wouldn't be surprised if someone starts messing with you."

"They'd have to be pretty brave to mess with me."

"My dad knows a lot of people. You know what he's like."

"Oh, right. I forgot."

"So, if you see some strange guy hitting on you, it's probably just some elaborate prank."

"I wouldn't have thought I'd have to guard against that kind of thing in a place like this."

"That's what makes me fairly positive that it will happen."

Of course, things had changed to the extent that we didn't need to worry about pranksters. That was just my old expectations playing tricks on me again. Who in a small village would actually play a prank on a complete stranger?

- x -

When we finally went to a shop, we had some food. I briefly had the impression that this type of wandering around, eating in half-familiar places was something that Koizumi did a lot. Koizumi definitely did a lot of traveling, so it wouldn't be surprising. Thinking about traveling put me in the mood to talk about that time I had run away.

"I was a lot closer to my dad then than I am now," I started.

"Yeah, obviously," Haruhi said.

"I mean," I explained, "we were more like best friends."

"Okay."

"We went all over this town, and everyone seemed to love us. It was a totally different time. So, you can see how my mother suddenly breaking up with him could affect me."

"I'm starting to understand."

"It took me a long time to get over it. Don't get me wrong. I love my mother, but it's still pretty hard to deal with."

Actually, it's not hard to deal with at all, but Haruhi doesn't need to know that. I just didn't want her making a big deal out of it. Something told me that if I had let Haruhi believe I was over all that old stuff, she would have just kept bugging me.

"You had your friends," Haruhi added.

"Sure," I said. "That was pretty much what brought me back."

"Yeah," she said, sounding even more disappointed, "it all makes perfect sense."

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"What?" she said.

"Something wrong with the food?"

"No, the food is great here."

"What are you frowning about?"

"It's nothing. Okay? I'm just not used to the idea of parents breaking up. That seems so wrong."

"You don't need to tell me."

Just then, I heard a strange buzzing.

"What's that?" I asked.

Haruhi took her phone and said, "It's Mikuru. She's asking where I went."

"I guess she hadn't talked to Koizumi," I said.

"Weird," Haruhi added. "Oh well. I guess I'll text her back... That should do it."

Almost immediately, her phone buzzed again, and she picked it up to talk.

"Hello... Hey, Mikuru. What's up? ... No, I'm just playing with you. No need to throw a hissy fit... I'm sorry, okay. I'm just up here visiting... Kyon wanted to see his father, and I was bored so I tagged along. That's all."

"You are such a liar," I softly told her.

"Huh?" Haruhi continued into her phone. "No... No... Look, I'm hanging up, now." She put her phone away, then sighed and smirked while complaining to me, "Women."

"You don't include yourself...?" I asked.

"I'm not an average woman, you know," she answered. "You can't lump me in with them."

"Just wondering," I explained.

I have to admit there is something to be said for being an individual. You wouldn't guess from knowing Koizumi in a strictly verbal sense that he was a man.

- x -

Once we'd left the shop, we started wandering around. As I expected, the sky cleared up again. It's like someone up there was saying, "Stop doing other stuff."

"Seems to be clearing up," I said, looking around. "Not a cloud in the sky."

Knowing Mikuru, I should have guessed it would only be a matter of time before the other shoe dropped on whatever weird prank Haruhi had pulled on Mikuru via phone. Sure enough, Haruhi's phone began buzzing again.

"Oh," she said. "Wait, it's Koizumi again."

"What is it this time?" I asked.

"I guess Mikuru just spoke with him," she answered, sighing. "This is what I get for trying to be funny."

"You really should leave that kind of thing to trained professionals," I added.

"Well, you can't blame them," Haruhi explained. "It does seem like a date."

"Is that what that's about?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "Mikuru, I understand, but Koizumi..."

"He seemed to be okay with the idea," I admitted.

"What idea?" Haruhi asked, still looking at the phone.

"You and I going out and stuff," I replied.

"Really?" Haruhi asked, honestly surprised.

"He's only mentioned it about a hundred times," I answered. "I get the feeling he's being paid to try and set us up."

"Well, you wouldn't know it to look at this text I just got," she said, letting me get a glance at it. "Screw this. I'm not texting him back. He's just going to have to get over it."

"What?" I asked.

"Jeez," Haruhi answered. "The guy can't take a joke."

"Speaking of jokes, I really thought Dad might try something by now."

"You haven't seen him in a while. It does make the occasion more serious."

"Yeah."

"People do mellow out over time, too."

"I've noticed that."

- x -

Since it was getting to be early afternoon, we decided to head back home. I think it was at this point that I had a pretty good opportunity to make this story come to a sudden conclusion, but as I said before, I was in a daze. I was barely starting to realize all the things that had happened. It also didn't help that Haruhi seemed preoccupied as we waited at the bus stop.

"So, Koizumi has been trying to set us up?" she asked me.

"Very much so," I replied.

"What did he say about me?" she asked.

"He seems to be under the impression that you're..." I said, thinking for a moment, "...well-connected."

I couldn't very well tell her that Koizumi viewed her as a kind of all-powerful deity from whom he sometimes protects the world.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, scowling.

"I honestly have no idea," I replied. "He really is a weirdo, sometimes."

"He has a lot of nerve, trying to set up people like that."

"What are you planning to do about it?"

"Huh? Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"Really? You're not going to even question him about it?"

"Oh, sure. I'm going to ask, but I don't expect an honest answer. You know how he is."

"Yeah, I know," I said, more caught up in her pace than really thinking. "The question is, do you?"

"Of course," she replied. "Koizumi is a snake. He seems to think he can just flatter me all the time and get whatever he wants."

"Well, I can't really deny that," I said. "He does seem to have your interests at heart, though. You might cut him some slack."

"You're defending him?"

"Yeah. Just because the guy is a little delusional doesn't mean he's out to hurt you."

"Okay. I'll go easy on him."

All this talk of Koizumi made me a little paranoid about him, and it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't want Haruhi talking about all this with him. In particular, I didn't want Koizumi to know anything about my father. That was just too weird.

"Please don't say anything about Dad to him, either," I said.

"Okay," she said, "but I don't see..."

"I don't know how much Koizumi knows," I explained, "but he definitely knows more than he should. He creeps me out. I don't want him having even more information on me."

"Right," she answered. "This whole visit will just be between the two of us."

"Thanks," I said.

- x -

Once we'd gotten to the train, I suddenly thought of Yuki, and it occurred to me that there was not all that much mystery about her, although she is an enigma in herself. I was paranoid about Koizumi, but it never occurred to me to be paranoid about Yuki. It's true that Yuki can blow up the world as easily as blink her eyes, but there's something strangely reassuring about that, and I wondered where that came from.

"You seem a little worried," Haruhi commented.

"It's nothing," I said, briefly grasping for a response that didn't include aliens or Yuki. "Just remembering some homework I'd left. I really should be working on that report, too."

"You really are something else," she softly added.

"What?" I asked.

"You can spend the day visiting your old hometown without a thought for your work," she explained, "then suddenly worry about it on the way back."

"I guess that's another thing me and my dad have in common," I said, realizing. "I don't think it would occur to him that he'd left anything unfinished unless he was staring at it."

"Even your food," she muttered.

"What?" I asked, not quite hearing her.

"You left half your lunch," she said, raising her voice a bit.

"Did I?" I wondered. "I didn't even notice."

This was about as mild an argument as we'd ever had, so it didn't occur to me to think that it might even be viewed as an argument. Not until I saw her look away and wipe her face with her hand. I felt a sinking in my chest as she did that.

"What?" I asked. "Is something wrong?"

"Shut up," she replied. "I'm not crying, if that's what you think."

"I wasn't thinking anything like that," I lied. "Are you crying?"

"No," she said.

"What's wrong?" I insisted. "Come on. Tell me."

"Why should I tell you?" she said. "You're just an ordinary, average nobody."

"Yeah," I answered. "So, why should that matter?"

"It matters because it matters. Do you know nothing about me?"

"I really can't tell what you're thinking, sometimes."

"You really are oblivious."

I really don't think I am oblivious. To be honest, I just think things have to happen in a very normal, very natural way. Haruhi seems to be the kind of person who likes to drag incidents into the present, kicking and screaming.

"I can't believe I'm actually explaining this to you," she said. "What was the very first thing I said in class that first day?"

"You said you wanted to meet aliens and get to know them," I answered.

"I wanted to meet interesting people," she explained. "Since you spoke to me, I just assumed you were someone interesting. Man, did I assume wrong."

"You had to realize at some point..." I said, thinking that after that horrible first day it should have been obvious.

"That you weren't just using a cover story?" she said. "That you weren't just posing as someone obscenely ordinary and average? Come on!"

"What?" I said, on the verge of laughing.

"Who the hell would actually believe a person could be so ordinary?" she complained, genuinely upset. "It seemed stupid. I was sure you were just disguising something. I felt sure that you were special, somehow."

"So, that's what this whole trip was about?" I asked.

"Can you even imagine?" she answered.

It hadn't occurred to me how incredibly different Haruhi and I were in our way of seeing things and our expectations. It was like our bodies were on the same planet, but our minds were on two totally different planets.

"Sorry," I said. "I guess you feel pretty stupid right about now."

"I half expected this to happen," she reminded me, "so don't feel too bad about it."

"You'll be okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she answered. "I'm not really that depressed. I mean, I'm not suicidal like I was..."

"Suicidal?" I said, thinking that things had really plunged off the deep end.

"I've never talked about this," she said. "Please don't repeat this."

"I promise I won't."

"You remember when we talked about that baseball game?"

"Yeah, that was right after Miss Asakura disappeared."

"I'd been feeling pretty depressed. That story was just to give you an idea how depressed I was."

"I thought you seemed down because of that story."

That baseball game had given her an inferiority complex. Or maybe I should say it gave her a mediocre complex.

"I don't know why," she continued, "but I was feeling pretty suicidal then. Then, one day, I went home and found a big knife. You know how most people think that you should slash your wrists going across?"

"Yeah," I said, wondering if this discussion was actually happening.

"Well, you can't really expect to bleed to death like that," Haruhi explained. "I was thinking about cutting myself properly. You know? Right down my arm."

I had heard of this before, but it seemed really weird that Haruhi would actually consider doing that.

"Relax," she said. "I didn't actually kill myself."

"Sorry," I answered. "I had no idea you felt that bad."

"I was about to do it," she added, "but I just didn't have the guts. I didn't want to live, but I couldn't bring myself to die. It was really horrible, thinking like that. I never cried so hard in all my life. I had a lot of trouble sleeping that night."

"What happened?" I asked her gently.

"I just woke up and thought that everything would be okay," she replied. "I'm not sure how that happened, but I seem to recall this weird nightmare. It somehow made me think that maybe there was hope for me yet."

I softly said to her, "I'm glad you didn't kill yourself."

"Thanks," she said. "I feel a lot better about it, now. It's still going to take me a while to recover from this disappointment."


	2. Affection

- Chapter 2: Affection

When I got home later that day, I realized a lot of what Haruhi was really saying and became suddenly depressed, myself. She was so upset because I wasn't the kind of person that she was hoping I would be, and she was hoping so much because of how she felt about me. There really wasn't any question what that meant. In a timid (or carelessly ignorant) way, she was confessing that she was in love with me, though she agonized that I wasn't quite the man she wanted me to be. Something seemed oddly amiss with this conclusion, but it struck me as the most likely one at the time.

I really did have a lot of homework to do, and my mother had a few words to say to me, so you can understand if I wasn't fully processing all this information right away. It takes a lot less time to briefly describe the highlights of a day than to go back and think about everything that had happened and might have happened.

The next day, when I seriously thought about what might have happened, it put me into a fresh state of depression again. I finally realized that I was jealous over Haruhi when she had been talking to my father. It was only natural. I hated the thought that this really cute girl who I could get along with so comfortably could actually leave me for someone else. I also hated the fact that I was jealous, not because it seemed like an indulgence in the "brigands of the five senses" as much as it seemed like a surrender of the little dignity I had left (to the one person who had proven the most apt at robbing me of dignity).

In class that day, Haruhi confessed that she didn't want to deal with the SOS Brigade, and I proposed that we go to a coffee shop to have a nice little chat. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to resolve matters, and to maybe even turn that into a first date.

"This is some crazy weather, lately," I said.

"Looks like it's about to rain," she added.

"Yeah," I agreed.

Any time there's something important to discuss, it seems like nature has to interfere.

"All right," she started. "What's up? You're still thinking about yesterday?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine," she answered, scowling. "Damn, stop asking."

"I'm just making sure," I explained. "Because you seemed really upset, yesterday."

"It's no big deal," she stated, folding her arms in irritation.

"Okay," I said, letting that go.

I must admit, I am a coward when it comes to things like this, especially when I notice Haruhi looking at me the way she does. There's always that hint of fearlessness in her eyes that reminds me of where she thinks of herself in relation to me. I kind of get the impression that she has me flat on my back with one foot on my face. I can't even think about love when I get that impression.

"I just wasn't ready to get hit by it all at once, like that," she explained. "It was confusing and frustrating."

"Really?" I asked. Is agonizing over the fact that I'm normal really all that confusing? And what the heck was frustrating?

"And to top it off," Haruhi added, "Koizumi gave me the third degree today."

"He was upset?"

"He was trying to hide it, but he looked like he was about to blow."

"That's kind of weird."

A simple prank wouldn't cause Koizumi so much distress, so it was truly odd that he was treating her like that. Of course, this is Koizumi I'm talking about, so I really couldn't care less.

"Did you get in any trouble?" she asked.

"No problems," I replied.

"I just expected something," she explained.

"I had called before we got on the train," I told her. "It's pretty much understood that if I'm going somewhere, I'm going to call first. I have a very understanding family."

"Must be nice," she muttered.

"Did you have any problems?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "As long as I don't get in trouble, my parents don't care where I go. The truth is, they're usually not around."

"Must be lonely," I commented.

Parental abandonment was not a subject I was at all comfortable with, though it did remind me of how I had suddenly felt about her, yesterday. I think I was at once struck by a combination of pity and admiration. It had the odd effect of making me want to shake her and hug her at the same time.

"It's really no big deal," she said, casually dismissing.

"Let me ask you something," I said. "Is it really such a bad thing that I'm not an alien or a telekinetic or something?"

"Sure it is," she answered.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because life would be more interesting that way," she said, giving me her usual response.

"Right," I said, a little annoyed that she would answer me that way. "And you really thought I was hiding something?"

"Not really," she answered. "More like I was hoping you were and getting a little desperate. I somehow convinced myself it was true..."

Haruhi had somehow convinced herself of a lot of things. When she'd had that "nightmare," she convinced herself that it was a nightmare, rather than a cry for help. When we played that baseball game, she convinced herself that we were suddenly really lucky and not using a magical bat. When I told her about the others, she convinced herself that I was just being stupid. Hearing her admit to being a little delusional made me wonder whether she was hiding something.

"Okay," I said, clearing my head of this pointless thinking. "But it never occurred to you to just ask?"

I thought I made a really good point, but she replied with, "Why are we going over this again?"

"I just want to be sure what the deal is," I explained. "If I was hiding that big a secret from you, why would you ever trust me afterward?"

"I don't know," she stiffly admitted.

"Wouldn't it just make everything go crazy to find out that someone is an alien?"

"I guess I hadn't thought about it."

"If I explained to you that I was an alien and then went into detail about who I was and what my mission was, you'd just be disgusted. You'd think I was some kind of lunatic."

"Are you an alien?"

For some strange reason, I summoned Mikuru's face to my mind and quietly begged her for guidance.

"I'm not saying I am," I answered Haruhi. "I'm just saying that if I were, telling you about it would just make you pity me. What's the point in doing that? It makes no sense."

"Sorry for not making any sense," she said.

I think at this point I could have again brought this story to a swift conclusion, but then I realized that I had the upper hand on her. It isn't that often that you can pin her down with her own words, forcing her to admit that she's wrong. Between a risky confession and a certain verbal victory, it's not hard for me to choose.

"I mean," I continued, "sure it would change your life in some weird way that you'd love, but it would also make it really hard. Have you thought about what life must be like on some other planet?"

I now understood why Koizumi always seems so irritated. Getting the upper hand on Haruhi is simply not permitted for him, but the thought of achieving it would be very gratifying, no doubt.

"Adapting to this planet would take some work," I added. "Then there's the whole concept of life and language. Culture, arts, history, religion..."

"Wouldn't an alien be agnostic?" she wondered.

Haruhi was desperately scattering the topic, now. There was definitely something different going on here than what I had thought, but it was only starting to dawn on me that it might have involved feelings or affection.

"How the heck should I know?" I asked. "Anyway, life would be more interesting that way but it would also be a huge hassle."

"But why not?" she complained in her usual way again. "Why can't I have an interesting experience? I don't care if it comes with a lot of problems. I like solving problems. I'm a problem solving maniac. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm a super sleuth."

"Who's to say you aren't already?" I asked. "Are you sure you aren't already wrapped up in something strange?"

"Okay," she stated, "this is exactly why I thought you were an alien. Every now and then, you get it in your head to talk like this."

"You thought I was an alien because I told you that Nagato was an alien?"

"It was so obvious you were lying that I just had to believe you were covering something up."

"Are you sure I was lying?"

"What? Are you going to insist that Yuki is an alien? Because she acts weird and never really talks to anybody?"

"She talks to me plenty."

"So, did she tell you she's an alien?"

"Yeah."

"All right. Fine. I believe that you believe she's an alien. That just makes me pity you. You must be delusional."

"Because no way aliens can exist?"

"Because there is no way an actual alien would tell you they're an alien. I refuse to believe that."

"Nagato tells me she's an alien, and your reaction is to call me delusional?"

I felt like a father catching his daughter in a lie, and gradually realizing that she's never going to admit that she lied. I knew I had the upper hand, but this whole conversation had gone downhill in a hurry. There was no chance that this would turn out to be a date, now.

"Yeah..." she admitted. "I see your point. That Yuki is a weird one."

"And Miss Asahina," I added.

"The time traveler?" she said. "Give me a break."

"Don't tell me she's delusional, too," I said.

Haruhi sighed and said, "Was this your idea? Did you convince them to come up with these stories? Cause it ain't funny."

"It wasn't my idea," I answered. "Trust me. And Miss Asahina really doesn't want me telling you anything. Think about it. She's from the future. You think she really wants to create some weird paradox and find out that her parents don't exist anymore?"

"Oh, I see," she said. "This is all just straight out of your imagination."

"What?"

"It's those damn comics. They gave you all these weird notions, and now you just have to make them true. I knew there was something fishy going on."

"Comic books? Seriously?"

"Sure. It's the only rational explanation."

It then seemed clear to me that this was more than just Haruhi trying to hide something. Whatever was holding her back was something she was hiding from herself.

"What?" she asked. "Did I just burst your fantasy bubble?"

"I don't know why I bother," I muttered. "They're never going to admit it to you."

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" I answered. "Because they don't trust you."

"Really?"

"Just ask yourself. Don't take my word for it."

"I don't understand. Are you saying none of you trust me?"

"I trust you, I guess."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Think about it, though," I explained. "Nagato was already in the room. She never actually joined the club. You forced Asahina into joining, and as for Koizumi..."

"Yeah, that Koizumi is a slimy one," she added.

I was about to say that Koizumi would love to prove that he trusted her, but she didn't need to know that.

"You get what I'm saying?" I asked.

"So," she summed up, "you believe that I have some mysterious power that makes the others afraid of me. They're an alien, a time traveler, and an esper. So, what does that make you?"

"I'm a nobody, of course."

"A nobody who just happens to have all this information?"

"It sounds crazy, yes. But don't you think that's exactly how it would really happen?"

"I must be crazy to think I could expect you to be someone that special."

I would have to be crazy to not believe what I had told her, especially after all the things I had seen from Yuki.

"Okay, that's fine," I said. "Don't believe it. But just imagine if it were true..."

"All right. Let me think..." she said, pondering on this problem. "I guess I would have Mikuru send me to the future to see what that's like. Then I'd arrange for some kind of romance for Koizumi."

"Romance?" I said, thinking that was horribly out-of-character for him.

"Shut up. It's my fantasy. Then..." she continued. "Well, I'm not sure what to do about Yuki, but we would definitely have to have a long talk about things. I can't just let aliens do their thing right under my nose and not know what's what. It would be kind of cool to know if aliens have emotions and stuff. It might have to get a little personal."

"Nothing for me?"

"Well... I guess I'd still need someone to carry all my stuff. I'd be collecting stuff like crazy from the future and from alien civilizations."

"I think I'm starting to understand."

"What?"

"Why they don't exactly trust you."

"Jeez..."

- x -

As we stepped outside the coffee shop a little later, I took out my umbrella and opened it.

"Raining again," I informed Haruhi.

"Again?" she said.

Looking at her like this, I felt a sudden urge to kiss her, but that just seemed crazy. I often wonder what would have happened if I had done that. Probably something really bad.

"I should go home," I said. "My mother is going to expect me, soon."

"Is she upset about yesterday?" Haruhi asked.

"No," I replied. "But she did give me the long version of the 'things that can go wrong' speech last night."

"Sounds like a worry wart," Haruhi commented.

"Not really," I told her. "She's pretty easy-going, but she is my mother. I think it would be weird if she didn't lecture me."

"I could write a book on just how weirdly normal you are."

"That again?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm still pretty depressed about it, too."

"If it makes you feel any better, I did get my homework done."

"You hadn't finished your homework?"

"Yeah. I told you about that on the train."

"Oh, right."

"I felt so bad after being lectured that I felt obligated to finish."

"That's good."

Speaking of obligations, I then remembered about the train fare and all the fun I had had on my trip to my old hometown. It was a valuable experience, so I did owe her. Thankfully, Mom had agreed with me and had supplied me with an advance on my allowance.

"I have the money," I told Haruhi.

"The what?" she asked.

"It's my share for the train tickets and the bus," I added.

"That's okay," she told me. "Just forget about it."

"But I want to pay you back," I said.

"No, really," she insisted. "You were right. It was my idea in the first place. You don't owe me anything."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," she answered. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," I said.

Haruhi seemed a little sad as she took out her umbrella and left. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I don't think so. It seemed to me that in spite of the strange conversation, I could almost reasonably call it a first date. It may not have been productive in a strictly romantic way, but I definitely felt a lot closer to her. Like many of my endeavors, I would have to call it a successful failure.

This was one of those odd moments where every now and then I would notice her looking at me in a sad way, and not in the sadly inquisitive way that I might expect to see from a girl like Yuki. The look I'm talking about is more like the look my mother gave me that time when I returned from running away from home.

- x -

In an odd bit of synchronicity, just as I was thinking about days of my delinquent youth, I saw a group of girls who seemed to be up to something in the park.

"Hey!" I called out, causing them to scatter as I approached.

I saw another girl lying in the mud and immediately realized that she was the victim of bullying. I helped her up.

"Are you all right?" I asked, shocked to notice that it was Yuki I was helping. "Miss Nagato?" I said. "How the heck did this happen? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," she answered in her usual monotone. "I do not require your assistance."

"Like hell!" I told her. "You're all bruised up."

"Take a look around," she said. "Notice anything unusual?"

I looked around and said, "I don't see any..." Before I could finish, another strange group of girls flickered in and out of existence before my eyes, like magic. Yuki finished standing, and she began to clean the mud off her uniform.

"There are eight data units at my disposal in this situation," she added. "I assure you, your assistance is unnecessary."

"How did they just disappear like that?" I asked.

"Stealth mode."

"So, why didn't they do anything?"

"Because I forbade them."

"You what?"

Ordinarily, I would expect Yuki to just ignore me, but she seemed to be in the mood to be unusually forthcoming.

"The first rule of data units," she explained, "is to not allow harm to come to a person if it is possible. The first rule supersedes other considerations, including one's faction. In this situation, it wasn't possible to avoid harm. I could only minimize it."

This rule of hers reminded me of Asimov's famous robot books, and made me remember how I had enjoyed those particular stories.

She continued, "If I had prevented the actions of my assailants or if I had forced their restraint, it would have caused the pointless harm of a reasonable expectation of future violence. I understand your urge toward retaliation, and that attitude seems to be reflected in many of my peers, but I do not desire violence or any form thereof." She stopped to spit and then added, "In any case, no permanent damage was caused."

"That's crap," I said. "Look, you just spit out a tooth."

"Look at this," she said, pointing to her uniform.

"At what?" I asked.

"These blood stains," she said. "Many of these are not my own. Did you believe that these interactions would not have side effects or did not already cause harm?"

"Why did that...?" I wondered, thinking about the kind of attacks that could cause a perpetrator to bleed on their victim.

"If it is within my power to prevent harm, I prevent it," she explained. "If I lose the power to prevent harm, I do not then seek to retain the appearance of that power. I only do whatever I am permitted."

For a humanoid interface, she sure seemed to have a strange sense of logic.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked.

To this question, she replied with her usual silence. She then suddenly slumped a bit with exhaustion, and I was reminded of the time when Koizumi had been run ragged during Haruhi's movie shooting. I rushed to help her out again.

"I apologize if this incident has alarmed you," Yuki said. "I will return this interface to its base form."

She then glimmered for a few moments and suddenly appeared clean and unharmed, including her glasses.

"It would be unwise for me to allow Miss Suzumiya to see me in a distressed state," she explained.

I didn't think Haruhi would suddenly turn up, but I can never be sure what Haruhi is thinking. Haruhi does have a tendency to turn up at odd moments.

"I admire what a perfectionist you are," I said, "but you really should retaliate. How will they ever learn, otherwise?"

It suddenly struck me that Yuki had enjoyed being attacked that way, but my mind had reeled at the impression. When I thought back to when I had pulled her up out of the mud, she had been smiling. There was a really strange look of satisfaction on her face that came to me, as well.

"Honestly," I added, more trying to convince myself than her.

"I see," she said. "You value survival above ideals?"

"Well, I think it's just experience," I answered.

"So," she mysteriously concluded, "you developed an affection for the promotion of one's own survival."

"I did?" I wondered.

She continued, "You view a successful assault as a failure to prevent the potential loss of one's genetic attributes. Furthermore, you ascribe to the notion of the appeal of failure, and you view those so afflicted as comforted by their losses or compelled by pity. Or perhaps you ascribe to the death wish attribution."

I retaliate because that's what you do. It's culture, not logic. All this surmising seemed utterly irrational, though it did make a kind of weird human sense. What was really strange was that I could comprehend everything she was saying.

"You seem to know a lot about the human condition," I observed.

"My work requires me to be involved in human affairs," she admitted. "I have come to understand many of the tendencies to which humans adhere. In particular, I have become most acquainted with the pleasure of eating and drinking."

"Eating and drinking?" I wondered, then suddenly remembered that she sometimes did eat and drink.

"It was surprising," she added. "I had not expected the sensation to trigger so many instinctive responses."

"What's surprising is how you can discuss martial philosophy in one breath, and then discuss eating and drinking in the next."

"I do not converse in a random fashion."

It then hit me that she had enjoyed this conversation. There was something about the particular topics and the timing that suggested this. Having admitted that it wasn't random, I had no choice but to believe the smile I had seen on her face, earlier. The part about eating and drinking was strange, too, but that served to remind me of something important I had forgotten.

"That reminds me," I said. "I should get home. I'll see you later."

I started to walk away, but it didn't seem right to do that. If Yuki really is a humanoid who somehow enjoys getting pummeled every now and then, I just can't walk away. She may be able to forbid other humanoids from helping her, but she can't exactly forbid me. Well, she probably could, but I wouldn't just go along with it.

"On second thought," I said, "I'll walk you home."

"That will not be necessary," she said.

"Of course not," I answered, "but I insist."

- x -

As we walked along the sidewalk, I thought about that brief glance I had had of the attackers. I hadn't actually seen them attacking Yuki, but the fact that they had seemed pretty undeniable. It was also clear that they were school girls, although I didn't quite notice which school's uniform they were wearing. Yuki was nearly always in her school uniform, and I had begun to think of it as part of her standard-issue gear, though she had removed the glasses at this point.

Once again, I reflected on how Yuki had handled the situation, and I have to admit that it changed my opinion of her. Out of all the options she had, standing there and taking that much abuse was not an option I would even consider. Of course, I can't just return to normal in a flash, either. Still, it really pissed me off that people could do that to her.

"So," I said, "you won't allow harm to come to someone, if it's possible?"

"Correct," she answered.

"How do you avoid wanting to take over the world, then?" I asked, this being the first thing that came to mind.

"Seeking absolute dominance has many risks," she replied. "The potential harm outweighs the potential gain."

"So, it's never possible to have a perfect world?" I wondered.

"A perfect world is not possible unless it's comprised of perfect members," she explained. "However, even data units are far from perfect, as you may have surmised from previous encounters. I am a perfectionist, but I am not perfect."

"So, you read," I concluded.

"Is there some significance in reading with respect to the topic of controlled behavior?" she asked.

"I mean, you read in order to improve yourself," I explained.

She smirked and said, "I see. You believe that I am unaware of the contents of the books I read."

"Yeah..." I answered. "Why else would you read?"

"Interesting," she commented.

"What is?" I asked.

"Your data patterns," she replied.

This evasiveness of hers struck me as odd when I considered how forthcoming someone like Koizumi usually is. Thinking about Koizumi reminded me how Yuki was on a mission to study Haruhi.

"Isn't it Haruhi who's the key to evolution or whatever?" I asked.

"That is the subject of my duties," she answered.

"So, I'm just an amusing hobby?"

"Sometimes you are not amusing."

"How about Haruhi? Is she amusing?"

"I find Haruhi Suzumiya to be vexing. I do take amusement from my instinctive reactions to her."

"You like her?"

"My instincts are to view her as an irritating mother figure."

This talk of instincts reminded me of when she had mentioned eating and drinking, and this gave me a sudden realization.

"Really?" I said. "Wait, you have instincts?"

"Yes," she replied.

"I think you just blew my mind," I said.

That may have sounded like a complaint, but I found myself really enjoying this conversation. It was amazing how much I was learning about her, all from a single incident.

"I find awareness is growing within myself," she added. "For example, I can now view my interface and myself as one and the same."

"Well, that's great," I said, thinking there was a quality of Zen in this development.

"You approve of this deterioration?" she asked, catching me by surprise with her choice of words.

"I find it hard to believe you really think of that as deterioration," I replied.

She explained, "Instincts are, by necessity, destructive and debilitating. Such a condition can only be termed a deterioration."

"But, you know," I said, "Haruhi acts almost purely on instinct. Heck, even Koizumi is a pretty instinctive person."

"I had not noticed that," she admitted.

"I'm a little reluctant to think about what instincts he might have," I added, "but Koizumi definitely uses them."

"Would you call Itsuki Koizumi a good role model?" she asked.

When she asked me that, I suddenly had the impression of her being a girl asking her boyfriend something in the nature of a personal opinion. It really made me wonder to think of Yuki that way.

"I find this discussion to be of value," she admitted. "Is there something I have failed to comprehend about Itsuki Koizumi?"

"Aside from the fact that he annoys the hell out of me?"

"Aside from his amusing superstitions and superior appearance influences."

"You find him attractive?"

"Yes."

"Okay, now he's really pissing me off."

- x -

As we came to her apartment building, I noticed that it wasn't raining anymore. I put away my umbrella and became a little more irritated at the turn this conversation had taken.

"Just because Koizumi isn't a good role model doesn't mean instincts are a bad thing to live by," I explained. "You said yourself that you had increased awareness."

"Is increased awareness a preferable result?" she asked.

"Of course it is. Being a bigot is just stupid."

"And this is the result of my deteriorating condition?"

"There's that old Chinese saying. You know, about a gem needing to be polished."

"I'm aware of that. The analogy is often paired with the concept of the appeal of failure. It serves as a warning to those who find comfort in their failures."

"Right..."

I began to wonder what her definition of failure was, but then I realized that it was most likely something to do with the rules, whatever those are. There was a definite terminology gap between us, so I doubted I would really understand what she was saying. If she was starting to understand that a narrow awareness was a failure in itself, then that would be a good thing.

"Perhaps you are correct," she said. "Would you say that affection is an acceptable condition?"

"Yes," I said, as how could I say otherwise?

"Then you will not be offended if I indicate that I have affection for you?" she asked.

"When you say affection, do you mean...?" I wondered if she was saying what I thought she was saying.

"My meaning is that I would prefer increased proximity and greater exclusion," she explained.

In plain terms, she was jealous, and she was interpreting it as affection. Having recently experienced this sensation myself, I felt like I could empathize. My immediate feeling, however, was that of pity for her. I wondered if she had any respect for herself. I wondered if she even understood what respect was.

"Wow," I said. "Now, that's a revelation."

"Are you offended?" she asked.

I think my face somehow conveyed the idea that her feelings were not at all welcome, because she looked a little puzzled as she waited for my reaction.

"No, I'm a little surprised," I said. "That's all."

"Am I improved in awareness, in your opinion?" she then asked.

"I think this is a huge improvement," I admitted. "Yeah."

"Okay," she acknowledged.

By this, I understood her to mean that it was an improvement that she could express feelings like that. When I looked at her and realized that she felt that way, I could only really see Haruhi in my mind. I wondered if she could sense what I was thinking.

"I'm just having trouble believing this is really you," I said.

"Is this really such a significant change?"

"Yeah, it is."

In characteristic fashion, Yuki then suddenly turned and started to enter her apartment building. I can't say whether this was just Yuki being herself or wanting to avoid the topic of feelings. Maybe avoiding this subject was part of her personality, but I really needed to clear the air here. This was a dangerous situation.

"Whoa," I said, "hold on a second!"

"Was there something else?" she asked, stopping for a moment.

"You can't just leave me hanging like that, can you?"

"You have something to add?"

"Sure, but maybe this isn't the right place."

"I do not require your assistance."

I was suddenly reminded somehow of Mikuru at the thought that Yuki had not only dropped the subject of feelings, but she had assumed that I had dropped it, as well.

"That isn't what I meant," I explained. "I mean, you can't just say that you love me and then walk away."

"You may accompany me, if you wish," she offered.

- x -

One thing was for sure, I couldn't really think of Yuki as some strange girl or an acquaintance. Just the fact that she had raised this subject made me feel that she had earned the title of friend, though I wondered if she understood the difference. I wasn't willing to share her feelings, though. That would be going a little too far. I really would prefer to think of her as a friend, and nothing more. When we entered her apartment, I resolved to tell her this as soon as possible.

"It's one thing to find awareness growing within yourself," I said. "It's quite another thing to discover that you're in love with someone."

"This affection is not something I recently discovered," she answered.

"It isn't?" I asked.

As we stood there near the entrance, she told me something that really took me by surprise. "I don't know exactly when," she admitted, "but this data is something that I have been observing for quite some time."

"Well," I said, "this is something I'm just now learning."

"This data has several instinctive associations," she added. "I find that it triggers several reactions. Without conscious restraints, I find myself acting in violation of several rules."

"I guess I can sympathize with that," I said, although I wasn't really sure I could.

"You have a similar reaction to Mikuru Asahina?" she asked.

I felt a little disappointed to think that she hadn't actually read my mind, but then I felt a little relieved. This just meant that I would have to break the news to her, but I think I'm actually pretty good at this kind of thing.

"I..." I said, thinking for a moment, "I don't think I'd say I'm in love with her, but I definitely have a reaction. I think that's more in the nature of the fact that I value her as a friend, and I think I trust her more than most people."

"Do you trust her more than Haruhi Suzumiya?"

"I don't know. I trust her to be a better student. Somehow, I doubt Haruhi would make a good time traveler."

"A better student?"

"Maybe not so much a better student so much as a better behaved student. I would probably prefer to work with Miss Asahina. She strikes me as a more reliable person."

"So, you do not view Mikuru Asahina as I view you."

"No, I think I view Haruhi the way you view me."

I felt relieved that we finally steered this conversation back towards Haruhi, and I was a little more relieved that she seemed to understand.

"I see," Yuki said. "So, you value her affections above anyone else's."

"I think I would value her trust above anyone else's," I said. "You know, this is a really weird conversation."

"Is this conversation disagreeable?" Yuki wondered.

"There's something definitely not right, here," I said, thinking that you don't usually talk about romance with this kind of terminology. Much as I appreciate the novelty of it, it does erode away the feeling that it's a real conversation.

"I agree," Yuki said. "Would it be acceptable if I asked when you discovered this data concerning Haruhi Suzumiya?"

"Well," I answered, "I'd have to say that it just happened yesterday."

"Do you remember how?" she asked.

"Sure," I said. "I guess since we're being totally honest with each other, I'll go ahead and tell you."

"Please," she said.

Now that the conversation had come back around to a more believable tone, I became aware again that we were still just standing around, discussing things like two close friends.

I told her, "Haruhi and I went to my old hometown yesterday. While we were there, we had a long conversation with my father. It was mostly just him trying to impress Haruhi and Haruhi blathering, but it made me realize that I really didn't want anyone else to be her boyfriend. And I guess realizing that made me realize I was in love with her."

"So," Yuki concluded, "you responded to the nature of her conversational characteristics."

"Yeah, I guess so," I said. "Sounds really weird when you put it that way, but yeah."

"Has she responded to your affections?"

"No. Actually, I don't think she's even aware."

"You haven't attempted to make her aware?"

"No, the opportunity never came up. And..."

Okay, here's the hard part. If Koizumi had suddenly kissed me on the lips it would not be more strange than this development I had had with Haruhi, yesterday.

"And?" Yuki prompted.

"Later, on the train," I continued, "she confessed that she had been hoping that she would find something unusual or really interesting about me. She was really disappointed. And, just today, she mentioned that she was still depressed about it."

"I see," Yuki said. "And that has prevented you from engaging a mutual affection."

"I'm not sure how she feels about me, now," I admitted. "Maybe I'm just being a big idiot."

Much as I wanted to believe that Haruhi's interpretation of her disappointment was just a fantasy, I couldn't deny that Haruhi herself seemed to believe it.

"Is it possible that you are mistaken about your preferences?" Yuki asked.

"Is it possible that you are?" I asked her right back.

"No," she replied. "I have accumulated verification. There is no doubt."

"I know it's only been a day," I admitted, "but I don't think I'm mistaken. I'm sorry."

Yuki smirked and asked, "Why do you apologize?"

It was starting to annoy me, seeing that smirk. I think I'd prefer if she just pointed and laughed.

"Is it funny that I'm in love with her?" I asked.

"Yes, it is," she answered.

"Jeez," I said, having a hard time believing she could answer me like that.

"Would that answer be more like something Haruhi Suzumiya would say?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "I'm kind of terrified that she might say something like that."

"She does not take your input seriously," Yuki reminded me.

"You don't have to tell me," I said. "Although, to be honest, she seemed to be really serious when we spoke yesterday."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think she actually broke down and cried when she admitted she was disappointed with me."

"Why do you think she reacted that way?"

"I don't know. I think she realized we weren't as close, potentially, as she had believed."

"Okay."

I wondered if Yuki and I weren't as close as she'd like to believe. There's no way she would tell me that, though. Much as I might feel comfortable relating personal details like this, it didn't strike me as something she would ever do. There was the matter-of-fact way she had related her jealousy, but she had conveyed that fact with all the romance of a cashier telling me how much I owed the store.

"I always get the feeling like I'm inside out when we talk like this," I admitted.

"Always?" she asked.

"Especially right now, though," I added. "You tell me you're in love with me, and here I am confessing that I'm in love with Haruhi. It's like a weird dream."

"I'm relieved to hear it," she said, unexpectedly.

"You are?" I asked.

"Now that I know your affections are not shared," she explained, "it encourages me to think that I can persuade you to adjust your preferences."

"You really think you can do that?" I asked, apparently forgetting who I was talking to.

"Yes," she replied.

"How?" I asked, wondering what kind of mind control device she would use.

"I will have to trust you," she answered.

"Trust me?" I asked, mentally reeling at this succession of verbal hits.

"I cannot be certain of your data," she said.

This sounded familiar, but my mind was still whirling. "What do you mean?" I asked her.

For a moment, I thought she wasn't going to answer, but then she went to the table and sat. Seeing her sit there, I felt obliged to join her.

"Do you remember your first encounter?" Yuki then asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"And I served you tea?" she continued.

"I remember that," I said. "You seemed to be caught in some kind of loop, there."

"I performed a simple experiment. I hypothesized that you would stop after half a cup."

"So, you just kept serving me tea?"

"I was curious to see the exact number you would drink."

"Okay. That's a strange thing to experiment over."

I had thought of it as a cultural faux pas, myself, but whatever.

"It lent credence to the hypothesis that you have a turbulent psyche," she added.

"What's that?" I asked, having never heard that term.

"A simple condition that some humans possess," she explained. "It is estimated that on this planet there are roughly eighty million who have that."

"And is that what I have?" I asked.

"It is still in question," she said. "However, the data continues to indicate it."

This all reminded me how she had started this whole explanation.

"Are you saying you don't think you can trust me?" I asked.

"The conclusion I reached is that I would need to trust you," she stated. "I have no way to predict with certainty what you will do."

"So, is that why you told me you were an alien?" I wondered.

"In that instance," she informed me, "I had decided to trust you because I was not certain what dangers your possible condition would provoke. As it happened, I was correct to trust you."

Here again she pointed out some human-like feature in herself that I had failed to notice. I think I would normally expect Mikuru to be the one who would operate with that level of consideration. I felt a chill down my spine to think that she had been using these features since before I had met her.

"And Haruhi doesn't take my data seriously," I reflected. "In fact, I think less seriously than ever. Is it even possible that she could have feelings for me?"

"It's possible," Yuki admitted. "It's most likely that she suffers from a triggered form of bipolar disorder. Her emotions toward you are likely the displaced subconscious desire she has to cure her depression."

It was kind of eerie, hearing Yuki say so plainly the things I was thinking in the back of my mind. If I had found a psychologist's report on Haruhi, I imagined it would say something similar.

"There is also the likelihood that she takes your input too seriously," Yuki added. "In that case, her inability to acknowledge your data is disrupted by feelings of distrust, possibly triggered by your condition."

All this mumbo jumbo was making my head spin, again.

"I'm sorry," I said. "What?"

"It is the less likely of the possibilities," Yuki admitted, "but it is worth considering, given the circumstances."

The first possibility had a ring of truth to it, and that second one struck me in an odd way.

"I don't think she really distrusts me," I said. "That's probably just a mask of some kind."

"I would agree," she said, "but it remains a possibility."

Whatever the origin of Haruhi's feelings, I had little doubt she had feelings for me. I just wasn't sure I could trust her feelings. More importantly, would she let her disappointment get in the way?

I sighed and added, "I wish Haruhi was this upfront with me."

"Are your interactions frequently ineffective?" Yuki asked.

"It's probably nothing," I said, "but I have no idea what to do with her. She doesn't give me any openings." Nothing I can see clearly at the time, anyway.

"She never attempts personal interactions?" Yuki asked.

"I wouldn't say never," I replied. "I just never hear about anything good."

I immediately thought of that story about how Haruhi had wanted to kill herself, and then dragged my thoughts away from that subject to the more pleasant thought of comic books. In comic books, people never fail to express their feelings. In fact, now that I thought about it, the heroes of those stories rarely ever failed to do anything they attempted. I remembered with some annoyance how disappointed comic books made me feel, at times.

"Please do not interpret this as preferential influence," Yuki stated. "Whatever happens, my primary aim is your convenience."

"Thanks," I said, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my back.

"I was not prompting your gratitude," she said. "I merely wish to inquire your opinions of myself."

"Oh," I said, thinking I wasn't quite clear of this situation just yet. "Well, it goes without saying that I trust you. I mean, I thought you were delusional at first, but you've made me change my mind about that."

"So, I am special in your mind?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"That is sufficient," she stated.

"Okay," I said, feeling grateful again. "I know you aren't prompting it, but thanks a lot."

"Is there anything else?" she asked.

"No," I answered. "I really should get home, now."


	3. Deterioration

- Chapter 3: Deterioration

A certain brilliant madman once said, "He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat." Because of this turbulent nature I supposedly have, I can be almost certain that failure is inevitable for me. I guess what I'm getting at is that there's no point in me trying to fight it. I can't just snap my fingers and make my problems disappear. I just have to be careful how I react to these failures, and make sure that I'm not overlooking some way to turn that failure into success.

So, I guess it's no surprise that I found myself in the park that evening, having a rendezvous with Haruhi. It didn't seem real, but I have a hard time recalling too many conversations with her that do seem real.

"I spoke with Nagato, earlier," I said.

"What did she have to say?" Haruhi asked.

"She said I have a turbulent psyche," I replied, "whatever that's supposed to mean."

"If that means crazy," Haruhi said, "I'm inclined to agree."

Of course, I don't really perceive that I'm crazy or that I do anything in any kind of random fashion. I guess it's all just a matter of whether you can read my mind. I guess I have yet to meet anyone who can do that.

"I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean," I admitted.

"You think I'd know?" she asked.

"I doubt it," I answered.

"I don't suppose you want to tell me what we're doing here," she said.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm just taking my time, getting around to telling you how I feel."

"You really suck at that kind of thing," she commented, taking a strangely sympathetic stance.

"Yeah..." I agreed, not really thinking.

"Are going to confess your great love for me?" she said in a mocking way.

I sighed and admitted, "When you talk like that, it really scares me."

"What?" she said. "Why?"

"You make it sound like being in love with you would be a bad thing."

"It would be a bad thing."

"Why?"

"Because that would be boring!"

"Sheesh."

"Come on! You really think I want to deal with all that?"

If anybody is hard to understand, it's Haruhi. I know she wants mystery and fantasy in her life, but I don't think she realizes just how much work is involved. I don't know precisely how a flower grows, but I assume it's a complicated process that requires a lot of time and effort to even understand. Maybe I was remiss in not mentioning that even slightly interesting things generally do take a lifetime of hard work for most people to accomplish with even one particular goal in mind.

"What's the big deal?" I asked. "I think it would do you a lot of good to blow off some steam."

"Oh, sure," she said. "That's easy for you to say. You guys only really think about sex."

For Haruhi to talk about sex is a little unusual, but she does consider love to be a kind of sickness, after all. Romance in general would just be something she might casually dismiss.

"You think I'm that way?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't you be?" she asked. "You're a guy. It only makes sense. What does this have to do with you, anyway?"

"Nothing. Forget about it."

"Honestly. Men only care about getting laid. It's true. You like Mikuru, right?"

"Sure."

"You like her for her mind?"

I actually do like her for her mind, but I have to admit that her body has an edge in the liking department. This kind of admission is not something Haruhi would want to hear, though.

"See?" she said. "It's all about gratification."

"I think it might be fun to go out with her," I admitted. "It doesn't necessarily have to be about sex."

"What kind of fun?" Haruhi asked.

"Just whatever people like to do, of course," I replied. "I don't know what she's into, but it's bound to be just as fun as hanging out with aliens or time travelers."

"I doubt that."

"And just because I like Miss Asahina doesn't mean I only want her for her body."

"What does that mean?"

"Maybe I just like her because of how sweet and innocent she is."

"Oh, come on! Sweet and innocent?"

"Yeah."

"So, you mean I'm not sweet and innocent?"

I was talking about Mikuru, which is a totally different subject. Leave it to Haruhi to think that I was implying something about her that I wasn't.

"I think any girl who can openly talk about sex with a guy is not someone I would consider all that innocent," I informed her. "I'll bet you have some perverted hobbies."

"I'll bet Mikuru has a few, too," she said.

"Now, that I find hard to believe," I told her, trying hard not to imagine it.

"Okay, I do have some hobbies," Haruhi admitted, "but I don't parade them around."

I briefly wondered why Haruhi was being so honest with me, then added, "Neither does Koizumi, but I'm willing to bet he has a few of his own."

"Jeez," she said. "Koizumi?"

"What?" I asked.

"I can't imagine Koizumi hiding porno mags or stuff like that."

"I think it's a little naive to assume he doesn't."

"Do you hide porno mags?"

Now there was a question that seemed more like Haruhi.

"No," I replied.

"Why not?" she asked. "Are you sweet and innocent, too?"

"Of course not," I said. "I don't hide anything because my mother or my sister would likely find it. I don't get a whole lot of privacy, you know. I don't know what other guys are like, but I think it's important to like someone as a person. You can't really say you're in love with someone you don't know. I can't, anyway."

"Is it more important than sex?" Haruhi asked.

"I don't know about important," I answered, "but knowing someone does leap to mind first."

"Yeah," she added, "you're definitely weird in that way."

"I don't think so," I said. "I think my attitude is pretty normal. If anybody is weird, it's you."

"I do have strange parents," she confessed.

"Is that why you never talk about them?" I asked.

"Is it normal to want to talk about your parents?" she asked.

"Probably not," I guessed. "Okay, but you do talk about sex a lot more than any guy I've ever met."

"Really?" she wondered.

"Yeah, really," I said. "I've had a lot of friends over the years, and we would talk for hours about everything. I don't think the subject of sex came up even once, though."

"That's because you were a kid," Haruhi said. "I would think it would be creepy if you had talked about sex."

"So, it's okay now?"

"Yeah, sure. Well, as long as you aren't getting seduced by some creepy, middle-aged pervert."

"What about just affections?"

"I don't think I'd discuss affections with a middle-aged pervert, either."

"No. I mean, would you talk about who you liked with a friend?"

"Why do you ask?"

I was starting to feel a little carried away, at this point. I'm not sure if I was even capable of thinking.

"I guess I should tell you," I answered. "Miss Nagato confessed to me, earlier today."

"That nerd likes you?" Haruhi asked.

"She's liked me for quite some time, according to her."

"Okay, I really don't see that."

"Why not? We chat a lot. The subject came up, and she simply admitted it."

"Did she ask you how you felt about it?"

"Yeah. Well, I had to coax her into it, but she eventually asked."

"Does she like you, or does she really love you?"

Here was a good point. I'm not sure I was really qualified to answer that. Nevertheless, I spoke as though possessed.

"I think it's up to love, at this point," I said.

"And what do you think of her?" Haruhi asked.

"I think she's a nice girl. I don't doubt she really likes me. I don't recall her ever lying to me."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I'm not in love with her, if that's what you're asking. I mean, I could really sympathize with a guy if they did fall for her, but it wouldn't be me."

"You sure you aren't in love with her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, just checking."

I guess I should admit that it's not easy dealing with school and the idea of love at the same time. All the work school requires doesn't really leave much time for thinking about it.

"I'm a little surprised she isn't already going out with some guy at school," I said, just streaming my thoughts now.

"She is a nerd," Haruhi explained, "so it's hardly surprising."

"Does that really make a difference?"

"Kind of hard to talk to someone with your face buried in a book all day."

"But there's nothing to stop someone from starting a conversation with her. I do it all the time, myself."

"How often do you talk with her?"

Honestly, I don't think I do talk to her all that often. When we do talk, it's usually pretty brief, but every now and then she can fill a few chapters of a book with dialogue.

"Once a day, usually," I answered, making a very rough estimate. "I'm sure people are noticing and realizing that she can be likeable. Once the word gets around, it isn't strange to think somebody would be interested. That's why I think it's so weird that she isn't dating someone."

"She isn't dating someone because she already has her heart set on someone," Haruhi reminded me.

"Right. I kind of forgot about that."

"Meanwhile, sweet and innocent Mikuru is content to be adored from afar. I'm sure it's just lust from guys like you, though."

"I'm a little amazed you can even think of stuff like that."

"Of course, I can think of it. It's true, isn't it?"

"To a certain extent, sure."

"See? You do like her for her body."

"It's kind of rude, though."

"What?"

"I don't want to humiliate her. You know she doesn't care for subjects like this."

"You wouldn't humiliate her. I think she'd find it flattering."

Would Haruhi even say something like that? Highly doubtful. I think at this point, it became obvious that I was just dreaming.

"She isn't you," I said. "I'm pretty sure she'd hate that kind of thing."

"You don't think she would ever lie to you?" Haruhi asked.

"Why would I think that?"

"She has looks. Maybe she knows how to get her way."

"I've heard some weird things from her, but she's never lied to me."

"You think."

I think I then understood what Yuki meant when she said I have a turbulent psyche. This stuff coming from Haruhi was just off-the-wall. I then wondered whether this was what it was like for Yuki to talk to me. In any case, this discussion had suddenly made me fixated on Mikuru and whether I could trust her.

Mikuru does have to be careful because she is time traveling. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that she'd lied at one point or another about that. No telling what the future is like, if current trends continue the way they are. Maybe everyone in the future has genius level ability to pretend to be sweet and innocent in order to be as opportunistic as possible. People may have become so desperate for attention and so obsessed with mundane wealth and power that they elevated their greed to a subconscious world-class level art form. It certainly sounds plausible. It wouldn't be the first time a woman I respected and admired had betrayed me.

Running away from home that one time really impressed on me the fact that the world is filled with violence and greed to the extent that it's hard to believe that anyone can live their life without abusing their neighbors for even momentary gain. If control could be won with influence, so much the better, since that wouldn't even require lifting a finger. Certainly, there was no sign that anyone with wealth or influence would do anything to indicate even a passing concern for the poor or needy. The world had robbed me of everything tangible, and was already working hard to rob me of everything intangible, as well. Once bereft of respect, a loving home, and any chance of improvement, the only thing that lay ahead of me was mental enslavement.

Of course, this was all just childish self-pity. I only had myself to blame for these doubts about Mikuru, just as I alone was to blame for when I ran away from home.

I then found myself at the school near the shoe lockers, speaking to that rude guy who sat near me in class, Taniguchi.

"I heard Nagato got in a fight yesterday," he said.

"You heard that?" I asked.

"I saw her at the entrance, too," he said. "She must have really kicked some serious ass."

"What makes you say that?"

"Cause she didn't have a scratch on her."

"Nagato doesn't really strike me as a martial arts expert."

"Yeah. Kind of scary, huh? Maybe she knows some serious soft-style moves. That stuff can be super dangerous."

I laughed and said, "Don't get carried away. I highly doubt what they're saying is true."

"Yeah..." he said.

I opened my shoe locker, and a letter fell out onto the floor.

"You're probably..." he continued. "Hello."

Before I had realized it, Taniguchi had picked it up.

"That was weird," I said.

"A love letter?" he said. "You don't care if I read it?"

"Would it matter if I said-?" I started.

"From a 'secret admirer,' it says. Oh, wow!" he exclaimed. "This has love letter written all over it."

I snatched the letter away from him.

"Wow, this really is..." I said, marveling.

"So, are you going to meet up with her?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"With Suzumiya, I mean?"

"What makes you think this is from her?"

"I recognize that hand writing. Who else do you know that writes like that?"

"Yeah," I said. "It is just like her to not admit who she is on something like this. Of course, it seems really weird that she would write a love letter."

"She does have a habit of not thinking things all the way through."

"Right."

"You can't not meet up with her, can you?"

"Of course not. I just don't know if she's screwing with me or not. I mean, this letter is so girlish."

"And she isn't?"

"You really have to ask me that?"

"Okay, I see your point, but it's definitely worth a shot, man. You can't pass this up, even if it is some kind of practical joke. What's the worst that could happen?"

I was certain that it was a practical joke, of course. That's because I was just having a little laugh at myself. In a weird way, I understood that, but it still didn't bother me.

"That I'd look like an idiot," I replied, "and maybe Miss Asahina would happen to walk by and see it."

"See?" he said. "I'm not seeing the downside."

In class, it was Haruhi who started the conversation.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. "Do I need a reason?"

"I was just thinking you'd gotten a love letter or something like that."

"What would make you think that?"

"It's all over school, of course. You'd have thought someone used the PA system to announce it."

"Taniguchi happened to notice."

"May as well stand at the entrance, yelling about it through a bullhorn."

"Yeah, that guy loves the rumors."

"So, who was it from?"

"The what?"

"Whatever it was that Taniguchi noticed."

I wanted to laugh. What a weird exchange for us to have.

"You really are playing it close to the chest," I commented. "You sure you don't want to confess and get it over with?"

"Really?" she said. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, it's no big deal. I'll find out during lunch break."

"Why is that?"

"Because that's when the rendezvous is set."

"Well, good luck."

"You're really playing with me, aren't you?"

"You should have seen Mikuru. She was fuming."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I think you can eliminate her from the list of people you might be about to rendezvous with."

"I'm sure you're right. I told you."

"Told me what?"

For a dream, the feel was still pretty solid, and even little touches like this continuity helped a bit.

"Miss Asahina isn't one for subjects like this," I explained. "If she fumes over a love letter, just imagine how she'd react to someone making vulgar remarks about her."

"A love letter, huh?" Haruhi asked.

"Well, you did mention the possibility."

"You're being pretty sneaky, yourself."

"Yeah, I'm not completely certain the letter is sincere."

"Sounds like a problem."

"No. Not really."

During lunch, I found myself on the school roof. It was corny and cliche, but I've come to expect this from my own mind.

"So, you did write that letter," I said to Haruhi.

"Sure," she answered. "Is that surprising?"

"Not really."

"You really thought I'd pour my heart out to you? Come on!"

"So, what are you doing here?"

"What do you think? I'm yanking your chain."

"Just having fun, huh?"

"What else did you expect?"

"What did you expect?"

I briefly wondered if this was the type of Haruhi my influence was causing her to become. I certainly wouldn't expect her to sink to this level of theatrics, but would she really start to become this kind of person? Even in a small way? Something inside me shuddered at the notion, even as I relished this scenario for its perverse sense of challenge.

"I expected you to make some tearful confession," she said, her voice full of arrogance and mockery. "I'd point and laugh, of course. I mean, how often do you get to see a look that pathetic?"

"Okay," I said. "Well, let's get to it."

"To what?"

"The tearful confession. You do realize that was why I called you out to the park last night, right?"

"So, you just didn't have the guts to tell me then?"

"You didn't exactly give me an opportunity."

"I think it's pathetic that you'd have to wait for an opportunity."

"Why? Are you in a hurry? Because I can stand on this roof all day if I need to."

"Oh, yeah! That's more like it. Let's see brave little Kyon give me a good confession."

That statement pissed me off for a moment, all the more because it struck me as something she might actually say.

"You remember how I told you Nagato confessed to me?" I asked.

"Yeah." she replied.

"Since she was so honest with me, I explained that I was in love with you."

"Did she cry?"

"No."

"No?"

"Why would she? She just wants to see me happy."

"Just like how you want to see me happy?"

"That's right."

"This is lame."

"Yeah, you're right. I know you don't want to hear about mushy feelings, so let's cut to the chase."

"What would that be?"

"You want me for my body."

This reflection on the park scene is a good example of how to give your story unity. It also helps that it's somewhat shocking, even if it is completely out-of-character for me to say something like that. Ah, but what the hell. I'm the only one reading this story, right? A dream is really just a story you create for your own amusement.

"Don't look so surprised," I added. "You told me right off the bat that you have urges. Well, do you or don't you?"

"Okay, this isn't funny anymore," she said, scowling.

"No. It's not," I agreed. "You're as serious as a heart attack. I know that. Hell, you admitted to me that you once tried to kill yourself. You don't think I take that seriously?"

"You think I just want to have sex?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course not," I replied, warming up for a big speech. "You want it all, right? The house, the car, the whole nine yards. You want someone to kick around and people who will kiss your ass. But, when all is said and done, it's basically about sex, right? You're upset, and you want someone who can cheer you up in a personal way."

"I'm amazed you can even think of things like that," she said, and I was forced to agree.

"Why not? It's pretty much the same for me. Don't make things so complicated. You don't think I know you?"

"You don't know the first thing about me."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not..." she started, but then, of course, she was blushing. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed.

I strolled up closer to her.

"Come on," I said. "Just admit it."

"No way," she said, squirming.

"'I'm in love with you.' Is that so hard to say?"

"Did you just confess?"

I smirked and asked, "What do you think?"

"You're really starting to piss me off," she said.

I reached for her to kiss her, and was suddenly overwhelmed by a foul smell. It suddenly felt like my throat was ticklish and my lungs were on fire.

- x -

I jolted awake from my bed in the darkness of my bedroom, waving at the air and coughing.

"Whoa!" I said. "What's that smell?"

"Good morning," came a voice nearby, and I noticed Yuki sitting with her back to the side of my bed. She was holding a strange bottle in her lap.

"Nagato?" I asked. "What are you doing here? Are you drinking?"

"I am not presently consuming anything..." she informed me. She still maintained that weird monotone as always, but I could detect a slight slurring in her speech. This was very disconcerting to me because I had thought that it wasn't possible for her to get drunk. Was this because of something Haruhi had said?

"You're drunk," I said, disgusted. "Wait, you're drunk? Is that booze from the liquor cabinet?"

"Do not be alarmed," she said. "This is a copy."

I got up out of bed and opened a window to get the rank smell of booze out of the air. I then stood next to where she was sitting and scowled, folding my arms.

"How much have you had?" I asked her.

"I detect a thirteen percent decrease in my agility," she informed me. "You need not worry about my navigational functions."

"I'm not worried about you falling down the stairs," I said. "I'm worried about the fact that you're drunk. Can you even think straight?"

"I'm capable of over four hundred translation transactions per second," she said. "That possibly excels the human mind by at least a hundred times."

"You don't sound sober," I told her. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you remember?" she asked.

"Remember what?" I asked her.

"The dream," she replied.

"I..." I thought for a moment and added, "Now that you mention it, that was a pretty vivid dream. That didn't actually happen, did it?"

"I apologize," she said. "I have permitted my instincts too much latitude. I thought that if you confronted your preference for Haruhi Suzumiya..."

"You gave me that dream?" I asked.

"No," she answered. "I only planted a suggestion. Your mind continued it."

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" I exclaimed, realizing how loud we were being. I suddenly had a sinking feeling.

"Once again, I apologize," she said.

"I don't mean about the dream," I explained. "That was a pretty good dream, actually."

"Oh?" she wondered.

"I mean, I could get in serious trouble!" I softly exclaimed to her. "You're in my room!"

"Oh. I see," she said. "There is no cause for concern. Your sister will not enter for another four hours, sixteen minutes, ten point forty-six seconds-"

I softly laughed and muttered, "Would you give that a rest?"

I sat on my bed, just to the side and above where she was sitting, expecting at any moment to be in trouble. The trouble wouldn't just involve Yuki sitting here, but there would no doubt be questions about the booze. I didn't want to suddenly have all that to explain.

"I don't see why Mom isn't barging in, already," I said. "We've been making a real ruckus."

Yuki pointed at a strange device on the floor that I hadn't noticed. "I have deployed an audio-stealth field," she said.

"Really?" I said, greatly relieved. "That high-tech stuff comes in handy."

Yuki smirked at me and said, "That device is quite primitive."

"Must be nice," I commented.

"You humans are just starting to understand the most simple and crude methods of data manipulation," she added.

"Sorry to be so backward," I said.

"It would be improper for me to patronize you," she said. "We are not so different, where essentials are concerned."

"Yeah, you can get drunk just like the rest of us."

"That would appear to be the case."

"Really. What's the point in getting drunk? Are you that upset?"

When I think of people getting drunk, I usually think of people sitting around socializing, trying to amuse themselves, and generally trying to forget their problems. I don't usually think of people like Yuki doing that.

"Upset?" she said. "You misunderstand. My motivation for consuming this liquid comes from your data. The less restrained my instincts, the more deterioration I experience. The more deterioration, the more expanded my awareness."

I sighed and said, "That stuff doesn't expand your awareness. More like, it shuts down your awareness."

"I realize that, now," she said. "This planet and its customs are confusing, at times."

"I think you didn't quite understand what I meant, before," I told her.

"Please explain," she prompted.

"Expanding your awareness," I explained, "is like getting drunk on your affections. Closing your awareness is like getting drunk on inflicting violence. There's a pretty big difference."

"And consumption of this liquid is like inflicting violence?" she asked.

"Right," I said.

"You speak from experience?"

"Yeah, I drank some vodka a few years ago. It really put me off drinking again."

"This experience seems to be having a similar effect on myself."

I really wondered if it was, but then time would tell. If she could get drunk, then maybe she could get sick and hung over. Of course, she could always just erase the effects. I assumed she could do that at any time, so maybe she was upset.

"You planted a suggestion in my mind?" I asked, wondering about that dream.

"I was curious," Yuki admitted, "to see how you would react to a more permissive, considerate form of data than Haruhi Suzumiya would ordinarily emit. In retrospect, I believe I was under the influence of this substance without realizing it."

"Were you drunk before you entered my room?" I asked.

"Does it offend you to find me in your room?" she asked.

"No," I answered. "Actually, it was a fun dream. I'm glad you planted that suggestion, even if I wonder about your motives."

"I have explained my motives," she said. "I wish for proximity. If this is inconvenient, I can leave."

"No, you can stay," I said. "I must have lost my mind, but I wasn't really doing anything."

"Okay."

"Please don't enter my room again, though. Not without my permission."

"Okay."

"And I guess it's okay if it's an emergency. I kind of figured that went without saying, but..."

"I will follow the intent of your command."

"And it isn't a command. It's just a request."

What I really wished she would do is leave my room and let me sleep, but thinking about how drunk she was and trying to imagine her upset and alone like that was a very unpleasant thought. I didn't figure she would sober up for a while, so I resolved to let her stay for a few hours.

"Will you reconsider your preferences?" she suddenly asked, and it instantly became apparent to me that Yuki was still a girl consumed with a strange, unrequited jealousy.

"Jeez," I said. "You're a really whiny drunk."

That might have looked like a complaint, but I was actually satisfied that this situation was so calm. I have no doubt that if she had really wanted to, Yuki could have forced me to change how I feel against my will. It would only take her a few moments, and she wouldn't even need any special powers. She was surely aware, and I have no doubt that her being drunk was not helping. Even so, she maintained a respectful distance.

"I am aware of my condition," she admitted. "I have been violating several codes of the data manipulation guidelines."

"Are you going to be punished?" I asked.

"The guidelines are not strictly enforced," she informed me. "I doubt there will be any punishment."

"Are you okay?" I asked. "I mean, after yesterday."

"If you refer to the altercation at the park," she said, "the incident was more verbal than physical. I do not become provoked over data, and as you can see, I am free of harm."

"Really?" I wondered.

"The situation is resolved," she added. "Your interference is unnecessary. Additionally, the Data Integration Thought Entity considered your advice."

"You mean...?"

"After the details were considered, retaliation was deemed appropriate and implemented."

I don't really like that Data Integration Thought Entity very much. It strikes me as an annoying person, assuming it is a person. I found myself a little upset, even though it was agreeing with me.

"What kind of retaliation?" I asked.

"I am not privy to the details of their punishment," Yuki said, "however, it was administered efficiently and without any undue side effects."

"How do you do that?" I asked, just curious about how it worked.

"It is simple reprogramming," she explained. "Their behaviors will be adjusted."

"So..." I said. "It's like 'A Clockwork Orange' but you use your high-tech to carry it out?"

For those of you who've never heard of 'A Clockwork Orange,' it's a book that is so brilliant and yet so misunderstood that its own author repudiated it. It concerns the story of an unfortunate boy who is nearly destroyed by his own instincts, but is rescued from that life by means of a conditioning technique. Thinking about that made me briefly wonder whether it would be appropriate to think of Yuki as an "orange clockwork."

"Rehabilitation is more than technology," she added. "You cannot simply inflict discomfort on a person and expect them to change. Even your prisons make an effort toward behavior modification."

"I mean," I wondered, "the idea of 'moral choice' doesn't enter into it?"

"As I explained," she continued, "punishments do not have undue side effects. If a person chooses to resist the programming, they can relapse. It is not unlike punishment as you humans administer it. With a proper system, a punishment can be deployed in one night. In the case of your justice system, there are rarely methods that do not incur a penalty of extreme lengths of time, relative to the length of your lifetime. Furthermore, your systems are prone to violent abuses, de facto slavery, and willful neglect."

"I'm sorry I asked," I softly admitted.

"It's an unpleasant part of life," she added, "but you yourself advocated this action. Did you have an alternative in mind?"

"Please..." I said. "I'm really sorry I brought it up."

This complaint was really more in the sense that I couldn't take how much I was becoming attracted to her and not relishing the thought of how disgusted I would be with myself if she succeeded in swaying my feelings this way.

"Are you okay?" I asked, realizing that she looked a little sobered from my complaint.

"After analysis of my input," she said, "I believe I am more intoxicated than I had assumed."

I laughed and said, "If that's your worst, I don't think I really mind all that much."

"Are you sure you did not take offense?" she asked.

"I'm sure," I replied. "I feel a lot better, actually. I'm glad to hear the situation has been resolved."

"I'm beginning to comprehend the wisdom of the data manipulation guidelines," she stated.

"How so?" I asked.

"In my previous discourse," she explained, "I wasted energy in a lengthy explanation. I failed to take into consideration your own inability to rectify your situation. I did not consider whether you were receptive to my explanation. My complaints seemed to suggest that a greater grievance had fallen on myself than on you. I failed to anticipate the possibility that you would return my complaints with your own. I failed to anticipate how you would feel at the completion my input."

"You're doing it again," I said, thinking of some undone homework to try and get my mind off Yuki.

"I apologize," she said.

"No, it's okay," I told her. "I'm learning a lot about you."

"In a way," she observed, "the effects of this closed awareness is instructive."

"Yeah, this kind of thing really puts you off drinking."

"I see that my trust was not misplaced."

"Thanks, but I really should go back to sleep."

"Do you mind if I stay here until you awake?"

"No, I don't mind."

"Thank you."


	4. Stress

- Chapter 4: Stress

After yesterday's disasters, I was in a state of agitated pessimism. Experience had taught me not only to expect the worst but to believe with all my heart that the worst really would happen. Having already experienced the "get a little personal" portion of Haruhi's fantasy, I was fully anticipating having to witness whatever "romance" Koizumi was involved with and whatever future Mikuru might have to show me. For anyone else, either of those things might be the long-awaited promise of a thrilling adventure, but for me, those things were just another headache that I can never seem to cure.

The thing I didn't expect was that yesterday's drama, which I had thought was resolved, would suddenly rear its ugly head again. If I had known that that was about to flare up again, I think I might have stayed home in bed, claiming to be afflicted with a deadly illness.

At class, I was confronted by Haruhi, who looked and sounded disgusted with me.

"I smell?" I asked, thinking I hadn't heard her correctly.

"Like booze," she replied.

"Really?" I said, thinking of last night. "I don't smell it." I briefly wondered how powerful her senses were that she could smell something that I couldn't detect at all.

"God..." she muttered. "Don't tell me you're secretly a drunk. Although, that would explain a lot."

"I got really drunk one time a few years ago," I confessed. "I then got really sick and vowed to never do it again."

"So, where is that smell coming from?" she asked.

"Who knows?" I answered. "Do I really strike you as the type to drink a lot?"

"You strike me as the type to make other people drink a lot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a lot like Mikuru, that way. You frustrate the hell out of people without even being aware of it."

"I frustrate you?"

What kind of strange pastime does she have that I've been hindering? She doesn't really care if I'm in the room when she's playing dress up with Mikuru, although she does balk at the notion of undressing in front of me. It doesn't take me long to leave the room when that happens. Is she referring to the web page? That seems unlikely, considering she doesn't really spend much time on it. I already go along with anything else, within reason. Whatever it is, it must be something she's doing behind my back. The thought seems kind of creepy, and I'm not sure I want to know.

"Wait, Miss Asahina frustrates you?" I asked her. "Where did that come from?"

"Does Mikuru like guys?" she asked.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

"Mikuru doesn't really open up to me."

"Yeah, I wonder why that is."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, I honestly have no idea what the problem is."

Aside from being a time traveler, I guess it's just in Mikuru's nature to not be open with people. She doesn't have trouble being open with me, but I think that comes from the fact that I'm like a curiosity to her. I guess it would be like me wondering what Isaac Newton's friends were like.

"See," Haruhi said, "it's conversations like this that would drive someone to drink."

"Miss Asahina frustrates you?" I wondered.

"Yeah. Why do you keep bringing that up?"

"I just want to know-"

"Cause she's beautiful, dumbass. I really hate that."

"You're not that bad looking, yourself."

"You can say that again."

It's really irritating that she's beautiful and she acts like she deserves to be, but I can't help admiring her looks. Is it wrong to want to kiss someone you're attracted to? If anyone is frustrated right now, it's me.

"So, why are you frustrated?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she answered. "Shut up."

"Well, I like the way you look," I said, trying to coax her into admitting something.

"Sure," she said, a little sarcastic. "That's what you say, but..."

But what? I don't react to something that I don't know about the way she wants me to? You see, this is what makes Haruhi so difficult. She expects me to not only go along with what she wants, but she expects me to anticipate what she wants, as well. I'm not a mind reader. I sometimes wonder if Haruhi can read my mind, though. All this irritation is something Yuki never gives me. If anything, I get the feeling Yuki is a little too open with me.

"Did you see Miss Nagato this morning?" I asked Haruhi.

"Should I have?" she answered.

"Just wondering," I said.

"Any particular reason?" she asked.

"Well, I got this weird letter in my shoe locker this morning," I informed her. "It kind of freaked me out a little."

"It's not from Yuki, is it?" she asked.

I handed her the letter. It was a brief invitation for me to meet someone out front after school.

"Obviously not," I replied. "Her handwriting is way better than that. I just have no idea who this 'anonymous friend' is supposed to be."

"Why did you think of Yuki when you read this?" she asked.

"Well," I replied, "Miss Nagato had been getting picked on by some other girls. I thought it might be related."

"You thought they were jealous because of how much you hang around with her?" she then asked.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Basically."

"Well, you're totally off the mark, in this case," she informed me. "I recognize this handwriting."

"You do?"

"Just leave it alone."

"Okay."

"Why did you want me to see this?"

I got a sinking feeling when I had discovered that letter, and it made me think of that weird dream. I really don't want Haruhi worrying about me, in particular if this turned out to be what I thought it was.

"Because I kind of got the feeling it might be a love letter-" I admitted.

"You are so full of it," she muttered, while I continued putting my foot in my mouth.

"-and I just wanted someone to let her down easy," I finished.

"I'll take care of it," Haruhi told me. "Don't worry."

"Okay, thanks," I said. "I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem," she added.

- x -

At lunch, I had the usual discussion with Taniguchi and my old friend from middle school, Kunikida. Somehow, the subject of that letter came up, and they thought it was a love letter, too.

"She said it wasn't?" Taniguchi asked.

"She said I was 'totally off the mark' about it," I replied.

"You do have a tendency to mistake what people are trying to tell you, at times," Kunikida told me.

"I do?" I asked.

"Like that one time when that girl told you she was watching Koizumi a lot," he said.

"And?" I prompted.

"And you thought she was saying she wanted to get him in trouble," he explained.

"Oh yeah," I said, remembering that amusing incident with a smile. "She didn't care for it too much when I told her I hoped she'd take him down a peg. It took me a while to figure out why she slapped me."

"This is probably just girl stuff," Taniguchi said. "It's kind of weird that she would address it to you. I mean, if it's who I think it is."

"You mean that girl who sits a few seats in front of us?" Kunikida asked him.

"Yeah," Taniguchi replied.

"She's really shy, but she's kind of popular, right?" Kunikida followed up.

"She's a total B minus in the looks department," Taniguchi answered. "Actually, I'm kind of surprised she isn't jealous over Kyon. She seems like the type."

"That's kind of rude," I muttered.

"Anyway," Taniguchi continued, "she's more like an A plus in the personality department. I'm surprised she isn't more popular, but I guess she's just well-liked among the other girls."

"I notice she isn't here right now," I added.

"Neither is Suzumiya," Taniguchi said. "Didn't she say she'd take care of it?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Oh, man," Kunikida said. "Now, I'm a little worried."

"Why?" Taniguchi asked.

"Imagine if she really does have a thing for Kyon," Kunikida answered.

"You think Suzumiya might have been bluffing to throw Kyon off the trail?" Taniguchi asked.

"Exactly," Kunikida replied.

"No way," I said. "She'd have to be jealous over me to do that."

"You don't think she is at least a little jealous?" Kunikida asked me.

"Well..." I couldn't really deny that. I then said, "Either way, it's really none of my business. I'm not getting involved."

"Yeah," Taniguchi agreed, "I have to go with Kyon on this one. You play with fire, you're going to get burned."

If anybody would know about playing with fire, it would be Taniguchi.

"I wonder if Miss Nagato is involved," Kunikida said.

"What makes you think that?" I asked him.

"Oh, yeah," Taniguchi said. "I heard she got in a fight."

"Maybe this is some kind of bullying situation," Kunikida added.

"All the more reason to stay out of it," Taniguchi said. He then frowned and added, "Speaking of Miss Nagato..."

At that point, I saw Yuki beckoning for me from the hallway. At first, I thought it must have been someone else, because this isn't the kind of thing she usually does. Yuki typically has a very passive approach to getting my attention, so this must have been something really urgent. I went out to the hallway to see what the matter was.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Go to the roof," she said.

"The roof?" I wondered. "Why?"

"Trust me," she answered.

"Okay, but can you answer my question?" I said, a little annoyed with having to repeat myself.

"It concerns Haruhi Suzumiya," Yuki said. "She is in trouble."

"Okay," I said. "I'll go there right now."

- x -

As I went up to the roof, I began to think about what the situation might be, but I really had no idea. There had always been vague rumors about Haruhi's shady past. Given the lengths I know Koizumi would go to protect her from retribution, I think it's safe to assume that he (with the blessing of his organization) had taken pains to cover up anything Haruhi might have gotten into serious trouble over. People who get away with the kind of tricks that Haruhi likes to play on others tend to accumulate enemies, and Haruhi strikes me as the kind of person who might deliberately make enemies without even realizing it. There was no telling how many accidents she'd been involved with. Add to that the fact that she is a notoriously weird girl with a reputation for being unsociable, and you can add the possibility of casual harassments and all the usual bullies who like to pick on people who are unusual.

Haruhi is pretty fit, and I understand she knows some martial arts, so I wasn't really too worried on her behalf. It's the other girl I'm more worried about. That girl, if she's who I think, isn't exactly the kind of person you'd think of when you think of bullies. She's shy, to be sure, but she more than makes up for that with her keen sense of humor and her uncanny ability to cheer people up. She has a subtle verve and a captivating fierceness that makes her very disarming. She can also be kind of annoying in the sense that she's openly judgmental, and she shares Koizumi's bad habit of standing too close to people when she talks to them. It was a little surprising to see her there on the roof, being slapped by Haruhi and cringing in expectation of another attack.

"All right," I said. "What the heck is going on here?" I quickly approached the two.

"Oh, hey Kyon," Haruhi said. "You're just in time."

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"I was just about to get a confession out of her," Haruhi replied.

"What?" I said. "Don't tell me she really has a crush on me."

"Oh God!" Haruhi said, snarling. "Would you drop that, already? I mean, she has something to say about Yuki."

"I'm sorry, all right," the girl said. "It won't happen again."

"What won't happen again?" Haruhi asked her, shaking her. "Huh? Speak up. We can't hear you."

"I'm sorry," the girl said again.

"Can you believe this?" Haruhi asked me. "First, she calls me a bitch and tells me to go kill myself. Now, it's all 'I'm sorry.'" She turned back to the girl and said, "I thought you were tough. You sure like to act tough."

"I just don't want to fight anymore!" the girl said. "Please, stop!"

"You hear that, Kyon?" Haruhi asked.

"I'm having a problem believing it," I answered, "but yeah."

I have a real problem with fighting at school. That just doesn't fit. You may as well shove a square peg through a round hole. Nothing good can ever come from fighting, anyway. At once, I realized that this was partly my fault for getting Haruhi involved, so I went to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"What the heck are you doing here?" Haruhi asked me, turning to me. "Didn't I tell you I'd take care of this?"

"Yeah," I said, "but I seriously thought you'd get in trouble." I took my hand off her shoulder and took a close look at her face.

"Don't worry," Haruhi told me. "I'm not going to get expelled or anything. You should just go and let me handle this."

"I'm a little afraid you'd enjoy this too much," I said. "You're just toying with her, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Haruhi said, smiling. "But the cocky bitch deserves it. I mean, come on! Her and her friends just beat the crap out of Yuki. Then she not only has the gall to try and weasel out of it behind my back, but she insults me to my face."

"How do you know they beat up Miss Nagato?" I asked her. "Did you see it?"

"No, but..." Haruhi said, suddenly unsure of herself.

"Are you sure you really want to risk getting kicked out of school over this?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry, all right," the girl repeated. "I don't want to fight."

"Shut the hell up!" Haruhi told her. She then said to me, "What's your problem? Are you telling me that you saw what happened?"

"I saw Miss Nagato yesterday, and she was fine," I informed her.

"But that was before the fight," Haruhi said, assuming I had meant during school.

"No..." I explained. "I didn't exactly see the fight. I just noticed a bunch of girls running away. Yeah, Nagato got a little dirty, but she was fine. I walked her home, and that was that."

"So, they were just humiliating her?" Haruhi said. "Ridiculing her? Is that supposed to be better?" Haruhi turned to the girl and asked, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Look, Haruhi," I said. "I know you're upset, but just look at her. She's no threat to anybody. If anyone is humiliated, it's her."

Haruhi then told her, "Don't think I'll forgive you just because you say you're sorry."

"Just let it go," I said, putting my hand on her shoulder again. "Okay?"

"All right," Haruhi said, eventually calming down. "Fine. Sheesh."

The girl then ran off, making pitiful noises and clutching at her stomach in an odd way. After all this excitement, I found myself strangely aroused. I found myself picturing Haruhi receptive to me and waiting for me to kiss her. Disgusted, I shook off the feeling and pulled my hand away from her.

"I thought I said to let her down easy," I said.

"You thought she'd written you a love letter," Haruhi reminded me.

"Love letter or not," I said, "don't you think you could have handled it a little more delicately?"

"Sorry," she answered, "I guess I'm just not the delicate type."

"Don't I know it."

"She isn't jealous, by the way."

"So, why was she picking on Nagato?"

"I don't know. She wouldn't say, but I guess she's the type who likes to pick on people who are obviously weaker than them."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. What do you think?"

I think Mikuru would disapprove, but that's not what Haruhi would want to hear. I had a sudden flash of that weird dream again.

"That just doesn't sound right," I said.

"You think it's revenge?" Haruhi asked. "Yuki doesn't strike me as the bitchy type."

"Maybe you don't really know her all that well," I answered, thinking for a moment that the Yuki I had seen last night was capable of being every bit as bitchy as Haruhi.

"Are you saying she is?" she asked, a little amazed.

"I don't think I know her all that well, either. But I highly doubt it's about revenge."

"Well, there aren't many things that can make someone go nuts and attack someone. Take your pick. Jealousy, convenient target or revenge?"

"Maybe we should get off the roof before a teacher catches us up here."

"Yeah, that might not go over well."

- x -

As I entered the hallway with Haruhi, I began to realize that she had already proven herself to be a bully to Mikuru. Haruhi had been motivated by jealousy to thoughts of suicide. That wasn't just some idle flattery. I think I could safely assume that, now. Haruhi then found Mikuru to be a convenient target for tormenting, and there was probably some revenge involved, as well. As much as I like to think of her as a normal girl with some odd tendencies, I just can't deny that she has this dark side, as well. It kind of turns me on, but only in a way that makes me feel disgusted with myself.

"What's the deal with Koizumi, lately?" she asked.

"Huh?" I said, thinking that was out of the blue.

"He's been acting weird, ever since Sunday," she explained.

"Who can tell, with that guy?" I said.

"He's been looking at me like I just killed his pet cat or something," she added.

"He seems the same to me."

"I don't like it. It's weird."

"Koizumi can be hard to get along with, once you get to know him."

"Oh, I know that."

Speaking of getting along with people, I wanted to take another shot at the date thing with her. Maybe a calm discussion over some food would make me feel better about Haruhi's true nature, or at least help me take a more favorable point of view on it.

"Come on," I said. "Why don't we get something to eat after school?"

"Again?" she said. "I don't want a repeat of yesterday. That was too weird."

"You sure?" I asked. "It's my treat. I still have all this money I haven't spent."

"Sorry," she replied. "I'm still a little freaked out about things."

I think she was referring to this incident on the roof, but my mind was in some other gear then.

"You're still disappointed about me?" I asked her. "I thought by now you might feel differently."

"It's only been a couple days," she said. "Give me a break."

"We can go wherever you want."

"No. I'm not really in the mood. I don't want to deal with the SOS Brigade, either."

"Why not?"

"Mostly because of Koizumi. Damn! This really sucks."

- x -

After school, I was thinking seriously about things, and I realized that I owed it to Yuki to offer my thanks again. Whatever her motivations, Yuki always has this incredible knack for helping me out in some spectacular way that makes me feel indebted to her. Of course, she just ignores my thanks or tells me that it isn't necessary. I offer it anyway. That's just the kind of person I am. I went by the club room to find her, and of course she was there, reading as usual.

"Anybody else here?" I asked.

"No," she answered.

"Seems like you're always here," I noticed.

"Does it?" she asked.

I wondered briefly why Yuki is always reading these books if she's already read them. It then dawned on me that maybe she just likes to read these books.

"I wanted to thank you for sending me to the roof, earlier," I said.

"Was that resolved?" she asked.

"I think so," I replied.

"Good," she said. This kind of answer was unusual, but then this situation doesn't come up everyday, either.

"I think I managed to spare everyone involved some humiliation," I added. "I still have no idea what started all this."

"It was jealousy," Yuki informed me.

"You mean that girl really was jealous?"

"No. It started because I was jealous."

"Okay. I don't quite follow."

"Working and studying as I do is a lonely way to live."

"Okay."

As I said this, I felt a sinking in my chest, and I realized there was something really unusual going on here. Yuki was gearing up to deliver one of her more stirring if still monotone speeches.

"I incur a great deal of stress," she said. "My programming usually permits me to resign myself without damage, but when my programming fails, I start to deteriorate. This has several side-effects, one of which is that I succumb to primitive emotions."

"Is this a recent thing?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

"This phenomenon has been occurring since I was born," she answered. "I have only started to realize its true nature. I begin to become more dependent on interactions with others and assurances that they will act to my benefit. When I start to lose confidence in those assurances, my instincts start to take over. I act without giving proper consideration. In this case, I began to lose confidence in you."

"And that's how it started?" I guessed.

"Correct," she replied. "I realized that if I could trust you, I could impress upon you the true nature of Haruhi Suzumiya. I provoked the resentment the female student and her friends already held toward Haruhi Suzumiya in order to provide you with a display of the consequences of her actions."

"So, they chose to pick on you because you provoked them?"

"I reminded them of how Haruhi Suzumiya had tormented them."

"Haruhi had tormented them?"

"Is that difficult to believe?"

It would be difficult for me to not believe it. Why Haruhi would torment them in the first place is not hard to understand, either. It could have been something as simple as a prank they played on her, something as obvious as being jealous because of the way she treats Koizumi, or it could have been something as everyday as a few misunderstood words. It's not like it's hard to push her buttons. Of course, things almost always start out innocent and become more and more serious over time. It's also not hard to imagine that things may well be settled, at this point.

"What you perceive of Haruhi Suzumiya," Yuki continued, "is the characterization that she wants you to perceive. However, I believe she has revealed her true nature."

"I don't really believe I perceive what she wants me to," I said, thinking that was just too simplistic.

"Really?" Yuki asked.

"I do see her putting on a brave front," I explained, "and acting cheerful in spite of herself. The truth is, I'm not fooled by it. Well, maybe I was before, but..."

"In any case," Yuki said, "I lost control and provoked this situation. I am solely responsible for this outcome. Since then, I have sought to mitigate the damage and to assure you that it will not happen again."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks for telling me."

"It was nothing," she said, with her more usual answer.

- x -

As I started into the hallway, I was really impressed with what Yuki had told me. I couldn't think of a single thing that hinted at deception, and I realized with some annoyance that the suspicious fight had not even seemed suspicious at the time. In retrospect, I really should have noticed the odd timing. It was just too convenient. I really should have guessed that Yuki was up to something, but I hadn't seriously thought that Yuki was capable at the time.

When I began to realize how much she had gone through just because of a little jealousy, it seemed ridiculous that I could compare Haruhi to her. I didn't think it was possible for Yuki to feel pain, but what if it was? I don't think she had faked being drunk, and I had thought that was impossible, too. It seemed strange to think she could have a reaction to eating and drinking, but not have a reaction to being attacked. It just isn't possible to fake all that convincingly. Why would she? Yuki is so much better a person that she frightens me. Sure, perfectionists can be whiny and make people upset with their patronizing attitudes, but a perfectionist is still way better than whatever Haruhi is.

I was just starting to feel the first tingling of jealousy that Yuki might get away from me, when I noticed the older Mikuru Asahina appear.

"Miss Asahina?" I said, never quite expecting her to show up.

"Shh!" Mikuru said, looking gravely worried.

"What are you doing here?" I softly asked.

"Is Miss Nagato in there?" she whispered.

"Yeah," I softly answered.

"Sorry," she whispered, "but she gives me the willies."

"I guess I can understand," I whispered back.

"Let's go over there," she whispered, pointing to a corner further down the hall.

"Okay," I softly acknowledged.

As I moved further down the hall with the older Mikuru, I started to wonder just how old she was. She never told me, but it was a constant thought for me.

"Has Miss Nagato been winning your confidence?" she finally asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked, wondering if she was referring to someone else.

"I mean," she explained, "has she told you why she started that fight?"

"Yeah..." I replied.

She sighed and said, "I thought so. This situation is starting to get out of hand."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I guess it's a good thing I decided to look at the upgrade," she said. "I've got a new TPDD. It's a prototype for a special reconnaissance model."

"You can actually tell me all that?" I wondered.

"I am older," she said, a little defensively.

"Where's the younger Asahina?" I asked.

"I've been keeping her busy. She doesn't know a thing about any of this."

"So, you want to go time traveling again?"

"Exactly. Are you ready?"

"Why not? I've got nothing better to do."

In a flash, I found myself standing in the city, surrounded by what appeared to be ordinary buildings, cars and people. As I really looked, however, some slight changes started to become noticeable. It was more than just a feeling of being in some different part of the city. The city looked a little brighter and more sophisticated. I had the feeling of a city with a better design, although it was a very subtle feeling.

"Did you know that Nagato was jealous over me?" I asked Mikuru.

"I was afraid that might happen," she said.

"I have to admit," I said, "it is kind of flattering. If she has won my confidence, it was because she's been so honest."

"Honest, huh? I suppose you could say that," she said.

"Are we going to get in trouble?" I wondered, thinking that we were bound to cause problems in some way.

"There's no problem," she assured me. "I have verified that we are out of phase. I don't think anyone can hear or see us."

I looked around again and got that feeling again, and I asked, "So, we're in the future?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I've gone ahead twenty years."

"Twenty years?" I said. "Jeez. I'm kind of disappointed. It doesn't look all that different."

"Great changes do tend to occur suddenly, when they do happen," Mikuru said.

"Okay," I said. "Well, I won't ask any more about it."

She pointed to somewhere across the street and asked, "See that?"

"Huh?" I said, looking to where she was pointing. "Holy..."

"What do you think?" she asked. "Is that different enough for you?"

I laughed and replied, "It's hilarious. 'SOS Industries'?"

"I'm glad you're keeping a positive attitude," she said. "Let's move on."

We crossed the street and stood in front of that tall, impressive building. I marveled that such a thing could exist. It seemed like it was completely out of place in all the sophistication of the future.

"I should emphasize that this is a potential future," Mikuru told me.

"Potential?" I said. "Oh. Now, I'm disappointed."

"It's like a story, if you prefer to think of it that way."

"Yeah, and that would make you the ghost of Christmas Future."

"Oh, perfect timing."

"What?"

She pointed again. This time, she indicated something in the street. "See that fancy car pulling up?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Just watch," she said.

I watched as the car pulled up in front of the building, and some woman emerged.

"Who's that?" I asked, already starting to think I knew.

"That's the chairwoman and CEO of SOS Industries," Mikuru said. "Take a wild guess who she is."

As Mikuru was speaking, my heart sank again. The woman who emerged was hardly recognizable to me. I mean, she looked almost the same as Haruhi, but she was obese. She didn't really have trouble moving around, but there was just no denying that she had a serious weight problem. Her face was rounder and she seemed strangely more jolly, but that just made it even worse, somehow.

"Go on," Mikuru prodded me, "you'll never guess."

"You're having a lot of fun, aren't you?" I asked her, my voice darkening.

"Oh, heck yeah," Mikuru exclaimed. "This prototype is working great!"

In a flash, we were back in the hallway at school. My stomach was still churning with something, and I felt a little nauseous. I don't think it was from time traveling, either.

"We're back, now," Mikuru said. "You can relax."

"Let me guess," I said, "that was the future where I decide to abandon her."

"Right," she answered.

"Would she really get that fat?" I asked, hardly daring to believe that could happen.

"Is that the only thing you noticed?" she asked, a little disbelieving, herself.

"Yeah," I admitted.

She sighed and softly complained, "Men."

"What a horrible future," I said. "Okay, I don't care what else is wrong with that future. I cannot just let that happen."

"I'm glad to hear you say that," she said.

"So, what can I do?" I asked.

"You want my advice?"

"Yeah."

"Well, aside from the obvious, I guess you could talk to Koizumi."

"What good would that do?"

"As much as I distrust him, he does have some very good insights into Miss Suzumiya's true nature."

I very much doubted that, but if the older Mikuru Asahina said the sky was green, I would probably be surprised if I looked and saw that it was blue.

"So, where can I find him?" I asked her.

"Hold on a sec..." she said,

She then turned around for a moment and disappeared in a flash of soft light. She then reappeared.

"Go out to the school entrance and wait for exactly three minutes," she said.

"Okay," I answered.

"Good luck!" she said.

"Thanks," I said.

- x -

I went to the school entrance and then started to wait. When I stopped and thought about the kind of future the world had to offer, it made me wonder just how much of that world was made by Haruhi. I laughed to myself and thought there is no way Haruhi would have that kind of effect on the future. If Haruhi were to make a city in her own image, I would expect something like what you would see in a comic book depicting a post-apocalyptic ruin. Or maybe even just a dark and forbidding arrangement of sad buildings, like tombstones in a cemetery. Maybe that was just my own weird way of looking at her, though. Or maybe it was this weird mood, caused by seeing a grotesque Haruhi.

It seemed so real, but I just couldn't grasp it. Why would she let herself go like that? It seemed so wrong and out-of-character. Is the way she is so dependent on me? She was pretty fit before she met me. Why would she ever stop? I think my heart knew the reason, even if I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Just as I was resigning myself to leaving that subject for another time, I saw Koizumi approach, looking cheerful as usual. Damn him.

"There you are," I said, greeting him.

"Were you waiting for me?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied, "Miss Asahina said I should speak with you."

"Oh," he said. "Well, what a pleasant surprise. Please, come with me."

I have to admit, there are times when I envy the kind of life that Koizumi leads. He's always busy fending off the end of the world. It must be nice to feel so important.

Within a few moments, a taxi pulled up, and we entered.

"I apologize for making you accompany me," he said, "but as you know, words are just inadequate to describe some things."

"On your way to work, huh?" I asked.

"If by work," he said, "you mean a closed space, then you are correct."

I'm guessing that this taxi was one of the organization-friendly ones, since Koizumi was speaking so openly about things he'd prefer most people would rather not hear.

"Having more of those, lately?" I asked.

"There's been a rash of them," he admitted, "but I'm at a loss to explain them."

"Maybe you should consult with Miss Nagato."

"We did that. She's just been her usual self lately."

"She's been ignoring you?"

"She's placed several defensive barriers around her apartment. It would be impossible for me to even approach her."

I had forgotten that Koizumi and Yuki don't exactly see eye-to-eye on most things. Yuki had referred to his "amusing superstitions" just yesterday. I guess you learn to take precautions when dealing with a group of dangerous, superstitious people. I can't say I'm all that surprised.

"I was hoping to talk to you about Haruhi," I said.

"Well," he answered, "I'm your man, so to speak. What do you want to know?"

"Haruhi told me that you've been acting strangely toward her," I said. "She said that you've been looking at her like she'd just killed your pet cat."

"I give her that impression?" he said. "Strange. Well, I have been puzzling over these strange spaces. I guess it shouldn't be too surprising that I appear that way."

"I thought you were fighting with her, or something," I added.

"You know I'm not permitted to do that," he said.

"Okay," I said. "Just checking."

- x -

We arrived at our destination a little more quickly than I expected. This was a familiar street in town, now busy with people. I really wondered whether he hadn't been fighting with Haruhi and just hadn't noticed. Haruhi was certainly a bit more irritable toward him, lately. Of course, I wasn't about to calm things down between them, either.

"Not time yet?" I asked.

"I'll let you know," he answered.

"Okay."

"I'm glad you're interested in Miss Suzumiya. I was starting to worry for a while."

"I'm the one who's worrying."

"About her?"

"Yeah."

"Because of something Miss Asahina said?"

More like because of something she showed me, I thought. I wondered how Koizumi would react to the idea of an overweight Haruhi, and I just couldn't imagine it. It seemed to me like kicking a puppy.

"I'm worried because Miss Nagato told me that she's in love with me," I told him.

"Whoa!" he said. "No kidding?"

"Yeah. No kidding."

"Miss Nagato is in love with you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay... Well, that does kind of explain the barriers. Now, I'm worried."

I think Koizumi was implying that Yuki had set up barriers to prevent him from interfering with her and me. What that could mean is anybody's guess, but apparently the organization keeps a watch on her apartment. I guess it would set off some alarms to see me going in, but there's really nothing unusual about that.

"I don't want to start a fight with Nagato," I explained, "but I don't want to do anything stupid, either."

"Well," he said, "let me just say that coming to me was the right idea."

"You can thank Miss Asahina for that," I told him. "I should tell you another thing."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I'm in love with Haruhi," I said very casually. I don't really care what he thinks about Haruhi, so it's no big deal for me to admit this to him.

"This certainly is a day for confessions, isn't it?" he said.

"This didn't just happen," I informed him. "I'm pretty sure it happened on that trip."

"You mean, on Sunday?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Now, there's a curious coincidence."

"Isn't that when these weird spaces started appearing?"

"It isn't so much the spaces that are weird, but... Well, you'll see."

"It's the celestials?"

"Yeah. Anyway, what's the problem? Why aren't you dating, already?"

Leave it to Koizumi to think you can go straight from being in love to dating right away. Of course, here was the guy who insisted that Haruhi and I have some kind of superior mutual trust thing going on. It's not surprising that his delusions would include romance.

"Things got kind of complicated," I said. "She admitted that she'd only gone with me on that trip to find something interesting about me. She was really disappointed. I think she started to sink into a depression again."

"You couldn't have told me about this yesterday?" he asked.

"I took Haruhi out to eat, yesterday," I answered, "but the conversation just got weird. I'm not sure how that happened."

"I'm sure we can sort it out," he said. "Okay, get ready. It's time."

- x -

The closed space looked a lot like that first one, so I wasn't quite as surprised, this time around. It was still weird, going from a really busy sidewalk to the same exact sidewalk in a grey world with just the two of us.

"I'm glad that Miss Asahina wasn't just waiting around for something horrible to happen," he said.

"Well," I said, "it was actually the older Miss Asahina."

"Oh," he said. "She took you time traveling again?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Well, sort of."

Koizumi gestured toward a building in the distance and asked, "So, you see it?"

"I'm not sure..." I said, then caught a glimpse of some shimmering blue thing. "Wait, is that...?"

"Yeah," he answered. "It looks pretty harmless, huh? Just standing there like it's waiting for someone to say something."

"No more rampaging and destroying everything in sight?"

"It seems to have lost all its mirth."

"Now, I've seen everything."

"It'll still fight back, of course, but it's just waiting for us to show up."

"I don't suppose you can just ignore it."

"Not a chance. It's the same basic problem. If we do nothing, the spaces will just keep coming."

I wondered about that. Would they really wait before fighting these things? How long would they wait? Maybe they're so in the habit of fighting that they just needlessly fight them.

"But it looks so..." I said, trying to express how pitiful it looked.

"I know," he admitted. "It's weird, but I kind of feel like a murderer for destroying them."

"Seriously," I added. "I kind of feel like I could just reach out and hug it."

Koizumi laughed and said, "I see you understand completely."

Koizumi then flew out in his sphere, joining several others. He fought the celestial for a while, then returned. It was just the same as last time, in that respect.

"If it wasn't difficult," I said, "they wouldn't call it work."

"Yeah," he said, "but this is brutal."

"My mother always says, 'A job well done is its own reward.'"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I couldn't agree more."

The closed space then disintegrated, leaving us back at the busy sidewalk.

"So?" he asked. "Impressive, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied, "I can see why you wouldn't exactly want to brag about it."

"You want to go get something to eat? I'm starving."

"Sure, why not?"

"I'm still trying to recover from the fact that Miss Nagato confessed to you."

"Yeah, that's a tough one."


	5. Instincts

Chapter 5: Instincts

When I sat down to eat at that fast food place where Koizumi and I had gone, I began to think that things had reached a stage where we were past all the dangerous, reactive instincts that usually make things go wrong. I'm not sure who it was, but someone told me when I was young to always trust in my second set of emotions rather than the first. The problem with your first emotions is that they always seem to involve ego, and that goes against the whole Zen of things. Once you relax and let those emotions fade, your second set of emotions should become more apparent, and then experience will lead you to a solution you can be confident in. I had forgotten about this, but seeing how Yuki was last night had reminded me. I think my second reaction to her was a little more trustworthy than the first, though I still almost ended up falling for her.

"I don't really get the whole falling in love thing," Koizumi admitted.

"You've never been in love?" I asked.

"I guess I've had the odd crush or two," he said, "but love just seems like a pretty huge step."

"Well," I said, "it's not like I decided to fall in love. It just happened."

"Yeah," he said, "that's what I don't get."

"Honestly, I don't get it either. It's really inconvenient."

"That's funny, coming from you."

"Yeah, it is," I admitted.

I'm about as sentimental a guy as you'll likely ever meet, but I do have a problem with people knowing this about me. I'm especially not thrilled that Koizumi has picked up on it. That seems really wrong.

"Then again," I added, "I never expected to be in this kind of situation. It's all very confusing."

"Tell me, again," he said. "What's the problem?"

"Okay," I said, "I think the real problem is that Haruhi isn't quite all there."

"You mean, she's nuts," he said.

"Pretty much," I answered.

He sighed and admitted, "I can't really argue with that. She does have a unique take on things."

"I'm not talking about how she views the world," I said. "I mean, I think she may be in need of real psychiatric treatment."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well," I said, "when Nagato and I were discussing this, she said the most likely explanation was that Haruhi has a kind of bipolar disorder."

"Okay."

"I don't want to make her condition worse. I mean, I don't want her committing suicide."

"I doubt you really need to worry about it."

"Really?"

"Keep in mind that Miss Nagato has her own unique take on things, too."

There was the unpleasant possibility that Yuki was lying, but I really doubt she would go that far.

"You think she might be wrong?" I asked him.

"No, actually," he replied. "I think she's right, but I doubt the problem is as severe as you're suggesting."

"You sure about that?" I asked him.

"No," he admitted, "but I did do a study on just that very subject when I first started analyzing your relationship with her. I noticed, in particular, the characteristic mania she tends to display. That's pretty much a dead give-away."

"So..." I said, thinking this was a problem.

"The thing I didn't notice was any psychosis," he added. "She hasn't been seeing things, has she? Hearing odd voices? Panicking for no particular reason?"

"Not that I know of," I replied.

"So, like I said," he concluded. "No big deal. Lots of people have bipolar disorder. If it gets worse, then it's actually not that difficult to treat."

And, once again, this was all my problem. I found myself losing my appetite.

"You like fast food?" I asked him.

"It's okay every now and then," he said, just about to finish off his burger. "I wouldn't have it all the time."

"Tastes like crap," I said. "You want the rest of mine?"

I'd barely touched the fries, so the burger was just sitting there by itself.

"Thanks," he said, "but I'll pass."

"I thought you said you were starving."

"I'm not that hungry."

"Must be tough being a poor student who has to fight not-so-scary monsters all the time."

"I'm not really poor, but I think you're better off than I am."

Here was a good topic. I had been hoping he would bring up the subject of money. It isn't often I get to make Koizumi really depressed.

"I'm not hurting for money right at the moment," I casually admitted.

"How much do you have?" he asked.

I took out my wallet and started counting bills in increments of a thousand yen.

"Let's see..." I said. "Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five..."

"Ouch," he said. "Okay, I give. You can stop, now."

"It's not really all that much," I insisted. "You sure you don't want to know?"

I put away my wallet again.

"You already counted more than I have to spare in an average month," he replied.

"You know who else gets fixated on money?" I asked.

"Who? Haruhi?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Really," I said. "The whole way up to my old hometown, she kept bringing it up. You know, how I owed her for my share of the trip. Then, the next day, she tells me to keep it. Isn't that weird?"

"I think I've lost my appetite," he answered, still looking at the rest of his fries.

I got the impression this conversation was changing how he felt about Haruhi.

"It is weird, isn't it?" I asked.

"It's unexpected," he replied. "She really doesn't strike me as the type."

"She doesn't strike you as the type to become a penny-pinching tycoon?" I wondered.

"No way. There is absolutely no way..." He thought for a moment and then said, "Oh, wait. You took a little trip with Miss Asahina, right?"

"She showed me the potential future," I answered. "Guess what I saw, twenty years from now?"

"I think I'm going to be sick," he said.

"Oh, come on," I said. "I haven't even gotten to the best part."

"I'm not listening," he said, plugging his ears. "Nope. Nothing but the wind. La la la la la la..."

I laughed while he continued that way for a few moments. I then looked back at my burger, and I felt a little sorry for him. It can't be easy learning that someone you consider a deity can be so unworthy of your expectations.

"Sorry," I said. "I guess you really wouldn't want to hear about it."

"You live to crush my dreams, don't you?" he said.

"So..." I said. "I'm kind of at a loss, here."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Well," I answered, "Miss Asahina said that you were kind of an expert in Haruhi's true nature. That's why she said I should talk to you. You're kind of disappointing me, here."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that."

"What should I do?"

"I don't know. Seems pretty obvious to me."

"What?"

"You should just tell her how you feel. That's all. Don't make it so complicated."

"Okay."

I guess there are times when I try to be a little too considerate. This is what I want, so there should be no problem with just acting on it, even if she does think of me as being sick or unworthy.

"You do trust her to not fall down laughing when you do tell her, right?" he asked.

"Yeah..." I said, thinking that would be the worst thing ever.

"So, that's the real problem, huh?" he asked. "You got the idea that she would laugh at you?"

"I'm not sure how, but..." I said.

I thought that maybe things had changed enough between us that she would take me seriously. I mean, if you can spend the day with someone just wandering around their hometown, that has to mean something, right?

"Take it from me," he said. "She won't laugh. She might just slap you for being so obtuse about it, actually."

"Thanks," I said. "It's a relief to hear you say that."

- x -

Shortly after that, I went to a snack shop nearby to have something I really wanted. As I sat there, finishing off my soda, I started to think it was a little lonely there by myself, so I called up Haruhi and told her where I was. I invited her to join me, and said I would wait for her to show up. She reluctantly said yes, and I spent some time just thinking to myself.

If Haruhi really was jealous over me enough to think about killing herself, that had to mean something pretty outrageous, right? I mean, you don't just go nuts like that over some guy you don't care anything about. Well, at least I would hope you don't. I couldn't think of any other reason that she would want to kill herself. She did tell me that she stopped thinking about killing herself afterward, and that "nightmare" had ended with me kissing her. I know that "nightmare" was really just Haruhi and I somehow finding ourselves in some other world, because Yuki herself told me that Haruhi and I had disappeared from the world over that time. So, there's really no doubt about it. Haruhi had felt better because I had kissed her. She stopped thinking about killing herself, so that world which she had created had lost its use, and we returned back to where we belonged.

Of course, most of this information is straight from her, but my gut told me I could believe it. I guess you could say that it was my instinct agreeing with it. Did she really convince herself it was just a nightmare? Maybe. When we were in that "nightmare," she could never consciously admit that we were facing certain death. Did she really convince herself that I was someone special in disguise?

The more I thought about it, the more it made no sense at all that she was disappointed over me not being an alien or whatever. My instinct told me that was just Haruhi being too shy to admit that she had these feelings for me. I think she really only wanted to go with me to my hometown to encourage me to fall in love with her. She didn't notice me falling for her, because I honestly didn't realize it myself. She thought that because I wasn't falling all over myself to confess to her that she had wasted her time, and that's what had really disappointed her. I sort of figured this out the morning after, but I hadn't really thought it out this carefully. My instincts were also just now starting to encourage me to think this way, and that was probably because of the things Yuki and I had talked about last night.

Haruhi was simply still trying to win, whatever that's supposed to mean, and that's why she was so frustrated with me earlier today. I know how much of a stranger she is to the art of Zen, so it's not really surprising. I know she loves to compete. The baseball game, the hit counter on the web site, that contest with the head of the computer club. All those things tell me, here is someone who loves to win, not someone who merely acts. That was why she never admitted how she felt, why she kept continuing to be disappointed, and why she had made herself believe it was because I wasn't interesting enough.

I may not be able to make her into a Zen master, but I think I can at least make sure she stays fit. I'd hate to think of her as a self-indulgent pig. She already needs me to keep her values in shape, and I think me nagging her to stay fit would help her keep her body in shape.

This weird mood of hers also explains about the celestials. I think they reflect her true feelings, to a certain extent. My instincts most strongly agreed with this notion. To be completely honest, all I have to go on here are my instincts, but I'm not sure I really want to live in a world where my instincts are so far off that they'd be wrong about this. More to the point, I don't think I'd really want to live a world where Haruhi could love someone else. The thought of it just seemed really wrong.

In the midst of thinking about celestials, I noticed Haruhi enter the snack shop. She maneuvered around the busy tables and found her way to a seat across the table from me.

"You still in a bad mood?" I asked her.

"I guess not," she said. "I don't want to hear your BS about aliens, though."

"I promise not to bring it up," I said.

"Okay," she said.

"So..." I said, determined to brighten her mood as soon as I could. "Something happened to me on that trip we took Sunday."

"Yeah?" she asked. "You catch a fatal disease?"

"Not exactly," I replied. "More like, I came down with love-sickness."

"You sure you didn't catch the flu?" she asked.

I smiled at the thought that Yuki's first possibility was right and said, "I knew you wouldn't take me seriously."

"No, I'm just..." she started. Then she said, "Are you kidding around with me?"

"Since when would I joke about something like that?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said, looking around and starting to panic. "Oh, crap. People are watching us."

"That's good," I said. "I want witnesses to hear this. I'm in love with you."

"Shut up," she said. "Jeez, you're embarrassing me."

This reaction she had was such a huge relief that I actually laughed.

"You're really blushing," I said. "That's so funny."

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked. "You are, aren't you?"

"No, I really did fall in love with you," I replied. "You just didn't strike me as the type to blush about it."

"Okay!" she softly exclaimed. "I heard you the first time."

"Sheesh," I told myself. "Asahina was right. This is so obvious."

"What was obvious?"

"I should have just come right out and said it."

"When did this happen?"

"Sunday. You remember? The trip."

"Right. When exactly? Do you know?"

"Yeah. When we were talking to my father."

"That conversation?"

"Yeah. You were making an idiot of yourself, and my dad was toying with you. I thought it was cute."

"Oh God!"

"So?" I asked her.

"What?" she said.

"I guess you aren't going to slap me," I said, a little relieved again.

"Why would I do that?" she asked.

"Koizumi said that you might," I replied.

Haruhi scowled and once again looked a little upset, "You talked to Koizumi, too? You could tell them, but you couldn't tell me?"

"Well," I said, "I just did tell you."

"I suppose you told Yuki, too," she guessed.

I had been so busy thinking about Mikuru that I had forgotten I had also told Yuki. In fact, she'd been the first to know.

"Why am I always the last one to know these things?" Haruhi complained. "God! That pisses me off."

"What?" I asked, thinking she was upset and disappointed again.

"I'm jealous, okay?" she explained. "I don't want to have to keep sharing you. Come on."

"Sorry," I said. "I promise it won't happen again. You don't need to worry about that."

Haruhi looked around again and told everyone else, "The rest of you can go back to your own lives, okay? Jeez."

- x -

Soon after, we left the shop and started to walk down the sidewalk.

"What a day," Haruhi complained. "This really is turning into a soap opera."

"At least it's finally over," I said.

"What?" Haruhi asked. "You're okay with just that?"

"Sure," I replied. "Why not?"

"Sorry," she said, "but we really need some time to ourselves. Is it okay to go by your house?"

"It's fine," I answered, "but only if you don't mind my mother being there. Oh, and my little sister is probably home by now. That reminds me, I should really call home and tell them what's up."

"Okay, wait a second," she said. "Let me try calling home, first."

"You mean, your home?" I asked her. "I thought your parents usually aren't around."

"Usually," she said. "I can never be completely sure."

Haruhi started to use her phone.

"This is totally different from what I expected," I said.

"You seriously thought I'd just let you go without even a kiss?" she asked.

"I guess I really have no idea," I said.

"You do realize what you're in for, right?" she asked.

"You don't want to hear whether I've done my homework?" I asked.

"Don't even think about it," she said, scowling.

Haruhi put her phone away and led me to her home.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, but don't get too excited. This was really our first day, so I spent nearly the whole time there making out with her. I'm not sure if she wanted to do more than that, because I wasn't about to find out if her mother really approved of me being there. I only spent an hour there, and it was a huge relief that she didn't try to stop me. I at least wanted to get used to the idea of having mutual affection before taking any big steps. It was also straining my dignity to think that she could just get her way. I mean, I might bandy around the notion of sex in a dream, but that would never happen in real life. Not right away, anyway.

- x -

Later that night, I woke up in my bed again at three in the morning to find Yuki sitting with her back to the side of my bed.

"Back again?" I asked.

"Sorry," she said.

"Forget about it," I told her. "You can stay. I just got a little irritated, last time."

"Okay," she acknowledged.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't have a vivid dream, this time around. If she had given me a dream, I wonder what it would have been. I sat up next to her and noticed that she had an oddly shaped bottle in her lap again.

"I think Koizumi would throw a fit if he knew about it, though," I told her.

She smirked and added, "Itsuki Koizumi would react even more negatively if he understood the nature of the emanations he has been disintegrating."

"Is that really something you find amusing?" I asked, a little disturbed that she would find humor in that.

"Is amusement less instinctive than it is relative?" she asked.

I noticed that slight slur in her voice again, and I didn't even try to puzzle what it was that Yuki was trying to ask me.

"You're drunk again?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"I didn't realize you enjoyed it," I said.

"I do not," she explained. "The purpose of this experiment is to test whether my previous hypothesis about your condition can be negated."

"Condition?" I said, thinking for a moment. "Oh, you mean how I have a turbulent psyche?"

"It may well be possible," she added, "that you are suffering the lingering effects of this substance. It was this substance that you had previously consumed, isn't it?"

She held up the bottle for me look at briefly, and I answered, "Yeah, it was vodka. Not that brand, though. I don't know how accurate your data will be."

"If I can discover the general instinctive responses to this substance in the absence of collateral effects," she continued, "that will prove valuable to future research."

"Sure," I said, a little unconvinced. "You're really just pissed off at me, right?"

"I'm starting to lose confidence in your ability to regard my best interests," she confessed.

"That's a really nice way to put it," I said. "Does it really matter so much whether I am in love with Haruhi?"

"Are you really in love with her?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"And not displacing the aggression you feel towards your mother?" she asked.

I love my mother. No question about that. I wasn't sure at that moment how I really felt, though. Maybe there was something to what Yuki suggested.

"You may feel obligated to respond," Yuki said, "but I do not expect a satisfactory conclusion."

"I'm not in love with you," I told her, "if that's what you're asking."

"I think I can rule out the possible lingering effects of this substance," she stated.

"Koizumi said that falling in love is a pretty big step," I added.

"Perhaps he was as confused as I," she said, "attempting to predict the flow of your data."

"I'm trying to give you a satisfactory conclusion," I explained.

"To my assertion about your mother?" she asked.

"Right," I replied. "I don't think this feeling is about getting back at my mother. If anything, it's more about feeling jealous over Haruhi. I really don't see the connection between the two."

"The connection is in the nature of your perceptions," she said, "or rather your awareness. Or, perhaps I should say the deficiency in your awareness."

"I'm really having a hard time following that," I admitted. It didn't help that it was three in the morning, and she was drunk.

"When you get struck in the face," she asked, "how does that make you feel?"

"Like hitting back," I answered.

"Exactly," she said. "It provokes your resentment, which intoxicates you. It gives latitude to your instincts, which dictate your responses. In short, it collapses your awareness."

"Much like getting drunk," I added.

"Your awareness fails to account for specifics such as the identity of your target," she continued. "It only flows along with the convenience of the action in itself."

"You must be drunk," I said. "I've never heard anything so pithy from you, before."

"Does this discussion offend you?" she asked.

"No. Actually, I don't think you've ever said anything that made as much sense."

"Does Itsuki Koizumi's difficulty with love interest you?"

"I admit I'm a little curious, but that's the extent of it."

"Itsuki Koizumi prioritizes his duties above his personal interests. The displacement of aggression requires no effort."

"Is this experience you're speaking from?"

"Yes."

Yuki seemed to be confessing that Haruhi had made her displace some aggression, although what form that displacement could have taken, I have no idea. It wasn't her affection for me, I don't think, and she wouldn't just break the first rule, would she? If she had, it's likely that punishment would make her averse to confessing it so casually, so it seemed unlikely. Maybe she meant that she took it out on herself, using primitive humans as her instrument to do so. That would explain why she was smiling when I had found her beat up, but wouldn't her instincts prevent her from just standing there taking that abuse? It made no sense. And what on Earth would provoke an otherwise friendly group of girls to go on such a rampage? Could Yuki really do that with nothing more than simple provocation?

"I don't understand," she said, just what I had been thinking a moment ago. "Do you not perceive Haruhi Suzumiya's true nature? Does her aggressive disposition not offend you?"

"It does," I admitted, "but I think you neglected to notice how Miss Asahina was watching out for me."

"I had anticipated her interference," Yuki said, "but I detected nothing out of the ordinary."

"I'm not talking about the younger Asahina," I added.

"I see," she said. "It seems that I had miscalculated the value she placed on your relationship with Haruhi Suzumiya."

"She really knows how to push my buttons," I said. "That's for sure."

"This also explains your encounter with Itsuki Koizumi," she added.

"It was kind of fun," I said, "seeing the potential future and then seeing Koizumi fight with a big blue teddy bear."

"I didn't have a chance to win your affection," she concluded.

"I think Haruhi would say that you got voted down, four-to-one."

"What would you say?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out. Please, don't be mad at me."

"The origin of my failure was Mikuru Asahina."

I could see this "failure" was upsetting her, and I took a moment to seriously consider it.

"Well," I said, "if you think about it, it was really Haruhi who started it." As Haruhi had allegedly been the person who had provoked the means of Yuki's demonstration of jealousy, this seemed like a plausible explanantion. My instinct told me it was only half right, but that seemed good enough for this situation.

"My duties require me to never advise her punishment," Yuki informed me, "however..."

This sounded like an invitation, so I jumped at the chance. "It's okay if I suggest it?" I asked.

Yuki smirked and said, "I cannot stop you."

As much as I love Haruhi, I also can't deny her true nature. I've also been eager to get back at her since the very first day I met her. Maybe this is the displaced aggression I had for my mother that Yuki was referring to.

"Okay," I said. "Feel free to blame me if something goes wrong. I certainly won't blame you."

"I will look forward to our next encounter," she said.

Yuki then promptly left the room, and I had a very peaceful night's sleep. I think I dreamed about all the weird things Yuki could have done to me, but then I don't recall it very well. My dreams are rarely worth remembering, even the really vivid ones.

- x -

At class the next day, I noticed Haruhi with her head in her arms at her desk.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "You look exhausted."

"I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night," she said.

"Why are you sweating?" I asked.

"Oh," she replied. "I tried to work it off, but I still feel really awful."

"You aren't sick, are you?" I asked, a little concerned.

"No, I just had this really bad dream," she explained. "Well, it was more like this feeling of savage anger. I've never felt anything so intense in my life."

"Yeah," I lied, "I get that sometimes."

"Really?" she asked. "That's a relief. I thought I was going crazy."

"You're not crazy," I told her. "That's just the power of love."

"I can't believe you actually said that."

"Why not? Love can do really weird things to people."

"Enough already with that corny crap. Jeez! I feel like hitting a punching bag."

"So? What's stopping you?"

"Well, I also kind of feel like I'll be sick if I do that. It's really weird."

"I see. You're really going soft on me, huh?"

"I think I can still hit you just fine."

To prove it, Haruhi started punching me on the arm; softly, at first, but then with some real sting a few times. I pulled my arm away, and rubbed it. I guess Haruhi's reprogramming didn't include being averse to jealousy toward me. In a way, it was kind of a relief, but it was probably going to hurt for a while, too.

- Fin


	6. Extra

Extra

- Editor's note: One of these stories was deemed a failure by the author and removed from this memory archive. Sorry for the inconvenience.

- Autonomous evolution

Kyon: So, Haruhi can subconsciously create things out of nothing?

Yuki: Correct.

Kyon: What does that have to do with autonomous evolution?

Yuki: (smirking) Hmm... I wonder...

Kyon: ...

Later...

Kyon: Okay, never mind about Haruhi.

Yuki: Okay.

Kyon: What the heck is autonomous evolution, anyway?

Yuki: (smirking) Hmm... I wonder...

Kyon: You're mocking me, aren't you?

Yuki: (smirking) Hmm...

Later...

Kyon: I think I understand. You mean "autonomous" in the sense that you can select which traits you want to distribute.

Yuki: Correct.

Kyon: As opposed to being at the mercy of the environment.

Yuki: Correct.

Kyon: So, wouldn't you just need to manipulate your environment?

Yuki: (smirking) Hmm...

Kyon: Never mind. I think I just answered my own question.

- x -

- The SOS Brigade takes on... leprechauns

Haruhi is just a little dazed, and she slowly stands up.

Haruhi: I think I can understand why people don't like to talk about religion. I'm not risking another freak occurrence like that.

Kyon: So, what are we doing?

Haruhi: Let's see... I know! Let's look for leprechauns! If you catch one, you can make him give you a pot of gold! That will kill two birds with one stone. We'll have found something interesting, and we'll have more in the budget.

Kyon: So, we're basically done for today, right?

Haruhi: (scowling) Yeah...

- x -

- Memories

Kyon: So, the Data Integration Thought Entity archives all your memories?

Yuki: Everything that it deems appropriate to archive.

Kyon: Appropriate?

Yuki: Anything that is judged a failure is not stored.

Kyon: What does that...?

Yuki: Any memory of a breach of the rules is not stored.

Kyon: And those archived memories can be restored?

Yuki: If there is a discrepancy between the archive and my local storage, then I am resynchronized.

Kyon: Interesting. So, you can't really erase your own memories.

Yuki: Not under normal circumstances, no.

Kyon: Haven't I violated your rules?

Yuki: Several times.

Kyon: But your memories of those violations are archived, right?

Yuki: Yes.

Kyon: So, what's the point of filtering your failures and not mine?

Yuki: ...

Kyon: I mean, if what you say is true and you can perceive the oneness of things...

Yuki: It seems that the Data Integration Thought Entity is far from perfect, as well.

- x -

- Copies

Kyon: So, if Haruhi is the key to all this, why not just copy her?

Yuki: We have. Many times.

Kyon: But the copies don't work?

Yuki: We do not possess the sophistication necessary to reproduce her data-creation capabilities.

Kyon: I see. But, then that should indicate something about that capability, right?

Yuki: Obviously.

Kyon: So... You're analyzing the differences between Haruhi and her copies.

Yuki: Right.

Kyon: How many copies?

Yuki: Many.

- x -

- A dish best served cold

Kyon: You know, if you stop and really think about it... Let's be honest. Your "failure" was really your own fault.

Yuki: ...

Kyon: I understand how you feel, and I don't mind you taking it out on Haruhi. That's fine.

Yuki: It is?

Kyon: Yeah. The only thing I don't get is how you were able to punish Haruhi for what was really your failure.

Yuki: You remember that faction about which I warned you?

Kyon: That sounds familiar.

Yuki: They believe that bringing you to harm will produce more data from Haruhi Suzumiya.

Kyon: Okay. That must be tough for them, considering rule number one.

Yuki: Correct. However, I was able to convince them to provide the needed support.

Kyon: How did you do that?

Yuki: I advised them of your consent, and I offered to place an exception in Haruhi Suzumiya's behavior aversion refiltering.

Kyon: Okay, so that was your idea.

Yuki: (smirking) I'm glad you understand.

- x -

- The search

Haruhi's bedroom. Kyon is looking around, searching through shelves, drawers, under the bed, in the closet. He finds magazines, books, games, various toys.

Kyon: (irritated) Why on Earth would a girl need so many hobbies like this?

- x -

- Repression

Haruhi's bedroom. Haruhi enters and Kyon resumes looking innocent. Haruhi joins him, sitting on the bed.

Haruhi: Where were we?

Kyon: You were about to ask me about Miss Asahina.

Haruhi: What's to ask? It's so obvious you've got a crush on her.

Kyon: You think that's strange?

Haruhi: No. I think it'd be strange if you didn't.

Kyon: She could be a model, you know. I wouldn't be surprised if she makes it in a magazine, someday.

Haruhi: And you'd start collecting them, right?

Kyon: Wouldn't you?

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: I guess you'd wait for the Koizumi swimsuit spread.

Haruhi: Jeez... You have a sick mind. I kind of like that idea, though.

Kyon: You don't really have all that many magazines, I suppose.

Haruhi: (nicely) Of course not. Don't be stupid.

Kyon: Yeah, a good collection of magazines would be something you'd expect an otaku to have. It goes without saying that I don't have one.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: I mean, I do have magazines, but they're not about... You know.

Haruhi: Are you picking a fight with me?

Kyon: What? What makes you say that?

Haruhi: You keep talking about magazines.

Kyon: Yeah. So what? Lots of people have magazines. I don't see what the big deal is.

Haruhi: That's my line.

Kyon: Well, you're the one who says I'm picking a fight.

Haruhi: Forget about it.

Kyon: That's fine. I don't care what you collect, honestly. Even if you do have some racy stuff. It's none of my business.

Haruhi: That's right.

Kyon: Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was an otaku. I mean, I have nothing against otakus. Actually, they're kind of trendy, nowadays.

Haruhi: Otakus are stupid. I hate those idiots.

Kyon: You think Miss Nagato might be an otaku?

Haruhi: What do you think?

Kyon: I think it's possible. I don't know, but I kind of get the feeling she is.

Haruhi: She doesn't really strike me as the type.

Kyon: You're probably right. What about Koizumi?

Haruhi: No way. He's too much an overachiever. I'll bet he'd faint at the kind of things otakus look at.

Kyon: Really?

Haruhi: I mean, otakus are notoriously perverted, and Koizumi is such a straight-laced kind of guy.

Kyon: I've actually met quite a few otakus. I've never really thought of them as perverted.

Haruhi: I guess some of them are good at hiding the fact that they are otakus. What's up with all this otaku talk? Give me a break.

Kyon: Okay, fine. I notice you have an old PS one.

Haruhi: Yeah. Hasn't been used in a while. What? You want to play something?

Kyon: No, I just noticed it. Some of those games I haven't played in a while.

Haruhi: Who has time for games? You think it's easy being a high school student?

Kyon: Yeah, you probably don't want to waste time with games. I should check out your collection some time.

Haruhi: Sure, whatever.

Kyon: Nice room.

Haruhi: It's okay.

Kyon: I noticed the books. You have a pretty odd collection.

Haruhi: I've been tossing out a lot of books. You've got to make room for new ones, you know.

Kyon: You don't really read very much, huh?

Haruhi: I'm not really a bookworm, no.

Kyon: I guess that explains why the shelves look so uneven.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: You cook?

Haruhi: Sure.

Kyon: Really?

Haruhi: I don't love to cook, but sure. I can cook.

Kyon: You should talk to my mom. She has lots of old family recipes.

Haruhi: I'll keep that in mind.

Kyon: My mom is a hell of a good cook, and she likes to cook.

Haruhi: Must be nice. I don't see why you suck at doing your homework. You've got all this free time.

Kyon: Yeah, but see. That's the problem. You have lots of free time, you spend it just messing around.

Haruhi: You're not going to have a lot of free time if I have anything to say about it.

Kyon: You want to check out some electronics shops?

Haruhi: What for?

Kyon: I noticed you have a computer. I just thought you might want to get some accessories and stuff. Maybe check out some software.

Haruhi: You didn't look at my computer, did you?

Kyon: No. Should I have?

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: It's funny, you know? You have a computer. You have a game system. You have shelves. Are you sure you aren't an otaku?

Haruhi: You are picking a fight with me, aren't you?

Kyon: I'm just asking.

Haruhi: I'm not a freaking otaku! God! For the last time.

Kyon: Okay.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: Because I happened to notice a few things behind those books-

Haruhi: Son of a bitch!

Kyon: Come on! Just admit it.

Haruhi: You want to die, don't you?

Kyon: I don't hate you for being an otaku, okay. It's cool.

Haruhi: How many times do I have to repeat this? I am not an otaku!

Kyon: You have more otaku stuff than an average otaku. I find it really hard to believe you aren't.

Haruhi: Somebody kill me.

Kyon: I saw those games in the bottom drawer.

Haruhi: My drawer? You went through my drawers?

Kyon: And your closet. Yeah, I really didn't have time to look at your computer.

Haruhi: That's just old stuff, okay. I'm not really an otaku... I...

Kyon: Otaku culture is starting to be culturally acceptable. It's no big deal.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: If you enjoy it, I don't really see the problem.

Haruhi: Is there anything you do just because your mother likes it?

Kyon: Hmm... Now that you mention it, I don't really have a whole lot in common with my mother. We both have good taste in food, but that's about it.

Haruhi: You're hopeless. Okay, I do have some otaku stuff in here, but it doesn't leave this room. You got that?

Kyon: Okay.

Haruhi: Don't tell anyone. Especially not Koizumi. I don't want to shatter his image of me.

Kyon: That's fine. But you do play dress up with Asahina at school.

Haruhi: That's it. We're breaking up.

- x -

- The diary

Kyon: I'm a little surprised she doesn't keep a diary.

Yuki: What makes you say that?

Kyon: Because I looked, and I couldn't find one anywhere.

Yuki: I see.

Kyon: What? Don't tell me she actually has one.

Yuki: ...

Kyon: Hmm...

Later...

Kyon: So, you've read it.

Yuki: Yes.

Kyon: Do you have a copy?

Yuki: No.

Kyon: Why is that?

Yuki: Because that would not be possible.

Kyon: But you just said you read it.

Yuki: I am aware of its contents.

Kyon: ...

Later...

Kyon: Okay, so would it be possible to make a copy of its contents?

Yuki: Are you asking for one?

Kyon: Maybe. Let me just ask something. Where is she hiding it?

Yuki: Under her bed.

Kyon: But it's not there. I checked everywhere.

Yuki: Its location is contained within the space beneath her bed.

Kyon: Oh, so it's in an alternate space?

Yuki: Yes.

Kyon: How does she...?

Yuki: It's a phased alternate space, keyed to her particular data.

Kyon: I see.

Later...

Kyon: Would it be a violation of the rules to make a copy?

Yuki: Not for myself.

Kyon: But would I be violating the rules to read it?

Yuki: That would depend on your motivation.

Kyon: What if I were just curious?

Yuki: That would not be a violation.

Kyon: What kind of motivation would be a violation?

Yuki: Disruption, agitation, defamation, extortion... There are also questions of severity. That would not be for me to decide, in any event.

Kyon: How about if I just read the first twenty pages?

Yuki: ...

- x -

- The thick orange moment

Kyon and Koizumi are standing outside the club room, waiting.

Kyon: Haruhi seems fine to me.

Koizumi: That's a relief.

Kyon: I think she's just going through an adjustment period.

Koizumi: Yeah, I guess I should have expected that.

Kyon: I could tell you more, but I suspect you don't want to hear it.

Koizumi: How considerate of you...

Haruhi: (from inside) No! Don't straighten that out! That's perfect.

They hear Haruhi laughing for a few moments.

Yuki: (from inside) You are a sick, twisted bitch! Drop dead!

A few silent moments later, the door slams open and Yuki walks out, trembling.

Koizumi: ...

Kyon: Well said, Miss Nagato.

Koizumi: Shouldn't we...?

Kyon: Don't bother. Nagato won't remember it five minutes from now.

Koizumi: Okay...

- x -

- An imaginary conversation:

Author: Nice outline. Think I'll steal it.

Proofreader: That's fine. I know it's not comedy, but you did say you like romance.

Author: Any other ideas? I'm pretty much done.

Proofreader: We could do that Calvin and Hobbes homage.

Author: Oh yeah. I kind of forgot about that.

Proofreader: I'm not sure how well that would go over.

Author: Why's that?

Proofreader: It'd be kind of lame for Haruhi to turn out to be a figment of Kyon's imagination.

Author: So, you see Haruhi as Hobbes, huh?

Proofreader: Yeah. What? You see Kyon as Hobbes?

Author: Yeah, I just assumed that's what you meant.

Proofreader: Okay.

Author: Don't you think Kyon fits a lot better?

Proofreader: I'm not sure I can see that.

Author: Okay, Hobbes is a lot more affectionate than Kyon, but he is playing with a little kid. But, between Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes is the much more responsible one. Hobbes often has to rescue Calvin from some of his stranger flights of fancy in spite of being a figment of Calvin's imagination. That's basically the joke.

Proofreader: I see. But, you know, that would make for a really weird ending.

Author: How so?

Proofreader: Well, the narrator would either have to vanish at the end or the narrator would have to suddenly admit that he's actually just a figment of Haruhi's imagination.

Author: I don't really see the problem, as far as story mechanics go. It would be interesting, but as far as its effect on the reader, I think we're talking worst-case scenario.

Proofreader: Really?

Author: Think about it. It wouldn't be enough to do just one reveal. You'd really want to do a reveal within a reveal. You find out that Kyon is just a figment of Haruhi's imagination, and by extension her whole world is just a figment of her imagination. In the final reveal, you find out that Haruhi is really just this ugly girl who's been dreaming the whole time.

Proofreader: Yikes. Yeah, I can see where the readers might riot over an ending like that.

Author: I wonder if Tanigawa-sensei ever has thoughts like this?

Proofreader: He's probably hoping no one brings up the ending to Remote Island Syndrome.

Author: I've often thought of writing a parody to that. I'd call it "Remote Island Syndrome II: Electric Boogaloo."

Proofreader: Not one of the prouder works in the Haruhi series.

Author: So, what do you think of the novels?

Proofreader: I think the anime version is really the definitive one, and I don't see them making too many more fans after Disappearance has played out. The characters are just way too boring in the later novels. It's basically a retread after retread of the same old crappy themes.

Author: What else can you do if you aren't going to murder those darlings?

Proofreader: That's what this story really needs. More murder.

Author: I'd be more likely to buy it.

Proofreader: Why buy when you can write it yourself?

Author: Feel free to help out any time.

Proofreader: That's okay. I'm sure you'll get around to using my brilliant outline eventually.

Author: ...


	7. Gamma part 1

Haruhi Soap Opera - The Time Travel Volume

- x -

- Chapter 1: Gamma part 1

I'm uncomfortably conscious of my age, though I've been told many times that I talk like a grumpy old man. It's probably true, too. If you only heard the way I talk and didn't know a thing about my life or my circumstances, you'd probably guess that I was a jaded thirty-nine year old man, staring down the barrel of lifelong debt, ungrateful children, and a looming big four-oh to remind me how mortal I really am. You'd probably guess that Haruhi was one of the bratty children, and not my recently-confessed-to girlfriend. You'd also find it highly unlikely that I'm about the same age as her.

Nevertheless, I'm constantly reminded of my real age by the various quirks that I have, which I've been noticing now thanks to Haruhi pointing them out. I'm pretty lazy, self-absorbed, neglectful of others, and at least a little unpleasant to be around. Lately, I've also begun to notice an annoying habit that I have of having too much confidence in people that I'm simply attracted to. I can't blame this on Haruhi, either. I'm pretty sure I've had this habit for longer than I've known her. I've never thought of it as a life-threatening or world-threatening flaw, although events were about to transpire to show me how wrong that assumption was.

Those quirks aren't what I would call my "true" personality, any more than I would consider Haruhi's bratty nature to be her "true" personality. Getting to know her as well as I have over the past few days, I'm starting to realize that she really talks more like a forty year old woman, just starting to notice how fun life can be when you don't have a lot of responsibilities or weighty expectations, but somehow starting to get a little senile. It's understandable that we might fight a lot, but only in the strangely good-natured way of a loving thirty-nine and forty year old couple.

After about a week of this back-and-forth dramatics, I found myself having a pleasant conversation with Haruhi at my home in front of the television. There was a kind of anticipation in the air, but that was mostly because Haruhi was planning to spend the end of the week in Paris.

"You aren't picking another fight with me, are you?" she asked.

"Why would I do that?" I replied.

"Just checking," she said. "You seem to be in one of those moods again."

"Those moods?" I asked.

"You know," she answered, "where you get it in your head to start talking about otakus and stuff like that."

Haruhi really chafes at the notion of being called an otaku, though it's really pretty obvious that she is. But then, that's one of the chief signs that you really are an otaku. If you have a deep-seated disgust or hatred for perverts, chances are very good that you are one yourself.

"Just thinking about how I'm going to keep busy," I said, which was not even remotely true.

"Well, listen to you," she said. "When did you suddenly become a devotee of the work ethic?"

"Since I suddenly ran out of money over the course of a week," I answered, thinking of all the money I had and how quickly it got spent.

"Sorry," she said, which she didn't even remotely mean. "I guess it isn't easy playing 'my turn to run away' all the time. Maybe next time you won't start a stupid argument with me."

"I don't know what I was thinking," I said. "I think I'll stick to reading."

"That sounds like the Kyon I know," she added.

It then occurred to me that we were the only ones at home. My mother was still working the late shift, and my little sister was over at a friend's house, watching a movie. This seemed like a good opportunity to open the door for a little irresponsible fun. It helped that I was starting to realize that Haruhi wasn't as emotionally vulnerable as I had assumed last week.

"Let me ask you something," I said, "and it isn't about otakus."

"Sure," she answered.

"If you could do anything at all simply by talking about it, what would it be?"

"Whoa, really?"

"Yeah. Anything at all."

"I'd have to think about that. I mean, what more could I want?"

I then realized with some wry amusement that Haruhi really isn't as childish as I assumed.

"Well," I reminded her, "you did tell me once that you wanted to have an interesting life."

"What would you do?" she asked.

"Me?"

"Yeah. If you could do anything just by talking about it."

"Well..." I said, stopping to think for a moment. "I guess I'd start out with something simple, like the ability to bend spoons. That would be cool."

"That sounds kind of boring," she said.

"I mean," I added. "I'd start out simple and work my way up."

"Okay," she answered, "I guess that makes sense."

I should mention at this point that I wasn't trying to be clever or make some kind of witty aspersions. This was just the first thing that came to mind.

I said, "I wouldn't try it out on myself, though. No telling what kind of side effects there are to spoon bending. I think I'd try it out on someone else, first. You know, just to make sure it's safe."

"You are such a scaredy cat," she told me. "I'd just jump right in, myself."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd go right into time traveling. What harm could there be in that?"

Only Haruhi could use reasoning like this. If she had said that I was wrong because, "after all, black is white," I wouldn't be surprised at that, either.

"Other than messing up the past?" I said.

"Oh, I'd mess up the past right away," she said, enthusiastically. "Wouldn't that be interesting?"

"Sounds kind of irresponsible."

"What's the big deal? So, you end up either not existing or you create a whole new world."

"Yeah, I think I'd have a problem with not existing."

"It's not like you'd know you stopped existing. Doesn't really sound that bad."

Honestly, it sounds worse than anything I had ever heard, but I also found it hard to think of a reason why.

"So, you wouldn't care if I stopped existing?" I asked her.

"Why would I?" she answered. "If you stopped existing, I'd have no memory of you."

"Of course," I added, "if I stopped existing, then I wouldn't have gone back in time in the first place."

"Yeah," she softly said, "that's what makes the idea so interesting."

Hearing Haruhi say all this in such detail, I was now pretty certain that I didn't need to worry at all about what was going to fill my free time. It's kind of convenient, in a way, to have this absurd foreshadowing to tell me how to prepare myself for the next big crazy thing that was certain to happen. I didn't truly appreciate how soon it would come, though.

"Are you sure you can't at least stay for dinner?" I asked her, wishing that I could at least get her to stay for five more minutes.

"No," she replied, "I've got to go, soon."

"Well, have fun."

"I'm surprised you aren't trying to do more to stop me."

"Why would I? It's a trip to Paris. You can't turn that down."

"Yeah, but with my dad. What could be less romantic?"

"But it's Paris. You'll be doing lots of touristy stuff, like seeing the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre..."

"I'll be in a hotel room most of the time, being bored."

"You could take a book with you."

"No thanks. I'll just take a stroll if I get really bored."

- x -

I was just thinking that Haruhi was probably well on her way to Paris when I looked up from my reading and noticed Yuki appear in my room.

"Whoa!" I said. "How did you get here?"

"Teleportation," she answered.

"Okay," I said. "Well, nice to see you again."

Yuki then looked at me in a strange way that seemed to suggest that she expected me to transform into a bat and fly away. I keep forgetting that she is an alien, and these little reminders help me stay aware of that.

I asked her, "Is teleportation like destroying yourself in one place and recreating yourself in another place?"

"That is incorrect," she replied. "Teleportation utilizes dimensional transfer to shift from one plane to another."

"Sounds complicated."

"It's computationally expensive."

"You can't just fly around like Koizumi?"

"I could, but then I wouldn't be able to evade my guardians."

I sometimes neglect to remember that Yuki has fellow alien humanoid interfaces that she sometimes calls her "chaperons," although I much prefer the term "guardians," myself. It basically means the same thing, but the connotation is something I'm much more comfortable with. I really hate to think of her as an emotionally vulnerable girl who needs her hand held all the time.

"Oh, right," I said.

She added, "The Data Integration Thought Entity does not usually organize data units in terms of hierarchy."

"Yeah," I said, "you operate more like a gang. I'm surprised at how sloppy your society is."

"Power structures are irrelevant when any one member can destroy others at will."

"That's actually not so different from a human family."

I like to think of her this way, anyway. It helps me to think of her as a person rather than an android with strange abilities.

"I'm glad you came back," I admitted.

"You said that affection is an acceptable condition," she reminded me.

"That's right," I said.

"I was skeptical of that input."

"Yeah, I sometimes doubt it myself."

"I was confused regarding the issue of shared affections and exclusion."

"What do you mean?"

"There was a question of severity."

I know I've said this before, but Yuki has a real talent for compressing a lot of meaning into as few words as possible. With that one short statement, she had said as much as a million poets over the course of their entire lives.

"So," I said, "is it okay between you and Haruhi?"

"I offered my apologies," she answered. "That situation seems to be resolved."

That situation had been something I had expected her to do for a long time, but she had apparently been saving it for a time when it was somehow both the most expected and the most shocking thing for her to say to Haruhi. It had made me feel both strangely satisfied and appalled.

"I missed you," I casually admitted. "I enjoy our conversations."

"Okay," she acknowledged.

"Any particular reason you stopped coming around?" I asked.

"After analysis of your observations," she replied, "I came to the conclusion that my outburst was the result of indignation. The condition had most likely been stimulated by our discussions."

"You really didn't remember what you said to Haruhi?"

"That data was unavailable, and I did not detect any reference data to indicate that it had been deleted. Did Haruhi Suzumiya cause that data to be destroyed?"

"No, it probably just happened naturally."

I know Haruhi didn't become offended. In fact, Haruhi started to realize that I wasn't the only one who might have an objection to her more abusive flights of fancy. I had guessed that Yuki wouldn't remember it at the time, and I was a little annoyed that Koizumi had agreed with me, saying that she would likely suffer from something called "selective amnesia." It was still a little surprising that she didn't actually remember it. Yuki has stated a number of times that she doesn't have a subconscious part of her mind. Either she was starting to develop one, or maybe shocking things like that simply get erased from the mind outright.

"In the future," she continued, "I hope to recognize the signs of that condition and forbid such outbursts."

To summarize, Yuki had vented at Haruhi because Haruhi was behaving like a rotten brat, and Yuki had probably been suffering from depression. Yuki had made a mistake, and she had corrected it. This may sound all very logical and robotic, but this actually tells me that Yuki is very much more human than she was a couple of weeks ago. I think Koizumi would say that a robot would only seek perfection, while a human being would seek to live in harmony, and I'd be forced to agree with that sentiment. Yuki may still be a perfectionist, but even she recognizes that there are limits to what she can handle.

"So, will you return tomorrow?" I asked.

"There is a possibility," she replied. "However, my duties will likely require me to remain on standby."

"Oh, because Haruhi will be in Paris?"

"No. If there is danger, it will be the temporal phenomenon involving you."

I guess I wasn't the only one to pick up on these hints that invariably turn into realities whenever Haruhi mentions them. I think Yuki would call it superstitious for me to say that, but it was nice to think that she apparently leaves the possibility that it's true open.

"Right," I said. "I completely forgot about that."

She then said, "'If you could do anything at all simply by talking about it, what would it be?'"

"You heard that?"

"My duties require it."

"Are you asking me that question?"

"Yes."

I was little mortified that my attempt to prompt something romantic had been noted and verified by Yuki as a source for something she might call a "data stability disturbance." I was grateful, however, that she turned that into a more conversationally-friendly interrogative statement.

"Let's see..." I answered. "I guess if I'm going to be serious, I'd say that I'd want Haruhi to believe in her true powers."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Is that wrong?"

As a comic book fan in my youth, I have to say that this really is my fondest wish. I mean, if I had powers like that, I would love to be conscious of them. It didn't occur to me that a beautiful girl like Haruhi would ever misuse her powers in a serious way, although that seems kind of odd to admit, now that I think about it.

"Whatever the possible outcome of such an event," Yuki answered, "it's not possible as long as she remains within your influence."

"No kidding?" I asked.

"No kidding," she replied.

"So," I concluded, "I can just tell her anything I want, and it won't matter?"

Yuki suddenly had a puzzled expression when I said that, and it occurred to me that she hadn't really thought through what she had said.

"That's actually kind of a relief," I added. "I've been worried that she might start to believe me."

"Is her belief what you truly want?" Yuki asked.

"Yeah, it is," I admitted. "I can't think of anything that would be better than that."

"I see," she answered.

"What?" I asked. "Can you do it?"

"I will consider it," she replied.

- x -

My own initiation into the big craziness of this incident began with a ringing alarm. I slowly realized that it was my alarm clock, seemingly mocking its own purpose by going off in the darkness like in a wintry morning in spite of the fact that it was the middle of spring. I fell to the floor, stubbed my toe, fumbled around toward the sound at my desk until finally finding the damn thing and switching it off.

"Oh man!" I said. "What the heck?"

I slowly returned to my bed and lay back down, just about to succumb to sleep when the nagging voice of my sense of responsibility reminded me that the coming day would be a Thursday, rather than a Sunday, and therefore not a time to indulge in unrestricted sleep.

"Damn it," I said, resolving to fix the errant clock and later give it a stern talking-to about waking people at the wrong time.

I got up again and turned on the light, immediately finding the switch by its familiarity, and blinking in the sudden brightness.

"Why the heck did I...?" I asked myself, suddenly thinking that the alarm going off incorrectly had been my own fault.

I then noticed a piece of paper next to the clock. It read, "Be careful."

"Be careful of what?" I asked it, but it remained stubbornly insistent in only giving me this vague warning.

I sat on my bed, and stretched for a few moments, yawning. I recognized the firm and robotic handwriting of the note and then started to realize that the warning had obviously been written by Yuki, so I surmised that the alarm had been changed by her to now. It was about ten after three in the morning, which I recognized as a time when Yuki sometimes enjoys visiting me, but because she was absent, only suggested something truly sinister was afoot.

"What on Earth is going on?" I complained.

As if in response, the older Mikuru Asahina then appeared in a brief flash of light.

"Oh, I see," I told myself, thinking that this was the event that Yuki had been anticipating. How she had known the exact time was unclear, though. Even now, I wonder about it, but then Yuki probably has more conscious awareness of this event than me and Mikuru put together. It wouldn't surprise me if I found out that Yuki had created this closed space in the first place. Of course, I didn't know it was a closed space until Mikuru told me.

"Oh!" Mikuru softly exclaimed, slowly realizing where she was.

I gestured a welcome to her, and she quickly calmed herself.

She softly added, "I didn't expect to land here."

"I should have known the temporal thing was going to be here," I stated.

"Were you expecting me?" she asked.

"So, are we going to travel to the past?" I continued.

She thought for a moment, but then had an odd look of recognition mixed with confusion.

"Well," she admitted, "I hadn't expected to be escorted, but I guess it would be for the best. You're much more familiar with this time period than I am."

"Maybe it would be better if I let you go alone," I suggested, thinking that if she had expected to go alone, then that would be better for everyone concerned.

"Yes, well..." she said, looking at the floor.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"I'm a little nervous," she admitted. "This is a pretty big opportunity. I don't want to mess it up."

"Is this about that time quake or whatever you called it?" I asked, thinking that there weren't many things that could drag the older Mikuru into this era other than that.

"Right," she said.

I'm not sure what a time quake is, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Haruhi. Given the timing involved, which had always struck me as an odd thing for a time quake to have, it would apparently coincide with a certain baseball game that had been played about four years ago.

"So, should I get dressed?" I asked. "I don't suppose I should walk around in my pajamas."

"Oh, right," she answered. "I'll look the other way while you get dressed."

Mikuru turned around and faced the door. I went to the closet.

"I guess I'll put on my uniform," I said, "or should I not do that?"

"I don't know," she answered. "Whatever you think is best."

"Okay, then," I said. "Uniform it is."

The convenient thing about wearing a school uniform is that it marks you as a participating member of society rather than some random delinquent who might be looking to cause trouble. People might wonder why you're not in school, but then they would just assume that your truancy is someone else's problem and look the other way. It didn't occur to me that I would be in the company of Mikuru, which was at least as good as wearing a uniform for making me seem less threatening and inconspicuous.

"I like you in your uniform," she softly admitted.

"You do, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, it makes you look distinguished."

"I think it looks stupid. It's uncomfortable, too."

"Oh, I don't know. Don't you think it's kind of nice?"

"What?"

"To fit in so well, just from wearing an outfit?"

"Did you wear a uniform when you were younger?"

"I didn't get to until I came here to the past."

I then briefly wondered what was going on again, and had a thought that it was odd how my mother hadn't at least knocked at my door to ask about all the noise.

"So, what are we doing exactly?" I asked.

"We're currently in a closed space of some kind," she replied. "I don't know the details, but it's linked to the time quake from four years ago."

I briefly thought about what it might mean to be in a closed space, and then noticed my shoes sitting near the desk. I know people in less rainy climates usually have this habit of leaving their shoes wherever they feel like, but it was disconcerting for me to see them there rather than near the entrance. It made me realize that this closed space probably only permitted access to this room, and that made me grateful again that Yuki had prepared for this event. I hadn't realized at the time just how well-prepared she was.

"Linked?" I wondered, as I put on my shoes.

"We can bypass it to any time in the past we want," Mikuru explained, "but we're going to have to be quick about it. I mean, we'll need to leave right away."

"You can turn around again," I told her.

"Okay, thanks," she said.

I took out my umbrella and considered for a moment whether I should bring something else while Mikuru turned around again.

"Anything in particular we'll need?" I asked.

"We need to decide what time to travel to," she replied.

"How about twenty years ago?" I suggested.

"Why twenty?"

"It sounds like a nice round figure. Gives us plenty of time to really mess things up good in the present."

"I don't want to create a paradox. Okay, how about ten years?"

"I guess that'll be fine. Yeah, ten years should be good."

It seems weird to admit this now, but it really was just that casual a decision. I don't know whether the time fairy had waved a magic wand and made me think of a number and then made Mikuru think of a number, but it turned out to be a really crucial one.

"I hope we don't bump into anyone we know," she said.

"I hope we don't end up creating the time quake ourselves," I added, only half-serious.

Mikuru then had that odd look of recognition and confusion again, and it made me seriously reconsider whether I should be going with her.

"So, are we doing this or not?" I asked.

"Right," she answered with a strange resolve. "Let's go."

- x -

A moment later, I found myself at the side of a road going by a farm in the middle of a cloudy day. To call it an abrupt change of scenery would be an understatement, so it wasn't surprising that this particular leap in time felt longer than usual. The nearby hill looked familiar, but that was the only thing that looked familiar. At the time, I had a strange urge to find familiar things.

"Do you really not know anything about how the time quake got started?" I asked Mikuru.

"All I know is that it was connected to that closed space," she replied.

"So, if there's any clues, it's something related."

"Right. As long as we don't change anything, we should be able to find it."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to just jump to straight before the event?"

"I don't want to overlook something obvious and then not have time to deal with it."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense."

It still wasn't clear what we were looking for, but then I've never been too clear on how exactly Mikuru operates.

"I also wasn't sure what would happen," she admitted.

"You mean, you were worried that Koizumi was right?" I asked.

"No..." she lied. "Well..."

I began to think about this hill and how I normally always began my morning with a trek up it to the school. Out of habit, I began to walk up, and Mikuru followed.

"I wasn't worried at all that Koizumi might be right," I said. "I mean, the guy is a fruitcake. He may have some insights into Haruhi's true nature, but that's about it."

"Insights?" she said, puzzled.

"Yeah," I answered, "didn't you tell me?"

"Not that I recall..." she said, once again looking confused.

"Oh," I said, realizing that Mikuru is a time traveler. "Oops. I guess you don't always travel the same amount of time from the future."

"I really should obey the in-order policy, but it just isn't always possible."

"Anyway, I think Miss Nagato has the best theory on how Haruhi operates."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Aside from the fact that Yuki is strangely forthcoming in her odd explanations of things, there's the even stranger fact that her explanations have always matched up with my experiences. I've never seriously considered that she might not be completely correct about Haruhi, though it still strikes me as bizarre.

"I think between Koizumi and Miss Nagato," Mikuru admitted, "I'd prefer Koizumi's ideas."

"Wow, really?" I asked.

"I don't really believe Koizumi," she answered, "and I really don't trust him or his organization, but I think I would trust him over Miss Nagato."

I sighed and softly admitted, "That's a really tough pill to swallow."

"You have a preference for Miss Nagato's ideas?" she asked.

"Not in general," I replied, "but about Haruhi she makes a lot of sense. When it comes to Koizumi... Well, his notions of the world start out weird and just get weirder."

"You don't trust him?"

"No. He didn't make a good first impression. The first thing he started talking about was how the world was just a dream of Haruhi's. As if that wasn't bizarre enough, he started talking about the 'Anthropic Principle' and how we all just happened to make a world that suited her."

To merely call Koizumi superstitious would be generous. The fact that even an idiot like me can see through him made what Mikuru was admitting alarming, to say the least.

"I see," she said. "Yeah, this is exactly why I don't trust him, either."

"For a guy who's supposedly so well-educated," I added, "he spouts a lot of irrational nonsense."

"It doesn't surprise me," Mikuru said. "You know how often Miss Suzumiya contradicts herself?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"Well," Mikuru cheerfully explained, "she also just happened to invent the concept behind the TPDD."

The fact that Haruhi could foolishly blunder into discovering secrets of the universe didn't at all surprise me, though it only seemed to confirm my suspicion that there's a kind of amusing but cruel irony at work in all things.

"Isn't that something else?" Mikuru asked.

"Anyway," I said, quickly switching the topic back, "you can kind of understand why I prefer Miss Nagato's version. To her, Haruhi can simply defy the laws of conservation with some unknown ability. As a skeptic, I have to say that it's a much better approach to understanding her."

"So," she concluded, "it's a choice between riding the wind and watching dust blow?"

"What?"

"That's an old saying. Well, in my time it is. The point is, I see Koizumi as someone who rides on Miss Suzumiya's power and Miss Nagato as someone who studies Miss Suzumiya's power. I don't really think either of them has the more complete perspective, although you have to admit that someone who rides the wind probably understands it better."

Leave it to Mikuru to find her preferences in romantic notions of what might look better to an artist. As much as I like Mikuru, she does have a predictable weakness for the aesthetic.

I told her, "I think the old saying that applies is, 'When the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything like a nail.'"

She laughed and admitted, "You may be right."

"Of course, I am," I insisted. "I mean, here we are. This isn't a dream, is it?"

"No," she answered. "This is real."

"And Koizumi said that Haruhi had destroyed and recreated the world," I added. "I'm looking around, and I'm not seeing a destroyed world, here."

I'm not completely sure he actually said that, but it sounded like the kind of thing he would say. I'm pretty sure if I asked him about how a time quake might appear, he would say something like that.

"I think the world is getting ready to get wet," Mikuru abruptly added.

I then noticed that rain was starting to fall, and I took out the umbrella.

"Good thing I thought to bring this."

"Yeah."

- x -

To my disappointment, there was no school, but only some patches of trees that dotted an otherwise grassy hill. The rain was pouring, so I couldn't really make out anything else.

"So," I concluded, "you weren't really raised by your parents?"

"No," Mikuru admitted. "They are affectionate, but they just didn't have the time."

"That's really strange," I said. "Did you come from a wealthy family?"

"I don't know about that," she shyly admitted.

It was rather weird that Mikuru would be embarrassed to be from a wealthy family. If I were from a wealthy family, I think I might be proud of it, though I have to admit that I have no idea why that should inspire pride.

"Oh, hey," Mikuru said, quickly changing the subject. "It's a bus stop."

When we reached the top of the hill, we saw a crossroads and one of those old style covered bus stops. Upon reaching the bus stop, we saw a woman sitting at a bench with a little girl nearby. Mikuru went under the cover and I followed, closing and shaking out my umbrella.

"Hello," Mikuru said to the woman.

"Hello," the woman answered.

"Hello," I said to her.

She turned to me and greeted me. "Hello, young man. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," I added.

The woman and the girl seemed oddly normal in every respect. It was comforting, to think that I might bump into some random nobodies with whom I could relate, even ten years in the past.

"So, are you two lovers?" she asked me.

I smiled for a moment and answered, "No. She's my older sister."

"Older sister?" she said. "Oh, yeah. She does look like the older one, now that I really look."

"Is that your daughter?"

"Yeah, this is my little angel."

"Is she a handful?"

"Not at all. She hardly says a word, really."

"Really?"

Here was something delightfully unusual. I'd never heard of such a child in my life.

"She's extremely well-behaved," the woman added. "Everyone tells me how they wish they had a daughter like her."

"Must be fun," I said, thinking of my own mother.

"Oh, you don't even know," the woman agreed. "I'm a really lousy mother, but I can still somehow get stuff done and take care of her."

"That is unusual," I admitted. "She's a really special little girl."

The woman was probably sick of hearing that, but she just smiled and looked affectionately at her daughter. She then looked back at me, taking notice of my clothes.

"So, are you a high school student?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"What school do you attend?"

"North High."

"North? Never heard of it."

"Yeah, I'm not from around here."

"Is your sister a student?"

"No, she's an office worker. I think she does something like Public Relations."

"Oh, okay."

Somehow, it occurred to me then that I should really cherish life and be very grateful for all the little things that go into it. I was inspired to feel very fatherly in this type of situation, as well.

"Kids are really fragile, emotionally," I said. "You have to be careful looking after them."

"I am," the woman told me. "I don't let this girl out of my sight."

"That's good," I casually added. "There's this girl in my class who's a total spaz, but she still manages to cope. I think it's because she had a good childhood. It's really important to have that foundation."

"Yeah, I agree."

"There's this guy I know, I don't think his parents did a good job raising him. He's still a nice polite guy, he gets good grades, and he's really popular. I don't think he's all that happy, though. You see what I mean?"

"Yeah. That sounds about right. Did your parents raise you well?"

"Well, sort of. My mother did a good job. I can't really complain."

"How about your sister?"

I had an odd moment there, wondering why Mikuru had suddenly gone quiet. It inspired me to make some honest observations.

"I think she turned out all right," I replied. "I can't really say, since we're not that close in age. She's really shy."

"I'm not shy," Mikuru softly stated, her mannerisms contradicting her words.

A bus then pulled up and the doors opened. The woman stood and took the girl's hand.

"Thanks," she told me. "I really appreciate all the encouragement. I was feeling pretty down just now."

"You're welcome," I said, casually dismissing her thanks.

"Were you waiting for the bus?" she asked.

"No," I replied.

"But you did say you don't live around here."

"It's fine. I can walk home."

"Oh, you don't have any money?"

"Flat broke. Don't worry about it, that's okay."

"But you'll need to have money."

"Really. I'm fine."

I would be fine with staying here, even if I had a wallet full of money. It's not like I was going to use it.

"Okay," she said. "Goodbye."

The woman and the girl then got on the bus, and the bus pulled away. I then went and sat at the bench.

"How did you know I worked in Public Relations?" Mikuru asked.

"You do?" I said.

"Yeah."

"Huh. I didn't know. That was just the first thing that popped into my head."

"You really don't have any money?"

"Like I said, I'm flat broke. Plus, I don't know whether my money would be any good in this time period."

"Money is no problem. I have major denominations from earlier this decade."

"Old money?"

"Yeah, older money is pretty standard for a mission to the past."

"I guess that makes sense."

You obviously wouldn't want to try using money minted in the future. That might get you in serious trouble.

"Do you really not have any money?" she asked.

"I don't think so," I answered.

I took out my wallet, then reached into my pockets to see if I had anything. To my surprise, I did find some paper in my front pocket.

"Weird," I said, taking out the paper, and discovering some writing on it.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Another note from Miss Nagato," I replied. "One note from before just said to be careful. This is..."

Mikuru didn't seem to want to hear what it said, but I like to have witnesses whenever I get strange messages in strange circumstances. It would be bad if I forgot what this note said, I think, so that made me all the more willing to read it aloud.

"'It's important that you permit the temporal anomaly. Do not become confused. I apologize for misleading you.'"

Mikuru then asked, "Should I really be hearing this?"

I answered, "It's okay. This is just something she wanted to get off her chest, I think. 'Haruhi Suzumiya was disappointed because she had become desperate for your affection and grieved at the suggestion that you had felt betrayed by your mother. She projected her own inability to consider your data onto you, and became tormented from anticipated derision.'"

"Good heavens..." Mikuru interjected.

I sighed and admitted, "I really had no idea. God, maybe I am oblivious. 'Please do your best. I look forward to our next encounter.'"

"I think you just doubled the number of words I've heard her use in my life," she added. "Is she always like that with you?"

Mikuru was probably dramatically overstating the case, caught up in the melodrama of the letter itself. It had been a somewhat wordy letter though, by Yuki's standards.

"I think this is about as forthcoming as she's ever been," I replied. "She must be really worried."

The letter then disintegrated in my hands.

"That's convenient," I said. "One less thing to worry about."

- x -

When we walked toward town, I began to notice a strange resolve in Mikuru's voice and in the way she was walking. I thought it was because of the letter and this mystery of why the time quake occurred, but I wonder about that now. The more I think about it, the more I realize that this was more like a grim march toward something she considered inevitable but she wasn't sure why. I noticed the change in her pace because I was holding the umbrella and trying to keep rain off of us both.

"Did things work out between you two?" she asked.

"Between who?" I replied.

"I mean, between you and Miss Suzumiya," she said.

"Oh," I answered. "Yeah, things worked out. I have to admit, it was mainly because of you, although it's still in the future for you."

"This is why the in-order policy exists," she explained. "These little memory mismatches can cause all kinds of paradoxes."

This reminded me of what Haruhi and I had talked about, just a little earlier.

"Does a paradox cause something weird?" I asked. "Like a whole new world suddenly appears?"

"I really don't know," she replied. "In theory, what happens is you open up a new time plane. I've never really seen it happen, myself."

I smiled and said, "Really? I would have thought..."

"You think I would risk it?"

"This is something Koizumi would love to talk about."

"Yeah, there's a lot of interest in long-term paradoxes and time planes, but I doubt anyone wants to create more."

"I have to admit I'm kind of curious, especially after Miss Nagato warned us to permit the impending anomaly, whatever that is."

Mikuru seemed a little irritated at this turn in the conversation, and the tone got a little more serious.

"You really know how to complicate things," she said. "I guess I'd better ask, or I'll risk creating a paradox myself."

"About what?" I asked.

"About what I did to help you work things out with Miss Suzumiya."

"You showed me the potential future."

"That's it?"

I seriously thought for a few moments about what had happened, then decided to elaborate.

I said, "Well, I guess the exact timing is a bit of an issue. I had just finished hearing Miss Nagato confess about a fight she'd started. Things were starting to get complicated because of that."

"I see," Mikuru said. "That explains why I didn't know about it. This was something Miss Nagato had been hiding from Miss Suzumiya."

"You have some kind of inside information?" I asked her.

"Yeah..." she admitted, hesitantly. "I got a hold of the unedited version of her diary."

I laughed and remarked, "That must be a heck of an interesting book."

"I have to admit, it is," she said, "but I don't think you'd want to read it."

"Why? Does she trash-talk me a lot?"

"Well, it's more in the way that she writes. I think you'd just be disgusted by it."

"Really?"

"How to put it...? I guess I'd have to say that she writes like she wants to be wondered at, rather than understood."

"Oh. I already knew that."

"So, you've read her diary?"

"Just the first twenty pages."


	8. Gamma part 2

- Chapter 2: Gamma part 2

The older version of Mikuru Asahina is a bit of a mystery to me. I've never learned her true age, and that in itself tells me that she's probably at least twenty-five. I don't think a younger woman who's as confident and as self-assured as she is would be as reluctant to admit her age. At the same time, I can't really think of her as being over thirty. She doesn't look it. So, either they do a great job at cosmetics in the future, or the aging process has been slowed, or maybe that's just a good guess of her real age. I like to think of her as twenty-six or twenty-seven, in any case.

Talking to her, I don't get the feeling she's a twenty-seven year old, however. She seems more to me like a nineteen year old, just starting to realize what she wants to do with her life and bursting with optimism, though strangely audacious or overly cautious at times. If she wasn't from the future, I'd wonder if she'd really consider herself unfortunate to live in a time when ambitious women are often looked down on by the male establishment. She doesn't really strike me as the ambitious type, but it seems to me like the potential for it is there. I certainly sense no masculinity in her nature. Everything about her exudes youthfulness and femininity (or what Haruhi would simply call "moe").

As we sat in a coffee shop, chatting, the rain eventually stopped. Sitting here with her gave me some time reflect on her nature and what her age could be. I think the fact that I was still a little tired from only getting about four hours of sleep was helping me perceive things a little better than usual. It was right at about this time when I had tentatively decided in my mind what her age was, that I noticed she had lulled me into a conversation about what I had talked about with Haruhi, the Monday before last.

"She then told me that she wanted to arrange a romance for Koizumi," I added. "I thought it was kind of weird how that turned out."

"But she did eventually arrange one," Mikuru informed me.

"Really?" I wondered.

"Oh, jeez," she said. "I forgot I'm talking about your future again."

"She didn't set him up with you, did she?" I asked.

"She tried for a while," she replied, "but that isn't what I'm talking about. Well, you'll see."

"Assuming we get out of this situation."

"It's funny how you can have memories of things that are going to happen, but you can't just assume they will happen."

It's moments like this that convince me that Mikuru could be ambitious if she really wanted to be. If it were me, I would just assume that anything I learn about the future really will happen. At that point, the past and the future may as well be the same thing. I have this strange feeling that I do know the future, but I also feel like there's really no point in fighting it. Mikuru seems like someone who knows the future and is resolved not to fight it, but is openly wondering if there really isn't something she can do to change it. With that thought in mind, I decided to prompt some of this feeling from her, if I could.

"What is this situation?" I asked her. "I'm still a little in the dark."

"I know," she said. "I thought something more might happen, but..."

"Something more?" I asked. "Did I miss something?"

The word "more" usually implies that there is already at least one thing. I guess she hadn't given me the news about what that one thing was.

"That woman you spoke to..." she started.

"Right," I prompted.

"You do realize that was Miss Suzumiya's mother, right?" she asked.

I never would have guessed in a thousand years that that anonymous woman had been Haruhi's mother.

"And who that 'special' little girl was?" she added, smiling as she fed my description right back to me.

"Oh, come on," I said, just now realizing that if the woman had been Haruhi's mother, then that would make the girl Haruhi herself.

"Think about it," Mikuru said. "This is ten years in your past."

For a few moments, I still couldn't wrap my head around it. It was just too weird. Then, I began to picture it. Haruhi probably saw her mother and father complaining about something, and noticed how depressed her mother was. She then decided that she would do something to make her mother feel better, and that pretty much explains how I show up out of the blue.

"Okay," I admitted, "I'm ready to freak out now."

"I didn't really want to believe it, either," Mikuru admitted. "But, when I heard her voice, I just knew it was her."

"So," I realized, "this explains why you shut up like that. It kind of put me on the spot, you know."

"I was nervous, okay?"

"I felt obliged to keep talking, just to be polite."

"I have to hand it to you. You were very polite."

"Too polite to introduce myself."

"There wasn't any point in introducing yourself. You're really just strangers."

So, what I had thought was a pointless and random encounter that would probably be forgotten by time had actually turned into a world-changing phenomenon. It made my mind reel a little.

"Did I just mess up the future, there?" I asked.

"I rather doubt it," she answered.

"I mean," I explained, "maybe she was meant to be depressed about something, and now she'll forget about it."

"I'm not really following that," she said.

"I think I have this weird effect on Haruhi. Miss Nagato told me earlier that Haruhi will never really believe in her true powers as long as she's hanging around with me."

"You think she would if you weren't?"

"I get the feeling like Haruhi wants to be less aware of those strange things whenever she's with me. Of course, I always give her advice, and it ends up in her becoming more distant to those weird ambitions."

"More distant? You think her dragging me into the club was more distant than she was?"

"Yeah. In a weird way, her confronting the actual people she said she wanted to meet did make her more distant to the possibility. And, every time I bring up the subject, she convinces herself it isn't true in some new way."

It sounds weird and contradictory, but this is what Haruhi is actually like. Whenever I confront her with the truth of something, it makes her deny it all the more. If I show her the truth of it to her face, she switches into panic mode and starts freaking out until she can find a way to deny it again.

As I was pondering on this, some people walked by our table. I started to realize that we might be dangerously close to creating another phenomenon, if we weren't careful.

"Maybe we shouldn't be talking about this here," I admitted.

"I think you might be right," she agreed.

- x -

From the coffee shop, Mikuru and I eventually strolled along a sidewalk in a park. There was an air of expectation from her that was palpable. It was so obvious that she was thinking that something more would soon happen that I was afraid to ask about it.

"Did you really not notice that was Miss Suzumiya's mother?" she asked, her voice betraying her awareness of the awkward tension in the air.

"Yeah," I answered very casually. "I mean, I had no idea."

"But I thought you said things had worked out between you and Miss Suzumiya," she mildly complained.

Yeah, things had worked out great. Any better and we might become lifelong enemies. Everything I want her to be is at odds with her own expectations, and everything she wants me to be is a physical impossibility. I have to admit that we do have a kind of symbiotic relationship, but only in the sense that she causes a lot of problems and I end up solving them.

"You still haven't met her mother?" Mikuru asked.

"Haruhi avoids the subject a lot," I answered. "My mother bugs her every now and then to set up a meeting, but Haruhi always manages to dodge the subject."

"That seems a little unfair," Mikuru stated. "She's met your mother but you haven't met hers?"

"I have now."

"I don't think this really counts."

"School gets in the way, too."

"Really?"

Not really. I probably could meet her mother, but that would force me to roam outside my territory. I sometimes do venture around town, but I'm not about to wander the suburbs or wherever it is that Haruhi's mother works. In town, I have a lot of favorite places to shop, and when I run out of money, I can always strike up a truly interesting conversation with the local transients. If Haruhi says she wants me to meet her mother, then I'll meet her mother.

"How did you run out of money?" Mikuru asked, trying to fend off the awkwardness that had suddenly returned.

"Haruhi has a lot of issues," I explained. "It always bugs me that she lets things get in the way, and she always feels the need to get really defensive about it."

"So..." Mikuru prompted me, probably wondering where money enters into this equation.

I sighed to think that Mikuru was so naive, and continued, "We ended up running away from each other a lot over the past few days, and that really took a big bite out of my budget. I always feel obliged to pay for it, since I'm always the one who started it or I'm the one who's ignoring her..."

"So you haven't even...?"

"No. I mean, as much as Haruhi talks about wanting to do it, these situations just keeping coming up."

"I'd have thought for sure you'd have kissed her by now."

"Kissed her? No, I mean..."

"Oh..."

It seemed kind of amusing to me that Mikuru had persisted in being so naive about the world. Just how sheltered are people in the future? It made me worried, but maybe this is just Mikuru being herself.

"Well, this is awkward," I admitted. "I mean, this is awkward for me. You have a lot of experience, right?"

"Actually..." she said, frowning.

Once again, I had underestimated how naive Mikuru was, and I was mortified at myself.

"Sorry," I said, "I won't bring it up again."

As Mikuru continued grimacing and looking uncomfortable, I then cast about in my mind for something a little more pleasant to talk about.

"We also went out to eat a lot," I added. "It was really romantic."

"Thank you," she said.

"I thought you might prefer that answer," I remarked.

"I'm glad to hear it," she added.

It started to become obvious to me that I was going to have to be the bad guy in this conversation, and that Mikuru really was interested in the sordid details of my expectations, so I thought of something that had just occurred to me yesterday.

"I think I've worked out how to rendezvous with her, though."

"Yeah?"

"Afternoon at my house. Kick Sister out. I'd have to pick a day I know Mom will be at work."

"I don't think she'd approve."

I had to laugh at that, remembering how my mother had reacted to Haruhi.

"She did give me a really dirty look when I first introduced Haruhi," I agreed. "That was months ago, though."

"Really?" Mikuru asked.

I added, "She then told me, 'Just don't do anything stupid.'"

"Oh jeez," Mikuru complained.

"So," I concluded, "I figure half the neighborhood thinks I'm getting it on with her anyway. No point in trying to bribe some secrecy out of Sister."

Knowing how much my mother likes to stir rumors, and my little sister likes rumors even more, it's not a stretch to think that this is what at least half the neighborhood thinks.

"You've really put a lot of thought into this," Mikuru said.

"It's just for an emergency, though," I explained. "I kind of hope I don't have to resort to this."

"I'm glad you haven't done that with her," she admitted.

"Why?" I asked, half-seriously. "You have a crush on me?"

"I just think it makes you moe."

"Moe? Is that a good thing?"

"It is for you."

It was really strange to hear Mikuru using Haruhi-speak, so I kind of had the impression that there was some subtle mockery going on. I then started to worry about what Mikuru was intending to do.

"You aren't going to have a fight with Haruhi, are you?"

"Are you?"

I sadly stated, "I don't know if Haruhi is really capable of putting up a good fight."

"Really?" she asked, a little surprised.

"Yeah," I casually replied.

"Because," she explained, "in her diary, she talks about beating you up all the time."

I laughed as I tried to picture that. "That's just typical Haruhi," I said. "You should know by now she has a lot of weird fantasies."

"It did make me worry," she admitted.

"About me?"

"Yeah."

"Don't bother."

"But I thought..."

And now we came at last to the subject that makes people shake their heads at me. If only they really understood.

"I think her abusiveness is something that she's really ashamed of," I said. "She wants to change, and I don't think her heart is really in it when we fight."

"This sounds like a problem," Mikuru said with a very serious tone.

"Yeah, it is," I agreed, just as serious. "And, if I were someone wussy like Koizumi, she'd probably kill me at some point."

"Are you saying you can fight back?" she actually asked.

I smiled and answered, "You see? This is the thing about martial arts. I know it's cliche, but martial arts is mainly about avoiding fights. You don't just stand around, hoping a fight doesn't happen, though. You have to be ready to pounce when the situation demands it."

"You don't really strike me as the type," Mikuru admitted.

"I'm not," I added, "but I do have a lot of experience."

"Doesn't that put you at a disadvantage?" she asked. "I mean, Miss Suzumiya stays really fit."

I suddenly pictured Haruhi as obese again, and I couldn't handle it. That was an image that was going to haunt me forever.

"What?" Mikuru asked.

"It's nothing," I dismissed the thought. "Yeah, she stays fit, but her idea of martial arts is all messed up."

"In what way?"

"In every way. She leaps when she should just shuffle, she guards too high, her stance is too backward. She leaves a lot of openings."

"You sound like you've fought her already."

"She got it into her head to try out some of her karate on me, the other day. I was a little worried, to be honest, but then she actually attacked. I couldn't stop laughing. She's obviously never been in a serious fight."

"You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"I told you, don't worry. If anything, you should be worried about her. She doesn't like it when someone can just dodge and duck and slap away her attacks, but what could she do? She's ten years too inexperienced to beat me. Maybe if she took a shotgun and shot me in the back..."

It suddenly occurred to me that Haruhi might actually do that if things reached a certain level, but I seriously don't expect to have to deal with a truly furious Haruhi.

"Okay," Mikuru said. "Well, I'm relieved to hear it."

"She did give me a scare," I admitted, "but that was because she got outraged and charged me. I landed on my heels and had to twist to avoid getting head-butted. We fell to the floor, and I knocked the wind out of her."

That was a scary moment. No question about it. I don't think Haruhi knew how close she came to getting a serious fracture or maybe even getting paralyzed.

"Where did all this experience come from?" Mikuru casually asked me.

"I never told you about when I was young?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

I then answered, "I got in a lot of fights when I was in elementary school. That place was like a war zone at times. I mostly got beat a lot, but then I started to learn a lot because of that."

"That's kind of scary."

"It was scary at first, but then I got used to it. By the time I was in the fifth grade, no one messed with me. Well, there was this one guy who thought he could take me. He was a real mean bastard, but I always managed to avoid him or knock him down before he could get serious. He then decided to try and kill me for real, but that was a mistake."

"What happened?"

"I really don't know. Everything got kind of hazy at that point. I just started to fight, and the next thing I knew, my knuckles were all bloody. The poor kid had to go to the hospital. That was scary. I think I might be the kind of person you really don't want to push too far."

"I hope that turned out all right."

I then realized that this happy memory for me was more like a traumatic incident for anyone else to hear about it.

"Oh, yeah," I added, smiling warmly at her. "I mean, we became good friends after that. I just spoke to him the other day when Haruhi and I visited my old hometown."

Mikuru sighed and said, "Maybe I should be worried about Miss Suzumiya."

"You think so?"

"No, not really."

To me, life is full of these little trials that test your character. I guess it never occurred to me that not everyone goes through stuff like this when they're young. That might explain why I always get a little annoyed at people.

"After that incident," I added, "I realized how much I hated fighting at school. It really scares me, to think of what could happen."

"Don't make me worry about you," Mikuru complained.

This sounded like the kind of thing an actual older sister might say, and I wondered how this conversation had reached this tone. It reminded me of that determined look on her face when we had entered the park, and I wondered again where that had come from.

"Aren't we finished here?" I asked. "I mean, I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary."

"I think we might have solved the problem," she answered, sounding a little disappointed.

"What?" I asked. "You mean, with Haruhi's mother?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I think that maybe you were meant to meet her and help her past whatever that problem was that just came up. This should give her the confidence she needs to help be a better mother, and will maybe change the situation that caused the time quake in the first place."

"That's a lot of vagueness," I noticed.

"You can't really be precise when dealing with people," she explained. "A lot of things can go wrong."

"So, what now?"

"I think it might be a good time to go see a baseball game."

"You mean, that one?"

"Yeah."

- x -

I could understand how Mikuru might get a little nervous about going too far forward in time and then not being able to come back, but I doubted we really needed to see the infamous baseball game. We didn't even buy a ticket or anything. We just suddenly appeared on a walkway near the top of the stadium. I was a little surprised that no one noticed, at first, but then people generally are distracted by the game itself.

I was curious to see if I could spot Haruhi, and I spent a few moments looking around at the massive crowd.

"I don't see her anywhere," I said.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised," Mikuru said. "This is a pretty good crowd."

"You get crowds like this in the future?"

"Not for sporting events."

"Sorry. I forgot I shouldn't ask."

"It's okay. I'm pretty sure you won't change the future too much if I do admit something I shouldn't."

Sadly, I have to agree with that. It's rare that I encounter a chance to change the future, and it usually does only change things in a subtle way.

I observed, "It's funny how being in a crowd gives you so much anonymity. Even if someone does overhear what you say, it's no big deal."

"Even so," she warned, "maybe we should be careful."

"Okay," I said.

I briefly wondered whether a baseball game would be a good way to spot changes in the future, but then I realized that baseball games are very well-documented. It was probably trivial for Mikuru to recall statistics and game incidents that might mark subtle changes from one time plane to another. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that we did come here.

"You're pretty close with Miss Nagato, right?" she asked.

"I suppose," I replied.

"You're friends?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"I notice you don't call her 'Yuki.'"

I sighed and admitted, "Yeah, I feel like I need some space between us."

"I thought you were just being polite," Mikuru said.

"I am," I said, "but there's a bit more going on than just that."

"Because she really strikes me as the kind of person who'd appreciate that."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

I suddenly felt a flood of resolution pouring into me on this issue, and I found it trivial to change my mind.

"I wish we had sporting events like this," Mikuru complained.

"Too primitive and barbaric for you civilized types?" I guessed.

"No," she casually answered. "It's just way too expensive."

I have to admit that her answer was perplexing. For people who could time travel, it seemed really strange to think that they might complain about anything being too expensive.

- x -

We then traveled forward in time again, and went back to the park to be more safely anonymous. Mikuru seemed positive that whatever she had expected to happen was not going to happen, so we sat at a bench and just waited while she continued to check for that thing she expected to not happen.

"So, are we done yet?" I asked.

"We should be pretty close to the time of the time quake," she said, glancing at something invisible on her wrist.

I was relieved to hear this, and I was just starting to think that I could relax and not worry about the situation.

"It's really hard to tell because we could never get this close, before," Mikuru added.

"How long has it been?" I asked.

"Since when?"

"I mean, in real time for us?"

"I'm not sure. About an hour, maybe?"

"I'm really tired."

"Oh. I forgot you were asleep right before we left."

"I don't think I could sleep, but I am really tired."

"Hang in there. It's almost finished."

Getting this tired was making me wax philosophical. I always annoy people when I do this, but it's like a reflex.

"People always do their best right at the finish," I noticed.

"Yeah, well not just people," Mikuru added. "That applies to pretty much all living things."

"Really?" I asked, wondering how that could apply to birds or trees.

"Yeah. You see that all the time. Why else do you think deadlines exist?"

"A deadline would seem like an alien concept for a time traveler."

"You'd think that, but it's actually even more stressful. I'd hate to think I was missing the event."

"How could you tell if it went by?"

"My TPDD. If I suddenly can't get a fix on the past, then I'll know."

"What if we succeeded?"

"Maybe I'll know in another five minutes."

It was very comforting to think that Mikuru was ready to pounce on whatever was about to happen, because I just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep through it. This conversation had started to lull me to sleep, too.

"Crap," I said. "I almost fell asleep there."

"You don't need to stay awake," she said, smirking at me.

"Don't tell me that," I said, slapping myself lightly in the face.

"I wish we had Miss Nagato here," she added.

"She'd know for sure," I remarked, "but I guess we can't rely on her all the time."

"I don't think she'd have a clue what we're trying to do," she admitted, oddly.

As I wondered exactly why Mikuru had wished that Yuki were here, I noticed how Mikuru kept checking her wrist and looking around. If something was going to happen, it surely wouldn't be in a park, would it? When I thought about it that way, I suddenly had the urge to be fully alert. It seemed important to keep an eye out, if for no other reason than to watch out for that temporal anomaly that Yuki had warned me about.

"You're not going to be ready for school when we get back," she said.

"I always sleep through classes," I casually admitted. "It's no big deal."

"You're such a delinquent," she said, and I was surprised that I expected her to say that.

"I know," I answered. "Isn't it terrible?"

"Doesn't Miss Suzumiya usually wake you?"

"Yeah, usually. She's on a trip to France, though."

"Oh, is this when she went to Paris?"

"Yeah. She should be there by evening."

Mikuru had a strange look on her face when I said that. I think she was starting to experience this weird deja vu that I was feeling.

"Why?" I asked. "Is that included in the unedited version of Haruhi's diary?"

"I have to admit," she said, "I was mainly interested for the story of that time."

"So, can you talk about it?" I asked.

She blushed to the ears and said, "You've got to be kidding."

"Whoa," I said, getting interested in this story. "It's that good? So, she has a romantic encounter, huh?"

"You could say that," she softly admitted.

I half-seriously complained, "Jeez. We're barely together a week and she's already cheating on me."

"You don't need to worry," Mikuru assured me.

"What?"

"Unless you think a dream is something to be jealous about."

"Oh... I should have known it was something like that."

Of course, whenever Haruhi has a "dream," I always have the sneaking suspicion that it's actually something weird that really happened, which of course is something so weird that she can't admit to herself that it actually did happen. Since it's something weird, I can't eliminate the possibility that she would cheat on me, though being jealous of her does make me feel guilty, somehow.

"I'm jealous, though," Mikuru admitted. "I mean, she did nothing to deserve it, but she's off having the time of her life in Paris."

"She didn't need to earn it," I explained, a little annoyed that Mikuru would complain about something so trivial. "Her dad just dragged her along because they booked him an extra room. Rather than let it go to waste, he invited Haruhi to go with him."

"And left his wife?" she asked.

"Well," I added, "he invited her too, but Haruhi said that her mother really hates to fly. It is basically a whole day worth of flying."

"It's so irritating," Mikuru complained. "I never get to go to Paris."

"Never?" I asked, thinking that time traveling would make traveling to other places a pretty trivial task.

"You mind if I ask you something personal?" Mikuru suddenly asked out of the blue.

"Go ahead," I answered, happy to keep myself mentally alert with sudden questions.

"Was there a time when you were in love with Miss Nagato?" she asked me.

Yes, there was, I thought. This was not something I wanted to admit openly, though. I think my mixed emotions were showing on my face, because she smiled and nodded her head.

"I'm really glad I eventually rescue you from that," she said.

"What?" I asked, again half-serious. "Are you saying you have a thing for me?"

"I just think it's better this way," she explained.

"Why's that?" I asked, but I already knew what she was going to say, and not because of any deja vu.

"I admire Miss Suzumiya," she said. "I may have hated her when I was younger, but I'm starting to come around to her way of thinking."

"Really?" I asked, thinking it unlikely that she really hated Haruhi at one point.

"She cooks and cleans," Mikuru explained. "She takes care of the household chores. She takes the time to make some strange friends. She stays on top of her studying. She never gets in trouble. She may have career problems, but I doubt that's really her fault."

The wistful way that Mikuru said all this made me realize that maybe Mikuru's ambition was to become something like a housewife, and to live what I would consider a completely normal life. I have to admit that I can empathize with that feeling.

"At least she isn't a penny-pinching tycoon," I added, keeping the conversation interesting.

"What on Earth?" Mikuru said in alarm.

"Nothing," I replied, gesturing for Mikuru to calm down.

"She does talk a lot about money, though," she observed. "Oh well. Nobody's perfect."

A moment later, I realized that I had dozed off, and I bolted awake. I then noticed younger Mikuru had appeared nearby, and I pointed her out.

"Whoa!" I said. "What the?"

"What's going on here?" younger Mikuru asked. "Is this really the time just before the time quake?"

"What are you doing here?" older Mikuru asked her, suddenly alarmed for some reason.

"Hey..." I said, about to mention something about meeting yourself in the past.

"This can't be right," older Mikuru complained. "What is going on?"

"Hold on!" I said, thinking of Yuki's note. "I think this is the temporal anomaly."

"The what?" younger Mikuru said.

"I think you may be right," older Mikuru softly admitted.

"Who sent you here?" I asked the younger Mikuru.

"Miss Nagato," she answered.

"I see," I said. "So, this is what she meant."

"Kyon, you aren't supposed to meet yourself," older Mikuru complained. "That's the first rule of time traveling."

"Oh no..." younger Mikuru said.

"What do we do?" older Mikuru asked me.

"You don't have a memory of this happening?" I asked her.

"This does seem strangely familiar," she admitted, but still very confused.

"Well," I stated, "I doubt younger Miss Asahina has met you."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" younger Mikuru asked me. "We're the same person."

"Obviously," I said. "But since this is your first encounter, I say you should shake hands and introduce yourselves."

"Why should...?" older Mikuru started to ask, but then cut herself off.

"It's important," I explained, somehow positive that this needed to happen.

Older Mikuru sighed and said, "Okay. I just hope nothing weird happens."

The older Mikuru then stood up and held out her hand to younger Mikuru.

"Nice to meet you," she said.

Younger Mikuru looked at me uncertainly a few times, then hesitantly reached for older Mikuru. They then shook hands.

"Wow!" I said. "That is so cool."

It isn't everyday that you get to see a weird temporal paradox in such an ordinary-looking situation. The thought of it made my mind reel at the implications.

"Okay," older Mikuru demanded, "what the heck are we doing?"

"Well," I explained, "since you're the same person, there's no problem in you meeting yourself. As long as you don't do something crazy, I don't see the problem."

"I'm sorry," younger Mikuru complained, "but this is really freaking me out."

Older Mikuru then warned, "I think there's a real risk that we'll make something disastrous happen if we keep talking about this."

"Yeah," I agreed, "let's get back to my time. Let's all go together, and then you two can go back where you came from."

- x -

We then suddenly appeared in front of my house in the darkness of the middle of the night. Once we checked that we were all safely back in my time, younger Mikuru immediately decided to go.

"I'll be going, now," she said, vanishing in a flash, a moment later.

"Well, that was an adventure," older Mikuru commented.

"Is this the right time?" I asked her.

"This is right after that closed space disappeared," she said, reminding me about that strange closed space in my bedroom.

"Okay," I said. "I guess this is for the best."

"I hope so," she added.

"Is the time quake still there?" I asked her.

"I forgot to check," she said, looking at her wrist for a moment. "I think we fixed it."

"That's a relief," I said. "Well, I guess this is good night."

"Good night," she answered.

I then turned and headed toward the door, then took a look back. I noticed Mikuru was showing some frustration, so I went back to her.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Well," she replied, "the time quake is gone, but now I can't seem to get a signal on the future."

"I knew it was too easy," I softly complained.

"Oh, come on!" she said. "Maybe this thing is broken."

"You going to be okay?" I asked.

"I hope so," she said again.

For a time traveler to keep expressing uncertainty about the future was very disconcerting. This is the danger of being a time traveler. If you make a mistake, there might not be a future waiting for you. Of course, that basically applies to everyone.

"Could I ask a huge favor?" she asked, and I immediately perceived that she wanted to come in and collect herself.

"Come on in," I said.

"Thanks," she answered.

- x -

We silently went up to my bedroom again, and Mikuru had a start at the sight of Yuki, who was standing there in the darkness. I then turned on the light.

"Hey, Yuki," I said. "Were you waiting for me?"

"I was instructed to direct the two Mikuru Asahinas to their destinations," she replied.

"Who told you to do that?" I asked her.

"You did."

"Me?"

"I surmised that your situation will demand that you create a data paradox. This paradox somehow resolved the past difficulties."

"How did I do that?"

"You will convey this intention in the form of written data. To avoid a further paradox, you will instruct me to destroy that letter."

By this, I assumed she meant that I should prepare to do all this, because this was something I was meant to do.

"Okay," I said. "So, I tell you to bring the younger Miss Asahina to the closed space to travel back to the time just before the time quake."

"Correct," she answered. "You will also instruct me to include the older Mikuru Asahina in my base of operations until you can clear the future temporal rift."

"Right," I said. "That makes sense."

"I don't know about this," Mikuru warned.

"Well, you can't stay here," I told her. "Somehow, I doubt hanging around in the park is a good idea, either. I don't know how long you're going to be stuck here."

Mikuru sighed and said, "Well, if you say so."

I turned to Yuki and asked, "Is this okay? I hope I'm not imposing on you."

"This is well within my capabilities," she answered.

"No," I said, "I mean if you have any personal objections."

"No," she replied, strangely obliging to all this weirdness, but then that wasn't exactly unusual for her.


	9. Gamma part 3

- Chapter 3: Gamma part 3

Later that afternoon, I heard younger Mikuru complaining about something with Koizumi in the club room. When I entered, I found her sitting next to Koizumi, while he played a board game with Yuki.

Playing games with Yuki is fun, but I sometimes get the impression that she tries to lose on purpose. There are also times when I notice her tendency toward bluffing when we play card games, and I often wonder if she uses that skill in other things, though I've never actually caught her doing it. This whole situation had the same feel to it, but at the same time, I can't think of anything specific that she said or did that was misleading.

While I'm on that subject, I did worry about her confession in that note. It started me to thinking that Yuki was avoiding me for some strange reason. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was a feeling of desperation in the note that seemed a little out-of-character for her. I'm sure there are plans within plans turning in her mind, so it's probably for the best.

"Hey everybody," I said, as I entered the club room.

"Hello," Koizumi said.

"So," I immediately said to Mikuru, "I take it you found out about the temporal rift in the future?"

"That's right," Koizumi answered. "Miss Asahina and I were just discussing that. This all seems rather familiar."

"It isn't a time loop again, is it?" I asked.

"Somehow," he replied, "I doubt this is really a looping phenomenon."

"Miss Asahina," I asked, "is it still possible to travel to the distant past?"

"Still?" she asked, turning away for a few moments. "How did you...?"

"Okay," I said. "Good. I guess that means I didn't dream all that weird stuff last night."

"So, what's the plan?" Koizumi asked, apparently sensing that I was prepared to deliver one.

"First," I replied, "let's take care of the problem from last night, then we can worry about what to do in the future."

"Great," he said. "Because I honestly have no idea what's going on here."

"Last night," I explained, "a special closed space appeared in my bedroom at around three in the morning. This space permitted access to the past previous to the time quake from four years ago."

"In your bedroom?" he wondered.

"Don't ask me why," I said. "I have no idea."

"So," Mikuru said, "you want me to travel back to then? Are you coming with me?"

"No," I answered, taking out a sealed envelope and giving it to her. "What I'd like you to do is deliver this to Yuki, at about that time. Actually, deliver it a little earlier. I guess about an hour should be fine. So, take this to her apartment at about two in the morning."

"So, those contain instructions?" Koizumi guessed.

"Right," I said. I then added to Mikuru, "But don't open it. Just do whatever Yuki tells you to do."

"Got it," she said.

"Any questions?" I asked.

"Yeah," Koizumi said, "is this related to last week's incidents?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "Miss Asahina, do you have any questions?"

"No," she replied, "I think I'll just ask about this later. Actually, maybe it's better that I don't know all that much."

"Miss Nagato, is this really what happened last night?" Koizumi asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"So," he asked, "would it be okay for you to verify all this? I don't think we want to mess something up."

"I cannot go into detail," she answered.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"There is a chance that input would create a causality feedback loop in the temporal data stream," she explained.

"Oh, right," he said. "I should have known that."

Yuki's explanation sounded like gibberish to me, and I honestly think that she was just throwing him off the real trail, whatever that was. Yuki doesn't always tell him the truth, and I think that's a good thing. Given the situation, it's not really surprising that she would do that.

"I do have one question," Mikuru said.

"Yeah, what is it?" I asked.

"Are you and Miss Nagato...?" she asked, apparently picking up on the fact that I was calling her by her given name.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said. "Never mind." She then left the room.

"I'm glad that things have been straightened out between you two," Koizumi casually stated.

"I wouldn't say that," I told him.

"Well," he said, "this is just my opinion."

Koizumi does have this strange fixation on the proper use of names, although I'm not completely sure what that means. I'm pretty sure he thinks that I've been holding myself back out of a false modesty toward Yuki, and he's probably right about that.

I turned to Yuki and said, "I just want to make it clear that I don't hold anything against you."

"Okay," she said.

"Is it really okay?" I asked, wondering about that strange tone of desperation in the letter.

"Really," Yuki answered. "You should focus on your conflicts with Haruhi Suzumiya."

"That was why you made it clear what had been happening last week?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied.

"I'm glad I was worried over nothing," I said.

"Very good," Koizumi said. "Now, can we talk about what happened last night?"

"I'm not sure I'm the right one to ask," I said.

She explained, "There were a few minor fluctuations in the temporal stream. There was no cause for alarm."

"Can you tell me why the temporal anomaly occurred?" he asked. "I mean, the one from four years ago."

Yuki looked at me, and I said, "I have no idea."

"Would it be permissible for me to explain?" she asked.

"Oh, so..." I said, trying to think of why she would ask me that.

Koizumi apparently had guessed the reason, because he appeared to be frowning and about to make some objection.

I told him, "It's probably best if we hear Yuki's explanation, but try not to take it personally."

Yuki then said, "The Mikuru Asahina from the more distant future has a reputation to protect. If that were undermined by my data, it would create an even larger paradox."

"I see," Koizumi said. "So, that temporal phenomenon was her fault."

"Exactly," Yuki added.

"I don't see how that can be true," I said. "I mean, we had a paradox."

"That's right," Koizumi said. "And because that paradox distracted her, she wasn't able to do whatever it was that caused the time quake in the first place."

"Okay," I said. "So, it's probably better that we don't say anything else."

"I won't gloat," he said, "if that's what you're worried about. I find this situation to be serious. No offense, but I am alarmed."

"I understand why Mikuru Asahina acted as she did," Yuki added. "I am experiencing similar data."

Yuki's suggestion was actually the first hint I had of what had really happened before the paradox came along. It seemed strange, and I didn't want to think about it, but it made the most sense.

"And that doesn't alarm you?" Koizumi asked her.

Yuki told me, "There are problems of a more serious nature that I anticipate, once Haruhi Suzumiya has begun to assimilate more of your nature."

"Is there anything we can do to prevent it?" I asked.

"You can rescind your willingness to make Haruhi Suzumiya aware of her true powers," she replied.

"Is it that dangerous?" I asked.

She answered, "I have arranged for a demonstration, but that will not be necessary if I can persuade you now to change your intentions."

"You want Miss Suzumiya to be conscious of her powers?" Koizumi asked.

"Something wrong with that?" I asked him.

"I know I said that you can trust her," he answered, "but I didn't mean you can trust her that much."

"So, this is an issue of trust," I said. "Are you saying you can trust her subconscious more than her conscious mind?"

"I think," he replied, "so far, her subconscious mind has shown better judgment."

"I can't just keep her in the dark," I said, "but I do see your point."

"So..." he prompted, thinking obviously that I should change my mind.

I then said to Yuki, "If all you intend to do about what I said is a simple demonstration, then I'm all for it. All the more so because it won't be permanent, right?"

"Right," she answered.

"So, we'll try this out," I concluded. "If she doesn't destroy us, then we can call it a successful experiment."

"Whether we are safe depends on you," she said. "I trust you, but there are others who do not."

"My motto is 'go with the flow,'" he added, "but many in my organization would do anything in their power to stop such a demonstration."

"So, can you keep it secret?" I asked him.

"That depends on how long I'll need to keep it secret," he replied.

"Until morning," Yuki supplied.

"Okay," Koizumi said. "That should be fine. But, once morning comes, you can bet there'll be a huge uproar."

An uproar from Koizumi's organization would actually be a good thing, considering they haven't had anything to do for the past few days. They really should be thanking me.

"Anyway," I said, changing the subject, "I don't think that has anything to do with the future temporal thing."

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"Well, think about it," I replied. "The older Miss Asahina showed up in my room, talking about finding out about the time quake. We go to the past and fix that, though I can understand how we might have caused it in the first place."

"That should have been your first thought," he added.

"It did occur to me," I said, "but Miss Asahina said that there wasn't enough time to just stand around talking about it. We come back five minutes later, and suddenly there's no way to get back to the future. You can't tell me that that's just a coincidence."

"So, the two temporal phenomena are related?" he asked.

"Obviously," I answered.

"Miss Nagato, is what Kyon's saying true?" he asked her.

I think Yuki was itching to answer that question, but she only glanced at me and went back to the board game.

"You know what's going on, right?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied. "That's why I can't comment."

"I think my mind is tied up in knots," Koizumi complained. "Let me know if you guys ever get this stuff sorted out."

Koizumi then left the room.

"You're still in love with me?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied.

"Why did you put that note in my pocket?"

"I determined that your affections were held exclusively in Haruhi Suzumiya's favor. There was no longer any purpose in keeping it secret."

"Because I want her to be conscious of her true powers?"

"Yes."

"Is that wish what's really causing all this temporal phenomena?"

From the way Yuki wasn't answering, I assumed the answer was yes. With Haruhi conscious of her power, there was a strong likelihood that she would use it to create her own paradox, and that's where the rift and the time quake actually came from. It made me briefly wonder whether I was doing the right thing.

"What would happen if I didn't want Haruhi to believe in her powers?" I asked.

"That would probably create an even greater paradox," she admitted.

"Yeah," I said. "I get the feeling I never would have met her if that were true."

A lot of things had happened over the past six months or so because I basically wanted to turn Haruhi into a kind of comic book hero. Everything was starting to make a lot of sense, and I was starting to feel like a kid with his hand caught in a cookie jar.

"There are a great many things that might have happened in various circumstances," Yuki added.

"This demonstration you're planning to conduct is meant to teach me that I'm wrong?" I asked.

She replied, "The demonstration will more clearly show you the consequences of your wish."

"You couldn't just show me the potential future?"

"My local memory would not survive such an incident, and I cannot trust Mikuru Asahina to carry out that task."

"So, you really do want me to see what would happen. This isn't just something we can talk about, right?"

"As Itsuki Koizumi would say, words are just inadequate to describe some things."

"Okay."

Yuki then looked at me and smirked for a moment. She then said, "Additionally, this is partly because I desire it."

"You're still mad at me?" I guessed.

"No," she answered. "This is..."

I frowned as I pondered on what could cause Yuki to have so much trouble finding the right way to say it.

"I want you to end your conflicts with Haruhi Suzumiya," she finally admitted.

"Okay," I said. "I promise."

"Thank you," she added.

"Is the older Miss Asahina still at your apartment?"

"Yes."

"Would it be okay if I came over?"

"It's okay."

- x -

I didn't feel obliged to come over to Yuki's right away. In fact, I was reading at home in the living room, contemplating not going over to Yuki's at all when my phone rang. My little sister, who was watching TV, unnecessarily alerted me to it.

"Hey Kyon, phone," she said.

I took out my phone and saw that Haruhi was apparently calling, so I answered, "Hey. You're early."

"I just reached the hotel," she said.

"Okay," I said.

"I'm so bored!" she complained. "I'm exhausted, but I've got to go somewhere or I'll lose my mind. I'll talk to you later."

"Later."

"Hey, what time is it there?"

"It's pretty close to five."

"Okay, thanks."

"What time is it there?"

"It's still morning. Jeez, didn't you study geography?"

"Sorry. I guess I'm a little rusty on time zones."

"Later."

I put away my phone again and was about to resume reading when the phone rang again.

I answered, "Yeah?"

Mikuru's voice came through the phone, "Hey Kyon. How are you doing?"

I just assumed this was the older Mikuru, since younger Mikuru doesn't normally bother me.

"I'm fine," I replied. "How are you?"

"I'm great," she said. "Thanks."

"So, what are you calling about?" I asked.

"Well," she replied, "I'm sitting in a certain coffee shop, and I thought I'd invite you here. You asked Miss Nagato about me, right?"

I assumed she meant the coffee shop near the train station and answered, "Yeah."

"I want to treat you, to make up for earlier."

"Okay, I'll be right there."

"See you."

- x -

At the coffee shop, I had some time to think about everything that had gone wrong in whatever time planes that had existed before, and I came to the conclusion that everything was mostly my own fault, though I hadn't yet seen how my hasty decisions had actually made anything go wrong just yet.

"I'm glad the problem wasn't Haruhi," I concluded.

"Jeez," Mikuru complained, "you're going to torment me, aren't you?"

"No," I answered. "The truth is, that situation was really as much my fault."

"That's right," she said. "You kept giving me all that personal information about yourself. What am I supposed to do?"

That part hadn't really occurred to me, so it looked like it was really more my fault than anyone else's.

"Sorry," I said. Just to keep things going, I added, "Haruhi is in Paris right now."

"Yeah, you told me," she reminded me.

"I guess I just do this kind of thing without thinking," I admitted.

"What?"

"Torment people."

"You don't torment me."

This immediate denial seemed like something Haruhi would say, so I observed, "I think Haruhi is starting to rub off on you."

"Can we not talk about Miss Suzumiya?" she complained.

"Okay," I answered.

"This paradox has really got me baffled," she added.

There seemed to be a weird kind of sense in what she had told me earlier, what with time planes and all that. I guess she was starting to have doubts about it all.

"Why?" I asked her.

"Well," she explained, "I lived with that time quake for almost all my life. It's all I ever knew."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And now... Come on! It's like it only existed for a few years. I don't have a memory of this short version."

"I can see how that might be disconcerting."

"No kidding. I mean, I always knew there was a possibility of something like this happening, but..."

It then occurred to me that the difference between theory and reality was usually as different as day and night, so this kind of reaction on Mikuru's part shouldn't be surprising. She was facing some real possibilities that were perplexing, and she didn't have the tools to deal with it. It's only natural that she would be confused. I have to admit, I'm still a little confused even after Yuki later explained it to me. How much more so, someone who's been avoiding the issue of paradoxes for so long?

"Maybe it's a good thing," I offered.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean, maybe having two of you means the paradox is still real."

"Is there another you out there?"

"I don't think so."

"What's the younger me going to be like? I have no idea. Not having a barrier to the past means so many more things are possible for her than me. It's like a door to a whole new world opened up. What'll happen to me?"

"I really don't know. Maybe you'll just disappear like you never existed."

"What?"

"I know it sounds cruel, but maybe things like this happen all the time. Maybe it's already happened to me. And, it's not like you'd suddenly know that you didn't exist. No one would remember you, so... I don't know. Maybe it's not such a bad thing."

"You wouldn't remember me?"

"I'm pretty sure I would, so maybe that means you won't disappear."

I think there's only so much absurdity you can absorb before it finally flies in your face. This was Koizumi territory I was starting to enter.

She smiled and said, "You have a really strange mind."

"I agree," I said.

I have this image of myself as a pretty normal person, though I'm starting to doubt it's true. If it weren't for Yuki telling me strange things about my psyche, I'd be content to think I was perfectly predictable. Actually, when I was younger, I always found it annoying that I was so predictable. At one point, I think my mother would often tell me that she could set the clock by when I would say certain things or by when I might do things. After coming to the city, things started to spin out of control, and though I still loved the idea of weird things happening to me, the weirdness in my mind started to grow to the extent that I became conscious of just how weird I was starting to become in my own thoughts. It suddenly made me want to seem completely normal, though I guess my mind just kept on becoming more and more strange in some subtle way. I don't really see it, but I can't really deny it, either.

"I'd really prefer to have two sets of contradictory memories than this," she complained.

"Well," I said, "I have no memory of what would have happened had the paradox not occurred."

"Yeah," she admitted, "that's what's scary."

"Not knowing what would have happened?"

"I mean, what's scary is that I think I know what would have happened."

"What?"

"You really need to ask?"

"No."

I have a pretty good idea what happened, and it's honestly something that I had always dreamed about, though I don't think these circumstances were what I had in mind. Somehow, the thought of a dangerous romantic encounter was a huge turn on, but it's the kind of turn on that always makes me feel disgusted with myself. It's hard to imagine how I'd feel about it if I actually gave in to that kind of impulse.

"Maybe the you that did that is the one that disappeared," I suggested. "Maybe that's what the time rift in the future means."

"I hope you're right," she said. "If not, I don't see how I'm going to help you. I mean, about last Tuesday."

"Yeah. If you were to disappear, that would just create another paradox."

"This is so depressing. I wish the rift would just go away, already."

"It's just until tomorrow morning. Yuki didn't tell me specifically, but I'm positive that it's true, somehow."

"Okay."

We seemed to have reached a positive conclusion to the previous topic. It just seemed really wrong that this Mikuru would disappear and leave me hanging in the past, although it wouldn't be altogether tragic for me. Now that things had calmed down, I think my gut was telling me that Mikuru was just being confused, and not really understanding how time planes work. Mikuru does have a knack for these slight misunderstandings, though they're usually more trivial than this.

Speaking of misunderstandings, it then suddenly occurred to me that I had something I had left unfinished. I said, "I really should be doing my homework."

"You have a problem with that, don't you?" she said.

"Yeah," I answered. "And what really irks me is that Haruhi has already finished her assignments up through the weekend."

"That sounds about right," she added.

"Yuki is being awfully quiet about the whole thing," I observed. "She doesn't strike me as the type of person to not speak up if there's something tragic about to happen."

"Miss Nagato is really creepy. I don't know what you see in her."

"You've never seen her fragile side, I take it?"

"No."

"Trust me. She makes you look like a mountain of confidence, at times."

"I really can't picture that."

"I think she really envies your confidence, too."

"I'm trying not to think about it."

There was something strangely contradictory about Yuki, and Mikuru seemed to be talking more about the way Yuki appeared in everyday situations than the way I knew her. Now that I thought about it, it would be weird for Mikuru to see Yuki's fragile side, given that Yuki could keep that side of herself well hidden most of the time. Thinking of Yuki this way reminded me of the similar way Haruhi has a layer of insecurity, though I'm starting to think that it's really more like the core of her being rather than just a layer.

"You mind if I talk about Haruhi?" I asked.

"That's fine," she replied. "Go right ahead."

"Thanks," I said. "I feel really good for her that she's getting to see Paris, but I have a feeling things aren't going to go according to plan for her."

"What makes you say that?"

"I think Yuki is up to something involving her. I'm starting to wonder if that 'dream' you mentioned is actually a dream."

"I sure hope so."

"Why?"

"Well... Now that I think about it, it probably isn't. Oh, jeez. Now, I'm really depressed."

- x -

I later offered to walk Mikuru back to Yuki's apartment. It seemed like a good opportunity to ask about the "dream" that Haruhi had, though I was becoming apprehensive about it. I don't think Mikuru would have even mentioned it if it had been as bad as I was thinking, but it was still something that made her depressed. That really only left me with a puzzling mystery, but maybe this was for the best.

Of course, this awkward situation just opened the door for me to ask personal questions about her. It's not like she really needed to worry about changing the future, as long as she didn't get too personal.

"You weren't exactly poor when you grew up, right?" I asked her.

"No," she admitted.

"I didn't think so," I casually added.

She explained, "There's not a whole lot of difference between rich and poor in my time, though. I mean, the poor in my time live the kind of life that your rich would probably envy."

"Is that so?"

"It shouldn't be that surprising. Your own poor live the kind of life that an ancient Roman aristocrat would envy."

"Really?"

"You have hot and cold running water. You have plentiful food whenever you want it. You hardly have a care for things like war or disease. It's not a bad time to be alive, really."

"Well, for parts of the world."

"Yeah, I guess that would be the other major difference."

The idea of an anti-elitist world is very appealing to me. I'm rather progressive in my way of thinking, and not at all elitist, though people often assume that I am for some weird reason.

"So, I guess I can't look down on your generation," I cheerfully added.

"You can say that again," she said, a little irritated.

"Are you bragging?" I asked, amused.

"No," she replied. "I mean, it's annoying how superior everyone acts in my time. They all act like they deserve to live comfortably, but they don't realize how lucky they are. I always hated that."

"So, is that why you became a time traveler?"

"Huh? No, I was just chosen because I scored high on my history aptitude exams."

"You're a history buff?"

"I like to learn about the past. It's really interesting. In my time, everything is boring."

"Because everything is so comfortable?"

"Because people are boring. You deal with people who act nice and cheerful, or people who are obnoxious and flippant."

"People like Koizumi or Tsuruya?"

"I can never seem to get away from people like that."

Something seemed oddly familiar about that complaint, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Even as a Public Relations person?" I asked.

"I'm just a clerk, really," she admitted. "I'm familiar with this era, and I have connections, so..."

"Connections, huh?" I asked. "So, you could get a recommendation for whatever you want?"

"I'm not sure what you mean by that," she complained. "I mean, I get handed a lot of weird jobs that other people hate."

"You don't spend a lot of time socializing, huh?"

"I guess not. I can't really complain, but it is annoying."

"Yeah, that would explain your lack of experience."

"I knew you were going to bring that up. Jeez!"

I do have a habit of tormenting Mikuru without thinking, for sure. It reminded me of that time when I informed her of a certain mole she has which even she didn't fully notice.

"I'm just telling you what you should already know," I added.

"This is what I love about this time period," she said. "People are much more brutally honest."

I thought it strange that people in Mikuru's time are even more reserved than people in Japan, which has a reputation for being more polite and modest than most other places in the world. I can't imagine how Mikuru would react to French or Italian culture. I was just wondering whether the food in Paris was good enough to get Mikuru past the thought of what kind of attitude she might have to deal with, when we arrived at Yuki's apartment building.

"Well, here we are," I said.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in with me?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I replied.

I think I had more reason than Mikuru to be wary of Yuki, though I also felt strongly like there were things that needed to be discussed. Something in me said that this was not a good time, though.

"It's just until morning," I assured her. "Trust me."

"Okay," she said. "Here I go..."

She hesitated a little longer, then went. I sighed and turned to go home.

- x -

Back in my bedroom, I would read for a while until I kept thinking something terrible was going to happen. It's strange, but I seemed certain that a disaster was looming. I probed my mind for a reason and I eventually came to the conclusion that my mind was just playing tricks on me. Disasters don't just strike from out of the blue. It was a comforting thought, but every now and then I would think that I was just deluding myself, and I would look up in annoyance with myself. I would then sigh, berate myself for being stupid, and go back to reading.

Right as I had just started reading and feeling good about myself, the phone rang. I picked it up and answered.

"Hey," I said.

Via the phone, Haruhi said, "Bonsoir! Comment allez-vous?"

I then replied with the one French phrase I had memorized, "Je ne parle pas francais."

"Oh, non non non," she answered. "Really?"

"I can kind of tell what you're saying," I replied, "but not really."

She laughed and said, "You really suck."

"So, where are you at?"

"I'm at this great restaurant. They have this lunchtime cabaret. It's pretty hilarious. I can't make out a word they're saying."

"Sounds like you're having fun."

"Pardon? I didn't quite hear that."

"I said, you're having fun, aren't you?"

"Oh man, I wish you were here. Then again, you'd probably drag me down, so just as well."

I could picture Haruhi in my mind, watching some staged comedy piece while sitting at a cafe. It was a pleasant thought, and I was grateful for that.

"I didn't know you could speak French," I said.

"Oh, I don't," she admitted. "I just memorized a bunch of commonly-used phrases. You'd be surprised how far you can get on just that. Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait? Ou sont les toilettes? Merci."

Her French sounded a little off, but maybe that was just her weird pronunciation.

"Maybe you should move to France, one day," I said.

"I wish," she said, "So, what's up with you?"

"Nothing. Just sitting around reading."

"That's too bad. What time is it there?"

"Around ten."

"Whoa. No wonder I'm getting tired. It's still lunchtime here, and I'm already falling asleep."

"You just got there today. It's not surprising you're jet lagged."

That's the problem with traveling to other times or places. It's hard to stay awake, sometimes.

"I gotta go," she said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye," I said.

- x -

Later, as I was fast asleep, I heard the alarm go off early again. I really should have expected this to happen, but I still had to drag myself out of bed. At least this time, I managed to quickly get up and shut off the alarm before getting too banged up.

"Not again," I muttered.

I went and switched the light on. Then I went over to the clock to see if there was a note. Sure enough, Yuki had written me another note that simply read, "Get dressed."

"Oh, crap," I said, suddenly realizing what was about to happen.

- x -

Just as I had picked up my shoes from the entrance, I noticed the world suddenly change to an early evening setting in what appeared to be much like a quaint old neighborhood in the city. Everything seemed a bit curvy in a weird way, and I soon realized that that was because it was Paris. Specifically, I was standing behind a park bench where Haruhi was sitting. I put on my shoes and hugged my jacket a little tighter as I sat next to her. The sidewalk just in front of the bench was busy with people walking by, though no one seemed to have noticed that I appeared from out of nowhere.

"Fancy meeting you here," I said.

"I was about to say that," she answered. "Aren't you supposed to be in Japan?"

"Yeah," I replied. "So, what am I doing here?"

She looked at me carefully and laughed, saying, "You look like you just got dragged out of bed. That's awesome."

"You look like you just got out of bed, yourself."

"I had some trouble sleeping. I think I only got about three hours of sleep."

"Same here."

I seem to recall Caligula only ever got about three hours of sleep every night. I then began to wonder if Haruhi would ever try to get a horse elected as a prime minister. Thinking about Mikuru so much lately had made me recall a lot of weird history.

"I'll bet Mikuru would give anything to see Paris," she added, as if reading my mind again.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"This place is so moe!" she exclaimed.

I chuckled and stated, "Spoken like a true otaku."

"Oh God!" she said. "Don't even start on that crap. Not here."

"Sorry," I said, "that'll be the last time. I swear."

"I mean," she continued, "Paris has this really old world feel, but that just makes it all the more youthful. Don't you think?"

"You're definitely Haruhi," I said. "I don't think I've ever heard a more bizarre contradiction."

"Come on!" she insisted. "Don't you feel it?"

What was really weird is that I could feel it. Paris really does have a youthful charm to it, in spite of things looking so classic or ancient.

She pointed and added, "Once the buildings along that canal start lighting up, it'll be the most romantic thing ever."

I added, "I think it might help if there was a bridge off in the distance. Then, maybe a familiar landmark just off to the side."

"We could probably find a place like that, but isn't this just as romantic?"

"You're really getting caught up in the scenery. That's a really touristy thing to do."

I looked at her seriously for another moment and put my arm around her shoulders. It was a nice, cloudy evening, and the little sunlight we had was reflecting off the water just right. If I were a photographer, I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful time to do some shooting. Just as I was thinking a director would yell for a wind effect, suddenly a slight gust of wind came and made the scene perfect.

"Are you really here?" she asked. "I must be dreaming."

"Really?" I asked, pinching her cheek.

"Ow. Stop that."

"Does that feel like a dream?"

"That's just the kind of thing you might say in a dream."

There's really no arguing with Haruhi's logic, so I just cast about in my mind for something that would tell her that this was really happening.

"You ever dream of being at school?" I asked her.

"I dream about school a lot," she replied.

That wasn't the answer I was hoping for, so I tried a different tactic.

"You ever wake up and find Yuki staring at you?" I asked.

"Where did that come from?" she asked, and I had to wonder about that myself.

"I sometimes wonder whether I'm not dreaming a lot, too," I admitted, sleepily. "It's a scary world, but I think what's even scarier is what's inside of us. You know?"

"Since when did you start calling her 'Yuki?'" she asked.

I just smiled and said, "Paris is really nice. I'm glad I could get a look at it."

"You want to see more?" she offered. "We could wander around."

"That would be fine," I said.

- x -

We got up and began strolling around. It was a nice setting for just chatting, and I felt very comfortable, just strolling along side-by-side with her.

"You know," she said, "you're an illegal alien right now."

"Yeah," I answered, "I should be careful."

"I could have you arrested and deported. That would be funny."

"Would that really be romantic?"

"I don't know, but it works for me."

"I wonder if Koizumi has already been here."

"You think so?"

"He does get around a lot."

"It wouldn't really surprise me."

"He strikes me as the type who can speak several languages."

"I should ask him about that later."

Dream or not, I really wanted to confirm whether this was the scary demonstration that Yuki had been promising me. If this was as bad as it could get, I think I might actually enjoy Haruhi being aware of her abilities.

"You mind if I ask you something weird?" I asked.

"What?" she said.

"How exactly did you bring me here?" I asked in my most serious tone.

"Oh, I don't know," she answered. "I just kind of wished aloud that you were here, and suddenly it happened."

"Is that it?"

"Yeah."

"So, you could make anything at all happen."

"That's right. I probably could."

"It's kind of scary, when you stop and think about it."

"I know. I'm a little terrified of trying anything."

I thought I might give a few warnings, just to make sure Haruhi wouldn't try something that really was scary.

"Yeah," I said, "you wouldn't want to pick up a landmark and suddenly drop it. You'd probably kill a few hundred people in the process."

"Imagine if I pulled the moon out of the sky and crashed it into the earth..." she added.

"Jeez..." I said, my head swimming. "Don't even think about it."

"I could really make it happen, though," she said. "Yeah, that is scary."

"Don't go crazy, okay," I said. "Just start out small."

"Okay," she answered.

We continued walking for a while in silence for a few moments, then I thought it might be time to try for a little romance.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked her.

"I don't know. What do you want to do?" she asked.

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah."

"I really just want to see your hotel room."

She smiled and asked, "Really?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling back.

She then suddenly frowned and added, "Because every time I try to talk you into something like that, you pick a fight with me."

"Sorry," I said, a little mortified. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"You're not going to do that again, are you?"

"No."

"Okay. Let's go."

- x -

Later that evening at her hotel room, I got up and dressed in a robe while she stayed asleep in bed. I really did want to see her room, though it was just the usual old world style furniture with the usual decorations. It was nice, but definitely not what you might call expensive. I found a desk and a serving tray, and I was surprised to suddenly discover that I could bend a spoon with my mind, though I couldn't remember Haruhi mentioning it.

"Now that is freaky," I said.

Haruhi stirred and sleepily asked, "Hey, kitty. What are you doing here?"

At first, I had wondered if she was confused, but then I noticed she was sitting up and holding my cat, Shamisen. I also noticed that Yuki had appeared, as well. She gestured at me for silence, then beckoned for me.

While I got up and walked back over to the bed, the cat said, "You tell me. It's your fantasy."

Haruhi softly laughed and said, "Hey, Kyon. It's a talking cat."

I briefly started to wonder if I was dreaming, but then Haruhi continued the conversation.

"All right," she said. "Out with it. Has Kyon been a naughty boy?"

"Not that I know," Shamisen replied. "He does have a lot of female humans in his bedroom late at night, though. It's like a parade in there."

Haruhi laughed and said, "That's so funny. I love it."

Shamisen commented, "I guess jealousy really is the tie that binds."

Yuki then gave me the cat and took my hand.

"Okay," said Haruhi, lying back down, "you guys go home, already. I need to get to sleep."

- x -

A moment later, the three of us were in my bedroom. Shamisen jumped off my arm.

"Bad kitty," I scolded him. "Didn't I tell you not to talk to anyone?"

"I couldn't help it," he answered. "Someone asks you a question, you get the urge to answer."

"I know what you mean, but not again," I insisted. "I guess it helps this time that Haruhi thinks it's a dream." I turned to Yuki and asked her, "She will think it's a dream, right?"

"Yes," Yuki replied.

I noticed I was still wearing the robe, so I asked, "What's going to happen to my clothes?"

Yuki replied, "They will be delivered within the hour. Haruhi Suzumiya's guardians were left with the task of sweeping any remaining data of your presence there."

"That's a relief," I said. "I guess I should let you have this robe."

"You can keep it," she told me.

"Okay."

"Is there anything else?"

"Yeah. Are we past that temporal rift, or whatever it is?"

"Almost."

"Okay. I guess that's it. I could use some sleep, myself."

- x -

As I fell asleep, I began to wonder what it was that Haruhi was about to do to create the time rift. I instantly imagined her watching covertly while a certain time traveler met herself in the past, and then strange memories began flooding my conscious mind.


	10. Beta

- Chapter 4: Beta

When you dream, it may seem real, but nothing that happens to you in a dream is actually happening. There's no danger, no release, no cohesion. It's really just pointless escapism. Nothing could be more pathetic than to just dream your life away, but that's exactly what it means to be unconscious of your own abilities. You live in a kind of dream, where the real you is wasting away.

I guess the upshot of all this is that it shouldn't be surprising that what I most wanted for Haruhi was to wake her up. For her to sleep through her own dream without ever realizing that it was her dream would somehow be the greatest waste. I believed this, at least in a sense, and I told Yuki that. Yuki then told me that Haruhi would never become aware of her "dream" as long as I was hanging around, and I wondered about that.

"So," I said. "I can just tell her anything I want, and it won't matter?"

"Correct," Yuki replied.

"That's a relief," I added. "I was worried there. I mean, I do have a way of rubbing off on her, you know?"

Yuki seemed a little puzzled at this addition. Yuki isn't often puzzled for this long, so it made me think again.

"Then again," I admitted, "maybe it isn't such a good idea."

"Would it be permissible to try?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"If I could arrange a demonstration," she explained.

"Can you do that?" I asked.

"I will consider it," she answered.

Of course, memories are much like dreams in the sense that you have to believe that they're real, or else the memory may as well just be a story. There's a weird kind of irony at work here, in that I was asking Yuki to wake Haruhi from her dream, and all without realizing that it was from within a kind of dream of my own.

- x -

Later that evening, I found myself talking to the older Mikuru.

"Is this about that time quake or whatever?" I asked her.

"Right," she replied.

"So," I asked, "should I get dressed? I don't suppose you want me walking around in my pajamas."

"Sorry," she said. "I'll turn around for a moment while you get dressed."

She turned around as I went to the closet.

"I hope we aren't creating the time quake ourselves," I said.

"Oh jeez," she said. "Don't say that."

Somehow, this thought fixed itself in my mind, and I just couldn't get past it. The feeling that it was right was palpable.

"Why not?" I asked. "This space is related to it, and we're the most obvious part of it. It only makes sense."

She told me, "I think we should just be aware of the possibility and stay on guard for it. But I seriously doubt that you're right. I feel that there's something we're meant to do. Don't ask me how I know."

"Okay," I said, putting on my school uniform.

In retrospect, I think Mikuru had simply become confused. It's not hard to understand why, but the thought that we were about to screw up something was still lingering in my mind. Behind the thought was this feeling of real danger. It seemed to me that we were about to help destroy the world.

"We need to decide how far back to go," she added.

"You don't even know that?" I asked.

"Sorry," she answered, "but I don't think the exact time is really important. We just need to look for signs of the impending time quake."

"Okay," I said. "How about twenty years ago?"

"Why twenty?"

"It sounds nice, don't you think? That'll also give us plenty of time to create a lot of paradoxes."

"I don't want to create paradoxes. How about ten years?"

"That should be fine. Yeah. Sounds good."

"I hope we don't bump into anyone we know."

I had finished changing, so I thought for a moment about what else we might need.

"You can turn around, now," I said.

"Okay, thanks," she answered.

I took out my umbrella as she turned around.

"You look nice in your uniform," she said.

"I think it looks stupid," I said, very seriously. "It's uncomfortable, too."

I don't think Mikuru was ready for this response, and I felt a little bad for saying it so bluntly, so I silently apologized.

"So, are we ready?" I asked.

"Let's go," she said.

I had been agitated at the thought that we were making a huge mistake, enough that it didn't even bother me that I had found my shoes next to my desk. I think if I had been a little more calm and detached from myself, I might have avoided the problems that did arise, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

- x -

I sat at the bench at the rainy bus stop, as the bus pulled away. Talking to the strange, anonymous woman had helped me calm down considerably, and it put me in a much better mood, to think that maybe at least someone was getting something out of my excursion to the past.

"How did you know I worked in Public Relations?" Mikuru asked.

"You do?" I said.

"Yeah," she answered.

"I didn't know that," I said. "I just guessed."

"Do you really have no money?" she asked.

"Like I said, I'm flat broke," I replied. "Plus, I don't know if my money is any good here."

"Money is no problem. I have major denominations from earlier this decade."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Do you really not have any money?"

"No. I don't."

I took out my wallet, then reached into my pockets.

"That's weird," I said, finding a piece of paper in my pocket.

I took it out and considered whether I should read it out loud. At first, it seemed like a mistake, but then I realized that it might be a hint at avoiding whatever trouble was to come, and Yuki wouldn't give me a note to read in this situation that was private unless she clearly warned me at the start of the note to keep it to myself.

"'I apologize for misleading you,'" I read. I then explained, "It's a note from Miss Nagato. There was a note earlier that just said to be careful, but..."

"Should I really be hearing this?" Mikuru wondered.

"It's okay," I replied. "I don't think there's any problem in you hearing it. 'Haruhi Suzumiya was disappointed because she had become desperate for your affection and grieved at the suggestion that you had felt betrayed by your mother. She projected her own inability to consider your data onto you, and became tormented from anticipated derision.'"

"Good heavens..." Mikuru interjected.

I was certain that Yuki had really meant for her to hear this note. It made a lot of sense that way. Somehow, Yuki could see that it would be a mistake for Mikuru to not show me the potential future.

I sighed and admitted, "I really had no idea. God, what a thing to have to read about. 'If there is a danger, it will arise from an unwise interaction with Mikuru Asahina, insofar as Haruhi Suzumiya will be unexpectedly observing. Please do your best. I look forward to our next encounter.'"

"Unwise interaction?" Mikuru wondered.

"Don't ask me," I answered.

"I think you really owe it to Miss Suzumiya to return her feelings," she told me.

"I am, actually," I answered.

"That's good," she said.

"The thing is," I complained, "if she would have just been more honest with me, there wouldn't have been any problem in the first place. It's kind of annoying."

I wasn't just saying that, either. I think my hands were trembling with anger at the thought of what might have happened, simply because Haruhi was too shy to tell me how she felt. I was just thinking that this piece of paper should burst into flames when it disintegrated in my hands.

"Well, that's convenient," I said, thinking that Yuki was mocking my anger, even now. "One less thing to worry about."

- x -

At the coffee shop, I had just discovered from Mikuru about that anonymous woman and her "special" daughter, and it made me start to panic a little. Haruhi had been unexpectedly observing my interactions, and Mikuru had been with me at the time, so it made sense to think that Yuki had been warning me about that.

"Did I just mess up the future, there?" I asked.

"I doubt it," Mikuru replied.

"I mean, maybe I just made her realize that she's not really happy with her life, and now she'll make some crazy change like get a divorce, or something."

"You really know how to look on the negative side of things."

"But didn't Miss Nagato tell me...?"

"Miss Nagato warned you against 'unwise' interactions, not against being charming and courteous."

"I'm really worried. Maybe that was why the time quake occurs."

"Maybe, but I have a feeling that isn't the case."

So, far we'd been operating a lot by her feelings. At least she was being open about it.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied.

"Okay," I said, thinking that I should calm down. "Yeah. I believe you. You know, lately I've been learning a lot about emotions and how to trust your instincts."

"You have?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "I don't think I'd have confessed to Haruhi if I hadn't suddenly been listening to my feelings."

She then sincerely added, "Well, good for you."

And now that this part was over, I think Mikuru was starting to pick up on my feeling of dread. Maybe it began giving her second thoughts about what we were doing here, because she started to become reluctant to discuss going back to the future.

- x -

After the short conversation at the coffee shop, we took a stroll through the park. Mikuru looked strangely expectant, though she did manage to start an awkward conversation.

"You still haven't met her mother?" she asked.

"Haruhi avoids the subject," I replied. "I can't even raise the topic without her getting mad about it for some weird reason."

"She won't even tell you why you can't meet her mother?"

"I think Haruhi is ashamed of her mother."

Haruhi is ashamed of her mother, of course, but only in the perfectly ordinary sense that she can already see a lot of her mother in herself, and it's been making her disgusted with herself.

"That seems a little unfair. She's met your mother but you haven't met hers?"

"I have now."

Mikuru then gave me a look like she'd just caught me cheating in a card game.

"Yeah," I admitted, "it probably doesn't count."

"If you're both in love with each other," she said, "what's the problem?"

"I know," I answered. "Sometimes, I really wonder if she is in love with me."

"Are you starting to doubt what Miss Nagato told you?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "But we do fight a lot."

"Really?"

Then there's the fact that she never tells me how she feels. It makes it hard to believe she really does have feelings for me, melodramatic notes to the contrary or not.

"This is why I have no money. We chased each other all over Japan for the last few days. I always feel obliged to pay, since it really is my fault."

"So you haven't even...?"

"Are you seriously asking me...?"

"I mean, I'd have thought for sure you'd have kissed by now."

I laughed and then said, "Oh. You had me confused. No, we've done that plenty of times. I just..."

"Oh..." Mikuru said, blushing a little.

"Sorry," I said. "I guess it's no big deal for you, right?"

"Actually..." Mikuru admitted.

"I'm sorry. I promise not to bring it up again."

"That's all right."

- x -

At the infamous baseball game, Mikuru scanned the game for signs of changes. She then struck up a conversation with me to pass the time for a minute.

"You're pretty close with Miss Nagato, right?" she asked.

"I suppose," I replied.

"You're friends?"

"Yeah."

"I notice you don't call her 'Yuki.'"

I sighed and admitted, "To be honest, I've been meaning to call her that since last Monday. I can't bring myself to close up that distance between us, though. I'd feel like I was betraying Haruhi."

"So," Mikuru realized, "this is more than just about being polite."

"I guess I've been kidding myself," I added, thinking my excuses were a little ridiculous at this point.

"She strikes me as the kind of person who'd appreciate it."

"You mean Yuki?"

"Yeah."

"You're probably right. I feel like I owe it to her."

- x -

A little later that evening, Mikuru and I were back at the park, sitting at a bench.

"Aren't we finished?" I asked her.

"We'll know in about five minutes," she replied, "I think."

"Okay," I said, "because I'm starting to get really tired."

"I forgot you were asleep right before we left," Mikuru added.

"I don't think I could sleep, but I am tired."

"Hang in there. We're almost finished."

"That's good."

"You're going to be too tired for school."

"I always sleep through classes. It's no big deal."

"You're such a delinquent."

I felt a little insulted by that, but then I looked and noticed she was just kidding.

"Doesn't Miss Suzumiya usually wake you?" she asked.

"Yeah, usually," I replied. "She's on a trip to Paris, though."

"Oh, so this is when she she took that trip?"

"Yeah. I expect her to be there this evening."

"Okay, now I'm a little worried."

"Why? Did you read about that incident in Haruhi's diary?"

"Yeah. I have to admit, I did mainly get it for that entry."

"So, can you talk about it?"

She then went a little pale and admitted, "It terrifies me. I hate to even think about it."

"Okay," I said, "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Well," she added, "she called it a dream, but I'm starting to get the feeling it really might have happened."

"What?" I asked. "Does she shoot flames out her eyes and blast people?"

"I..." she started, then said, "I really can't talk about it."

"Okay," I said. "I'll be extra careful if I bump into her in Paris."

"I'm jealous, though," she admitted. "I mean, she did nothing to deserve it, but she's off having the time of her life in Paris. It's so irritating. I never get to go anywhere romantic like that."

I was only half-listening, just starting to doze off. I didn't realize it, but seeing her face drawn with worry and doubts just made her seem all the more beautiful, and it gave me a weird feeling of calm. I told myself, what could possibly go wrong with such a beautiful woman in charge of the matter?

"I do have to admire her, though," she added. "She cooks and cleans. She minds the house and takes time to make friends. She keeps her grades up. She hardly ever gets into any real trouble. She may decide to become a penny-pinching tycoon, but I doubt that's her fault."

I awoke at that moment and was a little startled to see Mikuru leaning toward me with a look of blank expectation on her face. It seemed like an invitation, and I was a little overwhelmed. I then relaxed and tilted my head, closing my eyes just as my lips met hers. We kissed like that for a few moments until I heard Haruhi's voice from out of nowhere.

"What's going on here?" Haruhi asked. "Mikuru, have you lost your mind?"

Mikuru recoiled in alarm and softly said, "What?"

Haruhi turned to me, and I noticed her bathed in a strange light. She started to look angry, and softly said, "What the hell? You unbelievable bastard."

"What the...?" I said, suddenly wondering whether this was all just a dream.

Mikuru furiously tapped away at something that was barely visible to me on her wrist, while Haruhi continued to glow brighter and brighter. It occurred to me about a moment too late that I should apologize, and I often wondered what would have happened had I done that. It probably wouldn't have made a difference.

- x -

Mikuru and I shortly appeared in front of my house in the middle of the night, trembling and panicking. It then dawned on me that few things could be more unwise than kissing Mikuru right after having been warned not to do something like that.

"Oh God!" she softly exclaimed.

"Calm down," I said, trying to calm myself. "I think we've just figured out where that time quake really came from."

"Please tell me that didn't really happen," she softly begged me.

"I'm afraid it did," I answered. "Serves me right for fighting with her all this time."

"Okay..." she said. "I'm calming down..."

"This is really bad, though," I admitted. "I can't believe I actually had a moment like that, but then..."

"I didn't expect it to be like that," she added. "Oh, jeez. We actually did create the time quake. I should have listened to you."

"No, I think you were right," he said. "I was meant to help Haruhi's mother. I don't doubt that, but the rest of it is a problem."

"Okay..." she said. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe we can fix it."

"How?"

"I think if we can just create another time plane..."

"You mean, introduce a paradox?"

"I'm pretty sure there's at least one paradox at work here, already. Another one isn't going to matter a whole lot."

"Okay, so maybe we can return to the past and fix this."

She looked at her wrist and tapped away on something faintly visible.

"No," she answered, "that's no good. She's cut off the whole past. I can't get through."

She continued to tap away at her wrist.

"Oh, come on!" she exclaimed, getting seriously irritated.

"What?" I asked.

"I can't seem to contact the future, either! There's some kind of temporal rift, blocking my signals."

"This is bad."

"Maybe I broke it when I brought us here."

Mikuru was getting a little crazy, and that made me realize that things could get a whole lot crazier if things continued this way.

"I think we'd better get inside before the neighbors start to notice," I said.

"I think you're right," she admitted.

- x -

Mikuru and I softly entered my bedroom, and she recoiled at the sight of Yuki, who was waiting in the darkness. I turned on the light.

"Hey, Yuki," I said. "Were you waiting for me?"

"I told you to be careful," she said.

"Sorry," I answered.

"Perhaps it was unavoidable," she added. "This time plane was always of great interest to the Data Integration Thought Entity."

"You talk about it like it's already past," I noticed.

Yuki cryptically explained, "I do not possess the ability to subconsciously arrange temporal data anomalies in my memories. I am only currently capable of conscious synchronization with the underlying temporal phenomena."

"Please tell me you understood that," I said to Mikuru.

"Sorry," she answered.

Yuki turned to Mikuru and said, "It's unimportant that you understand. This particular deviation is partly my responsibility. That being the case, I offer to permit you to reside at my base of operations until the future temporal rift is cleared."

"That makes sense," I said.

"I don't know about this," Mikuru warned.

"Well," I answered, "you can't stay here. I don't think my mother would care for it too much. You know, me hanging around with a woman. Especially after what just happened."

"That was a mistake," she said.

I looked down at the floor and did a double-take as I noticed Shamisen, looking up at me in apparent cat-like interest.

"Yeah, it was," I agreed. "I need to think of a way to correct it."

"The only feasible solution is to create another temporal anomaly," Yuki said.

"How do I do that?" I asked her.

"You will need to instruct me to direct both the Mikuru Asahinas," she explained. "This one, and the one you will instruct to transfer your data."

"I can't just return to the past and fix this myself?" I asked.

"It's possible," she replied, "however, you do not possess the ability to travel in time by yourself. The only reasonably certain solution would have to involve the Mikuru Asahina who has not already caused the previous temporal phenomenon." She then turned to Mikuru and added, "This Mikuru Asahina might create a causality feedback loop that would become impossible to fix."

"Okay," I said, thinking quickly, "so I'll write you a letter and give it to the younger Miss Asahina to take back in time to just before the closed space appears here."

"Correct," Yuki said. "You should also instruct me to destroy that letter, to avoid a further paradox."

- x -

That afternoon I went to the club room, and I noticed that it was strangely quiet. I was a little surprised to see younger Mikuru and Koizumi playing a board game while Yuki read a book. It made me briefly wonder whether I hadn't really dreamed all that craziness.

"Hey everybody," I said.

"Hello," Koizumi greeted me.

"So, Yuki..." I said. "Did last night actually happen? Should I really go through with this?"

"Yes," she answered.

I sighed and added, "I thought so."

"What are you talking about?" Koizumi asked, his surprise fairly evident.

"I take it you haven't noticed the temporal rift in the future," I said.

Mikuru turned away for a few moments, then looked strangely back at me.

"How on Earth did you...?" she started.

"Okay," I said. "I guess that means I really didn't dream all that weird stuff last night."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well," I said, "what's important is not what happened. What's important is that I have a plan to take care of it."

"Does it involve time travel?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Well," he said, "I'll help in any way I can."

I didn't really need his help, but I briefly thought that his insights might prove to be valuable, in any case. So, I decided to brief him on the matter.

"Great," I said. "Okay, last night, a closed space appeared in my bedroom. It permitted me to access the past previous to the time quake from four years ago."

"In your bedroom?" he wondered.

I honestly had no idea why it appeared there. It was very strange. I could only conclude that Haruhi or Yuki must have created it, but how and for what reason, I couldn't tell.

"You want me to travel back to last night?" Mikuru asked.

"Well," I said, "I want you to go to two in the morning and deliver this letter to Yuki. She'll be at her apartment."

I gave a sealed envelope to her.

"And those are your instructions?" Koizumi guessed.

"Right," I replied. I then told Mikuru, "Don't open it. Just do whatever Yuki says."

"Okay," she answered.

"Thanks a lot," I said.

"No problem," she said.

"And this will resolve the temporal rift in the future?" Koizumi asked.

"Not exactly," I replied.

"So..." he prompted, obviously wondering what it really was about.

"I think it may be related," I explained, "but I definitely need someone to fix this thing in the past."

"Miss Nagato," Koizumi asked, "is this really what happened last night?"

"Yes," Yuki replied.

"So, is it possible to verify this?" he asked. "I don't think we want to mess something up."

"I cannot do that," she stated.

"Why not?" he asked.

Yuki explained, "Because I do not possess that data in this temporal plane. There is nothing to confirm."

I think it then occurred to me that I wasn't really fixing my own problem, but really just creating a world where this problem I had created would be fixed. To think that Yuki had thought this far ahead made me wonder about her, and it gave me a whole new respect for her.

"Oh, wow," Koizumi said. "I think I just got a chill down my spine."

"Me too," Mikuru said.

I asked her, "So, do you have any questions?"

"Yes," she said.

"What is it?" I prompted.

"I'm going to create a time plane, right?" she asked.

"I think so," I answered.

"Oh jeez..." she said, probably getting that chill again.

"Sorry," I said.

"It's okay," she told me. "I'll get right on this."

Mikuru then left the room.

"Can you tell me why the temporal anomaly occurred?" Koizumi asked. "I mean, the one from four years ago."

"I think it was my fault," I answered.

"Okay, so where does that leave the rest of us?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "In the same boat as me, I guess."

"Well," he added, "if the world suddenly comes to an end, it'll be nice to at least know who to blame."

"I don't think the world is going to suddenly end," I said.

"Miss Nagato?" he asked. "What do you think?"

Yuki said to me, "There is a problem of a far more serious nature than these temporal phenomena. I'm not certain that we will witness it in this time plane, but it will make sense to prepare, nevertheless."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" I offered.

"You can rescind your willingness to make Haruhi Suzumiya aware of her true powers," she answered.

"It's that dangerous?" I asked.

"As I said," she explained, "there will be a demonstration, but that will not be necessary if I can persuade you now to change your intentions."

"If it's temporary," I said, "I don't really see the problem. You might persuade me to rethink my wish if the demonstration is convincing."

"That is my hope," she said.

"So," I concluded, "we'll give it a shot. And if Haruhi doesn't end the world, then maybe I'll give up on this crazy dream of letting her know about her powers."

And if she did end the world, that would settle the matter as well.

"Exactly when will this demonstration be finished?" Koizumi asked.

"Tomorrow morning," Yuki replied.

"That's good," Koizumi said.

"Why is that?" I asked him.

"I'm going to need to keep it a secret," he explained. "My superiors would probably want you dead if they knew about it."

- x -

Later, when I found myself at a busy sidewalk near a park in Paris, I put on my shoes and stood next to where Haruhi was sitting.

"It's cold here," I complained.

"You should have brought your jacket," she said.

"You mind explaining what I'm doing here?" I asked her.

She laughed and observed, "You look like you just got dragged out of bed. That's awesome."

"I'm glad you find it amusing," I said, getting irritated at the unexpectedly cold weather.

"Sorry," she said. "You want to go back home?"

"No," I answered. "I was kind of expecting this to happen."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

And now that Haruhi had brought me here, I silently apologized for what she was surely about to witness from the past (a stranger thing to have to apologize for, I cannot imagine), and settled in my mind that I was truly chosen. I wasn't about to play her "I'm better than you" games, but I did resolve that picturing Mikuru of any form in a romantic way was a bad thing. Maybe I could look, but touching was definitely off limits. I did all this silently, because this is just Haruhi's dream, after all. To her, it's a dream, at any rate.

It did briefly occur to me that I could apologize out loud and in that way possibly prevent the disaster of the past, but when I stopped and thought about it, it seemed like a ridiculous notion. Haruhi was already having trouble believing in her powers. How could she possibly believe that something so strange and elaborate could be possible for me? The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed that she could even find out about the past, though I knew for sure that she did, somehow. I then resolved to not say anything about it myself, and that would surely prevent her from traveling to the past in the first place. And, if the situation was out of my hands, that just meant that an apology wouldn't matter anyway. In that case, I would just have to say, "Whatever happens, happens," and just live with it.

Of course, I'm not even sure how I knew that Haruhi was going to travel to the past in the first place, but it just seemed obvious for some weird reason.

- x -

We wandered another busy sidewalk, and I followed a couple steps behind her as she explained how she might use her unexpected powers.

"Imagine if I pulled the moon out of the sky and crashed it into the earth..." she said, looking up at the moon, which was peeking out from between the clouds.

"That's crazy," I said, my mind reeling. "Jeez. Don't even think it."

"Okay," she said. "Yeah, it is scary. I'm not going to go crazy."

"Thanks," I said.

"So, what do you want to do?" she asked me.

"What do you want to do?" I answered.

"What do you think?" she said, frowning.

I was unprepared for this direct approach, and I was a little shocked, though I had been wondering if the night could turn romantic. Mikuru's earlier warnings had made me jumpy, expecting Haruhi to start destroying things at any moment.

"You aren't going to pick a fight with me this time, are you?" she asked.

At this, I was a little mortified to realize that every time she'd wanted an intimate moment with me, I'd picked a fight with her.

"No," I answered.

"Okay," she said, smiling. "Let's go."

- x -

Later in the dark hotel room, I went to a desk and picked up a spoon from the serving tray. I bent it around a bit with my mind.

"Jeez," I softly said. "Give me a break."

Haruhi stirred and said, "Hey, kitty. What are you doing here?"

I looked around and saw Haruhi holding up Shamisen, and I was stunned to silence.

"What are any of us doing here?" the cat answered. "Life is a dream, right?"

I momentarily wondered if I was dreaming all this, and I slowly approached the bed.

She softly laughed and said, "Hey, Kyon. It's a talking cat."

"I have a bad feeling about this," I said, thinking of how nosy this cat could be.

"All right," Haruhi told him. "Out with it. Has Kyon been a naughty boy?"

"Oh, hell yeah," he replied. "Just yesterday, he was making out with that older female in the past. I was so mortified."

The damn cat delivered this with such authority, you'd have thought he had witnessed it.

"Really?" Haruhi said, her voice getting grim and serious.

Shamisen then looked at me and said, "What? You want me to lie to her? I can't do that. I'm a cat."


	11. Alpha

- Chapter 5: Alpha

I briefly awoke and looked at the clock. Six in the morning. I sighed, thinking that not only was all this sleep making me more tired, but it was the dreaded six. This is the time when I find it hardest to sleep in any satisfactory way. I'd have just enough time to maybe fall asleep, but not nearly enough time to really get anything out of it.

For a moment, I began to wonder if Haruhi really had gone to the past to confirm how I had kissed Mikuru, but then I realized that that had only really happened in some kind of weird, dreamlike memory of myself. It was disconcerting, thinking that that me was the real me, when I knew that I was actually the real me. I then started to wonder whether this me really was the real me, but then this struck me as the kind of thing that Yuki would talk about. It was weird enough to be interesting, but not really something worth my full attention.

I rolled over and went back to sleep, finding myself dreaming of rolling over and going back to sleep, within which, I found myself wondering whether I was really dreaming and eventually discovering that I actually was rolling over in my sleep.

- x -

I found myself sitting at a park bench next to the younger Mikuru. This feeling of elation was incredible. To think that Mikuru might want to actually sit and talk with me? Unbelievable. Me? I had no idea it was even possible. Surely, I was just dreaming.

She then said, "There's something I have to say that I can only say to you, Kyon."

And then I just knew it was a dream. Mikuru was about to make some bold confession. People don't really do that, right? I mean, a beautiful girl wouldn't just make some kind of confession to a nobody like me, would she? I felt certain it was coming, but my mind reeled at the notion.

"Wha... What is it?" I asked.

"I'm not from this era," she admitted. "I come from further in the future."

My mind blanked. It must be a dream. People don't really talk like that, do they?

"I can't tell you from when or which time plane I came from but..."

I wanted to laugh. Yuki Nagato is an alien, so that makes Mikuru Asahina a time traveler. Of course. What was I thinking? No way a girl like this would actually have feelings for me, right? I mean, that would be truly insane. But which was the more insane? That a beautiful girl like her could like me or that she might really be from the future? I'm not sure I really wanted to know the answer to that.

"Kyon?" she said, trying to get my attention.

This is just a dream, right? Right? I mean, no version of reality would be this cruel, would it? I mean, come on! What kind of universe would even permit the possibility?

Mikuru softly continued explaining, "I was sent to observe whether any temporal anomalies appear near Miss Suzumiya. We aren't certain, but we believe that she can interfere with the time planes. We need to be sure whether she can create variations at will. I'm going to be careful and keep an eye out for-"

All this weird explanation finally snapped me out of my denial, and I finally came to my senses.

"Miss Asahina?" I started.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Could you put all that on hold?" I asked her. "I mean, could we just set aside the question of whether I believe you or not?"

"That's fine with me," she replied. "So, just go ahead and treat me the way you normally would, okay?"

How would I treat her, if she were normal? That's an even harder thing for me to imagine than how I would treat a time traveler.

- x -

I suddenly found myself tumbling out of bed, looking up and noticing the older Mikuru. I briefly thought that it had been a dream, but then I felt certain that I had just been remembering a very unpleasant memory.

"Kyon?" she said. "I'm sorry to wake you."

"No, that's all right," I said, blinking away the unexpected brightness of my room. "Jeez... What time is it?"

"I'm not sure," she answered, "but it appears to be about three in the morning, here."

Mikuru in my bedroom at three in the morning? And, the older one at that? Okay, now here is a situation that is just begging for trouble to happen. I was both shocked and overjoyed at the same time, but then I quickly came to my senses. No way. This has to be related to time travel, I told myself. I got up, and sat on the side of my bed.

"I didn't expect to land here," she explained. "I'm sorry."

"What on Earth are you doing here?" I asked.

"This is some kind of temporal nexus," she added. "I'm not completely sure, but I think a paradox emerged from here."

"This?" I asked. "You mean, from here in my bedroom?"

"Yes," she answered. "From roughly this point in time and space, an event occurred that linked to about ten years ago. It greatly altered the time planes."

"You mean, it changed Haruhi's life?" I guessed.

"And everyone else's," she added.

Typical. Haruhi's whims aren't just everyone else's work, they're the adventures of a lifetime for unlikely heroes.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, suddenly certain somehow that I knew.

"I'm sorry," she replied, "but I'm really nervous. I'm not used to dealing with paradoxes. I could use some encouragement."

"I'm sure you can handle it..." I encouraged her. "Whatever it is that's supposed to have happened."

"You really think I can handle it all by myself?" she asked me.

For a few moments, I seriously considered that. The older Mikuru is usually a very independent and confident woman. For her to be this nervous must mean something terrible could happen, and that of course wouldn't just affect her. We could be looking at the end of the world, here. There's no way I can just let her face it alone. I also felt certain that I needed to go with her. Something inside of me insisted that it had to be me who fixed this problem, whatever it was.

"Maybe it would be better if you had an escort, actually," I said. "Someone who has a greater familiarity with this time period."

"Thanks a lot," she said. "I knew you'd understand."

"Okay..." I said. "So, I guess I should get dressed. I don't suppose I should walk around in the past in my pajamas."

- x -

This trip to the past felt longer, by far, than any I had taken. And this is coming from a guy who's had a lot of trips through time. When the world did finally resolve itself, it was a cloudy day near a farm. Looking up made me glad I had thought to put on my school uniform and bring an umbrella.

"So," I asked, "all you know is that this event is something connected to that 'nexus' in time?"

"Right," she answered. "As long as we're careful not to change anything, I think we should be okay."

"But if we don't change anything," I asked, "won't that be just as paradoxical?"

"I really have no idea," she admitted.

"I'm going to go see what this hill is like," I said.

"What for?" she asked.

"I'm curious to see what was here before the school was built," I explained.

- x -

The rain was pouring at the bus stop, where I had just sat, while a bus pulled away. I was worried for a moment that speaking to some anonymous woman might have changed the future in some horrible way until I noticed Mikuru smiling at me.

"You handled that well," she said.

"Thanks," I answered.

"Just one little thing..." she told me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm not a housewife," she informed me. "Actually, I never got married."

"Really?" I asked, surprised at this news. "What do you do?"

"I work in Public Relations," she replied. "I'm a desk clerk."

If she had told me that her hair was actually a wig, it wouldn't have surprised me as much as that information.

"Wow, really?" I said. "I'd have never guessed."

"You really have a lot of money on you?" she asked.

"Oh, sure," I answered. "I mean, it's probably not much by your standards, but..."

She looked a little exasperated that I was harping on this, so I quickly continued.

"Somehow," I said, "I doubt it's good in this time, though."

"Money is no problem," she said. "I have major denominations from earlier this decade."

"Old money?" I asked.

"How did you get all that money?" she then asked me.

"I got an advance on my allowance to cover the cost of my share of a trip, but then Haruhi told me to hang on to it. Weird, huh?"

"I think I remember a bit of that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Miss Suzumiya sent me a text saying that you had eloped with her and were planning to move away."

"Is that what that was? That's weird."

"It was rather alarming."

It was nice to finally find out what that "joke" was that Haruhi had thought was so funny. It's not surprising that it had backfired on her, although I recall suggesting to her something similar when Koizumi had called, earlier. I'm sure that would have been a lot funnier, though.

I said, "You don't need to worry. We aren't about to elope any time soon. I'm just really confused."

"What about?" she asked.

"Everything," I admitted. "My mind is whirling. I thought I knew what kind of person Haruhi was, but then Miss Nagato kind of woke me up. It turned my whole world upside down."

"Miss Nagato?" she said, obviously wondering what she had to do with anything.

I then admitted, "She confessed to me about a week ago, and I just couldn't accept it... I had just started having feelings for Haruhi, but then..."

"I can see why you're confused," she observed.

"I'm really worried about Miss Nagato," I added. "I think she might be about to snap."

"Jeez," she said. "That would be bad."

- x -

After this, it was decided somehow that we should go into town. Mikuru said that she wanted to go celebrate something, though she wouldn't tell me what it was that we were celebrating or why we couldn't do it in the future. This somehow led to a conversation about what had happened the Tuesday before last.

"I see," she said. "So, when Miss Nagato told you that she'd started that fight, it made you change your mind about her."

"It made a lot of sense," I added. "I know Haruhi isn't really a bully at heart, but she definitely has a dark side to her."

"I think Miss Suzumiya is afraid of herself," she said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "If anything, she may well be very meek and shy at heart."

"You really think so?" I asked.

"Yeah," she answered.

This seemed really strange. Haruhi? Meek? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Was Mikuru really talking about the same Haruhi I was?

"Of all people," I said, "I thought you would tell me that she is a bully. I mean, look at how much she tormented you with making you wear those outfits."

"Okay," she admitted. "I can't deny that, but I think it's too simple to just call that her 'true' nature. You can't really judge things that way."

"How should I judge things like that?" I asked.

"You really need to go with what your gut tells you," she answered.

"Yeah..." I said, thinking that sounded right. "I think you're right about that." Well, my gut told me that this was true, but then that's kind of like asking a fox whether it can be trusted around a hen house.

- x -

We went to a coffee shop and had something to drink while the rain started to fade. Mikuru eventually revealed who that woman had been, and I wondered why Mikuru had left it to me to talk to her all on my own.

"I told you I was nervous," Mikuru said.

"I felt obliged to do all the talking," I added, "just to be polite."

"I have to hand it to you. You were very polite."

"So polite that I neglected to tell her my name."

"It's a good thing you didn't. Imagine how big a paradox that might have caused."

"So, was that the paradox? Me talking to Haruhi's mother?"

"Yeah, I think you've created a new time plane, somehow."

My head swam at this idea. This woman that seemed safely anonymous had just happened to be Haruhi's mother. The fact that she was here at all was strange. Why on Earth was she wandering around in the middle of nowhere? Where was she going with Haruhi? How did things get so messed up? Did we really just create a new time plane?

"Or is it the old one?" I asked, wondering if Mikuru could tell.

"I'm not really sure," she admitted. "I'm not an expert in creating time planes."

"This is so crazy," I said.

"No," she said, firmly. "I think we've fixed something."

"Really?" I asked.

"I have a feeling everything's going to be okay, now," she insisted.

- x -

We then started to wander through a park, and it really started to bother me that we were taking our time getting back.

"So, are we finished?" I asked her. "Seems like a good time to go back."

"Yeah, we're done," she replied. "I just need to make sure something crazy doesn't start to happen."

"Okay," I said.

"I mean, it really pays to double-check these things and make sure. I don't want to go back to the future and then find out that I'm stuck in a post-apocalyptic ruin."

"You don't think I might have given Haruhi's mother the confidence to be a better mother than she would have been?"

"I do, but I'm not sure whether that's a good thing just yet."

"Okay... So, what now?"

"I think it might be a good time to go see a baseball game."

Once she was sure that nobody could see us, she then took me forward in time.

- x -

At the baseball game, Mikuru seemed to be very pleased with how things were going, and we somehow ended up talking about trivial things.

"So, you ended up getting close to Miss Nagato?" she asked me.

"I suppose," I admitted.

"Aren't you friends?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I notice you don't call her 'Yuki,'" she added.

I sighed and said, "I'm not really comfortable talking about this."

"Why not?" she asked. "It seems like she would really appreciate a friendly gesture like that."

"I know..." I said, my heart sinking a little. "It just feels like if I started calling her that... It'd be like admitting that I was never really in love with Haruhi."

"So, you aren't just being polite," Mikuru observed.

"No," I answered.

I really didn't want to believe that my love for Haruhi could die like that, but it was starting to be obvious that I had made a mistake. The Haruhi I had seen on that trip to my old hometown must have just been a Haruhi who hates disappointment and really does despise the fact that I'm a nobody. I wasn't ready to accept this as the truth, but it started to weigh on my mind.

- x -

We ended up at a park, and I was glad to have a little more time to clear my head before going back. It seemed wrong that I could even think of letting a little thing like Haruhi's weird expectations get in the way of my feelings.

"Seems like everything is fine," I said.

"Yeah," Mikuru answered, "I just like to be sure."

We came to a bench and sat, just like that time when she had told me that she was a time traveler.

"You're pretty thorough," I said.

"You don't want to make silly assumptions when you time travel," she added. "It can lead to big regrets in the future."

She checked something invisible at her wrist.

"I guess you're right," I said, wondering what it was she was checking. Probably her connection to the future.

"I love the food in this time," she admitted. "I know it isn't all that healthy, but it's so much better somehow than in my time."

"Food is bland in your time?" I guessed, wondering how this topic suddenly came up.

"More like, it's really predictable," she said. "It's full of flavor, but it's so predictably so."

"I really don't get that," I said, wondering how predictable things could be a problem.

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't," she softly added, leaning closer to me, and smiling.

"You're not trying to kiss me, are you?" I asked, only half-seriously.

"And what if I am?" she asked, also half-serious.

"Oh jeez," I said. "I think I have enough girl trouble as it is."

"You don't even know what trouble is," she said, then appeared determined to show me. She leaned closer and then suddenly kissed me. For a moment, I wanted to push her away, but... Then it occurred to me that this is Mikuru, for heaven's sakes. You don't just push away a cute woman like this.

I mean, unless a cute girl like Haruhi is standing around nearby, of course. And, of course, she was. She was dressed so casually that it isn't surprising that I hadn't noticed her.

"You..." Haruhi said, briefly looking like she was seeing a ghost.

The look she then gave me was that of a kind of weird relief. I thought for a moment that she was going to congratulate me, but then I noticed that tears were streaming down her face.

"Serves me right," she softly added. "I could never love a nobody like you."

I think it was at about this time that Mikuru finally noticed. She turned and stared for a few moments, then quickly started tapping at her wrist.

- x -

The next thing I knew, me and the older Mikuru were standing in the dark in front of my house.

Mikuru seemed panicked as she complained, "What the hell just happened? Why did Miss Suzumiya just appear like that?"

"How the heck should I know?" I answered, calmly but nervous.

"Oh crap!" she interjected. "This is really bad."

"Calm down," I said. "What's the worst that could have happened?"

"I don't know," she answered. "Let me think."

I sighed deeply and told myself it was all over. I just felt a weird kind of calm about it.

"One thing is for sure," I said. "This is all messed up."

"You think?" she said.

"I should have just told Haruhi how I felt when I had the chance," I added.

She then told me, "Let's not start overreacting, okay? Let's just stop and figure this out."

"Did we fix the paradox, at least?" I asked.

Mikuru checked her wrist and instantly went very pale.

"Well?" I asked. "What happened?"

"Please tell me I'm having a nightmare," she begged me. "This can't be happening."

- x -

Mikuru and I softly entered my bedroom, and I switched on the light. When she entered, she recoiled at the sight of Yuki, who had been standing there.

"Hey, Miss Nagato," I said. "Were you waiting for me?"

She replied, "I evaded my guardians to see whether you were still disturbed by concerns for Haruhi Suzumiya's travel plans."

"I think I'm a little past that," I said, matter-of-factly.

"I'm aware of your distress," she said. "Your interactions appear to have created an unusually large disturbance in the past."

"I don't suppose you can fix it?" I asked, certain that she would say no.

"The situation is impossible to fix," she replied. "Even if you could travel to the point before the temporal anomaly, the most you could do is create another time plane. I no longer possess the ability to fix this time plane."

"So, we're stuck like this?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied.

This all seemed to fit with what I was thinking. It felt right, too.

"There is also a temporal anomaly in the near future," Yuki informed her. Mikuru then checked her wrist, as Yuki added, "The situation is at an impasse."

"Oh my God!" Mikuru added. "I can't get a signal out."

"Wait," I said, not really enjoying the thought of Mikuru in so much distress just because of me.

"Kyon," she added, "I'm really stuck here."

The situation would have been much worse, except that I noticed Yuki had deployed her audio-stealth field again. This was the reason my mother wasn't already breaking down the door and throwing a fit, herself.

"Hold on a second," I said, thinking that Yuki's considerate preparations had given me an idea. "You said you evaded your guardians?"

"That's correct," she admitted.

"Are they supposed to keep you away from me?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered.

"How are you able to speak with me, then?"

"My guardians are not permitted to break the rules regarding privacy."

"But you invade my privacy all the time."

"Is my presence not welcome?"

"That's not... No, you are welcome, any time."

"So, there is no infraction of the rules on my part."

"I see."

Mikuru then asked me, "Kyon, what on Earth are you talking about?"

I told her, "I think there's a way to fix this."

"Really?" Mikuru asked. "How?"

The problem here was that the rules of time travel didn't permit me to personally fix the situation. What needed to happen was for me to change the situation so that the me in some other time plane wouldn't have to deal with it. It wouldn't help me, but it would at least improve the situation. And given that this me had already messed things up with Haruhi, I wondered if I'd also messed things up with Yuki. It wouldn't surprise me if she hated me, too.

"Miss Nagato," I asked, "I'm sorry, but are we bothering you?"

"No," she answered.

I said, "I'm glad you got past your guardians. Would you be in more trouble if you helped me out?"

"If I seem bothered by your situation, it would be because you're uncertain of remedy," she answered. "I'm prepared to support whatever decisions you make."

"Thanks, Yuki," I said. "I think we can work this out."

Yuki looked away and seemed a little nervous. It's pretty rare that I see her this way, but it seemed to me like a good sign. I relaxed for a moment and thought about this. Given the situation, it seemed likely that Yuki and I would end up taking care of each other for a long time. I knew how Haruhi felt. I just needed to find out if Yuki was really serious about this.

"Kyon," Mikuru asked, "what are you doing?"

"Yuki..." I said. "Could you take care of Miss Asahina? I'd like us to have some privacy."

"What?" Mikuru softly said.

"I'd like to have a word with Yuki, if you don't mind," I added.

"Oh jeez..." Mikuru added.

"So..." I said.

Since Yuki wasn't objecting, I took that to mean that she approved.

She then said, "I understand. I will look after this Mikuru Asahina until we have cleared the future temporal rift, and I will look forward to our next encounter."

"Kyon, you don't need to do this," Mikuru informed me.

"I can't see any other way to deal with this," I told her.

"Okay, but trust me," she said. "I'll fix this. I swear I will."

- x -

The next day at the club room, I entered and found younger Mikuru and Koizumi. They were just sitting around, waiting for me.

"Hey everybody," I said.

"How's it going?" Koizumi asked.

"Same as usual, I guess," I replied.

Koizumi smiled and said, "That bad, huh?"

"So..." I said. "I guess you haven't noticed?"

"What?" he asked.

"About all the new temporal phenomena?" I casually added.

Mikuru turned away for a few moments, then looked back at me. "How...?" she started to ask, looking very pale.

"Yeah," I said. "That bad."

"I see," Koizumi said.

"Any word from Haruhi?" I asked.

"I assume she's still on her way to Paris," he answered.

"That's good," I said.

"So, you mind filling us in?" he asked. "Or are we going to have to guess?"

"Sorry," I answered. "That's classified."

"Very funny," he said, not looking very amused.

- x -

When I returned home from school, I was unsurprised to find Yuki waiting for me in my bedroom.

"How's it going?" I asked.

She replied, "The Mikuru Asahina from further in the future seems to have recovered."

"Should I be worried about her?"

"There's no danger. The anomaly in the near future appears to be a bubble in the temporal plane."

"A bubble?"

"Earth technology has not yet advanced to the necessary level that temporal communications can traverse curvatures in the temporal planes."

Curves, lines, and planes in time all added up to a whole lot of nothing for me. Yuki may as well have been speaking Greek.

"What about the past?" I asked.

"The past beyond four years ago has been rendered inaccessible by Haruhi Suzumiya," she replied.

"I guess I'm not surprised by that," I added.

"It's in her nature," she agreed.

"I wonder about that," I softly admitted.

"You're still not convinced?"

"No. I mean, I'm just thinking we haven't tried to find what Haruhi really wants."

Why would Haruhi just shut down access to the past? If that was something she did subconsciously, I could understand, but what would that say about me? Was the experience really that painful for her? If so, that really did make me a complete bastard, all right. It seemed horribly wrong to just leave things this way.

"What do you really want?" Yuki asked.

"Me?" I said.

"Yes."

"I want Haruhi to believe in her true powers."

This wasn't just some comic book inspired dream I had. I wanted to do something for her, and I don't think I could have made it up to her any other way.

"That cannot be permitted," Yuki said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"It would be disastrous," she answered.

"How do you know?" I then asked.

She seemed a little hesitant, although I'm pretty sure it was because she wasn't sure how to convince me, rather than that she was unsure of herself.

I added, "I think you only believe that because you don't want to trust her."

"Experience has proven that she cannot be," she said.

"You really think she won't become conscious of her powers, eventually?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's safe to say that this is what I want for her, at the very least."

"That would appear to be the case."

"It is the case. And since I have a way of rubbing off on her, so to speak, don't you think it is inevitable for her to want it for herself?"

I wasn't sure I believed this, but it sounded good.

Yuki thought for a moment, then admitted, "Your input raises a serious concern."

"So," I asked, "wouldn't it make sense to give her that belief while she's still relatively harmless?"

"Perhaps we should isolate her from you," she offered. "That would also solve this dilemma."

"You really think she would put up with that?" I asked.

I'm not sure where that came from, and Yuki seemed a little surprised that I had said that. Then she looked at me in a puzzled way.

"I won't say anything more about it," I added. "I don't want to fight with you."

"You don't?" she asked.

"Yuki," I answered. "I don't ever want to fight with you, but you're wrong about Haruhi."

"Okay."

"So, is that okay?"

"Should I be offended that you kissed Mikuru Asahina?"

"If you want to be."

For a moment, it looked like she was going to be offended, but then she looked down and said, "I will overlook your mistake if you admit it."

"It was a mistake," I said.

"Is there any question in your mind?" she asked.

"No," I said.

Since Haruhi had given up on me, what else could I do? My only hope was for Yuki to accept me. What chance would a nobody like me have with a normal girl? That seemed pretty unlikely.

I got a little tired of seeing Yuki stare at the floor, so I lifted her chin and kissed her. This seemed like a good solution. I would make amends with Haruhi, gamble on Yuki, and hope that Mikuru would help some other me in another time plane. It was all I could think of to do.

- x -

Just like the previous night, I found myself suddenly falling out of bed. Only, this time, I found myself in a strange place.

"Whoa! What the heck?" I said, blinking in the sudden dim light of early evening. I went and sat next to Haruhi at a bench, rubbing my feet to warm them.

She laughed and said, "You look like you just got dragged out of bed. That's awesome!"

"It's cold," I complained.

"You should have put something warm on," she told me.

"I didn't know I was going to be yanked out of my bed straight to wherever this is."

"You don't even know where you are?"

"Give me a break."

"You want to go home?"

I looked around again, and then it hit me that Haruhi had just called me a few hours ago.

I said, "I'm really more curious about where I am and how I got here. Is this Paris?"

"Yeah," she answered. "Well, this is the northeast side."

"I can see why people like to visit," I admitted.

"You really ought to get dressed in something more appropriate," she told me, and then I was suddenly wearing a tux with bunny slippers.

She laughed and exclaimed, "That's perfect!"

"You have a strange sense of humor," I said.

"How did I do that?"

"You wished for it, apparently."

"And it just suddenly happened? That's great. I wonder what I should wish for next?"

"Don't go crazy, please."

"I'm not. Actually, I was kind of wishing for something more mundane."

It was a real mystery to me why Haruhi always drags me around wherever she goes. I really wished she would explain it to me, just one time. What's weird is I also felt like the reason was right in front of me, but I couldn't quite see it.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Come on!" she complained.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I answered.

"Really?" she said, getting irritated.

"I'm not a mind reader," I added. "Jeez."

"All right," Haruhi said, starting to steam a little. "What the hell has been going on with you? You've been really confusing the hell out me lately."

"What's to be confused about?" I said. "Nothing is going on."

"Nothing?"

"Yeah."

"Who's the first girl you ever kissed?"

"You."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

I could still remember that incident, clear as day. It wasn't very romantic, but a kiss is a kiss.

"Funny," she said, "because I don't remember it."

"It wasn't exactly in this world," I admitted.

"So, that actually happened?" she said, starting to tremble. "My God, I must be having a nightmare."

"You have a strange sense of reality," I told her, pinching her cheek. "Does that feel like a nightmare?"

She slapped my hand away, and said, "That's exactly the kind of thing you'd say in a nightmare."

"Would a nightmare really pinch your cheek?" I asked, getting annoyed by her denials.

"Let me ask you something," Haruhi then said. "Who's the first girl you ever kissed in this world?"

I wasn't sure I wanted to answer that. Actually, there was nothing that could make me answer that.

"I want to know," she insisted. "It wasn't me, was it?"

"No," I admitted.

"You're in love with someone else, right?" she accused me.

It then finally occurred to me that the Haruhi I had seen in the past was this Haruhi. It was the same clothes, the same attitude, the same weird look on her face... My heart sank as I realized that I had really given up on her first, but all the time travel had made me confused about that.

"It's that Mikuru, right?" she asked.

"No," I said, trying to marshal my thoughts.

"Don't lie to me!" Haruhi said, starting to get really upset. "Tell me the truth!"

Her getting upset was making me upset, and I said, "I'm not in love with Miss Asahina!"

"Let's just see about that," she said, swiftly vanishing.

"Wait!" I exclaimed, a moment later.

I then saw Yuki float down to the ground, enveloped in several translucent rectangular planes. Several people passing by took notice and began exclaiming or making comments in French. Yuki then reached out and took my hand, hoisting me up with an unbelievable strength.

"Where are we going?" I asked, as we shot up into the sky.

"To a safer location," she answered.

- x -

As we were nearing the clouds, we slowed our ascent and finally stopped. I think I finally found the courage to speak around then.

"So," I said, "Haruhi is conscious of her true powers?"

"Correct," Yuki replied.

"How did you do that?"

"It was necessary to place her in a trance. In the first state, her memories of you were temporarily suspended. In the second state, her awareness of her powers was given temporary accessibility."

I had doubts about that, but then I remembered that the younger Mikuru had had a similar condition placed on her to prevent her from talking about the future. If mere human beings could use a trance state that way, how much more an advanced alien race?

"So, she really is in a kind of dream," I said.

Yuki added, "That is not entirely accurate, but it's not entirely false."

It was a nice panorama of Paris, but it was making me distinctly uncomfortable. I asked her, "Would it be a bad time to tell you that I'm afraid of heights?"

"Do you have a fear of death?" she then asked, not amused by my attempt at humor.

"I think I'm talking about instinct," I explained.

"I am, as well," she said.

To my stunned amazement, I watched as the Eiffel tower swiftly rose above the ground, then flew into the other towers of the city, causing one of them to start to crumble.

"Holy...!" I exclaimed.

"This is as I predicted," she said.

As if that wasn't shocking enough, the buildings themselves were struck and began toppling over, one by one. For another minute or so, the destruction continued unabated. Dust and smoke started rising into the air, making it apparent that fires were breaking out, though I couldn't quite see those.

Yuki explained, "The emanations in the corrosive alternate spaces you have witnessed in the past have displayed these aggressive tendencies in their limited areas. If Haruhi Suzumiya becomes conscious of her powers and then becomes stressed, this type of disaster will happen."

"We've got to stop her," I said, starting to feel horrified after being so numb for the last minute or so.

"How?" she asked.

"Can't you use your powers or something?" I asked.

"You want me to die?" she softly asked me.

It then occurred to me that Yuki was afraid of Haruhi, and it was obvious that she should be. Even a being with world-shaking powers would be afraid of a deity-like being with seeming omnipotence.

"I would not go near her in this state," Yuki warned me. "Anything she touches will be destroyed. Even an army of humanoid interfaces can't change that."

"I can't just watch this," I said, very distressed.

"You should watch this," she said with grim softness. "Pay close attention. This is what your wish caused to happen."

I felt appalled by all the destruction, but I was even more appalled by the fact that I knew it wasn't my wish that had done this. It was just a simple quirk of fate that had made me lose faith in Haruhi because I had been confused about the situation. I was sure that was the real reason.

"By rule," Yuki added. "I cannot allow the millions being destroyed down there to come to harm, but only if I can prevent it. I want to stop this, but I cannot."

"She must be really mad at me," I said, softly adding to my previous thoughts.

"That would appear to be the case," Yuki admitted.

The fires started to become more evident as they spread, and the dust settled. For a few more minutes, I could only watch. Then, finally, I decided that I didn't care even if I did die. I had to do something.

"Could you take me down there?" I asked.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I'm not going to do anything crazy. Trust me."

- x -

We soon returned to the park, which was nothing more than a patch of green grass surrounded by flames, swirling smoke and ash, and the cries of the people who had somehow survived in spite of all the destruction. I walked up to Haruhi, who was standing in the center of the green circle of grass, and I noticed how Yuki continued to stand near, though she didn't step onto the grass. When I approached to the side of Haruhi, she turned to look at me, and I could see her laughing through her tears. I had never seen a more true expression of Haruhi's nature than this, and it scared me a little when I recognized how true it was.

"Hey, Haruhi," I said very casually, as if just bumping into her in class.

"Hey, Kyon," she said to me. "I'm glad you're here to see this. Isn't it awesome? This is a hell of a dream, huh?"

"You're having fun, huh?"

"Yeah."

As much as she disgusted me, and as much as I wanted to not disappoint Yuki, I couldn't deny that I still wanted to give Haruhi another chance.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," I said.

"That's okay," she said. "I shouldn't have been so freaked out. I mean, God! Why should I get so worked up over some guy?"

"Would you come here?" I asked her.

"What?" she said.

"Come on," I insisted.

All I could think about was how I wanted to take back the misunderstandings and the anguish I had caused her and just wipe the slate clean. I would have given anything to just start over again. It occurred to me that I could just keep going to her, so I walked closer to her and embraced her. For a few moments, she just softly cried in my arms.

"You bastard," she said softly. "You don't have the right to touch me!"

She then pushed me away, looked up, and then pointed at the moon. For a moment, I wasn't sure what she was doing, but then the moon itself suddenly grew larger in the sky until a few moments later, it was filling the sky. The wind picked up and the ground began to shake, as the moon grew into a more and more monstrous size.

While laughing, she shouted, "Hey, Kyon! I don't need to say a word! I can command the stars with my thoughts!"

"Give it rest, already!" I shouted back, but I'm not sure she heard that.


	12. Gamma part 4

- Chapter 6: Gamma part 4

I then awoke, not so much to the sound of an alarm as much as to the thought of the world exploding around me. Of course, the world didn't actually end that way. In that weird memory, I could recall Haruhi regretting everything and putting the world and Paris back to the way it was, though there was no fixing the damage in her heart. She never forgave me for betraying her. She was still the same Haruhi, but she no longer cared at all about "urges" or that "sickness" I liked to call affection. We continued to be friends, but I just couldn't relate to her anymore. After that day, I spent all the time I could in that world with Yuki, and I didn't regret a minute of it. Yuki had come to appreciate affection even more than I could, and I was justly proud to think that I might have played a part in that attitude of hers.

If you asked me how old Yuki is, I really wouldn't have an answer. Four years, forty years, four thousand years? What difference does it make? The Yuki I know is youthful, yet she sometimes seems as old as a river. Thanks to spending a lifetime with her, I'm well aware of her quirks. On the surface, she's insecure, solitary, and a little too trusting, but she's really more like a bundle of contradictions. She's strangely insightful at times, yet there are times when it seems like she might have trouble boiling water. She's thoughtful and considerate, though she sometimes explains things in a thoughtless way or she gives curt reprimands to careless people. She does give people the impression of being impatient and inflexible, though she's actually extremely patient and very adaptable. Most of all, she gives everyone the impression of being robotic, though once they get to know her better, they realize that she's simply methodical and thorough. Anyone who actually worked with her on a serious job gave her high marks for preparedness and professionalism and expressed enthusiasm when the subject of working with her again came up.

You could easily understand how I might grow very fond of a girl like Yuki when you consider how much I cherish honesty and integrity. Yuki certainly never failed to deliver on those qualities, though she did mislead me a few times. And even in those instances, those happy deceptions always served to make me a better person with more generous circumstances. I don't mean that we ever experienced monetary success. What would a girl like Yuki ever do with money? We both measured success by the number of smiles we could put on other peoples faces. Of course, I think Haruhi also measured success that way, to some extent, though she was more prone to measure it in the amount of her bankroll.

Haruhi always seemed cheerful, though anyone could see that her cheerfulness was just a facade. Having experienced so much in the way of disappointment, she eventually became more bitter and resentful than any human being I could ever recall. She never showed it, but I could see in her eyes how huge a burden it was to her. She had plans to make the world a fun place to live, but things always seemed to go wrong. No one around her could ever seem to do anything right. She spent all her time going over every detail of the plans she laid out. Anyone else was always utterly incapable of being trusted with watching over her plans. I think it eventually wore her down, although I was probably dead long before then, having been killed in a traffic accident at the age of forty-three.

What's it like to die? I'm not sure. All I know is that I was carelessly crossing the road, and then suddenly the world began spinning in a crazy way. Then I was buried under what seemed a mountain of pillows. I had an unpleasant moment where I thought I couldn't breathe, but that was it. Sorry to burst your bubble if you were expecting more than that. Maybe there is an afterlife, but I wouldn't know. I haven't been there yet.

Speaking of going places, after that memory finished, I found myself remembering the other one. You know? The one where Haruhi left for a moment and then came back to that hotel room and furiously screamed at me to leave? I might have left out that part. Anyway, Haruhi and I broke up for about a week after that, though the reason for her outrage was all just a dream to her. She never told me why we were broken up, but she was still angry with me, all the same. The rest of my life in that world went on much the same, after that. It was just one crazy thing after another there. Haruhi never looked up to me quite the same way as before, so she pretty much stayed the same in spite of us being lovers. If I were a comedy writer, I would linger a bit longer on that world, but I much prefer the bittersweet romance of my own world.

And speaking of my own world, I soon found my little sister looking at me with a weird concern in her eyes, asking me if something was wrong, while the alarm clock continued ringing. I just softly answered that I was fine, but I didn't really feel like moving. All the emotions of all these memories flooding into me had paralyzed me with awe and regret. Eventually, I mentally shoved it all back into my subconscious and dragged myself to breakfast.

At breakfast, I was a little disappointed to discover that I was no longer capable of bending spoons with my mind.

- x -

On my way to school, my phone rang. I immediately took it out and answered it without bothering to check who it was.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hey, Kyon," Haruhi said to me through the phone.

"Something up?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "I was just calling to see what's up with you."

"Isn't it nighttime there?"

"Yeah, but I can't sleep."

"You have a bad dream?"

"You ever have one of those dreams that starts out great and just gets worse and worse?"

"Yeah."

"I had the most unbelievable dream, ever. I don't think I could sleep if I took sleeping pills."

I smiled as I thought about how that "dream" had probably made her feel. I can definitely relate.

"You should go check out the night life," I told her. "I hear Paris at night is pretty spectacular."

"Yeah," she answered. "I might just do that."

"Hey, Haruhi?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"Idiot."

I looked at my phone for another moment, then put it away.

- x -

Later that day, at the club room, I entered and saw younger Mikuru, knitting. Koizumi then entered a few moments later.

"Hey everybody," he said.

"Hey there, Koizumi," I answered.

"So..." he said. "Am I crazy, or did the moon actually crash into the Earth this morning?"

"I think it was just a bad dream," I said.

"Yeah," he said, a little sarcastically, "a dream we all just happened to have. A lot like life, I would say."

"You can stop gloating, now," I told him.

"I'm not," he said. "I'm just curious. Did that all just float out of my subconscious from some alternate time plane?"

"Maybe," I admitted.

He added, "It does kind of confirm some suspicions I've had about time travel."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean," he explained, "I think the universe is like a living organism. Any time there are these things that create time paradoxes, it's like the universe itself gets shocked and then tries to quickly repair the damage. When things go completely out of control, it repairs what it can, like getting information synchronized, if possible."

"You think so, huh?" I said.

"What do you think?" he asked.

I sighed and admitted, "I think I was wrong to wish that Haruhi could be made aware of her true powers."

"How very pragmatic," he said. "You see? I knew you'd come around to my view."

"It's not that I don't think she can be trusted," I added. "It's just that she worries a lot, and that can cause problems."

"For example?" he asked.

"I think she worries about her mother a lot," I replied.

"Well, then," he said, cheerfully. "Maybe you should set her mind at ease and offer to help."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I might just do that."

- x -

On my way home from school, I got a call from Haruhi's mother. We exchanged some pleasantries for a few moments, and then started really conversing.

"I'm glad you got my number," I said.

She explained, "I found this note Haruhi left for me a couple days ago. Sorry, I'm just now reading it."

"So, is it okay to meet over dinner or something?" I offered.

"I'd really prefer a lunch on Sunday," she answered. "That'll fit my schedule better."

"Sounds good," I said. "Feel free to come over any time."

With that concluded, I wondered if she would have something personal to say about my being Haruhi's boyfriend.

Sure enough, she then asked, "So, are you two getting along?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Would you do me a big favor?"

"Sure."

"Could you take her off our hands? I'd really appreciate it."

I smiled and asked, "Something wrong?"

"Well," she answered, sighing, "much as I love her, it's a real chore to deal with her. You know what a trouble-maker she is."

I really couldn't argue with that. Haruhi had done a very good job of making my life interesting, that's for sure.

"Hello?" she said.

"Could I ask you something?" I asked.

"Go right ahead," she answered.

"When did Haruhi start becoming such a trouble-maker?" I asked. "Do you know?"

"Yeah..." she replied. "This is going to sound weird, but... About ten years ago, things were really rough. My husband had just lost his old job, and I was contemplating moving back in with my mother, but then I decided to just stick it out."

"Sounds like you made a difficult decision, there."

"I'm glad I did stick it out. But, I think little Haruhi started to go downhill at that point. I don't know what went wrong."

"Just like that?"

"Well, it was pretty subtle. I think all the stress must have just made her start to snap. She started acting out about four years ago, but I could see it coming."

"I'll do what I can to help."

"Thanks. I feel like such a terrible mother."

"No, I'm sure you did a good job raising her."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, I'm being honest."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you."

- x -

When I got home, I found another note on my desk. I immediately left again, and went to the park. As I approached, I saw Yuki and the older Mikuru sitting at a park bench.

"Hey," I said to Yuki, "I got your note."

"Are you conscious of the underlying time planes?" she asked.

"I think so," I answered. "It's really just a trickle, but we are talking about two whole lifetimes of information."

"The human mind has limitations," Yuki explained.

"Yeah," I said, "that's probably a good thing."

Yuki looked at me with that oddly familiar puzzled expression of hers, and I turned to Mikuru.

"So," I asked her, "Miss Asahina, how's it going?"

"I'm fine, thanks," she answered. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," I replied.

"That's good," she said.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "I'm kind of worried."

She smiled and told me, "You can stop worrying, all right? I'll be fine."

"You didn't just stop existing," I guessed.

"Yeah," she answered, "I'm really relieved about that."

I added, "It does kind of make me wonder who I really am and why I'm existing here."

"You have a really strange mind," she said.

"I don't think so," I said. "I think I'm pretty typical."

"Let's not have any more paradoxes, okay?" she asked.

"Okay," I replied. "I promise."

"Thanks," she said. "I'll be going, now."

"Have a safe trip," I said.

Mikuru got up and vanished a moment later in a flash of light.

"She really knows how to make an exit," I said.

"Do you wish to speak to me?" Yuki asked.

For a moment, I had a memory of Yuki telling me, "Don't be impatient." We had been on our way to the store, and I had accidentally brushed her arm. She had looked at me in a telling way and told me that. It was strangely funny, and my laughter brought a smile to her face. It was one of those weirdly surprising moments that I hadn't noticed from the first time I had those memories.

"Why do you pause?" she asked.

I sighed and sat next to her, wondering if these memories would keep intruding into my life.

"I can't be the me who spent a lifetime with you," I said.

"Okay," she said.

"It was probably the best of all the possible worlds, though. I mean, aside from Haruhi being a glutton for punishment."

"It was different."

"It was a happier place. I don't know if the world really deserves to be that happy, though."

"Do you dislike the world?"

"I mean, I just don't think the world should be that happy at her expense. I hate the thought of us being so happy and her being so miserable."

"I'm glad you say that."

"Really?"

"Really."

It was funny to hear Yuki say that. It never occurred to me that Yuki was just as upset as I was at how Haruhi's life had turned out, though I knew that this is the type of person Yuki is. I had another odd moment here as I wondered whether Yuki would turn out to be bitter and resentful in this world, but I just couldn't picture it. Yuki handles disappointment much better than Haruhi does, although I wonder if she'll start to lose her grip on her awareness. As long as she doesn't become a whiny drunk, I doubt she'll have a problem with that, either.

"Are you glad that Haruhi and I aren't fighting anymore?" I asked.

"Do you still wish Haruhi Suzumiya had conscious awareness of her abilities?" she asked me.

"No."

"I see."

"Hey, Yuki. Do you like snacks?"

I don't know if I ever asked her that in that previous time plane, but I was pretty sure she might say yes.

"Let's go have a bite to eat," I offered.

"How will you render payment?" she asked.

I then wondered how I would, considering I had no money. I then felt like an ass for asking.

"It's okay," she said. "I'll take care of it."

"Thanks," I said.

- x -

When Sunday afternoon came around, it seemed like I had just said goodbye to Haruhi's mother when Haruhi herself came to the door. As soon as I opened it, Haruhi rushed in and embraced me.

"I'm back!" she said.

"Whoa!" I said. "Calm down. You were only gone a few days."

"I know," she said very earnestly, "but it seems like a lifetime."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I admitted.

"Thanks a lot," she added.

"For what?"

"For not picking me up at the airport."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Does that sound like sarcasm?"

There was suddenly this moment when it seemed like we were about to kiss, but I looked at her severely and said, "Let's go outside for a minute."

We went outside, just outside the entrance.

"You know how you asked me about time travel?" I asked her.

"Yeah?" she answered.

I said, "You should probably ask Koizumi about it. He seems to have come up with an interesting theory."

"He likes that kind of thing, huh?"

"He certainly does."

"You think Mikuru might mind talking about it?"

"I think Miss Asahina would have a serious problem talking about it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Please don't annoy her."

"Okay. I'll promise to be nice to her from now on, but only if you stop calling me an otaku."

"Okay."

We then kissed for a moment, as it had become impossible to resist.

"Don't let my mother see that," I warned her.

"Oh, shut up," she said, cheerfully.

"Is everything okay with your mother?" I asked.

"Why do you ask?" she answered.

"You just seem to be worried all the time, that's all."

"My mother will be fine as long as she can find work. She has a steady job, so no problem."

"What about your father?"

"Let's not go there. Jeez, if I worry about anyone, it's him."

"Is he at home?"

"Yeah, and for the next month."

"That's going to be rough, huh?"

She then looked around for a few moments and softly asked, "Is there somewhere we can go?"

"What?" I asked.

"So, we can..." she started. "You know?"

I smiled and said, "You're really turned on, huh?"

She explained, "I just spent a couple days in the most romantic city in the world. It shouldn't be a surprise that I'm getting a little anxious."

"Okay," I answered. "But you're going to have to wait till Tuesday."

"Oh God," she said. "You live to torment me, don't you?"

"Well, at least I'm not picking a fight with you."

"Yeah. That was better, somehow."

- Fin


	13. Extra 2

- Extra

- Synchronization

Kyon: I don't quite understand how that whole memory synchronization works.

Yuki: Which aspect?

Kyon: Well, I guess you could say the order in which I remember everything seems backward. That's confusing.

Yuki: That's due to the fact that a merge can only occur between two temporal planes.

Kyon: Right. But then, how do I remember things from the temporal plane beneath that?

Yuki: You don't. What you are remembering is the memory of the previous merging of the two underlying planes.

Kyon: If that's the case, then I still don't understand why it goes backward.

Yuki: The order is immediate. What you are perceiving is the lag introduced by the time it takes to transfer memories from the subconscious to the conscious part of your human mind.

Kyon: ...

Yuki: Is this confusing?

Kyon: I don't know. I'm trying to visualize it. I keep picturing an onion, but I'm not sure that's helping.

Yuki: ...

Kyon: Okay, so A merges with B, and that eventually leads to B remembering A. Then B merges with C, and that eventually leads to C remembering B, whose memories of A eventually appear.

Yuki: Unless those memories were abandoned in a previous subconscious mind, in which case they will be lost.

Kyon: Okay. That's kind of scary.

Yuki: As I said, the human mind is somewhat limited.

Kyon: ...

Yuki: Anything else?

Kyon: So, what determines when synchronization occurs?

Yuki: That is determined by when the merging of the temporal planes occurs.

Kyon: How many temporal planes did we just experience over the past few days?

Yuki: There were fifteen, not including the transient, current and future temporal planes.

Kyon: Okay...

- x -

- Curiosity

Kyon: I like this time plane.

Mikuru: Why is that?

Kyon: Because I managed to avoid making you look stupid.

Mikuru: What was stupid was that errand you sent me on.

Kyon: What happened?

Mikuru: Nothing. Miss Nagato destroyed the letter along with the envelope unopened and told me to return.

Kyon: And that's it?

Mikuru: And not to talk about it until that time rift had passed.

Kyon: What the heck?

Mikuru: You know what's really weird? I can't remember having ever done anything wrong. Not even in those weird dreams.

Kyon: Really?

Mikuru: I mean, I can remember everything up to a certain point, but then it just gets fuzzy.

Kyon: Oh... That must be because I sent you back to that point to stop yourself from kissing me.

Mikuru: Kissing you? Was that all that happened?

Kyon: I think I cut it pretty close, though.

Mikuru: You know, you could have just told me to tell Miss Nagato to leave a note with something like, "Return to the future once you've finished with the incident from ten years ago."

Kyon: Well... There was a chance I'd read the note too soon or I might not read the note, and anyway...

Mikuru: What?

Kyon: I was kind of curious to see what would happen.

Mikuru: Oh jeez...

Kyon: Sorry. Maybe I should have explained all this to you in a previous time plane.

Mikuru: Maybe?

Kyon: ...

Mikuru: I'm not going to stay in the past further than the bus stop incident, when I eventually deal with this.

Kyon: Interesting. I wonder how that will affect what you've already done in the past.

Mikuru: Please do me a favor and let me handle all the time travel decisions from now on.

- x -

- The downside of being a comic book super hero

Koizumi: So, how did that discussion with Miss Asahina go?

Kyon: That was interesting. Yeah, you're right. It's a lot better, this way.

Koizumi: Glad to be of help.

Kyon: Do you actually remember those previous time planes?

Koizumi: I remember all five of the previous time planes.

Kyon: Five?

Koizumi: Yeah. How many do you remember?

Kyon: I can only remember the previous two.

Koizumi: Really?

Kyon: Yeah.

Koizumi: Even Miss Asahina told me she could remember three.

Kyon: (sighing) I guess I shouldn't feel too bad. Yuki said there were fifteen.

Koizumi: Fifteen? That must have been one heck of a tangled web.

Kyon: That's a lot of lifetimes to remember.

Koizumi: Tell me about it. Although that one with the moon hitting us was rather memorable.

Kyon: I still can't figure out why she did that. That was just nuts.

Koizumi: Yes. I remember her confiding in me about that. She told me that her true abilities were revealed to her shortly before she went on her rampage.

Kyon: She told you about that?

Koizumi: Yes.

Kyon: I thought she abandoned all that ability stuff and decided to change the world in normal ways.

Koizumi: Yes... Well, that wasn't quite the whole truth. You see, she found herself able to read people's minds, including the mind of Miss Nagato. So, it was trivial for her to undo the trance they had placed on her, and continue to be aware of her powers.

Kyon: Oops. I guess Yuki didn't think that one through carefully enough.

Koizumi: Indeed, but Miss Suzumiya wanted to save the world. She wanted to somehow give everybody everything they really wanted. I tried to warn her about that, but you know how she is.

Kyon: And since she could read minds...

Koizumi: Right. I think she really could have changed the world from moment to moment, but she decided that that would be cheating, somehow.

Kyon: Don't you think reading people's minds is cheating, already?

Koizumi: Yes. I agree. Cheating yourself, mainly. Imagine being an unusual, brilliant, talented, attractive person who can read people's minds.

Kyon: ...

Koizumi: It's really no wonder she ended up being the opposite of everything a person should be.

Kyon: I really screwed up, didn't I?

Koizumi: Well, at least you admit it. Hey, that's life.

- x -

- An imaginary conversation

Author: What do you think of this revision?

Proofreader: Looks about right.

Author: You really think...?

(A bizarre ten minute conversation occurs here...)

Proofreader: Yeah.

Author: (weary sigh) This is why time travel stories are a pain. Way too many arbitrary incidents, loose ends, conveniently forgotten problems, unlikely topic avoidances.

Proofreader: It can be a lot trickier to be convincing, but that makes it more fun. Especially if you have the guts to write about paradoxes.

Author: How exactly does this relate to Endless Eight?

Proofreader: Good question. The way I see it, Endless Eight is really just a dormant temporal bubble. They aren't so much creating new time planes as they are just bouncing around within the one pair of time planes. Mikuru can travel around it, but once they're in it, she suddenly can't access anything else in time. Mikuru doesn't have the technology to deal with temporal bubbles, so from inside a temporal bubble, it would be the same problem, just in both directions.

Author: So, a bubble is really just a quickly merging pair of time planes?

Proofreader: Basically.

Author: That might explain the deja vu.

Proofreader: Yeah, I was thinking that the memories of the previous iteration would mostly be buried in their unconscious minds, but those memories would start to leak into their conscious minds. Of course, Yuki doesn't really have an unconscious mind, though she does seem to have a weird kind of preconscious mind. I'll leave it to you to decide whether she starts to develop an unconscious mind.

Author: You don't care for the word "subconscious," do you?

Proofreader: Sorry. I'm being a little pedantic. But yeah. When people say "subconscious," they usually mean unconscious.

Author: So, the next volume is about Koizumi?

Proofreader: If there is one. I don't know.

Author: Okay. Let me know how that works out.

Proofreader: ...

Author: It's not going to happen, is it?

Proofreader: I'll let you know what I come up with.


	14. Pretty Girl

Haruhi Soap Opera - The Codes Volume

- x -

- Chapter 1: Pretty Girl

Now that I had repented for trying to make Haruhi into a kind of comic book hero, it would probably suffice to merely say that I began to respect her the same way that I trusted her. It was difficult for me to begin feeling that way, but the feeling came. That seems like an appropriate way to summarize the events that followed, and it spares you the tedious details of the conflicts that arose. Of course, having mentioned those conflicts, I now feel obligated to at least mention what they were.

In the days that followed Haruhi's return from France, I was soon approached by Ryoko Asakura (never a good sign). I also became bait for a celestial, a host for an inconvenient get-together, a potential hostage, and a witness to a small conflict between espers and aliens. I've been told that I nearly died and that I caused Haruhi's powers to leave her. More surprisingly, I witnessed Haruhi's first real confession, for what it was worth.

I think it's really this lack of a decent confession that had been bothering me. The rest of those things seem trivial in comparison. It's true that she told me she was jealous, and she talks to me with her body. I appreciate that language, but nothing can really compare to an actual verbal affirmation. I tried to convince myself it wasn't important, but I really had no idea the power of words. This mysterious power was certainly a serious thing for her, and I think she might have found a kind of hint of their importance in a certain strange activity that she decided to explore.

Now that I've mentioned all that, I guess I should turn the clock back to before all those conflicts and explain why Haruhi had decided to play this word game. The Monday following her arrival back in Japan, she told me that she was regretting having made the SOS Brigade, and she was planning to disband it. I told her that nothing would change, but she insisted and immediately raised the topic when she arrived at the club room that afternoon. I was playing poker with Yuki, and Mikuru and Koizumi were simply waiting for Haruhi. She soon arrived, greeted us, and began to give her little speech.

"As I'm sure you know," she said, "we've had something of a hiatus lately. I'd like to resolve this situation with a minimum of trouble, but I don't want you guys to feel like I'm deserting you, so I'll just leave the rest of this up to Kyon."

"You sure you really want to leave this in my hands?" I asked.

"I'm positive," she replied.

"Because I just told you what'll happen," I reminded her.

"Just get on with it," she said.

"Okay..." I answered, clearing my throat, "What Haruhi is trying to say is that she wants to step down as the brigade chief."

This seemed like a gentle way to lead into breaking up the brigade, though it was probably obvious to the rest of us.

"Are you really sure about this, Miss Suzumiya?" Koizumi asked her.

"I'm sure," she replied.

"Well, okay," he said. "If that's what you want."

"Does anyone object?" I asked, and was answered with silence.

I looked around the room and noticed that Koizumi seemed to sense that things were taking an odd turn. When I looked at Yuki, she spoke up from behind her cards. "No objections," she said.

"Don't look at me," Mikuru said when I looked at her.

"All right," I said. "Then, as Koizumi is the deputy chief of the brigade, it falls to him to decide how to handle this situation."

"Me?" he asked. "So, I'm in charge?"

"That's right," I replied.

"Okay, then," he said. "I assume no one else wants to preside over the meeting?"

I certainly wasn't going to do any such thing, as that might threaten to involve effort. Yuki never makes decisions in these situations, and of course Mikuru has a fresh new appreciation for not interfering with the past. He was really just fishing for Haruhi to go back on her resolve, but that wasn't about to happen, either.

"In that case," Koizumi continued, "we'll revert to the standard rules of order. Any proposed motions?"

"I move that we disband the brigade," I immediately said.

"Seconded," Yuki said, directly afterward.

"That was quick," Koizumi muttered. He then added, "Okay... Since the motion has been seconded, I'll open the floor to debate." I raised my hand, and he answered, "Yes, Kyon?"

I said, "Unless someone wants to lead the brigade, there's really no point in keeping it together."

"Okay," he said. "Anyone else?"

Haruhi looked like she was about to say something, but then she stopped and scowled.

Koizumi seemed to notice this, because he then said, "I'd like to propose an amendment, if I may. I propose that we revert to the Literature Club, rather than simply disband. Is that acceptable?"

"If it's acceptable to Yuki," I answered, "then yes."

"It is," she added, conveniently not just answering my condition, but also heading off any possible question of whether her second needed to be confirmed.

"All right," Koizumi said. "The motion is that we disband the SOS Brigade and, at the same time, revert to the Literature Club. Any discussion?"

Just as I had suspected, things were moving back around to having a real club.

"Okay," Koizumi added. "Show of hands. All those in favor?"

Me, Koizumi, Yuki, and Mikuru raised our hands. I don't know whether Haruhi would have been opposed or abstained, because Koizumi said, "Motion carries. Four in favor. Since Miss Nagato is the seniority member of the Literature Club, I'll yield the chair to her."

"Pass," Yuki promptly stated.

"Well..." Koizumi observed. "I guess this means I'm in charge again, if no one objects?"

Once again, it seemed like Koizumi was fishing for Haruhi to take charge again. Haruhi looked tempted, but she resisted the urge.

"Does anyone wish to resign from the Literature Club?" Koizumi then asked.

No one immediately said anything, so he looked around at us.

"Kyon?" he asked.

"I think I'll stick around," I answered.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "I've always liked reading, and I don't have anything better to do."

"Miss Suzumiya?" he then asked.

She answered, "Since Kyon is staying, I guess I'll stay."

"In that case," he said, "I'll stay, as well. Miss Asahina?"

"I'll stay," she answered.

"Okay," Koizumi said. "I think I'll expedite matters by appointing myself president. If there are no objections, that is."

Koizumi was getting pretty good at fishing for objections from Haruhi, but she wasn't having any of it. She was still convinced that things would change somehow.

"This is a pretty smooth meeting," he pleasantly observed, "don't you think?"

"So, now what?" Haruhi asked.

"All right," he answered. "This is now a club devoted to literature, and I expect our duties to reflect that. With that in mind, I appoint Miss Nagato as the club's secretary and treasurer. I'm sure we'll all enjoy the activities I'll have lined up for you, once we've decided what activities we should be doing. To that end, I appoint Miss Suzumiya as our activities director. I hope this meets with everyone's approval."

And, just like I predicted, everything was back to where we were.

"Miss Suzumiya?" he asked. "Any statement you wish to make regarding your new role?"

"So, I'm still deciding what we're doing?" she asked.

"That's right," he replied. "This time you can focus on literature. If this role meets with your approval, we can get underway whenever you're ready."

Haruhi then frowned and seemed about to complain, so I decided to try to head that off.

"May I propose something?" I asked.

"Please," Koizumi answered.

I said, "I'd like to propose that we give the club an unofficial name change, in honor of our new activities director."

"Oh?" he asked, surely feigning ignorance. "What name were you thinking of?"

"I thought 'SOS Brigade' might be a good way to start," I replied.

"Oh, yes," he said. "That would make a good theme for the Literature Club to employ. An excellent suggestion. Any objections?"

"No," Yuki said.

"None here," Mikuru added.

Haruhi seemed about to object, but then looked a little defeated.

"Well, then," Koizumi concluded. "For now, we'll be known as the 'SOS Brigade.' This will serve to salute all our new members in our characteristically creative fashion and honor the inspiration that they will surely bring to our new activities."

"How is this any different from what we were, before?" Haruhi complained.

"Actually..." Koizumi started, unwilling to continue.

"Damn it," Haruhi said.

"I told you so," I added, thinking that this was what the SOS Brigade already was, officially. The only thing we accomplished was to make that official pretense into an official reality. It also gave us a legitimate reason to show the SOS Brigade sign.

"Well," Haruhi said, "since no else wants to make a decision, I'm just going to let you do what you want for today. I'll have something lined up in a few days."

"What?" Koizumi asked. "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Haruhi could hardly tell him that she was planning on having some quality time with me. And by quality time, I mean a romantic rendezvous.

"Don't ask," I said, immediately clearing up any possible confusion.

Koizumi then grimaced as he seemed to picture what I was informing him of.

"Oh, grow up," Haruhi casually ordered him. "Get a girlfriend if you don't like it."

"Did I say anything?" he complained.

- x -

So, now there was really no excuse for Haruhi to avoid reading as part of the club, and it seemed to me that she was ready to embrace reading as an activity, though I didn't realize at the time that she would turn even this innocent activity into something weird or occult in nature. As much as she had resisted having books at all in this room, it should have occurred to me that Haruhi wouldn't immediately leap into real reading enjoyment.

I was enjoying myself, though that meant that I was starting to realize that my poker instincts were still rough and in need of a lot of polish. Koizumi noticed me frowning, and took a sudden interest.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Losing streak," I said. "It really doesn't help that I keep thinking I'm due for a win."

He smirked and said, "The laws of conservation don't apply to luck, you know."

"I know that," I answered.

"You have to face each hand as a fresh, new game," he further explained.

"Easier said than done," I added, fully aware of how I should be playing.

Koizumi went back to reading, and I took a moment to notice how Haruhi was suddenly writing.

"Taking notes?" I asked.

"I'm trying to concentrate," she said.

"I didn't realize fiction was so noteworthy," I muttered.

"I'm not taking notes," she added.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

I got up and looked at what she was working on, a little startled to see some cryptic list. I read, "'Pretty girl' 'examination' 'discovery' and 'outcome.' Where did that come from?"

She gestured with the book and answered, "From here. If you read it diagonally and backward from the top starting at the third word."

"Seriously?"

"That's what it says. See?"

She held up the book for me to look at it, and I noticed that it did actually say that when I looked at it in the weird way she was reading it.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" I asked.

"Sure," she replied. "See? You can interpret this to mean, 'A pretty girl examines some books and makes a discovery about the future outcome of events.'"

"You must be kidding me," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Jeez," she answered, scowling, "the one time I actually find something interesting, and you're the one who says it's impossible?"

The philosophical merits of this activity rate somewhere behind phrenology, so of course I had some strong objections.

I said, "I think you can probably learn a lot more by reading it forward, in the correct sequence."

"And this doesn't mean anything?" she asked, apparently a little nonplussed.

I explained, "You could just as easily say that it means, 'A pretty girl is examined and makes a discovery about herself when she sees the outcome.' It doesn't necessarily mean what you're thinking. It's just a random group of words."

"It could mean both," she stated.

"Yeah," I said, "or it could mean neither one. Why does some random rearrangement of words have to mean anything?"

"Why not?" she shot back. "Just because there's no proof that it means anything doesn't mean it can't mean anything."

One of Haruhi's favorite things to tell me was that the absence of proof does not constitute proof of absence. She especially likes this idea because it gives validity to her otherwise nonsense explorations, and it has the effect of making me look stupid for doubting her.

"She's got you there, Kyon," Koizumi said. "Just give it up."

"Fine," I said. "Let's see what else you find."

"All right," she said, then flipping through the book to some random page. She then began writing again.

I followed along, "'Termination' 'tangible' 'Machiavellian' 'entangle.' Okay, that can't possibly mean anything."

"Sure it can," she answered.

"What?" I prompted.

She answered uncertainly, "'A termination of something tangible awaits a Machiavellian person entangled in... something.'"

"That seems awfully vague," I smugly complained.

"If it pertains to the future," she said, "I suppose it wouldn't be too terribly clear until it happens."

All this arguing over nonsense was giving me a headache, so I said, "Well, whatever. I'm going home."

- x -

I should have realized, of course, that this is Haruhi we're talking about. If she says something means something, then she can fit the world to make it mean that thing, even if that means something happened a billion years ago to make that something happen. It just seemed so wrong that she could take something so arbitrary and make reality fit into that mold. In retrospect, I should have known that this was really the ultimate expression of her powers. That she could take mere words from anywhere and make the world fit those words was really just the simplest way to prove it.

Of course, now that I've mentioned Haruhi's prophetic words, it makes sense that I explain how reality began fitting into her expectations. Words without reality makes about as much sense as reality without words, though I'd had to live with the reality of Haruhi's love without the actual words for quite some time. It also seems to me that if you're still reading, I should reward your efforts to follow this story by going straight on into my meeting with Miss Asakura as I was returning home.

"Hey, Kyon," she said, suddenly materializing out of nothing.

I flinched and reflexively said, "You again?"

"Oh, come on," she answered in her characteristically charming way. "Is that any way to greet someone?"

"Aren't you going to get in trouble?" I asked.

"Whatever for?" she wondered.

"For talking to me," I answered. "Aren't you supposed to only appear in emergencies?"

"That was a lie," she admitted, very casually.

I sighed and admitted, "I should have known that."

I have no idea what rules these aliens live by, but I do know they have a knack for finding loopholes in the rules. If Yuki could even start a fight with people to engage my sympathies, it isn't hard to imagine that any of them could bend any of the rules. That is, of course, assuming that their first rule is the most important one.

"You really ought to know by now if I'm lying," Ryoko added. "I mean, I'm not a genius of deception like Miss Nagato."

"Should you really be seen with me?" I asked, intent on getting an answer.

"It's no big deal," she replied.

"But you aren't going to school," I said, thinking that a delinquent would especially not want to be seen with a student. I wasn't completely sure what she was supposed to be doing, though. It then occurred to me that Yuki hadn't actually enrolled in school with any official credentials, either. If she was their key contact with Haruhi, it would make sense for her to be the one most adept at masking her true intentions. There was a lot that I had assumed without thinking.

"I know," Ryoko admitted. "Isn't it great?"

"What?" I asked. "Are you lazy?"

"Well, sure," she answered. "Of course, I'm way too smart for what you call education. Honestly."

"Smart, huh?" I asked, seriously doubting that was true.

When I stopped and looked, Ryoko had an expression like she didn't expect me to believe her, and I instantly realized that she was lying again. Ryoko strikes me as someone who has a very sophisticated way with words, but there's really a lot more to intelligence than being a good orator. She also likes to give people the impression that she has some deep wisdom, but I think I know her a little too well to fall for that again.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked her, thinking I could at least hold this over her.

"No," she smoothly admitted. "You're my obsession, Kyon. It's romantic in a way, don't you think?"

"Really?" I asked, thinking that she was admitting this for the first time.

"Really," she replied, very sincerely. "I do have to keep up appearances. I mean, I'm going to have to kill you, at some point."

"Why?"

"I can't have the others making fun of me, now can I?"

"So, what's stopping you?"

"Well, there is the school thing."

"Is that so?"

I looked at her again, and again she gave away the fact that she was lying. She seemed aware that I knew she was lying, and she hastened to explain, "I'm supposed to be an exchange student, after all."

"Haven't you been gone a little too long for an exchange student?" I asked, not buying that explanation, either.

"No," she lied. "In any case, I had to make certain commitments in order to get back into school."

"You want to get back into school?" I asked, wondering how deep she could go with this lie.

"Yeah," she said, very uncertain of herself. "Don't you enjoy classes?"

"No," I admitted.

We had come to the entrance of my house, and I was now firmly convinced that Ryoko would stop at nothing to avoid talking about why she suddenly wasn't trying to kill me. There was nothing to stop her from doing whatever she wanted, although I was aware that the rules would prevent her from entering my house if I didn't want her to.

"Well, see you," I said, starting for the door.

"Wait," she said. "Please let me come in."

"What for?" I asked.

"You don't want to chat with me?" she asked.

"I never want to chat with you," I said, more sincere about this than anything in my life.

"Never?" she complained. "That's pretty cruel."

"You are so annoying," I complained.

"Come on," she insisted. "I won't try to kill you. Honest."

Whatever the reason, she at least seemed to truthful about this. She could suddenly change her mind, but I felt that that would be completely out-of-character for her. Even when she had been trying to kill me, she never once showed any swaying or hesitation in her tendency to be completely charming about it. In the same way, she wouldn't suddenly change her mind, either. This inflexibility is something that I can relate to. It takes a lot of time and trouble to make me change my mind about things, too.

"Okay," I said. "As long as you don't try to kill me."

We went inside, and I immediately went to the living room to watch some TV. It hit me that there was nothing good to watch, but I could hardly be bothered to do anything more useful with my time, at this point. Ryoko sat nearby, apparently more content to sit and do nothing than even me, though she did seem about to explode into conversation. She didn't seem to want to start talking, but I wasn't about to say anything unless prompted to.

"So," she asked, "what's it like?"

"What's what like?" I said.

"Being in love," she answered.

"You're interested in that?" I asked, wondering if that could truly interest someone like her.

"Of course," she answered, eagerly. "It's one of the few things I don't know anything about."

"Well, aren't you modest?" I sourly observed.

"Don't hold out on me," she complained. "Sheesh."

"Maybe you should try it, sometime."

"I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to get started."

"It isn't something you figure out. You just do it."

She wasn't very happy with that answer, but she would have to be content with that for a while. It did seem strangely cruel to have to leave her like that, so I began to wonder what it would take for someone like her to figure it out.

"Is there anything you do like?" I asked her.

"I like my weapons," she admitted.

I scowled and asked, "Is there anything fun you like to do that other people can join in?"

"I guess not," she softly replied.

"You really are a hopeless sociopath."

"Do you like Miss Asahina?"

"What?"

"Just curious. Because, you know, she totally has a crush on you."

For being so ignorant of love, she is strangely perceptive about other people's feelings. It then dawned on me that those are two entirely different things, and I started to wonder whether being naive is necessary to be truly sympathetic. Maybe it's just important to not have too many preconceived notions. It annoyed me when I realized how ill-prepared I was to tackle the question of love, myself.

I answered, "I don't think it's a good idea to be in love with two people at the same time."

"Why not?" she asked. "Koizumi has a crush on Haruhi, and it won't be long before he might start going out with Nagato."

"Oh yeah," I muttered. "I forgot about that."

"Then there's the fact that Nagato is in love with you, but she starts liking him."

"I don't think we're going to see that happen in this time plane."

"Why not?"

It then started to bother me that Koizumi could show so much attention and care for her, but then fail so abruptly to express those feelings in any romantic way toward Yuki. It seems strange to admit this now, but I had really been hoping he would be able to date her longer than he had in that bizarrely annoying time plane.

I explained, "He only lasted a couple weeks with Yuki in that previous time plane. I don't think he's too eager to repeat that experience."

"I suppose," she admitted.

I added, "You also can't compare someone who just has a crush on someone or someone who's in between opportunities to someone who's already involved with someone."

"It doesn't work that way?" she asked.

It seemed very strange that Ryoko had apparently never thought seriously about jealousy. I was already convinced that she had been entirely motivated by jealousy, herself. But then if something motivates you at a deep enough level, you might not realize how important it is or even that it exists to begin with.

"Didn't you learn anything from the previous time planes?" I asked her. "You get into a huge fight when you start mixing it up like that."

"Okay," she answered. "I don't really want to upset Miss Suzumiya, so I won't bug you about it. I'm just curious."

I was disturbed by this admission. Even Ryoko Asakura would hesitate to tread where Yuki had fearlessly gone. It made me appreciate just how difficult a task Yuki had attempted to undertake, and how important it was for her to deceive me, at least initially. My mind reeled at the thought, and I rejected it. It's just too stupid to imagine as being true.

"Did you really call Yuki a genius of deception?" I asked Ryoko.

"Yeah," she plainly admitted.

"I find that hard to believe," I said, more trying to convince myself than her.

"Well," she added, "she wouldn't be very good at it if she made it obvious."

Just as I was starting to think truly dark thoughts about Yuki, the doorbell thankfully rang, and I instantly got up to answer it.

"I'll get that," I announced.

I opened the door and saw Koizumi, and Ryoko joined me at the entrance.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello," I answered. "So, what brings you here?"

"Just the usual," he replied. "You know. Strange closed space and all that."

"I guess we shouldn't keep them waiting," I added, happy to get out of the house for once.

"You have a visitor?" he asked.

"Yeah..." I answered.

"Hello," Ryoko said.

"Could you come outside?" he asked me, and I immediately went outside.

Koizumi seemed to want a private conversation with me, but Ryoko followed to just short of arm's length.

"What is she doing here?" he softly asked me.

"Just chatting," I replied.

She added, "I'm here to stop him from going with you, actually."

"What?" Koizumi said.

"Sorry," she answered, "but I can't let things progress any further."

Ryoko seemed very serious about this, and it occurred to me that Koizumi would find it difficult to argue. He may be a powerful esper in a closed space, but I highly doubted he could handle someone as adept at fighting as Ryoko.

"Really?" he asked her, casually unimpressed.

"What?" I asked her. "Is this new threat something deadly?"

"No," she answered. "I just don't want you getting involved..."

As we were speaking, Koizumi returned to the taxi that was waiting nearby and took out a bag from the back seat.

"Maybe you should come along," I offered.

"I don't think so," she said. "His organization isn't exactly on good terms with me, right now."

"What did you do?" I asked her.

"Well..." she said, smiling fiendishly.

Koizumi then returned and gave the bag to her.

"Here you go," he said. "A present for you."

Ryoko looked a little surprised, then took out a small, old-fashioned doll from the bag.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "This is so cute!"

"Come on," Koizumi softly told me.

"Right," I answered, as Ryoko found a teddy bear and a rubber duck, also in the bag.

"What a thoughtful gift," she said.

Meanwhile, Koizumi and I got into the taxi and left.

- x -

For a moment, I felt some strange misgivings, as if I had just crossed a bridge and burned it behind me, but then riding in a taxi with Koizumi always makes me feel like this. This time, however, the feeling was stronger than ever. I smiled at myself, wondering what kind of crazy sentimentality would suddenly take hold of me after this particular encounter. The last time had set me on a path of hoping that Haruhi would fully realize her powers. Maybe this time would make me wish that she'd never had them in the first place.

"I thought we might see Miss Asakura again," Koizumi commented.

"That was good thinking," I told him.

"I just happened to remember what her weaknesses were," he added, "and I made sure to make preparations."

"Won't she just come after us?" I wondered, but I already knew the answer.

"I think we're okay," he answered. "You might say that I'd remembered a way to negotiate your release."

"I'm a little surprised you remembered all that," I said. "I'd completely forgotten. Or maybe I'd blocked it out."

"I don't remember the whole thing," he explained. "I just focused on the solutions and committed those to memory."

"That's a good idea," I added.

"Yeah," he said.

I wasn't comfortable with talking about things that seemed like a dream to me, so I grasped for something else to mention.

"So," I said, "are we going to stop to eat at some point? Because I don't have any money."

"That's fine," he said. "I'll pick up the check this time. It's only fair. You want to see how much money I have?"

"No, that's okay," I answered. "I'm sure you can cover it."

I wasn't going to let him return the favor from last time, if I could help it, but we were bound to hit up a coffee shop on the way back, at least.

"So, what were you chatting about?" he asked.

"She wanted to know what it's like being in love," I replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Weird, huh?"

"That is surprising. I didn't think she was capable."

Koizumi has an annoying habit of making these kinds of observations that directly contradict my experience. I often wonder whether he isn't doing it deliberately just to piss me off, but then I smirk at myself. Whether he's provoking me or not, I really shouldn't give a damn. This is just Koizumi, after all.

"I mean," he added, "I know those aliens can do stuff like that. It's just..."

"I can't imagine her being like that," I supplied.

"But you were with Miss Nagato in that one time plane," he said.

"Yeah," I admitted, trying not to think about it again.

"And you didn't notice anything really strange about her?" he asked.

"Is it okay to talk about this?" I asked him, wondering if this was really a suitable topic for a taxi, even if it was an organization-friendly one.

"Huh?" he said, then answered, "Oh, sure. I trust our driver. We in the organization keep a lot of secrets. This is no big deal. Trust me."

"No," I answered his question. "I didn't notice anything really strange. Yuki is really just an ordinary girl with some odd abilities."

"Doesn't she strike you as someone who has savant syndrome?"

"What?"

"It's nothing. I'm just now starting to realize the odd way that she talks, is all."

I've never thought to wonder why Yuki talks the way she does. It just struck me as something not worth thinking about. "The weird thing," I said, "is how you seem to always understand her."

"Of course," he said. "You just have to stop and think for a moment, sometimes."

"I do understand her at times, myself," I added.

"I would hope so," he said, "after twenty-six years."

"That long?" I casually wondered. "It seemed like a lot less time than that."

"You really didn't notice anything out of the ordinary?"

"No. Why? Are you thinking about dating her?"

"I am wondering if there's something I can do to prepare better."

"You like her, right?"

"Well, sure."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Well... The thing is, everything was going great up to a certain point."

For Koizumi to suddenly be this open was strange. He was really worried about something, and he wasn't quite saying what it was. I have to admit that I was curious about what drove him away from Yuki, but I think I was mainly trying to pry out of him what it was that he was worried about. I really should know better. Koizumi never talks about things like that unless he thinks it's information you need to know.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I guess the tipping point was the balcony incident," he admitted.

He seemed to stop and think for a few moments, then he continued.

"Yeah..." he said. "I thought everything was just fine until I suddenly found myself standing at her apartment balcony, wondering what it'd be like to take a dive off of it. I caught myself picturing what it would be like and stopped just short of actually doing it."

I shuddered at the thought of falling from that far up, and Kozumi smiled in sympathy.

"It was the weirdest thing," he continued. "It then suddenly hit me that I'd been thinking a lot about suicide. You know, cutting your wrists, drinking poison, drowning yourself... It seemed strange to be thinking of all those things as happy thoughts. Eventually, I realized that all this thinking about killing myself had been inspired by my long talks with Nagato."

"Really?" I asked, highly doubtful.

"Don't you find her extremely depressing?" he asked. "I mean, after her initial reluctance wears off, and she starts to really talk to you?"

"No," I said, a little bewildered at his admission.

"I guess you must be a masochist," he said. "That's the only explanation."

Maybe Koizumi just has some weirdly high expectations when it comes to people. He always seems to put me at arm's length. It was really hard for me to imagine him having a crush on Haruhi, and even harder for me to imagine what their relationship would have been like. As much as Haruhi fixates on the physical side of my relationship with her, for her to have to deal with this guy would have to be as close to hell as she could get.

He added, "I also had the impression that she was getting bored with me. That made it easy to break up with her, since it was really a mutual thing."

"That's too bad," I said. "You seemed to be hitting it off."

"I don't think it's any big deal," he casually added.

"It's not," I said. "She could throw a rock in the air and hit someone better for her than you or me."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

Yuki may be too depressing for Koizumi, but she's way too good for me. That romance I dreamed about with her was so completely absorbing. I found myself thinking about her almost constantly, and that romance just got in the way of everything, including brushing my teeth. A practical relationship should have at least a few obstacles and dangerous dilemmas, just to keep things from being too sentimental to get anything else done.

"Did she depress you, too?" he asked.

I replied, "I have to admit that she can be a little depressing, especially when she drinks."

"She drinks?" he asked.

"Not very often," I replied, "but she takes the conversation to a whole new level when she does."

"My word," he said, apparently wondering whether there were worse things than suicide he might have started to consider.

I'm not proud of it, but I relished those moods she had. It was like the way you might enjoy a good campfire or an impressive waterfall. You wouldn't want to be in it, but witnessing it was very relaxing. I stopped and thought about this for a moment, then said, "You know... Maybe I am a masochist."

"I can see that dating Miss Nagato would be a mistake," he said.

- x -

When we left a crowded street corner for the gray world of the celestials, it was much more of a jolt than I had remembered. The world seemed a lot more hazy and gray than ever. This sudden weirdness made me want to continue our previous conversation, somehow.

"It wasn't all depressing talk, you know," I said. "I mean, a lot of what we talked about was just normal stuff."

"I know," he answered. "I guess I just can't handle that kind of thing."

"Are you sure this is the place?" I asked.

"This is it, all right," he replied.

"So, where is it?"

"This new celestial can be rather hard to spot."

"Okay."

Koizumi looked a little worried, and he seemed to want to distract himself. He said, "Let me ask you something about Miss Nagato."

"What is it?" I prompted.

"Is it possible for her to... reproduce?" he asked with some difficulty.

"No," I smoothly replied.

"Really?" he said.

"I remember that discussion," I explained. "We talked about it at some point. She said that humans aren't genetically compatible with her type."

"Well," he said, a little amused with himself, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

I added, "She told me that she could clone someone, but that was a special ability that she would only use in an emergency."

"Right. This explains why they're apparently only female. They weren't really designed for romance."

"I don't think they were designed at all."

"How did they originate?"

"Yuki said that she's a human-alien hybrid. Their human genetics come from a copy of Haruhi."

Koizumi then gave me a very puzzled and annoyed look, like I had just declared checkmate before even starting to play chess.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head and replied, "Your explanations always seem to leave me with more questions than answers."

"Sorry," I said. "It is a complicated subject."

"Did Miss Asakura really ask about love?" he asked me again.

"Yeah," I replied. "Quit asking, already."

"Sorry," he said. "It's just really strange."

"It sure is," I agreed.

A bright flash of blue light shot out in front of me, and I suddenly found myself all alone.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed. "What was that?"

In another moment, the world started to turn more and more gray, then I suddenly noticed the blue flash of light begin to approach me. It seemed to me like a human form, and it looked about the right size, although it was strangely wide. The world of gray parted from in front of it like a fog, and I briefly had the impression that the gray above its head was like a gray rainbow. As it started to come near, I could start to distinctly make out its human form and what appeared to be wings. Just as I thought it was becoming distinct, I saw several streaks of red light suddenly converge upon it from above, and the creature exploded in bursts of bright white light.

I shielded my eyes for a moment, then looked. "Was that...?" I asked, looking around. A few moments later, I noticed Koizumi approaching from nearby. "Did you just kill the celestial? Was that it?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"That was really strange," I added.

"Hopefully," he added with a sigh, "this will be for the last time."

The closed space then suddenly disintegrated, leaving us standing at the busy corner again.

"So," I asked him, "you know what the celestials really are?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I just remembered from when Nagato told me in the other time plane."

"You aren't going to get upset, are you?"

"No. I just wish she hadn't been mocking me at the time."


	15. Termination

- Chapter 2: Termination

I don't really know precisely what the celestial was, but it seemed to me from the way that Yuki had mentioned it almost two weeks ago, that there was a lot more to it than just the way Koizumi liked to describe it. Yuki had lied to him about it, and she later admitted to me that she wasn't precisely sure, herself. It seemed to me almost like something entirely separate from Haruhi. At the same time, it seemed to me to be something that she's almost consciously aware of. In a rough sense, I thought the celestial was the embodiment of Haruhi's powers.

The celestials always did whatever was necessary to survive in their own limited way, but I think they also started to evolve. In the previous time plane, there were always slight improvements to its form, its strategies, its attributes. This celestial, however, was really like a combination of all the best improvements it had made. To my mind, the only thing that was imperfect about this particular celestial was the fact that it didn't seem completely committed to doing whatever it was that the celestials ultimately want.

This latest encounter had made it clear to me, however, that the celestials were as bound to me as they were to Haruhi. In any case, shortly after the incident with the closed space, Koizumi and I went to a coffee shop to discuss an impending situation. Namely, that there was a problem that involved Tsuruya.

"Tsuruya?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, "I'm afraid the organization is still rather indebted to her family."

"What does that have to do with me?" I then asked.

"Nothing," he replied. "Except that you are connected."

"I'm not an esper," I said.

"No," he admitted, "but you do directly benefit from our work. We can expect her to make some kind of strange demands. I wouldn't worry about it. This is Tsuruya we're talking about."

"Yeah," I said. "That's what bothers me."

"She has a certain charm," he added.

"Would you date her?" I asked.

He casually answered, "Not in a million years. What about you?"

"I'd have to wear ear plugs," I said, "but I think I could stomach it. Of course, Haruhi would rip your hair out if you even suggested it in front of her. Haruhi nearly always has a sour look on her face whenever the subject of Tsuruya comes up. Which, thankfully, isn't very often."

"I'm glad you mentioned that," he said. "I was going to suggest that you smooth things over, if it gets to that point."

"Just don't get in the way tomorrow," I told him. "Things could get ugly if you let that happen."

"Noted," he said.

"It's going to rain tomorrow, right?"

"I'm not sure."

"I think there's a big storm blowing through, so it might interfere with whatever Tsuruya's planning."

"I'll make sure to mention it."

Having quickly settled the problem of Tsuruya, I immediately returned to something that had been bothering me.

"Does Yuki strike you as the dishonest type?" I asked.

"You want the truth?" he asked me.

"I'm wondering if I should trust you," I admitted, "but I don't think you'd lie to me about Yuki."

"Well," he added, "it's not like you're in a big relationship with her, so I suppose it's not a problem."

"So, you think she is?" I guessed.

He then answered, "I don't think she's dishonest so much as she does tend to be very misleading, at times."

That matched what I already knew, so that seemed to settle the matter in my mind. Any ordinary person can be very misleading, simply from the fact that language itself isn't a precise mechanism, and not everyone perceives things the same way. It's also possible for people to understand the situation better in retrospect than when they first encounter it, then neglect to notice their own improved understanding. This is especially true when dealing with other people.

I'm pretty sure that Yuki has a real talent for being deceptive, but she doesn't typically see the need. It could be that she feels it to be unnecessary, since she tends to be reticent, anyway. In either case, I'm more willing to believe that Ryoko was just being deliberately obtuse about it when she mentioned it. Someone so bad at lying wouldn't likely understand whether a person really was a good liar, and a practiced liar would probably exercise better usage of those lies than a bad liar. Ryoko herself seemed to be proof of that.

Koizumi added, "There are times when she's terse because she has difficulty conveying ideas, but there are times when she's deliberately vague. I also recall times when she shifts the topic slightly, depending on her attitude toward the topic. She doesn't really seem the type, but she does have a certain practiced mastery of conversation. I admire that about her. Actually, I wish more people were like that. It would create a lot fewer problems in the world."

"So," I wondered, "it's possible that her warnings from a few days ago were just misleading?"

"Warnings?" he said. "Oh, right. She did mention 'problems of a more serious nature' than mere time plane juggling. That struck me as an oddly casual admission. I don't believe she was being misleading."

"More serious..." I said, thinking for a few moments. "I wonder if she meant Miss Asakura."

"She seemed convinced it had something to do with you," he said. "I'd say that you're about as prepared as you can reasonably be."

This conversation gave me the idea that Yuki had meant that I would have to deal with the celestial. It was really the only thing I could think of that would cause more trouble than a time paradox, potentially. If this celestial already required a small platoon of espers to set up an ambush, I wondered if the next one would likely be unstoppable.

"While we're on the subject," Koizumi asked, "does Miss Nagato wear makeup?"

"I think so," I replied, thankful to lighten the mood a bit.

He explained, "I know this may sound out of the blue, but it's been bothering me for a while."

I smiled and added, "She doesn't really look like it, does she?"

"No," he answered. "That's why it bothered me."

"Yeah," I added, "she started that a few months ago. I think she's been imitating Miss Asahina."

"Yes, I see," he said.

I explained, "Yuki seemed to be under the impression that there was something in the whole feminine package that makes Miss Asahina more confident, and she's been slowly narrowing down the possibilities."

"It didn't occur to her that it might just be a personality trait?" he asked.

"Yuki didn't really understand personality until recently," I replied. "Anyway, she's the kind of person who can wear a lot of makeup before you start to notice it. She could also model or wear a wide variety of outfits, though she is pretty sensitive about clothes in general."

Yuki is the kind of person who can find a lot of symbolic meaning in what she wears. This is really just an odd quirk she has, so it doesn't bother me. She's also the kind of person who might cheerfully go weeks wearing the same outfit and never notice anything the matter with doing that. I only started to remember this, myself, because Haruhi nearly always changes her clothes at least four or five times a day. Haruhi feels very insecure unless she's wearing exactly what she thinks she needs to feel comfortable. Yuki's confidence isn't easy to shake, though it might seem to be at times.

"Is it safe to comment on her outfits?" he asked.

"You'd be better off not doing that," I warned him. "The other thing she can't do is fix her hair up."

"Something wrong with that?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I said, thinking of a time when she had tried that. "If she ever gets it into her head to tie her hair up or to start pulling it back into a pony tail, it brings out the harsh outlines in her face."

"I hadn't really thought about it," he said.

"Just warning you ahead of time," I said, "in case you do actually start dating her."

"Doesn't Miss Suzumiya look better with her hair tied up?"

"Yeah, I think that look works for her."

"You would know, of course."

"I can't really talk about it with her, though. The moment we start talking about hair, it leads to making out."

Koizumi thought for a moment and then asked, "You have a lot of other things to talk about, right?"

"That's a problem, actually," I admitted. "There are certain subjects that I can't even raise. For example, if I suggest something like video games or karaoke, she thinks I'm starting in on her for being an otaku."

"But she is an otaku," he smoothly answered.

"I know," I said. "The problem is that she can't just relax and admit it."

"We'll have to help you out with that," he said.

"Could you?" I asked.

"If things work out with Tsuruya," he replied, "it would be easy to take care of."

"That's good," I said. "Her being an otaku is one of those things that can lead to a lot of casual conversations, so it's only natural. When I avoid that subject, I fall back on my upbringing, but then she starts to complain that I'm being preachy and monotonous."

"Of course, you aren't going to be doing a lot of talking tomorrow, are you?" he asked, still a little disgusted.

"Does that bother you?" I asked.

He shook his head and said, "You really are a masochist, aren't you?"

"It's not like it's the first time," I added.

"Doesn't it bother you to have to leap right into a physical relationship?"

"Should it?"

"Miss Nagato isn't like that, is she?"

"No."

There are times when I can't think about anything above the waist, but I also find that with Yuki around, it's easy to think about other things. Yuki is actually very pragmatic when it comes to things like that, and she can also be oddly romantic when something is making her nervous. Even so, she would take a long time getting around to a strictly physical relationship. She simply isn't emotionally mature enough for it, just yet.

"That's good," Koizumi said. "I'm not going to be dating her, but I do look out for her. I'd hate to think she's that way, too."

"Me keeping Haruhi happy makes your job easier," I said, thinking that he really should approve of my relationship with her, physical or not.

"I don't know about that," he admitted.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He sighed and answered, "Well, I did use you as bait, just a little while ago."

"That's what you needed me for?" I asked, a little annoyed with myself for not realizing.

He added, "It isn't easy to take care of celestials when you understand what they are. Especially that latest one. That one has really been bothering me. I feel like I'm overlooking something."

"You're an esper, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you did mention that being the last one."

"I hope it is. I have a hunch we haven't seen the last of it, though."

- x -

Another person I hadn't seen the last of was Ryoko Asakura. She was still in front of my house. This time, she was chatting with my sister. They hardly noticed when I pulled up in the taxi, and I gave them an annoyed look.

"All right," I said to Ryoko. "You've stayed long enough."

"Oh, no way!" she exclaimed.

My sister frowned and added, "Yeah, you really should leave."

"Okay..." Ryoko said, sadly walking away. She then vanished after a few moments.

"Did she really try to kill you?" Sister asked me.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Well, isn't that a mean thing to do?" she said.

"So, what do you think of her?" I asked.

She took a moment to think, then answered, "She seems okay, but she's such a little kid."

"Really?"

"I think she's an idiot, too."

- x -

Thanks to Ryoko and Koizumi mentioning Yuki, I'd been thinking about her. Yes, she can deceiving, but that's really more the result of natural talent than any willingness of hers. For a long time I had thought of her as little more than an android, and then I had thought of her as devoid of personality, but that was just a superficial impression that I had had. When awareness grew within her, she became better able to express herself, and I became more aware of the real Yuki inside of her. That was a bit of a revelation, because I hadn't known what to expect. It seems obvious in retrospect, but her stiff and robotic attributes were a part of her personality, and not really the absence of personality.

I'm not sure whether it mystified me or delighted me more to discover that the real Yuki was always there, and more feeling and sentimental than I could ever be. It made me wonder what she was planning to do, but I should have known that she wouldn't change much, even if she had absorbed a lifetime worth of joy and regrets. She certainly didn't show any sign of lurking sentimentality, and I was just starting to think that we could replace Yuki with a cardboard cutout in the club room when I entered my room. I looked at my desk and saw another little old-fashioned doll that carried a strange resemblance to her. It gave me a shock. I then went to my desk and examined it more closely, wondering where it had come from.

"That's weird," I said, wondering how the thing had appeared there. I didn't recall Sister having a doll like that. "Well, hello," I said to it.

A strange, filtered voice responded, "Hello."

I was a little taken aback, as I recognized that it was the monotone voice of Yuki floating somehow out of the doll into my mind. The doll still remained a motionless doll, which just made the voice coming from it seem all the more ominous.

"This is Yuki Nagato," she explained. "I have arranged for us to communicate through this human analogue. Do not be alarmed. No one else can hear this transmission."

"You can't talk to me in person?" I asked, suddenly wishing it were her real face I could see rather than a voice from a doll.

She replied, "The organization of which Itsuki Koizumi is a member is keeping close surveillance on your immediate area. This is a safer method. However, please move away from the window, just to be certain."

I picked up the doll and put it on the bed, now standing with my back a bit to the window.

"You're worried about Koizumi?" I asked.

"I do not wish for him to come to harm," she answered. "There are several forces at work at this particular instance. A disturbance would create a ripple effect, and would most likely result in an unfavorable outcome."

"Outcome..." I said, thinking of those weird words that Haruhi had been finding.

"Please be on your guard for Mikuru Asahina," Yuki added.

"More time travel?"

"I have determined that there is a three percent chance that she will gamble on another paradox. You must not interact with her in any way."

"Okay. Anything else?"

"How much time will you and Haruhi Suzumiya require tomorrow?"

It was really damn creepy that Yuki didn't just know about my rendezvous with Haruhi, but Yuki also somehow considered it important enough to make special arrangements. It's bad enough that I'm practically a slave to my feelings. To be forced to arrange delays with Koizumi and Yuki really weighed heavily on my mind.

Yuki added, "Because there is a crucial question of timing involved."

"Give us an hour, okay?" I asked.

I folded my arms, waiting for the doll to answer for a few moments.

She finally answered, "I'll allow it."

"I'm glad I have your permission," I said, snidely.

"Please understand," she said. "This is so that there will be no interruption in the flow of data."

"That would be bad?"

"There is a possibility that Ryoko Asakura will become desperate again. I cannot permit that."

"Oh, okay. I appreciate it... Whatever it is you're doing."

"It's nothing."

I really wondered whether it was nothing. She wouldn't bother me like this if it was nothing, so I can't help but feel that it was just an expression. Of course, Yuki isn't given to saying things simply for the sake of saying them. Thinking of this made me remember that Yuki sometimes has strange anxieties of her own. If she could influence when the celestial would appear, that might explain it, but that also made me wonder. What kind of celestial would even make Yuki nervous?

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"My systems are functioning at acceptable levels," she replied.

"I mean," I explained, "do you feel okay?"

"I assure you that I'm fine," she answered.

For Yuki to get herself and her "interface" confused again was a bad sign. She was definitely holding something back.

"Anything else you want to get off your chest about last week?" I asked.

"No," she answered.

"Okay," I said. "I'm just making sure. We're still friends, after all. Right?"

"Right," she answered.

That was a relief. If she was okay and we were still getting along, I think I could handle whatever trivial thing she was holding back. It bothered me a little bit that I was so worried about her, but then it was going to be a long time before I would stop worrying about being her friend, and I doubt I would ever stop worrying whether she was okay.

"Are you going to join in the fun tomorrow?" I asked.

"What?" she asked.

"I mean, whatever it is that Tsuruya has planned."

"Yes."

"That's good. You really ought to get out more often."

"Just be careful."

"Okay."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my sister watching me at the door, and I said, "What? Don't you talk to your dolls, sometimes?"

Of course, I don't catch her talking to her dolls anymore. That would just be too childish.

- x -

Later that night, I was reading to relax myself. I was just starting to feel a little sleepy when my phone rang. I picked it up and answered.

"What's up?" I said, wondering what Koizumi wanted with me.

"What's the schedule for tomorrow?" he asked.

"You tell me," I answered.

"It's a little up in the air," he said. "You going to be free tomorrow afternoon?"

"Any time after five should be okay," I answered.

"All right," he said. "I can work with that."

"Any earlier," I warned him again, "and you risk the wrath of Haruhi."

"I got it," he said.

"So, what's Tsuruya planning?" I asked.

"I wish I knew," he replied. "I'll have to get back to you."

"Okay," I said. "See you."

When I put my phone away, I noticed Sister had appeared again at the door.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Just a friend," I replied.

"Okay," she said.

"You should go to bed," I told her.

She answered, "I'm going, but Mom told me to tell you to keep the noise down."

"I'll be quiet as a mouse," I said. "Now, you go to sleep."

"Right," she said.

A lot of noisy things had happened in this room over the past couple weeks, but none of them had alerted my mother. It reminded me of the time I had seen the older Mikuru appear in this room, although that had been a copy of this room in a closed space. And, just as I was thinking of her, the phone rang and I noticed that it was Mikuru calling. I considered for a few moments whether to answer, but then I thought that it would be very strange for her to try to create a paradox via phone.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, Kyon," she said. Right away, I realized that this was the younger Mikuru, because the older Mikuru was usually much more polite about starting conversations over the phone.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing," she replied. "Just wondering if you needed to talk about anything."

I was trying to keep quiet, but I suddenly wanted to burst out laughing. This was definitely Mikuru. Only she would suddenly try to "fix" things like this after so much time had passed.

"I mean," she continued, "I'm just being silly, but you know you shouldn't rush into anything."

"Aren't you about a week late with this advice?" I asked.

She sighed and said, "Oh jeez. I don't know why this didn't occur to me before, but I feel so bad about it."

"Why do you feel bad?"

"It's just that I kind of knew this was coming and I did nothing to help you prepare for it. I feel really stupid, now."

"I didn't die. I just started dating Haruhi. That's all."

This was definitely not Mikuru trying to create a paradox. This was just ordinary Mikuru making some belated realizations. Sometimes, detaching yourself and merely observing can also make it hard for you to truly understand what's going on around you. The world goes passing by you, and then you eventually realize what happened. It made me a little depressed to think about it, but then I started to wonder what she had been thinking. She had played a critical part in getting me together with Haruhi, even if she didn't fully realize it at the time.

"What did you expect?" I asked. "Lots of longing looks in class? Sharing tea over a quiet dinner? Walks along the beach? That isn't her style, you know?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just bothering you, right?"

"It's okay," I answered. "I'm glad to hear from you and find out it isn't an emergency, for once. It isn't an emergency, is it?"

"No. I'm just getting a weird hunch that something terrible is about to happen."

"You should worry about yourself. No offense, but I'm not sure it's all that healthy to hang around with people who you aren't capable of getting involved with."

"I know, but you know how it is."

"Yeah. The future is boring."

I was just giving her the words her older self had given me, but then I realized that maybe she was partly admitting to having a crush on me. I didn't actually believe that Ryoko might be right about her, but then Ryoko has a kind of crude naivete that allows her to see things that I normally can't. Of course, this whole call might have been her weird way of saying goodbye to the "moe" version of myself. The thought was funny, considering I wasn't exactly a virgin at this point. Just as I was wondering whether I would really consider Haruhi to be a virgin, Mikuru chimed in again.

"I'll let you go," she said. "See you tomorrow."

"See you," I said.

I put away the phone and went back to reading. I then started to look at the doll (which I had left on my bed), and wondered what Yuki thought of all this.

"I don't suppose you have any advice?" I asked. "Any weird hunches?"

I got up and stared at the doll for a few more moments, then put it back onto the desk.

- x -

Later, when it was just after three in the morning, I found myself staring at the clock, wishing I could go to sleep. This had been happening a lot over the past few days. There was no reason for it, other than to remember how eventful things had been at times. It almost seemed like an obligation to get up, now that I no longer actually had to.

"Damn it," I said, and tried to relax my way into sleep again.

- x -

All that morning, I'd been thinking about Mikuru and what she had been calling me about. I began to really wonder what might have happened had she been a little more on the ball about warning me earlier. I'm not sure it would have made much of a difference, but then that would probably depend on exactly when she'd have warned me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was the older Mikuru who had appeared at just the right time for giving me any warnings. She'd been more concerned about showing me the potential future than warning me against "rushing into" anything.

I was starting to think that there was a certain inevitability to things, when Koizumi approached me near the shoe lockers.

"Hey," he said. "Glad I bumped into you."

"Is this about the thing?" I asked, just thinking that it was inevitable that we would keep trying to figure out what to do with Tsuruya.

"Yeah," he answered, taking out a folded piece of paper and handing it to me. I unfolded it and found a list of strange things.

He explained, "I made a quick list of everything Miss Tsuruya seems to enjoy. Let's do a quick check to see if you can help me out."

"Harry Potter?" I said, shaking my head. "Seriously?"

"I know," he answered, probably thinking that this list would have more likely originated from my little sister (except that my little sister thinks Harry Potter is too childish).

"I don't know anybody who likes that," I added.

"Does anyone in your family have any of those?" he asked. "DVDs or video games would be best, I think."

I looked through the list, and I replied, "Well, my mother is a big Eva fan. I suppose we could watch some of that."

"Oh, really?" he said. "That's good."

I sighed when I thought about it, and said, "Just the first ten episodes, though. After that, it starts to get..."

"What?" he asked.

It starts to get annoyingly self-indulgent in its bitterness and its transparent condemnation of modern society. Somehow, inexplicably, this show had found an otherwise intelligent audience. I couldn't say all that to Koizumi, though. Hell, if Tsuruya likes it, why not watch it?

"Nothing," I said. "It'll start to get late at that point. Plus, I'm worried that Haruhi might enjoy it."

"That would be scary."

"Oh, well. If this gets me off the hook with Haruhi and her obsession with denying otakus, it'll be worth it."

"Okay. Looks like we're set. See you at five."

"Right."

- x -

I might have mentioned this before, but Haruhi has a very different routine from mine. She gets up at about five in the morning and does a lot of motherly things: putting out the wash to dry, sweeping, mopping, and scrubbing every dirty thing at her house. She doesn't have time to make lunch for herself, and her mother doesn't cook, so she just barely has time for breakfast before her commute to school. She wouldn't have put out the wash today, though. Not with it starting to rain.

Of course, you might start to wonder why her mother would call her a trouble-maker until you consider how much Haruhi really hates doing all these chores that she considers necessary, and how she complains about it almost constantly. She even complains to me about it, so I'm sure her father and mother hear about it even more.

During lunch, it's not unusual to find her at the cafeteria when she isn't prowling around, doing something weird. Lately, Haruhi has been bugging me to spend lunch with her, and today I had my hands full convincing her to not immediately make up some excuse for missing classes and drag me home with her. It may be no big deal for me, but Haruhi was really looking forward to spending some time alone with me.

After class, we went straight home, and I let Haruhi carry the umbrella, as usual. It was already starting to rain pretty hard.

"You want to stick around?" I asked. "Koizumi said they decided on my place."

"What for?" she asked me.

"It is conveniently near the school," I answered, "and Tsuruya insisted for some reason."

I think I mentioned to her at some point that Koizumi is a member of a strange organization of espers, but Haruhi always seems annoyed with that explanation. I find that it's better to be vague about that kind of thing.

"I don't know," she said. "It seems kind of weird."

I guessed, "You mean, not making dinner for your parents?"

"No," she answered, "they can eat rice or ramen just fine. I just feel like something weird is about to happen."

"It's probably this lousy weather," I said.

"Yeah," she agreed. "You know..."

Haruhi had deftly avoided the issue of Tsuruya, so I decided to take a different approach.

I observed, "It seems like a lot of people are noticing us."

"I get that feeling a lot," she added.

"Probably just normal paranoia," I said.

"Really?" she asked.

"I got a call from Miss Asahina, last night."

"What'd she want?"

"She said I shouldn't rush into anything."

"Yeah, I agree. I want you to take your time."

I don't think that was what Mikuru had had in mind, but I'm pretty sure Haruhi understood that, as well. This was just her attempt at humor. I know from a lot of experience that her idea of humor is whatever other people find annoying. In particular, if she can make a joke out of her surprising greed for expensive food or her not-so-surprising desire to shock people in some vulgar way, she might attempt it. I had thought that Haruhi was never capricious, but I'm willing to believe that this was partly my fault. I've always enjoyed toying with people verbally, albeit in a somewhat more innocent and self-affirming way.

"I don't want my first experience to be a lousy one," she added in her more usual, serious way.

"I doubt you need to worry about that," I said.

"You're pretty confident, huh?" she asked, oblivious to what I'd meant.

Haruhi still doesn't view her time with me in Paris as anything but a dream, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, it's a bit of a relief. On the other hand, it makes me feel a little inadequate. I like to console myself with the thought that this kind of thing is mostly mental, so it shouldn't be too surprising that Haruhi would live in denial about it, the way she does about nearly everything that bothers her.

"I'm not too worried," I explained. "I mean, it's not like anything will suddenly change in a huge way."

"I think you might be right," she muttered. "Let's not talk about it, okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, glad to drop the subject. "You think you can get along with Miss Tsuruya for a few hours?"

"We aren't going to have to get personal, are we?"

"I think it's just going to be some TV, for the most part."

"We can sneak out while they're busy."

Leave it to Haruhi to come up with a suggestion like that. As if this rendezvous wasn't drawing enough attention as it was. Us sneaking out of Tsuruya's get-together would be like helicopters flying overhead, alerting the neighborhood to what we were doing.

"Come on," Haruhi prodded. "It's not like they would really notice."

"Where would we go?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered. "Anywhere would be fine."

"I don't want to wander around in the rain," I said.

"You don't like the rain?" she asked.

"I hate getting splashed," I replied, "is what I mean."

"Okay," she relented. "I'll hang around and watch a bunch of boring crap."

"You don't have to stay, actually."

"I'm staying. Anyway, I'm starting to get the feeling my mother prefers if I stay away."

"Yeah?"

"She's been hinting at it a lot, lately."

- x -

I may not like standing in the rain, but the rain is great for certain things. It can be very calming, just from the sound of it, and the sound is usually enough to mask other noises, providing some privacy. A heavy rainstorm like that day also provides some thick cloud, turning day into a kind of late evening. It's really the perfect conditions for a not-so-secret assignation.

The thing that bothered me was how perfect everything was. It was romantic in the weirdly familiar way that happens when I feel like I'm being led around, and I start to realize that there's a weird kind of chemistry at work between Haruhi and I that can dictate how and where and why everything happens the way it does. When I can stop thinking and just go with the flow (as Koizumi would say), it's like activating cruise control. Everything just happens automatically.

Afterward, we went to the living room to just sit together. It isn't often that I come here to this room to just sit and do nothing with someone, but that's what the air itself seemed to be demanding. That we just stay together and notice the time race by, and then immediately wonder how long the doorbell had been ringing the moment I start to recognize it. I was unsurprised to see Yuki at the door, and I escorted her in. She went to the living room, and we decided to start watching Eva, though it was still another half an hour until five. Haruhi and I weren't exactly watching, but I think Yuki was. She seemed to be in the right mood for it. That is to say, she seemed about as calm as usual.

Haruhi and I were grimly calm and cheerful. I say "grimly," because the mood seemed about right for that. Haruhi wasn't slipping into a depressed state, but she wasn't exactly manic, either. It was the perfect balance that made me realize with some shock how perfectly everything was going. This overwhelming feeling had pinned my attention to Haruhi, and glancing at Yuki only served to remind me just how inextricable the feeling truly is. Like Koizumi had told me, there's an impressive bond of trust, but it can be frightening to realize just how strong that bond is.

Before I had really noticed, it was about a quarter after five, and I went to the door to let Koizumi in when the doorbell rang again. I escorted him to the living room, and sat down again.

"Sorry to be late," he said.

"That's fine," I said. "We went ahead and started without you."

"Watching Eva?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "It really fits this mood, actually."

"Really?" he wondered.

I added, "I mean, with the rain and all."

"Yeah," he said. "You guys are giving off a moody vibe, right now."

It was right about then that it seemed Haruhi finally noticed that Koizumi had arrived. She snapped out of whatever weird mood she had been in, but she didn't seem to mind being ignored for the moment.

"Is Miss Tsuruya going to show up?" I asked.

"She's on the way," Koizumi answered. "Her and Miss Asahina just stopped by a shop to pick up something to eat."

"You want a chair?" I asked. "I can get Sister to bring in some."

I then briefly wondered whether Sister had returned home. Somehow, I had failed to notice, and it occurred to me that I really needed to go find out.

"I think I'm more relaxed in a less comfortable arrangement," Koizumi said, apparently threatening to stand all night. He would do it, too.

"I'll go bring in some chairs," I said. "It's not like I'm really watching this."

When I got up, Haruhi pulled me back down. Then she got up, herself.

"You stay here," she told me. "I'll go help out with the chairs."

She then left the room.

"It does seem pretty oppressive," Koizumi said, glancing at the windows. "I'm starting to look forward to Miss Tsuruya showing up."

"Is she really an Eva fan?" I wondered.

"Strange," he asked, "isn't it?"

"Yeah," I agreed.

Evangelion really strikes me as the kind of show that appeals to the simple-minded or to people who just want to blow off steam after a hard day of work. Tsuruya doesn't strike me as simple-minded and I doubt she'll ever do an honest day of work. It wasn't a mystery I was in any hurry to want to solve, though.

"So, did everything go okay?" Koizumi asked.

"What?" I said, then realized that he meant about my rendezvous with Haruhi. "Oh, you mean just before? It's no problem."

"I mean," he said, "you aren't depressed because..."

"No," I answered, "I think this mood is just from the rain. Don't jump to conclusions."

"And that thunder," he added. "Yeah, I understand."

I seriously doubted he understood, but he probably didn't want to hear about the details, either.

- x -

Later that night, I awoke to something tickling my nose, and I noticed the others all looking at me. Tsuruya, in particular, was especially interested in my face for some weird reason.

"What?" I asked. "Something on my face?"

"No," she answered. "We were just boggled by how out of it you were. In spite of the thunder, the TV, us yelling at you to wake up every now and then, you slept pretty good."

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked.

Haruhi replied, "We're approaching episode twelve."

"Jeez," I said. "It must be getting late."

It wouldn't do to make my mother have to invite everyone to leave, so I got up and switched off the TV. I then turned to do the job, myself.

"Okay, everybody," I said. "I know it's night and it's still raining out there, but tomorrow is still a school day. Some of us are going to need to be prepared. I'm sure you want to finish watching this, and we can do that tomorrow. Is that okay?"

Tsuruya answered, "That's fine with me. Hey, Mikuru. Are you going to join us tomorrow?"

"I guess so," she replied.

I noticed Mikuru, then noticed Ryoko standing nearby.

"Wait," I said. "Did Miss Asakura just show up?"

"She's been here the whole time," Tsuruya informed me.

"You must have really been out of it," Haruhi said.

"I must have," I agreed.

"Okay," Koizumi said. "I think it's about time to go."

"Yeah," Haruhi added, "we'll pick up from here tomorrow."

- x -

When I returned to the living room, I was a bit surprised to find Ryoko waiting for me there.

"How did you get here?" I asked. "I just watched you leave."

"Oh, come on." she answered. "You have to ask silly questions like that?"

"What do you want?" I asked. "You're here to annoy me, right?"

"You are so rude," she complained. "I'm always considerate to you."

"Right," I said. "Even when you're trying to kill me. Why aren't you trying to kill me? Seriously? I'm not buying that excuse you gave me last time."

She frowned and added, "You're not just rude, you're arrogant. I ought to be allowed to kill you right now."

"So, what's stopping you?" I said, almost daring her to do it.

She looked away, and it seemed strange to see her acting awkward.

"You don't really want to, do you?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Let me guess. You were confused in the first place. You knew you wanted me dead, but you didn't understand why."

"How would you know anything about that?"

"Because it's obvious. You know, you were the one who encouraged me to get along with Haruhi in the first place."

"That's true."

I wasn't sure where I was going with any of this, but I figured the truth couldn't have been too far away.

I continued, "And then when she started talking to me, everybody assumed it was because I put her under some kind of spell. Of course, you understood that it was just because she was interested in me. What really irked you was the fact that she was only interested in me. She wasn't interested in you or the others. Sound about right?"

She didn't seem to want to answer that, so I figured I had probably hit on something.

"Basically," I summed it up, "you were jealous."

"I wanted an explosion of data," she said. "That's what I wanted."

"Of course, you did," I agreed. "I'm not saying you're wrong, but think about what that means."

"I'm not following," she said.

"Of course, you're not. You don't understand this kind of thing at all."

"You don't have to rub it in."

"To you aliens, data and interactions are interchangeable. You measure one through the other."

"Right."

Getting a grip on this was like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands. I wasn't sure I was getting anywhere, but I would definitely discover something before the night was through.

"To get an 'explosion' of data," I explained, "you have to have some kind of high-level interaction. Something that isn't possible with just a passing acquaintance or just a familiarity with someone. You have to get close and involved. In short, you're looking for an emotional outburst."

"Did Miss Nagato tell you that?" she asked, avoiding what I was implying.

"What is she to you?" I asked her, wondering why she would bother asking.

"I'm her backup," she replied, "remember?"

"Still?" I said.

She seemed a little annoyed as she added, "I didn't stop just because I got killed. Sheesh. You humans are so primitive."

"My point is," I said, "that you're not going to get that reaction. If you were to kill me, Haruhi would never show you that explosion of data you're looking for."

"No," Ryoko disagreed, "she would. That's not the problem."

"Really?" I asked.

She then asked, "Did you really not assimilate the underlying time planes over the past few days?"

"I did," I answered.

"If that's true," she said, "you should understand the real reason."

"What? You already had your 'explosion of data,' so now you're satisfied with it?"

"No. You just don't get it."

"Well, whatever. I'm not interested. You're starting to get irritating, and I think my mother is going to wonder what we're doing if she notices."

"Fine. I'll go."

It then occurred to me that I was over-thinking this again. I have a habit of doing that. There was a simpler, more likely explanation that I hadn't considered, and I wouldn't consider it because this is just Ryoko's problem. I really don't care what motivates her.

"Just one thing," she added.

"What?" I asked.

She took out the doll that Koizumi had given her, and handed it to me.

"What the?" I said, thinking the doll looked quite a bit like her.

"Keep this with you tonight," she said.

"What for?" I asked.

"Just do it," she said, a little exasperated.

She then walked out of the room through the wall. I was a little startled, but then I remembered that aliens sometimes like to do things like that, just to intimidate you.


	16. Stratagem

- Chapter 3: Stratagem

Ryoko Asakura is such a self-centered and stuck-up girl that I think I would have come to dislike her, even had she not tried to kill me. The funny thing is that she has such a winning way of smiling and acting charming, that I don't think anyone more pleasant could have ever achieved such a well-deserved place of utter contempt in my view. Everything in the way she speaks and deals with people tells me that she not only considers herself far superior to everyone else, but she assumes everyone else views her as superior, as well.

For her to suddenly be reserved and act concerned for my welfare was alarming, but that didn't stop me from sticking her stupid doll in the closet. I preferred the Yuki doll on my desk to anything Ryoko would give me. I felt reassured, and I went to sleep pretty quickly. When I awoke around three that morning, I picked up the doll without really thinking. I was thirsty, so I went to the kitchen to get some water to drink. As I approached the sink, the doll beeped at me, so I set it down on the counter.

It was at about this time that I realized that my head felt fuzzy, like I was covered with foam. This feeling of fatigue was familiar, so I picked up the glass and had something to drink. I then looked at the doll, half-serious again, and said the first thing that came to mind.

"I can never tell what you're thinking."

A voice replied, "Is that a problem?"

I was surprised when she said that. I wasn't sure, but it sounded familiar, though a bit unlike her.

"Yuki?" I asked.

"I'm relieved that you chose this doll," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Your life is in danger," she replied. "Do not be alarmed, however."

"Danger?"

"I've sent Itsuki Koizumi to protect you."

"You did?"

I left the glass and picked up the doll again. I then went to the living room.

"Is Miss Asahina in trouble?" I asked. My concern for her was almost like a reflex, at this point.

"The danger is to you," Yuki insisted.

"Can you tell me what kind of danger?" I asked.

"No," she answered.

For a moment, I wondered what kind of danger would cause Yuki to be reluctant to even tell me about it, but then I noticed a red light float through a closed window, and I recognized it as the form Koizumi takes in the closed spaces.

"Hello," I said, wondering just what kind of closed space would envelop my house.

The red ball quickly grew to his size, and Koizumi emerged from it.

"Hello again," he said. "I hope I'm not intruding."

I answered, "I just heard that there's a life-threatening danger."

"Really?" he asked. "Well, this situation is very alarming, but I don't know that anyone is targeting you."

I replied, "Yuki just told me that she sent you to protect me."

"Did she? Oh, is she communicating through that doll?" he asked.

"Right," I answered.

I expected my mother to appear and ask me what was going on, but then the rain was still pouring, so it was possible that she couldn't hear us. We were being fairly quiet, so I don't think anyone else had noticed my being up and about. As usual, I always worry about waking people up at this time of the morning, but then people do tend to be somewhat unpredictable in that respect. I'm not a morning person myself, but even I get up briefly at this time every now and then.

"Could you ask her how I go about protecting you?" he asked. "I'm really just here to check for clues."

She answered, "There's no time for details." I noticed that Koizumi seemed to be able to hear her as she added, "It's important that you stay together. That's all I can say."

"Okay," he said. "I can do that."

I had a seat on the sofa and set the doll next to me. Koizumi looked around and sat, as well.

"You haven't cleaned up the chairs yet?" he asked.

"Why?" I said. "We're just going to be using them again."

"Why do these things always happen early in the morning?" he muttered, closing his eyes and looking exhausted.

"Tell me about it," I said, sympathizing.

"I don't wish to alarm you, but this is a very bothersome situation."

"Yeah, are we in a closed space or something?"

"No. That's just the thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm suddenly able to use my powers outside a closed space. You realize what that means?"

"That we're in a really huge closed space?"

He opened his eyes and puzzled about that for a moment.

"No..." he answered. "I mean, I guess that's a possibility. What I mean is that this isn't an ordinary situation. There's no apparent confinement."

"That's weird," I said, wondering what it meant.

Yuki explained, "The alternate space you are occupying encloses this sector of space."

The way she had explained that led me to think that Yuki herself was not contained in this space, so it had probably been crucial that I had somehow kept this doll with me. I guessed I'd be conversing with Ryoko had I kept her doll.

"How large is it?" Koizumi asked.

She replied, "I estimate that it's at least five hundred light-years wide in each direction."

"That would explain why I haven't been able to detect the edges."

"Your sensory apparatus would not provide sufficient measurements within your lifetime."

"So, where are you? At home?"

"I'm currently maintaining my base of operations. I would appreciate some support, but it will not be necessary."

"This explains all those barriers you've been putting up."

"I anticipated this situation one month ago. It seems that this time plane will prove whether we are fully prepared."

"I apologize for the trouble."

"I don't assign fault to you. I understand that your organization has problematic factions."

Koizumi sighed and closed his eyes again, softly adding, "You and me, both."

"Is Yuki in danger?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered, looking at me. "I think certain members of my organization believe that destroying the alien presence would solve various potential problems. Of course, we really only know about Miss Nagato's place, thanks to you."

"I'm glad she prepared for that," I said.

"Me too," he said. "I really hate to see anything happen to either of you."

"So," I said, "we're in a huge closed space. That must mean the celestial is out there."

"Right," he agreed. "The problem is that it's been changing characteristics. We don't know where to look for it. The obvious thing to do would be to stay here and wait for it to come to us."

"I'm a little surprised we haven't seen it already."

"The celestial will be understandably reluctant, after that last ambush."

"Right."

"We just have to hope that we are prepared when it does come. I'm afraid that'll mostly be up to you."

Something told me that there was no hope of him defeating the celestial. This was probably one of those "end of the world" scenarios that his superiors had been afraid would happen. That would explain why they were attacking Yuki and the other aliens. If they knew there was no hope of defeating the celestial, they might at least deal with another potential enemy and hope the main situation would resolve itself. Of course, if Yuki had somehow avoided being trapped within the closed space, there was no real chance for them to defeat her, but the real problem might be that Yuki would be expected to help the ones who had gotten caught in the closed space. It seemed likely to me that Ryoko was being employed in that effort. It was nice to think that she was probably making herself useful, for a change. She wouldn't be much help against a celestial, though.

"You don't think you can handle it?" I asked him.

"This latest form of celestial is actually quite dangerous," he answered. "We've nearly lost some of our comrades because they foolishly took it head on in previous encounters. With this type of closed space, we also need to think about the possibility of collateral damage. I assume the rest of the world is the same and doesn't know anything about this situation."

"Actually," I said, "I think the best thing to do would be for us to go over to Yuki's place."

"Huh?" he said, thinking for a moment. "Oh, right. We can all protect each other."

"That plan is not sound," Yuki informed us. "I cannot permit Itsuki Koizumi to enter, due to the volatile nature of this situation. I'm not the only humanoid interface seeking refuge, here."

"Oh, okay," Koizumi said, apparently not having realized that.

"Can't you make an exception for Koizumi?" I asked. "I can vouch for him."

"Really?" he asked.

"I cannot advise that," Yuki then said. "If you vouch for his behavior, that will cause a disruption in the alliances I've been forming among my own factions."

I then proposed, "How about you just say that you're taking him hostage?"

She smoothly answered, "I have no means by which to securely communicate such a ploy, and there is no certainty that they would not devise a strategy for his rescue. The best strategy for us in this situation is to remain separate."

"I have to agree with that," Koizumi said, scowling a little. "Actually, considering that we're likely to encounter the celestial, this is probably a safer plan for her, as well."

"Is it that dangerous?" I asked.

"It's probably even more dangerous than last time," he replied. "This celestial probably owes its sophistication to all those time planes we just encountered a few days ago."

That seemed to confirm what I had been thinking, and it made me wonder how exactly the celestials had evolved over time. It occurred to me that what was changing was really the subtle environment of Haruhi's subconscious mind, which then forced the celestials to become more sophisticated in order to survive.

"Haruhi has really changed, I think," I said.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"I mean, she's still Haruhi," I added, "but she stops and thinks a lot longer than she normally would."

"There's a lot more going on in all of our subconscious minds," he said.

"I'm starting to understand what Yuki's boss was looking for in her," I said, making some odd connections in my mind.

Koizumi frowned and said, "Let's not get complicated, here."

"Right," I said.

"One problem at a time," he added.

I looked out the window and thought about what Yuki was going through, dealing with the espers. I had thought for sure that taking Koizumi hostage would be the perfect strategy, but then I guessed I hadn't really thought it through.

"It's still raining," I observed.

"You know," he said, "I think it might be a good idea to get out of here."

"Why is that?" I asked.

He answered, "It won't take them long to realize that they could use you as a hostage."

"Oh, right," I said. That thought had been just out of reach for me a moment ago. "Let me go get dressed."

- x -

You might get the impression that I wasn't looking forward to this, but I've come to enjoy these unexpected adventures. It makes life a lot more interesting, and I hate to think of them ending any time soon. Even if my companion is a jerk like Koizumi, there's a lot to like about staying just one step ahead of danger, finding some elusive person or item, or confronting a serious problem head on. This situation seemed like a number of those things all at once, and it was exciting.

It couldn't have been anywhere near as enjoyable for Koizumi, knowing that his comrades might be just around a corner, knowing that desperate aliens might see him as small part of a threat to their existence, or even just knowing that at any time, an elusive celestial might strike him down.

We made our way to a park, him holding the umbrella to keep the rain off us, and me holding onto my doll. We must have made a very unusual sight, and I have no doubt that had we been stopped by the police, there would have been a scandal and rumors such that would make him want to flee the country. A scandal would make an interesting change of pace for me, since I really had no reputation to lose among my schoolmates. Haruhi would know better than to think that there might be anything unusual about this. In fact, I think Haruhi might be even more turned on by a scandal like this than she already was. If anything could make me want to be discreet, it was that thought.

"This seems like an obvious place to hide," Koizumi softly mentioned.

"A little too obvious, maybe?" I asked.

He added, "It's bound to be better than waiting for someone to encounter us at your place."

"I hope we don't end up here all night," I said.

"I think this is a little more important than school," he said.

"Can you sense the others?" I asked.

"I can," he replied, "if I'm within a certain distance."

"Maybe it's not really safe for me to be with you."

"Yeah, that's been bothering me, as well. Miss Nagato insists otherwise, however. I'm inclined to follow her advice."

"What is she thinking? Honestly?"

"I have no idea. How about you ask that?"

He gestured at the doll, and I held it up, adding, "It's gone silent."

"It was never audible," he said. "I think she was using psychic communication."

"Another neat trick," I said, smiling. "I never feel like I know everything about her."

You would think that even an alien would start to become ordinary and dull, but I've never had that impression of Yuki. She always seems to have yet another trick up her sleeve that I wouldn't even guess.

Koizumi put on a serious expression and said, "I've considered the situation, and I think I have a plan for if one of my organization comes near."

"What is it?" I asked.

"They have no way to know whether you're with me," he explained, "so you can simply hide. I'll just say that I'm looking for clues."

"Okay," I answered. "That seems rather obvious."

"I don't suppose you'll have a problem?"

"I'll just go hide in the trees, if you say to hide."

"Sounds like a good plan. I'll come find you. Don't come out if I tell you to hide. Just stay hidden."

Koizumi may seem like a flake at times, but he is sharp and clever. I don't know that he'd really thought that plan through, however. This situation was undoubtedly making him nervous, and that was causing him to make some strategic errors.

"I don't expect you to need to hide," he added, "and we won't have time if we encounter that celestial. I'll be too busy taking cover to help you if it shows up."

"That's awfully brave of you," I commented.

"I don't see how I'll have a choice," he complained.

I said, "It could be that the only reason we aren't seeing the celestial is because you're around."

"Yes," he agreed. "In which case, the moment you go hiding, you might encounter it. This is proving to be a dilemma."

"It's probably better for me to encounter the celestial than those comrades of yours," I added.

"I agree," he said, before really thinking about it.

So, some random creature we barely knew anything about would probably have a friendlier attitude toward me than my fellow humans, espers though they may be. I wasn't really offended, but it did give me a slight pause.

"No offense," he added, a little belatedly.

"None taken," I said. "Yeah, I agree completely."

"You're agreeing with me a little too much, I think," he said.

I was in too good a mood to let his slightly rude remarks get me down, even when he himself took me to task for it.

"Any particular reason you're helping me out?" I wondered.

"Other than the fact that it helps Miss Suzumiya?" he asked.

I explained, "Because you really strike me as a devil-may-care kind of person. You don't seem to me to be the helpful type."

"What a strange observation," he said, as if having just tasted a cup of tea.

"It's probably because I'm tired," I admitted. "I tend to suspect motives within motives from people. Especially after the last couple weeks. I'm not completely sure who to trust."

"You may trust whoever you feel," he said. He then added, predictably, "Most of all, I think you may trust in Miss Suzumiya. I don't think that celestial intends to harm you."

"You sure about that?" I asked.

"It isn't that I have any solid proof," he replied. "I just feel that it's true. Take that for whatever it's worth."

I felt it was true, but it seemed odd that he also felt it. He didn't strike me as the type.

"You're actually a lot like Yuki," I said, thinking that he was surprising. "Aside from this odd attitude of yours."

"And you're very quick to judge people," he added, not unkindly.

Now that he had said it, I found myself unable to deny it. I do tend to judge people, despite the fact that I find personality itself to be largely irrelevant. I'm not happy about it, but then I don't really feel like it's wrong, either. Figuring out other people just keeps me in practice for evaluating myself. If there's something wrong with me, I feel like it's my duty to fix it. I'm pretty sure Koizumi has the same approach to education, but then that's to be expected from him. He has a reputation to protect. I just have my own sense of fairness. It made me wonder what he'd do once things settled down and he could really concentrate on his reputation.

"What are you going to do once the celestials stop appearing?" I asked.

"I'm going to go back to just being a good student," he replied. "And I'm going to be very grateful once this all ends."

"No regrets?" I asked.

"Should I have any?" he answered.

"I'm pretty confident you will have them, even if you don't see it now," I said.

"How do you know?" he asked.

I replied, "Because I imagine that kind of life isn't a whole lot different from living with an alien. You always have a lot of exciting things to learn. It isn't just one-sided, either. There's a lot of mutual discovery."

"You do raise a good point," he admitted.

I asked, "If you aren't going to be Yuki's boyfriend, then what are you going to do? Get together with some friendly girl in college?"

"It worked out okay in the previous time plane," he said.

"Did it?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied. "After a short period of adjustment, I got used to living a normal life. It's no big deal."

"And the same goes for Yuki?" I asked.

"You've been thinking about her a lot, lately." he said, becoming annoyed.

I answered, "I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, knock it off," he said. "You're getting me depressed."

I laughed and added, "Just passing the time. What are you going to major in?"

"Probably math or something related to engineering," he answered. "I haven't decided yet."

"Math sounds good," I said.

"Is that what you intend to do?"

"Probably."

"Then I'll go into engineering."

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to end up in one of your classes."

He grimaced and said, "That would be awkward. Of course, we won't likely go to the same college."

"Math was a fun subject," I said, thinking of the previous time plane. "Maybe I should try something different."

"Right," he said, a little disgusted. "I forgot you're a masochist."

"I like expanding my horizons," I explained.

"Math isn't a bad thing to major in," he added. "It opens a lot of doors."

"I know," I said. "My step-father tells me that sometimes."

"Is that what he went into?"

"He's more of a business and accounting kind of guy."

"Oh. Well, that's too bad."

"You got that right."

"That sort of thing is necessary, though. You need people to keep things accounted for."

"I like to go wherever I'm needed."

Once again, Koizumi seemed a little surprised. I've often thought that he should just get used to that feeling.

"You don't seem the utilitarian type," he said.

"It's what I generally do, though," I added.

He sighed and admitted, "If I were to describe your role in the SOS Brigade, I might be tempted to use that description."

"That didn't change with Yuki," I said.

"You do seem to linger on this subject a lot," he complained.

"It's really weird," I admitted. "I know it's all stuff that's just piled up in my subconscious, and it seems like a dream. At the same time, it feels like it's in the future."

"I know what you mean."

"I wonder if this sort of thing is causing problems for Haruhi."

"I haven't noticed any awareness on her part."

"That's just the thing. It's got to be bothering her at a subconscious level, though. Isn't that what the celestial is?"

He paused for a few moments to consider that.

"I want to make her happy," I continued, "but she never says that she loves me. Heck, she hardly even comments on how I look."

"Maybe it doesn't need to be said," he offered.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't realize this would bother you."

"You sound like the one with regrets," he added.

I smiled and said, "I don't regret this at all. This is a much better situation than anything else I can imagine."

"No offense," he said, "but I have a lot of problems with this situation. If we're spotted out here, even by normal people... Wait."

"What?" I asked.

He softly replied, "It's nothing. Just a normal person."

I softly asked, "What would a normal person be doing in the park this late?"

"I know," he said. "Only weird people like us would be out here in the rain, especially."

Koizumi doesn't really strike me as a weird person. I know he's an esper, but even in that respect, he's nauseatingly boring. I mean, we've been in a huge closed space, and he hasn't even mentioned his abilities aside from a few remarks here and there about strategy and the situation. The only one who people would assume is weird is the perverted-looking guy holding a doll with a creepy smile on his face (namely, me).

"Engineering?" I wondered, thinking that that profession would be a waste of his talents.

"Yeah?" he prompted.

I explained, "You strike me as more of a political science or drama major type."

"Really?" he asked. "Everybody says that."

"That's just my impression," I said.

"I have a lot of experience," he admitted, "but that doesn't mean I want to make a career of it."

"It just struck me as odd," I added.

"Whoa..." he said, suddenly. He then softly added, "Okay, you need to go hide."

"Really?" I said.

"Go!" he softly ordered. "Quickly."

I then ran toward the trees to hide.

- x -

This is a strange thing to admit, but I often find that the hardest things to remember are those times when I'm feeling happiest. It's like those memories exist on an island in my subconscious mind. I sometimes wonder if my mind gets jealous of my life and tries to hoard those memories to itself. Whatever the reason, it's always in these moments of happiness that I find myself wondering who I am and how I came to be wherever it is that I am.

For example, just at this moment, I found myself standing at a crowded beach filled with people playing everywhere. It was sunny, and the atmosphere was very festive. The sun was just starting to set, which made the scenery compensate for the heat. I felt as if there wasn't a care in the world, and I wondered why I was there in the first place.

"This is nice," I said. "Hmm..."

I sat down in the sand to consider what I had just been doing and to try to figure out what it was that I had forgotten to do. There was something important. Something right in front of me that I really should have remembered, but I could quite grasp it.

"I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something..." I told myself.

A slight breeze came, and it blew away all my cares. I then just relaxed and let the feeling take me. This was all I ever wanted. If the world could just remain like this forever, it would be perfect. Even the smell of the salty sea and dead fish couldn't bother me. If anything, that only made me all the more sentimental. I had grown up with that smell, and all those glorious comic book memories of my youth came flooding back to me. All the troubles I had thought were overwhelming to me at the time just seemed like little laughable adventures.

I looked around, thinking that I really should share this experience with someone, but the only thing I noticed was Yuki looking worried. She always seems to have that odd look of having lost something. It's weird. I always wonder what exactly it is that she thinks she's lost.

"Strange," I said, approaching her. "Hey, Yuki. What's up?"

She turned to me, and I then felt as if I had swallowed a watermelon whole. The feeling of a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach was almost overwhelming. I could see tears streaming down her face, and she looked to me like all the world had died in her eyes.

"Whoa," I said. "What's going on?"

Yuki rushed to me and embraced me, and that began a flood of memories washing over me. Somehow, we had ended up shopping for clothes. I had never seen her so fascinated by one particular store, but it had bored me, all the same. I had ended up wandering around town, and then I had ended up at the beach, here. Yuki always hated when I did stuff like that.

"Oh," I said, "now I remember. Sorry about that."

She suddenly pushed me away and glared at me with an intense anger that I could feel in my shoes.

"You left me alone!" she somehow exclaimed in a twisted kind of monotone.

"You seemed to be preoccupied," I found myself explaining. "I guess I just forgot."

"I thought that something had happened to you," she added.

"I'm fine," I answered, suddenly wondering how many times I had said this, already.

Somehow, this whole situation seemed heavy, though I could feel how ridiculous it was. I was loving and dreading every moment of it, and the intensity of it made me wonder whether it was really happening.

"How can I tell if I can't find you?" she asked.

I then checked for my cell phone, but then I suddenly remembered leaving it behind. I smiled apologetically, then tried to casually brush it off by saying the first thing that popped into my head.

"I can never tell what you're thinking."

"Is that a problem?" she asked in her usual monotone.

For a moment, I wanted to laugh, but then seeing Yuki like this was not something I enjoyed.

"I'm really sorry," I said, embracing her again. "I promise I won't leave you again."

We then walked over to the shoreline together, enjoying the sound of the waves and the colorful sunset.

"What do you think?" I asked her. "You up for a swim?"

"I'm not wearing a swimsuit," she answered.

"I don't mind getting my clothes wet," I said, casually brushing that off.

I then eagerly ran out into the water and dove into the sea.

- x -

Moments later, I found myself unable to climb to the surface of the water, and I almost panicked. The water had started rushing very quickly all around, and that made it almost impossible to swim through. The fear was just for a moment, though. I always embrace my fear, and this was no different. If the ceiling of water was too high to climb to, then so be it. I relaxed and allowed the water to drag me along, but then I started to wonder just how far the water would take me. For what seemed like forever, I found myself being carried to a place that was surely the middle of the ocean, though my rational mind told me that it would be ridiculous for me to expect to survive for more than five minutes underwater.

I then started to notice a strange blue light that slowly swelled and surrounded me. Before I could fully realize what it was, it seemed that a wave more powerful than the previous one had come and claimed me. I then noticed the rain and clouds and buildings all around, all tumbling in some kind of mad dance.

"Is this for real?" I tried to say, then suddenly gasped as I realized that I could breathe.

Finding the world twisting around the way it was and suddenly gulping in air proved to be too much for my mind, and I found that I couldn't remember anything that happened after that until I had suddenly found myself at a park bench, sitting up and shivering in the cold rain. I then looked around, trying to find the source of a strange music that was filling the air.

For a few moments, my mind wouldn't accept it, but then I noticed a strange blue figure was playing a guitar. It was absorbed in some old folk song which had been popular in the sixties or the seventies.

It was, at once, both sad and hopeful. It was a song filled with placid calm and terrible rage, a song that spoke to the world of anguish and disappointment. I only wish I could have recognized it, but then I had never found that style to be very compelling, before.

"So, you took up the guitar?" I asked it.

"That's right," it answered.

"Sounds nice," I said.

"Thanks," it responded.

It took me a moment to realize, but the creature had been speaking directly to my mind in a voice that I had come to think of as Haruhi's voice, but which I could not say for certain was hers. In fact, I'm not completely certain it had been using a language I could identify. It was strange and charming in ways that she could never imagine, and not at all feminine or masculine. It just simply was.

I listened to it continue playing, and I had a sudden realization that the younger me would have thoroughly enjoyed this. I might have even been able to ignore the rain and the cold, and I would have accepted this whole situation without any sense that there was anything wrong. Heck, even two weeks ago, that might have been my reaction. Now was an entirely different story.

"You're the one they're all after?" I asked. "You're Haruhi's powers, right?"

"I'm not just her power," it said. "I'm everyone's power."

"Is that so?" I asked, not at all convinced.

"Yeah," it replied.

This seemed to me like a lie, but I couldn't see anything in the figure's expression to tell me that it was. I just felt certain that it had to be a lie, and that made me a little irritated.

"Are those supposed to be wings?" I said, gesturing at its retracted wings on its back.

"Sure," it said.

"You're some highly evolved creature, huh?" I said, on the verge of mocking it.

"I think I've gone about as far as I can go," it said, almost sounding proud of itself.

"Maybe you should fight it out with Koizumi and his gang again," I suggested.

"I don't think I'd lose to them again," it said.

"You may be right," I admitted.

All at once, the figure struck me as smug and patronizing, and I thought of how annoying that attitude is. It just obliviously continued playing, as I was getting ready to snap.

"No offense," I said, "but I think you're really just a trouble-maker. You give Haruhi all kinds of weird abilities that she doesn't need. It's making her miserable. We don't want you hanging around."

It looked at me in a way that almost made it seem offended, but it continued to be very calm.

I thought briefly that I might die in the next moment, but then I consoled myself by thinking that I would at least die having been completely sincere. "Maybe you should just go, okay?" I asked. "I don't want you around."

The creature became annoyed and suddenly stopped playing. It then turned its guitar to its back and approached me.

"Wha... What are you-?" I said, expecting the next thing for me to be death, from the grim look on its face.

The creature then mysteriously embraced me in a very passionate way, then it pulled away slightly from me and kissed me. For a moment, I wasn't sure how to react, but then I suddenly realized that this thing really was Haruhi. It wasn't merely Haruhi's power or some effect of her subconscious mind, but it actually was her.

- x -

The next thing I knew, I found myself sitting up in bed, reeling at what seemed to me to have been a bad dream.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," I told myself.

I lay back down, but then I noticed the doll that looked like Yuki was back on the desk, staring at me.

"Shut up," I told it, and went back to sleep.

- x -

I got up just before the alarm and had a double-take when I realized that the doll appeared to be slightly wet. I then wondered for a moment how that had happened, but then I started to realize that the previous events had actually happened.

"What the heck happened this morning?" I asked the doll.

"You nearly drowned yourself," she replied.

"Is that it?" I then asked.

"Then the alternate space disintegrated, shortly afterward," she added.

So, I hadn't actually dreamed it all. It still didn't seem real, although I could still almost feel the celestial's kiss on my lips. That had been the wildest sensation I think I'd ever experienced.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I've been in worse condition," she answered. "I'm fine."

"How did it go with Koizumi?"

"He seemed upset. You should call him."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that."

"Okay."

If Koizumi was upset, then it was probably also true that Yuki might be worried about me. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't want them to worry. I felt really light-headed, like a huge weight had lifted from my mind.

"Please don't worry about me," I said. "I feel a lot better, now."

"Really?" she asked.

"Things are going to be okay," I added.

- x -

That morning, as I was walking to school, I decided to give Koizumi a call. It was starting to clear up, though clouds still looked threatening in the sky. I didn't have to deal with rain, at least, though I did get a few odd stares. I was still holding the doll, after all.

"Hey, what's up?" I said.

"Hello," he answered. "It's good to hear from you. Everything okay?"

"I'm fine," I replied. "So, how did it go on your end?"

"Just one weird thing after another," he said.

"So, the same as usual."

"Yeah. Hey, what happened? I mean, I saw you go diving into a flood channel last night."

"Really?"

"And you were clutching that doll the whole time."

I had a brief smile on my face as I realized that I was still holding that same doll.

"That's really weird," I said. "I don't remember any of that. Well, I remember being underwater, but the rest is fuzzy."

He added, "What was really weird was that celestial went in after you. I didn't see what happened after that."

"You didn't?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "I was kind of busy at that moment. Things were really going crazy."

"That's too bad."

"Yeah. So, what happened after that?"

"I just had a little chat with the celestial, and I suddenly found myself at home."

"And that's it?"

"Yeah."

I think I was starting to figure out what had really happened, but it didn't seem real. I can't picture myself being suicidal, especially after I had been so cheerful at the time. I didn't feel depressed at all. It just didn't fit.

He then asked, "You aren't sick, are you?"

"Should I be?" I wondered.

"Just checking," he said. "I mean, you were standing in the rain for a while, then you fell into some nasty water. It's only natural to expect you to come down with something."

I had to stop and stare at the phone in disbelief for a moment. This was too bizarre, even for Koizumi. An educated person should never say something so stupidly superstitious. It was like I was suddenly in a comic book. What's next? Expecting to sneeze because people are talking about you?

"I feel fine," I told him, a little annoyed. "Forget about it."

"Okay," he said. "That's good. See you later."

- x -

At class, I was relieved to see Haruhi. It made the fact that I had carried this doll here worthwhile, and I have to admit that I always get a little nervous at the thought that she might disappear. I offered the doll to her.

"Here," I said.

"For me?" she asked.

"I've had a surplus of these things, lately," I explained.

She took it and scowled a little at me.

"You couldn't give it to me after class?" she asked.

"You think I want to hold onto that all day?" I asked her.

"Well, it's nice," she said. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"It looks a bit like Yuki, don't you think?"

"Yes, it does."

"Well, I like it anyway."

I didn't attach any special significance to this, other than hopefully gaining some approval from her. I was still flat broke, so this is really the next best thing I could do for her.

"Is that sheet music for guitar?" I asked, looking at what she was doing.

"Yeah," she answered.

"You've been playing that, lately?" I asked.

"I've been thinking about it," she admitted.

"Just seems odd," I said.

Haruhi has had some experience with guitar, and I really shouldn't be surprised, but it was an odd coincidence to find Haruhi suddenly thinking about it after having dealt with a guitar-playing celestial.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "I'm better than usual, actually."

"Figures," she said, frowning. "This weather has me really depressed. I had another nightmare just last night."

"Really?" I asked.

"It was the weirdest thing," she answered. "I dreamed I was flying, and I saw you fall into a river. I wasn't sure it was you, but then I dove in after, and it was."

"Weird."

"Yeah. It somehow put me in the mood to play again."

"You like playing guitar?"

"Not really. My dad plays, so I learned a lot when I was young."

"I should probably take up an instrument, myself."

I can't really see playing an instrument, but I can see how it would be fun. It just strikes me as taking a lot of time and effort.

"How many dolls do you have?" she asked.

"That one and one other," I replied. "I gave the other to my sister."

"Okay," she said. "Just curious."


	17. Transition

- Chapter 4: Transition

While it was true that I would never encounter a celestial in a closed space again, that didn't mean that I would never have to deal with closed spaces or that the interest in celestials had passed. If anything, now that the danger had passed, there was destined to be renewed interest from those involved. Not to mention, there was still the question of how the aliens would retaliate for how the espers had insulted them.

It also occurred to me some time later that just because Haruhi's powers had gone from her didn't mean that I had nothing to fear from her powers. They were simply locked away in the grip of her denial, a state of mind made all the stronger by my presence. And my presence was something that wasn't likely to change any time soon. Just as the moon is caught in the gravity of Earth, so too would it take a more powerful force than Haruhi to wrench me away from her, and that didn't seem very likely. Thanks to my pestering her, she wouldn't likely become a villain of any kind. I doubt there are dangers in her life that I can't help her navigate through. Thanks to my childish vanity, I don't think she'll ever lose her looks, though I've been told that that's always the first thing to go. I'm determined to see if I can't prove that wrong.

More importantly, I've been wondering whether she can't come around to believing in aliens, espers and time travelers in spite of the fact that her powers are sealed away. It's an odd thought, but it's one that I'm convinced is plausible. They certainly wouldn't have any reason to hide the fact from her anymore, now that they had some assurance of safety from me. The mind is a funny thing, and I was sure it wouldn't take too long to find out what the situation was. In any case, I was starting to become determined to find out, later that day. I wasn't in a big hurry, but I was certain the opportunity was fast approaching. Koizumi had kept to schedule this time, and I invited him in. I had already started up Eva in the living room, and I was getting ready to leave him alone to keep an eye on things.

"She isn't here, yet?" he asked me, referring to Haruhi.

I replied, "She went home to get her guitar."

Not surprisingly, Haruhi had talked about playing her guitar, though she didn't seem to be in a hurry to find out how well her fingering was holding up. She didn't relish the idea of blisters and callouses, but at least she knew what to expect.

"I think the others are on the way," Koizumi added. "It's probably just the weather keeping them."

There had been some rain, but it was scattered and wouldn't last very long.

"I thought I saw Miss Asahina," I said, "just as I left."

"You get a chance to talk?" he asked.

"She was with Tsuruya," I answered.

"I'll take that as a no," he said.

I looked outside and noticed the rain fading away again. "I think it might be clearing up."

I was tempted to go back to my room and continue reading, but the show was getting to a briefly interesting part, so I decided to stick around to watch just that part.

Koizumi asked, "Your mother knows about this get together, right?"

"Yeah, obviously," I replied.

"I don't tell my mother everything," he admitted. "Actually..."

"I don't like to keep my mother in the dark about things," I said, not giving him a chance to elaborate. Some things are better left unsaid.

"That's very sensible," he said, pleasantly.

"You avoid a lot of little problems that way," I added.

"I noticed Miss Asakura has been inviting herself in."

"I told her it's okay as long as she isn't trying to kill me."

"Are you sure she isn't? I don't know that she's all that trustworthy."

"She's not. I mean, she's a freaking sociopath. I think she still needs me alive, though."

The subject of Ryoko seemed appropriate, considering where we were in watching Eva. That show gets overly morbid, and it lingers on the question of life and death quite a bit more than could possibly be healthy, even for a post-apocalyptic melodrama.

"How do you figure that?" Koizumi asked.

"Well..." I said, thinking that this question would not likely be answered any time soon in a way that was satisfying. "That eluded me for a while, but then I started thinking about how Yuki would react if Asakura did kill me."

"Oh, okay," he said, apparently willing to accept that.

"I mean," I added, "there's still a lot of history between us, weird as that might sound."

"Yeah."

"I've been meaning to ask Asakura about it, but then I think about how damned annoying she is."

"You find her annoying?"

"She's always so sickeningly charming. It's really bizarre. I can't see how she can stand herself."

Ryoko is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Just the thought of her makes me shiver.

"That's a rather odd assessment," Koizumi stated.

"What?" I asked. "You like her?"

"A lot of people are drawn to that feature in her personality," he explained.

"That's true," I admitted, "but I guess I'm not most people."

"Especially after that incident," he said, and it took me a moment to realize what he meant.

I agreed, "It's mainly because she keeps trying to kill me."

- x -

I went up to my bedroom to continue reading, and I had a moment to reflect on Haruhi's state of mind. She had to feel better than this morning. I know I did. I didn't think she would ever be satisfied with me, but then Haruhi is someone who isn't happy unless people are sincerely kissing her ass. It takes a lot of effort for me to reach that point, but then I've been noticing a number of opportunities to feed her ego, lately. Her energy and passion are something to admire, even if her childishness sometimes gets in the way.

"Hey," she said, entering my room. "What's up?"

"Nothing," I answered.

"Your sister let me in," she explained.

"I know," I said, having heard her enter a few moments ago.

She smiled at me in a strangely intimidating way and then sat at the foot of my bed.

"So, you don't want to do anything?" she asked.

"What?" I said. "You mean, make out? I don't see any problem with that."

"I should have expected you to say that," she said, a little exasperated.

"What?" I asked, wondering what she meant by that.

She frowned for a moment, then folded her arms.

"Take it easy, okay?" I said. "I love you, but let's not push things."

"Whatever you say," she softly answered.

"You're not still depressed, are you?" I asked.

She replied, "No, I think I've caught whatever it is that cheered you up this morning."

"That's good," I said, confirming what I had just been thinking. "I think it's kind of weird that you were so down."

She sighed and added, "I keep trying to say..."

I looked up from my reading and wondered again what was on her mind. She can be a little too thoughtful, at times. At times, it seems like she tortures herself by being far too modest. I wanted to tell her that, but she seemed to be in a mood that would turn angry if I started to preach like that again.

"What?" I asked. "Is it about school?"

"No," she said. "It's nothing."

I then decided to risk an argument by subtly encouraging her.

"You don't need to say anything," I said.

I sat up and moved over next to her.

"It's okay," I assured her. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"All right," she said.

"Okay?" I asked.

"I said, all right," she snapped. "Sheesh."

As I thought, she had become angry, but I knew a remedy for that.

"Come on," I said.

"What?" she asked.

I kissed her, and she started to get into it, but then she pulled away suddenly.

"Oh God," she said. "Let's not start that."

"Sorry," I said, realizing that she tends to lose control pretty easily.

"I don't want to get turned on with the others downstairs," she explained.

"Who's here?"

"Just Koizumi and Yuki. I saw them chatting about something."

"Just those two?"

"Yeah."

I knew what they'd be talking about. I then suddenly wondered what her reaction would be.

"I wonder what's keeping the others?" I asked.

Haruhi then asked me, "Do you think there might be something going on? I mean, between Yuki and Koizumi."

"Maybe," I replied. "I doubt it, though."

"I've seen them together quite a bit, actually," she added.

"Why don't we go find out?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah. What?"

"It's nothing. Yeah, let's go have a chat with those two."

- x -

Haruhi and I went to the living room and sat at the sofa. This put me in a frame of mind like what had happened yesterday, which was just an overwhelming experience. I would soon be forced to snap out of that, since the conversation was about to turn very strange.

"Hey guys," Haruhi said.

"Hey," I added.

"Hello," Koizumi responded.

"So," Haruhi asked, "what are you chatting about?"

"It was nothing," Koizumi replied. "Just some club business."

"The club?" Haruhi asked, a little disappointed.

"Sure," he said. "There may be nothing going on right now, but that could change pretty soon, right?"

"Actually," she added, "I was hoping to talk about that."

"Okay," he answered. "What is it?"

Haruhi replied, "I just want to be clear that it isn't about finding interesting things, okay?"

"That's fine."

"I'm glad it's just a literature club, because I've been thinking for the past week that all that stuff I had said before was just some trite, idiotic stuff. I was really just wasting your time."

"I don't think I'd call it a waste of time."

"It was. I was wrong to drag you into it. That's all I wanted to say."

I smiled as Haruhi turned to look at me, and she scowled at me.

"That's all?" Koizumi asked.

Haruhi then added, "Well, that and it was really Kyon's fault to begin with."

"My fault?" I asked, amused by this sudden accusation.

"You kept taking me so seriously," she complained.

"So, you were joking?" I asked, thinking that this was all too easy.

"No," she answered. "But you could have suggested some alternatives."

"I did," I supplied, "actually."

Haruhi frowned and said, "Well, okay. Fine. But I never would have started all that if it weren't for you encouraging me."

"I was wrong to do that," I said, casually obliging. "I'm sorry."

"Just so you admit it," she said.

Haruhi had a moment where she seemed to realize that she looked just as stupid for making me apologize as when she accused me of taking her too seriously (as if that were possible). She didn't appear to be too upset about it, but I think she definitely noticed how she was still on the wrong side of this conversation. Nevertheless, there didn't appear to be any doubt that she regretted making a club that had no properly defined purpose, and no potential purpose that was any superior to the already-existing clubs. She could acknowledge that as a mistake and move on from it.

"You see?" Koizumi said to Yuki. "I was right. I don't think there's any need to worry."

Yuki had a look like she was carefully pondering. What had happened was that Koizumi and Yuki had realized the significance of this morning. If Haruhi regretted actually meeting up with interesting people, and those interesting people were still with her, that suggested that her powers were no longer in action.

"What?" Haruhi asked. "What are you talking about?"

Yuki answered, "We are referring to your subconscious usage of data manipulation."

"Yeah," Koizumi added. He explained, "You see, ordinarily you would think about things being a certain way, and then things would just become that way. It made life really interesting for us, although it meant that I would have to risk my life every now and then."

"What on Earth?" Haruhi said.

"Oh, I see," I said, finally getting it. "So, Haruhi's powers have left her?"

"That appears to be the case," Yuki answered.

I then asked, "And you two didn't suddenly stop being an alien and an esper, right?"

"I don't have anything useful I can do with it," Koizumi replied, "but I can still sense things."

"Why would my existence suddenly end?" Yuki wondered.

Haruhi started laughing, and she said, "Oh, come on... You guys are feeding Kyon's delusions, aren't you?"

"I wish it was all Kyon's delusion," Koizumi stated, very sincerely.

"Why?" I asked. "Is there trouble?"

Yuki replied, "I predict a forty-seven percent chance that we will encounter an attempted retaliation by a member of the radical faction."

"I see," I said. "This is why you didn't want me coming over this morning."

"Your presence would only have instigated more resentment," Yuki added.

"I thought we might have to deal with something like that," Koizumi said, "but didn't you explain to them about me? I mean, I'm no longer a member of the organization."

"You're not?" I asked, a little surprised at that admission.

"No," he replied. "I ended up betraying them in order to help keep you safe, although I think I wasn't much help to you. That has to count for something, right?"

"I explained this to the others," Yuki said. "They were sympathetic, however, I detected some residual-"

"Whoa!" Haruhi said, becoming seriously irritated to get left out of this conversation. "Hold on a second!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"Was everything Kyon told me the truth?" she asked.

Koizumi had a look of amused irritation that I had told Haruhi anything.

"Your belief is irrelevant," Yuki answered. "The situation only requires our preparation. This morning, we were assaulted by members of the organization of which Itsuki Koizumi is a former member. There were no injuries, however, several humanoid interfaces took the assault as an insult. There have been retaliations carried out since this morning. This action that I'm suggesting is a preventative measure."

"Did the Data Entity get involved?" I asked her.

She replied, "The Data Integration Thought Entity has completed its mission. The time plane that directly underlies this one served that purpose."

"So, you're just a gang of rogue aliens?" I asked, somewhat nonplussed.

"There was never any legal consent to our activities," she answered. "We've violated your laws seventy-four thousand, eight hundred and sixteen times. We were left to guard against the possibility that this time plane might interfere with the underlying ones. Having completed this mission, our purpose has yet to be determined."

"That's pretty cold," I complained. "You didn't even get any suggestions?"

She replied, "It was suggested that we integrate as best we can with this world's inhabitants."

"So, you were told to go native?" I asked, shaking my head.

"All things considered," Koizumi said, shrugging, "that's probably all for the best. I mean, they could have simply been switched off or placed on standby."

"It takes some painful adjustment," Yuki admitted.

"I thought you guys were immune to pain," Koizumi said.

Yuki explained, "We have the ability to negate the comfort neural centers in our interfaces, but the kind of discomfort to which I'm referring is the type that affects one at the higher level. There is no interface to our sense of awareness."

"Aside from your perspective, of course," Koizumi smoothly stated.

"Do I need to be worried?" Haruhi asked. "Is Mikuru going to suddenly come time-traveling in here?"

"I hope not," I said, suddenly having a few terrifying flashbacks.

Koizumi shuddered and added, "Don't even talk about it."

"It's highly unlikely," Yuki said, "that Mikuru Asahina will create another time plane. Since the incidents last week, she has shown a strong reluctance toward any behaviors other than strict observation."

"Okay," Haruhi said. She then said to me, "This explains why you warned me not to talk to Mikuru about that."

"Yeah," I said, "I wouldn't mention it tonight, either."

"What are we doing tonight?" she asked.

"I have formulated a strategy," Yuki replied. "Once we have completed our mission here, we will discreetly use defenses at my base of operations. Several other countermeasures will be deployed, including decoys. There will be a considerable amount of time involved, so you should bring whatever devices you feel will be necessary."

"All of us?" I asked.

"Everyone except Tsuruya," Koizumi answered. "She's on her own, although I doubt anyone wants to get on her family's bad side. That would be very unwise."

"Should we inform our families?" I asked.

"That will not be necessary," Yuki replied. "As I said, there will be decoys."

"Just how long is this going to take?" I then asked.

Yuki replied, "Assuming I can count on your cooperation, three hours, four minutes, thirteen point two seconds."

Haruhi laughed again and said, "So, we're having a sleep-over at your place?"

"Please understand-" Yuki said.

"I understand," Haruhi interrupted her. "You guys are nuts. I'm going to call my dad."

She took out her phone and began to make a call.

"Whoa!" Koizumi said, a little alarmed.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," I casually warned her.

Haruhi started speaking to the phone, "Hey..."

Somehow, just at that moment, Haruhi started looking away from us and straight at where Ryoko Asakura was again walking right through the wall. Ryoko had gotten in a bad habit of doing that, and this was the most oddly appropriate moment for her to do that, ever.

"Hey, everybody," Ryoko said. "So, are we on for tonight? Oh..."

Haruhi stared at her for several moments, unable to believe what she'd seen.

"No," she told the phone. "It's nothing. Never mind." She then put away her phone and asked, "Did she just...?"

Ryoko softly chuckled and said, "Oops. Did I just mess up?"

- x -

Later that evening, I awoke and noticed that Haruhi was also sleep. I then noticed that Yuki was poking me in the neck with her finger.

"Are you awake?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "What happened? How long have I been out?"

She said, "We're currently transferring to my base of operations."

"Okay," I said, looking around. "Where's Miss Asahina?"

"She went on ahead," Yuki replied.

"So," I said, "we're leaving now?"

"Wake Haruhi Suzumiya," she added, "then we can go."

- x -

At Yuki's apartment, I noticed that Mikuru had just brought out some tea, and I decided to sit and have some. I also noticed Tsuruya playing a video game in the corner.

"What's up with Miss Tsuruya being here?" I asked.

"I'm sorry," Mikuru answered, "but she insisted."

"You told her we were staying the night?" I asked.

"It just slipped out," she explained.

Tsuruya is one of those people who can annoy you with her innocently abrupt remarks. She can say the most discouraging things, but somehow do it with a twinkle in her eyes that makes you think she isn't the slightest bit serious about it.

"Hey, Kyon," Tsuruya said. "Get over here and play against me so I can show off my racing skills."

"A racing game?" I said. "No thanks. I think I'll just have some tea."

"I'll play you," Haruhi offered, and I silently took pity on Tsuruya.

Mikuru and I were shortly joined by Koizumi and Yuki at the table.

"You may not know this about Haruhi," I informed them, "but she's really good at racing games."

"How good?" Koizumi asked.

"I could never get anywhere near her crazy lap times," I replied.

"That should keep Miss Tsuruya occupied," he added.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I'm glad we could finally stop lying to Miss Suzumiya," he said.

"I never lied to her," I claimed. I might have lied to her in some innocent way, but never about anything important.

"Neither did I," Mikuru said.

"Me, as well," Yuki added.

Koizumi sighed and said, "Must be convenient, to not have to lie all the time."

"You don't even need to be in that organization anymore, do you?" I asked.

"It did have a number of perks," he admitted, "aside from being united in our duties."

"No offense," I said, "but you didn't seem altogether united."

"We got along surprisingly well," he claimed. "Actually, even after I betrayed them, there was no real animosity between us. We're still talking, for example."

"You won't go back, though?" I asked.

"I can't even imagine doing such a thing," he answered.

"That's good," I said.

Koizumi's gang of espers always bothered me. They always seemed a little too well organized, and it was strange to me that they seemed to need a lot of funding. It can't be easy to do what they do, but I think they could have gotten by on their own. I hate to think of what else they were doing in their spare time.

"Whoa!" Tsuruya exclaimed. "Did you just lap me?"

"Eat my dust, sucka!" Haruhi softly added.

"What did I tell you?" I said.

"That's pretty impressive," Koizumi said.

"Really?" I asked him, wondering how much he would know about racing games.

"Yes," he answered. "Miss Tsuruya told me that her favorites games are racing games."

I then started to realize how strange this particular meeting was, and it seemed unlikely that we would ever be repeating it. In particular, it seemed to me that Mikuru might soon be leaving.

"So, Miss Asahina," I said, "I guess this means you're free to go home."

"Is that so?" she asked.

I explained, "We won't be seeing any more time phenomena, I think, unless it's from you."

"Actually," she said, "I kind of have some obligations to Miss Tsuruya. Once I graduate, then I can leave."

"Oh?" I said. "Well, that's too bad. I guess you're stuck with us until then."

"I'm not in a big hurry to leave," she added.

"No," I said nicely, "I don't suppose you would be."

With Haruhi not demanding a lot of attention, it seemed like we were free to be casual. This atmosphere was nice, and I found myself hoping we could carry this over to the club. Of course, this just seemed to invite a lot of oddly honest confessions.

"I don't have any obligations here," Koizumi admitted. "The truth is, going to this school is kind of inconvenient."

"Yeah," I said, "Haruhi mentioned that. She has to commute here, too."

"I can't really say I'm not enjoying myself," he added, "so I guess I'll see what turns up in the next year or two."

"Meanwhile," I added, "maybe Haruhi can focus on music."

"Music?" he asked. "Is that what she really wants?"

"That shouldn't really come as a surprise."

"No. Actually, I'm surprised she didn't stick with a music club, to begin with."

"I don't think there's any clubs that let you play rhythm guitar and sing lead vocals."

"Luckily, there's a lot of literature devoted to music. I could see the SOS Brigade taking that kind of turn."

"Really? Because I don't have any interest in music. I'd just get in the way."

"Yes, it's a problem. I suppose she may have to be content with folk music."

Haruhi would likely find the club to finally be useful, although I doubt most of us could help her actually play. Some musicians don't seem to realize it, but there is a lot of research that goes into making good music. Even a relatively light band would need to take a lot of time for research to have any chance of success, and I doubted Haruhi wanted to play anything light.

"It's not a bad style," I said, thinking of folk music. "My father always used to play stuff like that when I was growing up."

"Is he a guitarist?" Koizumi asked.

"No," I replied, "I mean he has a lot of old tapes."

"Oh," he said. "I guess that makes sense."

I was getting a little annoyed with merely chatting, so I asked Yuki, "So, what's the story? Are we really going to be attacked by the radical faction?"

"Not as a group," she replied, "I believe. There's a slight chance they may be forming new factions, but that activity has been mitigated by this situation."

"So, you're saying there's less tribalism?" Koizumi asked.

Yuki answered, "I have observed greater cohesion between the data units over the past two weeks. This may be due to my actions, in part."

"Are you referring to that fight you started?" I asked.

"Yes," she admitted.

"So," I added, "it could also be my fault."

"How do you figure?" Koizumi asked.

I explained, "Well, Yuki asked me a lot of weird things about life and awareness in general after that incident. I think I might have accidentally made them turn sentimental."

Koizumi added, "That might go a way toward explaining why Miss Asakura took an interest in your being in love with Miss Suzumiya."

"I have noticed greater incidents of fundamental attribution errors," Yuki said, "not just the usual errors that can be attributed to instinctive patterns."

"That's a problem," he casually stated. "Have you warned them about that?"

She replied, "I think it may be a symptom of a larger underlying issue that is more in the nature of our type."

"Sounds like a pretty typical human problem," he said.

I was having some trouble following that, so I asked, "Are you saying that they're going to make mistakes and then come blaming me?"

"No..." Koizumi answered. "Well, I'm not too clear on what the real problem is."

Yuki explained, "There is a danger that they will start to perceive their mistakes as my failures."

"Oh, okay," Koizumi said. Then he added, "The question of harmony is still in doubt."

"I was told to view affection as favorable," Yuki added.

"You were?" Koizumi asked, a little surprised.

"Yes," she replied.

"Okay," he said. He then observed, "Well, that's not a bad start. I was worried what kind of absent-minded reaction to Nietzsche type of philosophy Kyon seems to aspire to would cause serious problems."

"Nietzsche?" I said, vaguely familiar with that name.

"You're always going on about jealousy and things getting triggered that way," he explained.

"I wasn't aware that there was some philosopher that was so influential to me."

"Let me guess... You grew up reading comic books, right?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so. I've noticed a tendency among comic books of that time period to idolize the concept of ressentiment and der Wille zur Macht. I think a lot of your inclinations are Zen-like reactions to those concepts."

"You've given this a lot of thought."

"Philosophy was always a keen interest of mine. It lays a kind of foundation for logic and math."

I hadn't really thought that comic books had taught me anything, let alone some old philosopher from over a hundred years ago. My concept of Zen was a little messed up, though. I know that because I've always thought of Zen itself as an oddly askew idea, useful though it may be at times.

"Nietzsche, huh?" I asked. "Whatever happened to that guy?"

Mikuru answered, "He succumbed to some kind of mental disorder and had a series of strokes. It wasn't related to his philosophy, though."

"I wasn't thinking that," I said. "It's funny how people feel the need to explain things like that."

"Yes," Koizumi said. "Another kind of fundamental attribution error. Most people would probably assume it was his fault or his philosophy that killed him."

It then occurred to me that Koizumi had also taken an interest in comic books, albeit a rather dry and scholarly interest. I wondered briefly if there was anything that he wasn't confident talking about.

"Oh, come on!" Tsuruya exclaimed.

"You suck," Haruhi said while laughing.

"Okay," Tsuruya said, getting seriously irritated. "One more time."

"On the bright side," I added, "Haruhi might actually start enjoying school."

"Is she tutoring you?" Koizumi asked.

"No," I replied. "I mean she's starting to realize that she isn't as well educated as she seemed to think she was."

"Oh," Koizumi said, a little disappointed. "Yeah, she was deluding herself a little bit."

I added, "She might have been some genius through middle school, but high school is a whole other level."

"High school seems to suit you better," Koizumi said.

I sighed and agreed, "Much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right."

"Miss Suzumiya might not enjoy a serious challenge as much as you," he added.

"The only serious challenge she has right now is putting up with me," I said.

"You know," he said, deeply frowning, "you're the only one who views it that way."

"What?" I asked, wondering what he could possibly have a problem with.

"Your relationship with her," he answered. "To my mind, she causes you a lot of problems, and you somehow find a way to manage in spite of it all."

"I agree," Yuki said.

Of course, they're looking at it from the point of view of an observer, so they wouldn't know what Haruhi goes through with me on a daily basis. Haruhi and I always complain about one thing or another, and not necessarily anything to do with each other. It really does drag her down. When we kiss, she sometimes gets really depressed, even compared to Yuki when she's drunk. And that's just the slightest thing that Haruhi likes to do. I don't think she fully comprehended what it would mean for her to have a romance with someone like me. I feel obligated to respond to every little whim she has, and she expects someone to reflect a deep impression of every whimsical thing she does. We're like an emotion amplifier, and her emotions are rarely positive ones.

"If anything," Koizumi added, "I think you're far too accommodating. Of course, you didn't hear that from me."

"I heard that," Haruhi said.

"Well, it's the truth," he said.

"Maybe you're just jealous," I told him.

"What gave you that idea?" he asked.

I looked around, and noticed Ryoko Asakura, who seemed to be in meditation. "Actually..." I said, thinking of when Ryoko had casually told me that Koizumi had a crush on Haruhi.

"I see," Koizumi said, noticing who I was looking at.

"There's a lot we don't realize about each other," I said.

"I suspect that Miss Suzumiya doesn't know even half of what goes on between us," he added.

"No," I said. "And if you still want to have her as a friend, you'll keep it to yourself."

"Well," he added, a little awkwardly, "we'll always have the Literature Club."

"I have a feeling you're right about that," I agreed.

- x -

Mikuru and Tsuruya were forced to leave, later that evening. As much as Tsuruya wanted to have a sleepover, she underestimated how much her family would object. Mikuru was grateful for the chance to avoid whatever was going to happen, though she did comment sadly that she would have preferred to stay. She might have stayed, but Haruhi gave her one stern glance, and that was enough to send Mikuru quickly to the door, saying her goodbyes. Haruhi had joined us at the table, fussing with her guitar, and adjusting the tightness of its strings.

"All this sitting around, waiting..." Koizumi said.

"You could go sleep in the bedroom," I told him, certain that Yuki would offer.

"I'm not tired," he claimed.

It was a bit after one in the morning, so I had my doubts about that.

"We'll see about that," Haruhi said, strumming her guitar. She then started to play some soft, soothing melody.

"What is that?" I asked.

"That's the Beatles," Koizumi answered. "Sorry, but that won't put me to sleep."

"Are you a big fan?" I asked.

"No," he replied." My mother likes that group, though. She used to play that stuff all the time. It's more annoying than anything else."

Haruhi stopped and said, "How about this?" She then started playing some other melody that I couldn't quite place.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I don't recognize it," Koizumi answered.

"You need me to identify it?" Haruhi asked.

"You like stuff from the sixties?" I asked her.

"My dad played stuff like this all the time," she replied. "I picked it up from watching him."

"Weird," Koizumi added, getting a very puzzled look on his face. "I feel like I know that one."

"That's a Rolling Stones song," Ryoko said, still apparently meditating.

"Oh," Koizumi said. "Right."

Haruhi frowned and stopped, then said, "Okay. How about this one?" She then started on a really strange tune that I had never heard before.

"That sounds familiar," Koizumi said, "but once again..."

"The Doors," Ryoko said. "That's 'Blue Sunday.' Who doesn't know that song?"

Haruhi said, "You really know your pop music idols from the sixties."

"Yeah," Ryoko said, finally deigning to look at us. "Well, they're only the best thing humanity has ever done."

"How about that?" I said. "She actually does have something she likes, other than cutting people up, that is."

Haruhi stopped in alarm and said, "What?"

"Don't stop playing," Ryoko said, very nicely. "You have an audience."

Haruhi continued playing, not very happy about this turn of events. She then commented, "I'm not sure the five of us counts as an audience."

"It isn't just the five of us," Ryoko informed her.

"It's not?" I asked.

"No," Yuki replied. "We're being observed."

"Oh," I said, realizing. "Stealth mode again?"

"Correct," Yuki answered.

Haruhi was then startled momentarily to see seven other girls suddenly appear in front of her, there in that room.

"That's interesting," I said, wondering whether Yuki had simply let them in.

"Well, sure," Koizumi stated. "Who doesn't like music, right?"


	18. Misgivings

- Chapter 5: Misgivings

Haruhi thus resolved the differences between espers and aliens, though she was completely unaware of having done anything. Heck, the only reason I knew was because Koizumi and Yuki told me about it, later. What was funny was that Haruhi didn't question from that point on about having an audience or why that audience would have a particular preference in music or even how she could play music in an apartment at one in the morning without the neighbors banging on the walls, telling us to shut up.

It seems like there's a wall around her mind, and very few things can get past that wall. No telling what would happen without that wall, though. As long as she isn't comfortable with the thought of there actually being aliens, espers, or time travelers, that wall will likely remain. And hopefully, it will remain for many years to come. I don't want Haruhi to feel like she has to solve that mystery or that she needs to fix something or that she should feel unimportant compared to it. She'll still like being called a "super sleuth" or something similar, because that's the kind of person she is, but I don't want that world to be shocking to her. I especially don't like the idea that she feels entitled to impose herself on others, but that's an attitude she's quickly becoming disabused of.

Speaking of being disabused, Haruhi had somehow come to the conclusion that she no longer needed to hide her otaku-ness, though I wondered how that had happened. I guessed that that had happened some time after I had fallen asleep to the sound of Haruhi playing her guitar. Most aliens apparently like old-fashioned songs with soft and soothing melodies, but that's exactly the kind of thing that puts most humans to sleep. I noticed Haruhi's new attitude when I went to the club room the next afternoon. I saw Yuki reading a magazine and Haruhi sitting at the computer when I entered.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey there," Haruhi answered.

"So, what's up?" I asked. "We going to do a literature club activity?"

"Sure thing," she replied.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Interactive fiction appreciation," she answered.

For Haruhi to admit to playing a role-playing game, and then to euphemistically refer to it this way must have meant that she was actually playing a dating sim and mocking the notion of playing a role-playing game for any other reason. It was relieving, but also a little shocking that she could feel comfortable admitting it here in the club room.

"And before you ask," she added, "I traded some of my magazines for this piece of interactive fiction I'm playing right now."

"Oh, okay," I said. I sat and began to play solitaire with a deck of cards.

"What?" she asked.

"So, we're playing games?" I guessed.

"I guess you could look at it that way," she admitted.

I smirked and added, "You won't mind if I happen to point out the fact that this is a club room, right?"

"Of course not," she said, a little too casually.

"That's good," I said, sighing and thinking that this would have to do, for now.

"Yeah," she said, "what brought this on was your constant pestering. I needed an attitude adjustment. You were right. I was missing out on a lot of really good stuff."

"I guess Koizumi's not going to be staying long," I mused.

"He's already been and left," Haruhi informed me.

"Okay," I said, contenting myself with having to imagine the look on his face.

"While you were sleeping," Haruhi explained, "Yuki and I compared collections. My God, that girl has a lot of porn."

"Really?" I asked.

"You've never noticed?" she asked.

"I didn't really go looking, but I seem to recall pointing this out to you, at one time."

"You said that you had the feeling she was an otaku. That's a nice way of putting it."

"Is she?"

"I don't care for some of her tastes. She's all over the place, and it's rather disturbing."

I then looked at her seriously, wondering if she was really in any position to judge.

"Yes," she answered my thoughts, "even by my standards."

I got up and took a look at what she was playing. It seemed pretty innocent for a dating sim.

"What do you think?" she asked. "This is one of her classier games."

"You really feel comfortable playing with your back to the window?" I asked, getting a little nervous.

"It's not like anyone can see," she complained. "Sheesh."

"You're a lot braver than I am," I said.

"I thought you said you were cool with otakus," she added.

"I am," I answered, "but I think this might be pushing it."

Haruhi pointed at the screen and said, "Can't you picture Koizumi as this guy?"

I laughed when I looked at it. The character was very much like Koizumi in appearance. "That's great," I said.

"I knew you'd enjoy that," she added.

I went back to playing with my cards. I was pretty sure I didn't want to see anything else.

Haruhi then said, "You know, I'm openly admitting something, here. You should be happy about that."

"So," I asked, "are you willing to admit that I was right about Yuki, Miss Asahina, and Koizumi?"

"Don't be stupid," she answered. "I still haven't figured out how you suddenly made those girls appear at Yuki's place. That was pretty clever, but I'm not convinced."

"Or how Miss Asakura went walking right through a wall of my house," I added.

"That was an optical illusion of some kind," she said.

"I guess I was grasping," I said, "to think that you would believe all that."

She added, "I'm not falling for this idea that I had some special powers, either."

"Do you believe love is a sickness?" I asked.

"You're damn right, it is," she replied. "Sadly, it's incurable."

"Sadly?"

"For you. If you think I'm going to give you a moment's peace, you're mistaken."

That was a close call there. Haruhi had almost confessed to being in love with me. It seemed strange that she would avoid admitting it, but then she does hate admitting to anything. I decided to try and prompt her confession again.

"Why do you think that would bother me?" I asked.

She replied, "I see you as the kind of guy who had this picture of himself as an intrepid sidekick. You wouldn't want to be a superhero, but you always wanted to hang around with superheroes? Am I right?"

This was strangely perceptive, but I failed to see how that had anything to do with love. Somehow, I guess Haruhi has always conflated love and ambition, and here she was admitting to it.

"You started to project that idea onto me, somehow," she continued. "In your mind, you made me into a superhero, and you refused to accept the fact that I was just an ordinary person."

"I don't think of you that way," I casually denied her.

"Not anymore, no," she agreed. "Because hanging around with me has taught you to have some respect for yourself. When we met, you were almost as insecure as Yuki over here."

"I wouldn't call Yuki insecure," I said, thinking that it was actually Yuki who had taught me to respect myself.

"What would you call her?" Haruhi asked.

"You know what they say about still waters?" I asked.

"They don't get much more still than hers," Haruhi admitted. "Hey, Yuki. You want to join in the conversation?"

Yuki appeared to be fixated on her magazine, and she didn't even glance at us.

"Maybe you should take away her magazine," I suggested.

"I'm not risking it," Haruhi said. "I've never seen her so intent in her reading."

"You really think I've changed?" I asked. "I feel pretty insecure."

Haruhi sighed and said, "I don't mean you've changed your personality, dumbass. I mean, you've changed your attitude."

"Right," I said, a little irritated that she assumed that that was what I meant.

"I especially like how accommodating you are when we're screwing," she added, smiling.

"Do you have to call it that?" I said, thoroughly disgusted.

"What?" she asked. "What do you call it?"

Things like that never come up in polite conversation. A more considerate person would know that, but Haruhi isn't exactly what I'd call a considerate person. She can be considerate, though, which makes it all the more hard to swallow. I don't expect this to change, but it's going to demand an attitude adjustment from me to accept it.

"That's what I thought," she added.

"I think most people would find a more delicate way to put it," I said.

"Okay..." she said, very agreeably. "How about 'intercourse?' 'Coupling?' 'Lovemaking?' 'Sleeping with?' 'Sex?'"

"You sure have a one-track mind," I said.

"You make that sound like a bad thing," she complained.

"It is a bad thing when you're at school. I just can't get comfortable with the idea in this setting."

"So, doing it in the club room is no good."

"I don't have an exhibitionist fetish, if that's what you're asking."

"Neither do I. I just think it might be a good idea to keep an open mind."

"Is there anything you get out of fiction that has a deeper, more satisfying meaning for you?"

"Of course. I told you before that I have high aspirations. That hasn't changed."

"Really?"

"I just don't want to get caught up in some stupid competitions. That's the only thing that's changed for me."

I had to feel good about this admission of hers. If there's one thing I absolutely can't tolerate, it's that competitive streak she sometimes has.

"You mean," I asked, "over the past couple days?"

"I mean," she answered, "since you made your bold confession to me a couple weeks ago. That really opened my eyes."

"It opened something else, too," Yuki added, very smoothly.

Haruhi looked very surprised at this remark. I then recalled that Yuki sometimes has a tendency to say things that make people wonder whether she's serious.

"Oh jeez..." I said, laughing. "I think Yuki just cracked a joke."

"Okay," Haruhi said, looking a little embarrassed with herself. "I think we've talked enough about sex."

"I agree," I said, thankful to Yuki for getting Haruhi out of that weird mood.

"Speaking of meaningful fiction..." she started. "I've been thinking about those codes I found a couple days ago."

"You mean," I wondered, "those random assortments of words you kept finding?"

"Yeah," she answered. "Well, you can see the list right there. I wracked my brain for an hour, but I just couldn't find anything in it. I guess it really was just random."

I looked, and I found the list among a small stack of books on the table.

"Let's see..." I said. "I think I'll take a crack at it."

"Go for it," she said.

"'Pretty girl' 'examination' 'discovery' 'outcome,'" I said, reading the first line. "That clearly means, 'A pretty girl examines herself and discovers a terrifying truth that has an unbelievable outcome.'"

"I think you're adding a lot to it," Haruhi complained, scowling.

"But this way makes the most sense," I said, convinced it was true, but also understanding how Haruhi would have trouble with it.

"Really?" she said.

I read the next line, "'Termination' 'tangible' 'Machiavellian' 'entangle.'" I thought for a moment, then said, "I read that as, 'The termination of a tangible feeling leads two Machiavellian people to become entangled in disputes.'"

"Tangible feeling?" Haruhi asked me.

"I'm just calling it how I see it," I replied. I then read the next line and almost immediately had an epiphany, "'Stratagem' 'systematic' 'irrational' 'demise.' Wow. I think I just got a chill."

"What?" she said.

I answered, "'A clever stratagem is deployed in systematic fashion, though irrational fondness leads one nearly to his demise.'"

"This is like a word game," Haruhi commented. "Am I supposed to guess what you mean by that?"

I then skipped ahead to the next line, and interpreted, "'A transition from a rhapsody of developments to a sentimental practice leads hearers to humility.'"

She frowned and asked, "You got all that from 'transition' 'rhapsody' 'sentimental' and 'humility?'"

I then read the next line, puzzling over it, "'Misgivings' 'home' 'enlighten' and 'duty.' Interesting."

"What?" she asked, completely confused.

"It's clearly just a random group of words," I said, unable to make anything out of that last line.

"Okay," Haruhi said, getting serious. "Now I know you're just messing with me. Who are the two Machiavellian people?"

"Well," I replied, "one is Koizumi." I then looked at Yuki and added, "I'm not too sure about the other."

"Do I even want to know about the demise one?"

"I think you can guess."

I could picture my attempted suicide in my mind, although it was only because I had been told about it. I couldn't even picture it as something happening to me, but could only picture it as if outside myself. It was very strange.

Haruhi scowled again and said, "Rhapsody of developments... That refers to that weird conversation you guys had with me, right?"

"And the conversation where Koizumi called me too accommodating," I added.

"It's still too vague to be useful," she complained.

I explained, "But this just shows you how you can find familiar patterns in just about anything."

"Yeah," she agreed. "That's probably it."

"It's just a coincidence that they're all in order," I added, "and that they do make a weird kind of sense."

"But why from your point of view?" she asked. "You see? That just proves it's random."

"Maybe," I admitted.

Haruhi had instructed her subconscious mind to make these weirdly vague things happen, and that had somehow made it happen. That was the explanation I came up with, although I'm not sure how to explain the last line. That one might have been random, although it might have meant, 'One who has misgivings about his home enlightens another and shares his duty.' But, of course, I had no way of knowing that that would happen, just yet.

"Yuki, what do you think?" Haruhi asked.

She replied, "I think you may be... well-connected."

"Did Kyon tell you about that?" Haruhi then asked.

"No," Yuki replied.

Haruhi had a brief moment to consider whether Yuki knew because I had mentioned it or whether she knew because she was an alien who had alien companions that conveyed to her Haruhi's every conversation. It's not hard to guess which explanation she chose.

- x -

Later that day, Koizumi called me and invited me to join him at a coffee shop for a meeting. I was going to turn it down, but he told me it would be "enlightening," so I could hardly refuse. It suddenly occurred to me that this meeting had been the last thing ordained by Haruhi prior to her losing her powers, so this would be for the last time. I could hardly miss that opportunity.

"Hey, Kyon," Koizumi said, as I approached the table he was sitting at. "Have a seat."

"Thanks," I said, noticing that Yuki and Ryoko were also at this meeting.

"Hope you weren't too busy," he said.

"Yeah, right," I answered, wondering if he was mocking me.

He laughed and added, "Yeah, what was I thinking?"

I sat down with them at the table, and I noticed Ryoko nodded in approval. Like I care what she thinks.

"So, what's up?" I asked. "Is this some kind of debriefing?"

"Actually," he replied, "we've been discussing some business."

"You think Haruhi might suddenly show off her powers again?" I guessed.

"No," he answered. "Actually, there's another problem."

"What is it?" I asked.

He thought for a moment and said, "Well, it's a little tricky to explain..."

Ryoko pointed out, "Miss Suzumiya isn't the only one who had that kind of power."

"Yeah," I said, "we know that."

"The problem is how to prepare for a potential situation," Koizumi explained.

"I would have thought the problem was more philosophical in nature," I said, referring to his infamous explanation from earlier.

Ryoko laughed and told me, "You should know better than to tell him that."

Koizumi looked annoyed and said, "If you're referring to my explanation of how Miss Suzumiya's powers worked, that was never really my idea to begin with. That was just the prevailing notion of my former superiors."

"So, what do you need me for?" I asked, thinking that we were getting nowhere, here.

"It occurred to me," Koizumi continued, "that your influence was primarily responsible for defusing the situation. You have to admit that Miss Suzumiya's willingness to embrace a more open-minded outlook created this situation where, ironically, she finds it impossible to face up to the facts."

Ironic for him, maybe. Then again, what he would call "facing up to the facts," most people would refer to as indoctrination. I wondered if he would ever start to view things my way, but then he has a strangely convenient mindset for whatever suits him.

"It's not impossible," I said, using terminology he would understand. "It's just not possible for her until she can be comfortable with it."

"But that's just the thing," he said. "Do you really think she'll ever be comfortable with realizing everything we went through?"

"It could happen," I replied. "It may be just a matter of time."

"Possibly," he admitted. "But I think you're talking about a process that could take a thousand years. I don't think any of us are going to live that long."

His exaggeration was amusing, but then I thought about what he claimed. "Yuki might," I said.

"Really?" he asked.

Yuki informed him, "This interface is rated for up to twelve hundred and seventy-two of your years. However, the likely span of time until deterioration has made it unusable will likely be closer to about eight hundred years."

"You mean, you might go nuts before you expire?" he asked.

"She means she might kill herself," Ryoko answered. "Sad, isn't it?"

"As long as the memory archive exists," Yuki added, "nothing of significance is lost when one's data link is abolished."

"The human race is tragic, then," Koizumi stated, almost mournfully.

"Not really," Ryoko said. "As a species, you deteriorate. That just opens the door for the next step in the evolutionary process."

"Genetically," Yuki added, "you become more prone to error. This deterioration, however, provides greater opportunities for necessary mutations. Mutations that, for example, can produce a creature like Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Your conscious memories may expire," Ryoko said, "but your collective unconscious continues until another species appears."

"We aren't all in agreement on that point," Yuki said, "but there are advantages to this world and its production of subconscious artifacts."

"Getting back to my point..." Koizumi said, stopping for a moment to think. "I think you can appreciate how the organization might be interested in letting you work for them from time to time as a consultant. It would be purely for the sake of research, and would never involve emergency situations."

"I don't mind helping with research," I said, "but aren't you still in trouble with your organization?"

"I'm not planning on rejoining," he said, brushing away what I was implying, "but I think everyone there understands why I left. This arrangement would be no problem for me. Everything would be completely informal. Naturally, I'd handle all the details."

Ryoko added, "They're keeping a low profile, because they know we'll destroy them if they don't."

"There is that, as well," Koizumi agreed.

"So, there's still the possibility of retaliation?" I asked.

"No," Yuki replied. "Everyone who was flagged for punishment has been punished. If their organization becomes obstructive, various factions have openly proposed destruction. That will encourage them not to relapse into their efforts to destroy us in a more subtle way than before."

"Seems like a good deal to me," Koizumi said to me, trying to be encouraging.

"Ryoko Asakura has been made available," Yuki said, "primarily to assist in that effort."

"Lucky me, huh?" Ryoko commented.

"You mean," I asked Yuki, "in the effort to protect yourselves?"

"In the effort to prevent another situation," Ryoko explained.

"Are you asking me to trust her?" I asked.

"Not really," Koizumi replied. "I mean, if something comes up, I think I can handle it."

"You sure about that?" I asked, very skeptical.

"No, but we all still need you," he answered. "That's not a bad position to be in."

"Well, maybe if you throw in some incentives..." I said, shaking my head.

"We'll talk about it," Koizumi decided.

"You really left the organization?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered. "It's kind of pointless to stay. I really do have my hands full with just being a student."

"And with fending off potential girlfriends," I added, just to annoy him.

"You'd think that," he said, "but I really don't have that problem. I only ever have problems dealing with Miss Suzumiya."

"Haruhi did seem a little more annoyed than usual today," I admitted.

"Miss Suzumiya just launched her latest crusade," Koizumi said.

"What's that?" I asked, thinking he was referring to what Haruhi was doing in the club room.

"She's trying to fix me up with Miss Asakura, now," he answered.

That took me by surprise, and I laughed. "Is she?" I asked. "That's great."

"I don't find it so funny," he said, unusually serious.

"It's horrible and tragic for you," I admitted, "but doesn't it seem kind of perfect?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean," I replied, "wouldn't you pair up a psychopath with a sociopath?"

"Is that supposed to be funny?" he then asked.

It was meant to be funny, in a way, but I guess Koizumi wouldn't see the humor in it. I silently apologized and gave it a little thought. With both of them preoccupied with each other, that would give me a more ideal situation. Koizumi wouldn't try to be as "helpful" toward me, and Ryoko would have a little less "fun" with me. This would prove to be especially important if they were going to try and conduct "research" with me (which would spell trouble for certain). I wouldn't refuse to help, for fear of "accidentally" running into people who would necessitate that research, but that doesn't mean I have to help them research every nook and cranny. With Koizumi preoccupied, he'd be forced to organize my research for me in convenient amounts, and that would make all the difference.

Plus, there's something oddly compelling about this match-up. It strikes me as a suitable way to repay him for setting me up with Haruhi. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I can't exactly call it a good thing, either.

"You are going to school together, right?" I asked him.

"More or less," he replied.

"So, what's the problem?" I asked.

"The problem is," he said, "she just does whatever she wants and never listens to me."

"Why should I?" Ryoko asked.

"Because you might learn something," he answered.

"He does have a point there," I told her.

"What?" she said.

I explained, "Well, your only redeeming quality is your charm, and Koizumi only really lacks genuine charm."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Koizumi said, still grim and serious.

"So annoying..." Ryoko muttered.

"You mean me?" I asked.

"Yes, you are," she replied. "You're very annoying. How can you stand living with yourself?"

"That's kind of rude," I said, not appreciating her using my description of her on me.

"And always judging people," she added. "Why do you do that?"

"What?" I asked her.

"I said..." she started, then frowned and added, "Forget it. You don't even realize when you're doing it."

"You're the one who called me annoying," I said.

"Because you had just insulted me," she explained.

"So," I asked, "do you have any redeeming qualities aside from your charm?"

She didn't seem to have an answer for that. She could hardly be charming and expect to have a temper tantrum with me, which was what she seemed about to do.

"Well, she listens to me just fine," I told Koizumi.

"Maybe you two shouldn't try to talk to each other," he said.

"Yeah," I agreed, "that's a good idea."

"You strike me as like siblings," he added.

"Really?" I wondered.

"That's just the impression I get," he said.

"Still," I said, "it wouldn't surprise me if you did fall for her."

"Okay," he said, "now don't you start in on me with that."

"I'm just saying..." I explained. "You don't have a girlfriend, and she doesn't have a concept of love. It's a win-win situation."

"Yeah," he observed, "if you count yourself as one of those wins."

I had to applaud his perceptive nature. Sometimes, he can see right through me.

"Just date her a few times," Yuki told him. "I'll punish her if she misbehaves."

"Okay," he said. "Fine."

- x -

Having settled some of Koizumi's misgivings and offered to share in his duties, I now realized that I was free of the curse of Haruhi (aside from her being my girlfriend, of course). It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, though. I was free to be my old self again, which I wasn't even certain really meant anything. I did feel a need to relax with an old friend named sloth, and I spent the entire evening ignoring my homework. Eventually, I became sleepy at the usual time (around ten), and I encouraged myself to feel tired by enjoying a nice book while lying in bed.

My phone then rang, and I picked it up, quickly noticing that it was Haruhi calling again.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing," she replied. "What are you doing?"

"Reading," I answered.

"As usual," she commented, and I could imagine her snide expression.

Haruhi had been neglecting some of her "duties" at home for the past week, and it happened that her mother was actually not that bad at cooking (as long as it didn't involve anything too complicated). With the question of food out of the way, that left an awful lot of time for Haruhi to sit around, being bored. Haruhi doesn't really like being bored, and her usual way of filling her spare time wasn't really doing as much for her, I imagine.

"So..." I said, wondering if I was going to stand around holding the phone to my ear for the rest of the night.

"I just called to say..." she started, then drifted off into some muttering. At least I think she was muttering.

"You don't want to go eat somewhere, do you?" I asked. "I'm still broke, you know?"

"No," she responded.

"What, then?"

"What I'm trying to say is... Well..."

"Is this about Koizumi? I spoke to him and Miss Asakura. We had a conversation at a coffee shop."

"Did you?"

"Yeah."

"So, do you think they might start going out?"

I sat on my bed and considered that. I didn't think there was likely going to be anything between them, but I was sincerely hoping there would be.

"Maybe," I replied.

"That would be great," she said.

"What?" I asked. "You were worried about him?"

"He is a bit of an egghead."

"I think it would come as a relief to Miss Asahina."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you won't keep trying to set her up with him."

Haruhi stopped, and I could imagine her growing annoyed. There was really no denying it, though. She had been trying to set up Koizumi with Mikuru, and it was painfully obvious that they weren't into each other.

"You have been really annoying her in the past," I added.

"Why do you always do this?" she asked, exasperated.

"What?" I asked.

She complained, "Every damn time I try to tell you I love you, you have to start up with something stupid."

"Oh," I said, a little mortified and wondering how long this had been going on.

"Well, there you go," she said.

"What?"

"I just told you, idiot."

I looked at my phone in disbelief for a moment, then switched it off. I sadly shook my head and returned to reading. That was probably the worst confession ever, but it was better than nothing.

- Fin


	19. Extra 3

- Extra

- The cursed doll

Kyon notices the doll that Ryoko gave him (which he gave to his sister) is back on his desk.

Kyon: (half-serious) So, you're back, huh?

Doll: (Ryoko's voice) Finally.

Kyon: (briefly startled) You missed me?

Doll: That little sister of yours is no fun to play with.

Kyon: Why is that?

Doll: She's not easy to scare.

Kyon: You didn't threaten her, did you?

Doll: Of course not. I just had a little harmless fun, that's all.

Kyon: (sighing) So, why are you back on my desk?

Doll: I'm not a doll, stupid.

Kyon: I mean, why did Sister put the doll here?

Doll: Probably because she became bored with it.

Kyon: More like she got creeped out with you and decided to dump you back on me.

Doll: I'm not creepy.

Kyon: You're the creepiest person I know.

Doll: That is so mean. I may have mentioned death a few times, but I don't obsess about it.

Kyon: You talked about death with my sister?

Doll: Why not? I think it's interesting.

Kyon: ...

Doll: I mean, you humans are constantly getting yourselves killed. I don't see what the big deal is.

Kyon: The big deal is you don't talk about it. It's really damn creepy.

Doll: But what else is there to talk about?

Kyon: You really have nothing else to talk about?

Doll: Well, nothing interesting. I mean, especially after all the fun ways that you've died in the underlying time planes.

Kyon: I suppose I should hear about it, just so you get it out of your system.

Doll: Thanks. The thing that's really weird is that I never seem to get the opportunity to kill you, myself.

Kyon: You couldn't just stop my heart the way you froze my feet that one time?

Doll: What? No.

Kyon: Why not?

Doll: Where's the fun in doing that? Sheesh.

Kyon: And you call me annoying.

Doll: What?

Kyon: Nothing. So, what's the problem? Why can't you ever kill me?

Doll: It's weird. I know this is going to sound superstitious, but I think Miss Suzumiya was always preventing it, somehow.

Kyon: It's surprising to hear you say that.

Doll: I know, but it's the only explanation. Especially in that one time plane. You know, the one where you got hit by a truck?

Kyon: A truck?

Doll: You didn't even notice that?

Kyon: Should I have?

Doll: You stopped directly in its path and looked right at it.

Kyon: Weird. I don't remember that.

Doll: You humans are crazy.

Kyon: What's crazy is that you're speaking to me. You could kill me right now, and Haruhi wouldn't be able to stop you.

Doll: That's true.

Kyon: What's stopping you?

Doll: I just don't want to.

Kyon: Why not?

Doll: I've been curious about what it would be like for someone like me to be in love with a creature like you, and... Well... When I heard you had jumped into a channel and tried to drown yourself, I was worried. I began to think it was my fault.

Kyon: You worried about me?

Doll: Isn't that weird?

Kyon: ...

Doll: It made me regret all the times I had tried to kill you and make it look like an accident.

Kyon: You know, I don't remember trying to kill myself, either.

Doll: You have a very convenient way of forgetting things.

Kyon: Maybe.

Doll: The driver of that truck sure remembered you. He said he had flashbacks every time he had to take that route again, and he eventually had to quit his job because it bothered him so much.

Kyon: Yeah, I can understand that. It's probably better to forget things.

Doll: What a rush that must have been, though.

Kyon: What do you mean? Me getting killed?

Doll: No, I mean for the driver. Imagine some poor guy walks out in front of you. You start thinking, "Move it! Get out of the way, fool! What? Are you suicidal?" You tell your feet to hit the brakes and your hands to move the steering wheel, but they seem frozen. You then realize that you're perceiving time at about a hundred times faster than normal. So, what you know is really just two seconds feels like about three minutes.

Kyon: That's pretty morbid.

Doll: That's adrenaline, acting on your system. We don't really have an equivalent, although we do have a temporal compression mode we can use if the augmentation systems are functioning.

Kyon: Maybe you should get a hobby.

Doll: Like what?

Kyon: Like sky-diving or swimming with sharks.

Doll: Boring...

Kyon: I'm starting to understand why you're obsessed with death.

- x -

- The cursed child

At Kyon's house, in his living room. Haruhi is watching TV, as Sister enters.

Sister: Oh, hello, brother's girlfriend.

Haruhi: Hey.

Sister: Have you seen Kyon?

Haruhi: He's not here yet. Probably off somewhere reading comic books.

Kyon enters a moment later.

Kyon: Hey.

Haruhi: There he is.

Sister: Hey, Kyon. Would you check out my work for me?

Kyon: That art project? ... Could you save that for later?

Sister: Oh, c'mon! You said you'd check it out.

Haruhi: Is that it?

Sister: Yeah...

Haruhi: Could I have a look at it?

Sister: I don't see why not.

Kyon: ...

Sister: Kyon's being a jerk, so go right ahead.

Sister hands a sketchbook to Haruhi.

Haruhi: (looking through it) You did all these yourself?

Sister: Yeah.

Haruhi: Well, they're lovely. You have a real eye for detail. It's so realistic.

Sister: You think so?

Haruhi: Are these all still figures?

Sister: No. Well, some of them are. I mostly draw from memory.

Haruhi: Whoa. Now, that's impressive.

Sister: Thanks. I know it's just sketches.

Haruhi: What's this one?

Sister: That's the older Miss Asahina.

Haruhi: Who?

Sister: You know. The Mikuru Asahina from further in the future.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: What?

Haruhi: Nothing.

Haruhi goes flipping through the sketchbook again.

Sister: You still haven't told her about them?

Kyon: I have told her, actually. Several times, in fact.

Haruhi: What's this?

Sister: That's a celestial. That's what big brother Itsuki fights in the other worlds.

Kyon: He doesn't do that anymore.

Sister: He doesn't?

Kyon: No. He used to. He's gone back to just being normal. And don't call him "big brother." That's creepy.

Sister: Oh... That's too bad. He was pretty cool when he did that kind of thing.

Haruhi: This isn't from personal experience, is it?

Sister: (giggling) Of course not. That's from the way the older Miss Asahina described it.

Kyon: (shaking his head in disgust) She didn't realize that Sister was listening at the time.

Haruhi: ...

Sister: How did Miss Asahina witness that event?

Kyon: It's a long story.

Haruhi flips through the sketchbook again.

Haruhi: This one is nice. What's this one?

Sister: That's Yuki. Isn't she cute?

Haruhi: What's she doing?

Sister: That's from when she was putting a spell on that baseball bat. At least, that's what Miss Asahina called it.

Haruhi: Mikuru again?

Sister: No. I actually saw Yuki doing that. That was so awesome! I wish she'd do that kind of thing more often. You'd hardly guess she was an alien from the way she normally acts.

Kyon: That wasn't actually a spell. That was just "homing mode."

Sister: Really?

Kyon: That's what Yuki called it.

Haruhi: (lugubrious) But you seem like such a normal kid.

Sister: Huh?

Haruhi: I'm sorry I gave you guys these delusions. I wish I had just kept my mouth shut.

Sister: Are you feeling okay?

Kyon: Just leave it alone. It's better this way.

Sister: If you say so.

- x -

- Obligatory imaginary conversation

Proofreader: There. All done.

Author: Codes? Seriously?

Proofreader: Why not?

Author: So, what are the codes?

Proofreader: I don't know. Just have fun with it and try not to make it too obvious.

Author: It seems like such an afterthought.

Proofreader: Think of it as like a way to transition from one mood to another.

Author: From cheerful to depressed?

Proofreader: More the other way around.

Author: Okay.

Proofreader: This is going to be the last volume, after all.

Author: I don't suppose you're up for doing another story.

Proofreader: You've gotta be kidding me.

Author: It was worth a shot.


	20. Extra 4

- The case of the missing story

Proofreader: Okay, don't think I didn't notice that.

Author: What?

Proofreader: You freaking deleted that religion story. What gives?

Author: ...

Proofreader: Don't tell me you were worried you might get hit by lightning?

Author: More like... I have this thing called a "conscience," and you know...

Proofreader: Argh... You really thought that was the most offensive thing in that story?

Author: What? It was! It's been bugging me ever since I wrote it, okay?

Proofreader: You spoiled the fun!

Author: Okay, I'm sorry.

Proofreader: So?

Author: I ain't posting it back. Forget it. I hate thinking about it, honestly.

Proofreader: Honestly?

Author: Honestly. And to all you readers (if there were any) who were offended, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. It was wrong. I admit it, and I swear that this kind of thing will not happen again.

Proofreader: Jeez, you really have a thin skin for this kind of thing.

Author: I know.

Proofreader: The problem is that I'm pissed off now. How are you going to fix that?

Author: Well... How about this? I'll throw in some extra extras. Just some fun stuff that I neglected to finish from the first time. How about that?

Proofreader: ...

Author: And I'll try to make it every bit as funny as the religion one was offensive.

Proofreader: ...

Author: And I'll email you the naughty scenes I cut out of volume 2 and 3.

Proofreader: Okay. Now, we're talking!

- x -

- Faces

Haruhi and Kyon sitting in front of the TV, dazed and a little grim. They start to softly chat.

Haruhi: So, it's "Yuki," now?

Kyon: That's right.

Haruhi: What brought that on?

Kyon: We ended up having a lot of long conversations. It just seemed the natural way to go.

Haruhi: You talk about me?

Kyon: I think your name came up once or twice.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: I think it's so cute when you get jealous like that.

Haruhi: Is Yuki even Asian?

Kyon: What? Sure, she is. Why do you ask?

Haruhi: Doesn't she kind of look like a blend of Jim Morrison and Harrison Ford?

Kyon: You do realize she's a girl, right?

Haruhi: Yeah, but I mean in the face.

Kyon: ...

Haruhi: It kind of pisses me off, though.

Kyon: What does?

Haruhi: Her face. You realize that she's going to get cuter as she gets older?

Kyon: Hmm...

Haruhi: Meanwhile, I'm going to start looking more and more frumpy.

Kyon: Frumpy?

Haruhi: Seriously. You know that pony tail you love so much?

Kyon: Something wrong with it?

Haruhi: Yeah. It adds about five years to my face.

Kyon: (laughing) No way.

Haruhi: Jerk.

Kyon: I'm sorry. What were you saying? The pony tail?

Haruhi: Do you have a thing for older women?

Kyon: Is that why you don't wear it?

Haruhi: It's so totally not moe.

Kyon: (sighing) All I know is it really does look good on you.

Haruhi: It makes me look like my mother.

Kyon: ...

- x -

- An awkward conversation

Kyon wakes up and finds Yuki in his bedroom, drinking again.

Kyon: So, what is it this time?

Yuki: It?

Kyon: Refining your chemical formulas? Looking for some bio-chemical reaction? Testing some esoteric behavior theory?

Yuki: No.

Kyon: What, then?

Yuki: I hate my life.

Kyon: Okay...

Yuki: This won't repeat to the extent that it becomes habitual.

Kyon: You mind if I ask you something?

Yuki: Go on.

Kyon: Why do you torture yourself? I mean, I think you're terrific. I can't imagine a better friend than you.

Yuki: Amusing.

Kyon: What?

Yuki: The word "friend." It implies a high level of trust and affection.

Kyon: That's right.

Yuki: Is rejection an effective way to show those characteristics?

Kyon: ...

Yuki: I apologize. I realize that you no longer resent the interruption of your social standing with your father, and that your aggression has mutated into a more genuine expression of affection. I find my programming inadequate to resign myself on this matter, however.

Kyon: You know, you could have easily changed my mind about you at any time before I confessed to Haruhi. I don't see why you keep harping on this.

Yuki: Oh?

Kyon: All you really had to do was kiss me, and that would have changed everything.

Yuki: It would have?

Kyon: Don't tell me you didn't realize that.

Yuki: ...

Kyon: Oh jeez... I'm sorry.

Yuki: It's okay. Don't apologize.

Yuki takes the bottle and quickly gulps down the rest.

- x -

- Belated realization

In the club room. Kyon is playing solitaire as Yuki reads a magazine. Haruhi looks up from her dating sim game.

Haruhi: There's something that's been bothering me.

Kyon: What's that?

Haruhi: You mentioned a fight that Yuki started.

Kyon: I did?

Haruhi: Yeah, while we were at Yuki's and I was making Tsuruya choke on my dust.

Kyon: Oh, right...

Haruhi: I don't suppose either of you want to tell me what that was about.

Kyon: ...

Yuki: That was a misunderstanding.

Haruhi: What?

Yuki: The female student and her friends were convinced that you had threatened their reputations with false allegations of a sexual nature.

Haruhi: Weird. I don't remember making any threats like that.

Yuki: They also complained of scurrilous rumors they claimed you had started concerning various idiosyncrasies in their appearances.

Haruhi: Really?

Yuki: There were also numerous allegations that you maligned their common tendencies, referring to them as condescending, distracted, and credulous.

Haruhi: Okay, that's just messed up. I would never do any such thing.

Yuki: I informed them so.

Kyon: Hold on a sec. Haruhi, are you sure you don't remember doing any of that?

Haruhi: Of course, I don't. Sheesh. Like I'd waste my time with people like that. You know you should just treat people who say stupid things with the disdainful silence they deserve.

Kyon: ...

Haruhi: So, they were picking on you because they were suffering delusions of persecution? That's just pathetic. I wouldn't put up with that. Of course, I don't see what any of that has to do with you.

Yuki: They insisted that I acknowledge their assertions.

Haruhi: Oh, okay. And that's it?

Yuki: They also insulted you.

Haruhi: Insulted me? How?

Yuki: They called you "weird," "geeky," "insidious," "criminal," "perverted," "twisted," "evasive," "sneaky," "dubious," "shady," "unsavory," "rotten," "artless," "thoughtless," "two-faced" -

Haruhi: Okay. I get the picture. Jeez.

Yuki: ...

Haruhi: What else did they say?

Yuki: After a sequence of several insults, they remarked on your apparent shamelessness and speculated that you were engaged in several trysts with various male students.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: You okay?

Haruhi: Oh, wow. I just got that feeling again, like I wanted to puke.

Yuki: Do you wish for me to continue?

Haruhi: There's more? No, wait. Never mind. At this rate, I'll probably lose my lunch. Serves me right for asking.

- x -

- Honduras

Kyon is walking the older Mikuru back to Yuki's apartment.

Mikuru: No, I really had no idea. Why do you think I was so nervous?

Kyon: Okay. It just seems weird. I mean, you usually know exactly what needs to happen.

Mikuru: (sighing) I didn't exactly help you much with that first situation.

Kyon: Which one was that?

Mikuru: You know. When I told you about Snow White.

Kyon: Oh. Well, that was actually a little helpful.

Mikuru: Was it?

Kyon: I have to admit that Yuki's clue was the clincher. I mean, I don't think I'd have figured it out, otherwise.

Mikuru: I just wasn't sure how you'd react if I had just told you to kiss Miss Suzumiya.

Kyon: Yeah, that probably would have been bad.

Mikuru: And that was a pretty straight-forward situation. I have no idea what we affected with this situation.

Kyon: It's probably something in the future.

Mikuru: Probably.

Kyon: Of course, that first situation was just strange all the way around.

Mikuru: Really?

Kyon: Yeah. I'm still puzzled by some of your reactions.

Mikuru: Such as?

Kyon: Well, when you first entered the club room, for example.

Mikuru: What about it?

Kyon: I couldn't help but notice the way you so obviously recognized Yuki.

Mikuru: You noticed that?

Kyon: I'm surprised Haruhi didn't. You may as well have had a blinking neon sign on your forehead that said you recognized her. Then you just happened to know her name. It was part of the reason you decided to stay in the club.

Mikuru: Oh jeez. I'm such a klutz.

Kyon: What's up with that?

Mikuru: Okay, well... Just suffice it to say that Miss Nagato is somewhat famous in my time.

Kyon: You knew her from the future?

Mikuru: I thought she was pretty cool when I was a little kid. Man, did I have the wrong idea.

Kyon: So, you idolized her?

Mikuru: No. I'm not sure how to say it...

Kyon: ...

Mikuru: I didn't give away anything else, did I?

Kyon: Well, you did rather casually invite me to call you by your given name, and you let it slip a number of times how you weren't from this particular era or this time plane.

Mikuru: Ugh...

Kyon: That's why you told me you were a time traveler in the first place, right? I mean, you were just clearing up the confusion you'd caused with all those slip ups, right?

Mikuru: I think you're giving me a little too much credit.

Kyon: Really?

Mikuru: I wasn't clearing anything up. I just felt like I had to tell someone, and... Well...

Kyon: Right. I got it.

Mikuru: Thank you.

Kyon: (laughing) I'm glad you felt you could confide in me.

Mikuru: I feel like such an idiot.

Kyon: I think everything will work out.

Mikuru: ...

Kyon: You mind if I ask something a little personal?

Mikuru: No, I don't mind.

Kyon: You're Japanese, right?

Mikuru: Yeah.

Kyon: No offense, I just wasn't sure...

Mikuru: My grandfather was from Honduras.

Kyon: Wow. Really?

Mikuru: Yeah. That's probably what's throwing you off. People sometimes notice I'm a bit Hispanic.

Kyon: That's a coincidence.

Mikuru: It's no big deal in my time, but I can see how it might be a little confusing in this era.

Kyon: Just wondering. I mean, you grew up in Japan, right?

Mikuru: I've never left.

- x -

- Ice cream

Kyon and Yuki are at a snack shop. Kyon is still starting on his ice cream as Yuki finishes hers.

Kyon: Doesn't that give you brain freeze?

Yuki: Should it?

Kyon: It would for me.

Yuki: The rapid dilation of the capillaries in the sinuses is preventable by simply cooling the palate to the appropriate temperature before ingestion of such substances.

Kyon: Yeah, that's why I like to eat it slowly.

Yuki: If that fails, you can also press your tongue to the palate, and that will mitigate the sensation of referred pain in your forehead.

Kyon: I've heard that. Yeah. But I don't think I can cool my palate just by thinking about it.

Yuki: You can't?

Kyon: No. I guess it shouldn't be too weird that you can.

Yuki: Interesting.

Kyon: But it is possible for you to get brain freeze, right?

Yuki: It is possible, but then the sensation would interrupt the flow of instinctive data.

Kyon: Yeah. That's another reason I eat slowly. I definitely enjoy my food more this way.

Yuki: Is this a human characteristic?

Kyon: Eating slowly? No. Actually, I always used to eat quickly until a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but it just seemed like eating too quickly was a stupid thing to do.

Yuki: Perhaps I should consider this method.

Kyon: I think it's more healthy. Of course, I just assumed that you couldn't control how fast you eat.

Yuki: Why this assumption?

Kyon: Well, because you are super strong and all.

Yuki: ...

Kyon: But then, you did push that poor laptop computer's keyboard to the limit of what it could do. I suppose that requires a good deal of dexterity and muscle control.

Yuki: My typing abilities are not unusual, even compared to humans.

Kyon: I wish I could type like that.

Yuki: You can. Do you wish for me to teach you?

Kyon: No... That's okay. I prefer to do things my own way.

Yuki: As you wish.

Kyon: You can just switch off any pain, right?

Yuki: It is possible to autonomously deactivate nerve centers, but that does not merely block the sensation of pain.

Kyon: Oh?

Yuki: Doing so also deactivates all sensation of touch, which includes the sensation of comfort, texture, solidity, taste...

Kyon: Taste?

Yuki: What humans refer to as taste is actually a form of touching.

Kyon: Hmm. I guess I never really thought about it.

Yuki: When you deactivate the tactile sensations, you also lose control of your reference to touch. Doing this means less precision of control and a higher probability of failure in transformational manipulation.

Kyon: But that's not really a problem for you, is it?

Yuki: If the augmentation systems have been properly activated, they can serve as a substitute for tactile data. However, the augmentation systems are prone to noise and can cause long-term ill effects such as the loss of peripheral vision and temporary auditory and tactile schizophrenia.

Kyon: So, you would still have a sensation of touch even if you switch it off?

Yuki: Yes.

Kyon: Oh, yeah. I remember someone once calling that "phantom leg syndrome."

Yuki: So, this phenomenon is not unique to humanoid interfaces?

Kyon: I have no idea what an augmentation system is, but I think tactile schizophrenia sounds familiar.

Yuki: Are you going to finish that?

Kyon: (looking at his ice cream) You want it? I guess I'm not all that hungry.

Yuki: Please.

Kyon gives her the ice cream.

Kyon: Here you go. Enjoy.

Yuki: Thanks.

Kyon: I hope you don't mind my germs.

Yuki: Problematic microorganisms are more commonly found in the food as presented than exist in your mouth.

Kyon: Really?

Yuki: Yes. Don't worry, however. I will be careful.

- x -

- Skipping rocks

Haruhi and Kyon are standing at the beach, holding umbrellas in the rain.

Haruhi: The beach here is nice, and I can understand the attraction, but I don't get it.

Kyon: What?

Haruhi: It just seems so freaking boring!

Kyon: You don't like the thought of lying around in the sand?

Haruhi: I hate getting sand in my shoes.

Kyon: Nobody said anything about wearing shoes.

Haruhi: Okay, well. I hate getting sand between my toes.

Kyon: I guess someone who's used to being frenetic wouldn't understand.

Haruhi: Something great about sand?

Kyon: Sure, but there's more to life than the type of amusements you get in the city.

Haruhi: And that is?

Kyon: You ever just make paper airplanes?

Haruhi: No.

Kyon: Blow bubbles?

Haruhi: No.

Kyon: Shoot marbles?

Haruhi: No.

Kyon: Jump rope?

Haruhi: (indifferent) ...

Kyon: Play beanbag?

Haruhi: Huh? Oh, you mean that hacky sack game? I never got into that.

Kyon: Build a sand castle?

Haruhi: Okay, now that I've done a few times.

Kyon: Well, there you go.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: I guess we could just sit around folding origami.

Haruhi: I'd rather die.

Kyon: Actually, now that I think about it. There is one thing we could do.

Haruhi: What?

Kyon picks up a rock and throws it.

Kyon: Nuts. I hit the surf.

Haruhi: Okay, that looks fun. Let me try.

Haruhi picks up a rock and throws it straight into the water. Kyon laughs and then quickly shuts up.

Haruhi: Shut up, I haven't had much practice.

Kyon: I guess you wouldn't, living in the suburbs all your life.

Haruhi: I have done this before, I just...

She throws another rock, and it goes straight in.

Haruhi: Damn it. Okay, what was the trick to doing this?

Kyon picks up a rock a shows her.

Kyon: Okay, well. The first thing you have to do is find a rock that looks like this.

Haruhi: Kind of flat and round. Right.

Kyon: Like a UFO.

Haruhi: Nice one.

Kyon: Yes, I knew you'd appreciate that.

Haruhi: Okay, then what?

Kyon: Then you hold it like this.

He curls his index finger around the rock.

Haruhi: Oh, I see.

She picks up a rock and throws it, and it again goes straight in.

Haruhi: Oh, come on!

Kyon: (laughing) Your problem is you need to throw it side-arm.

Haruhi: Side-arm?

Kyon: And give it a good wrist-snap. That's the key, really. That gives it a good spin.

Haruhi: Okay, yeah. Now I remember.

Haruhi throws another rock, and it skips a few times.

Haruhi: I hit the surf.

Kyon: Yeah, you have to time it just right. I don't quite remember the trick to that.

Kyon throws his rock, and it skips a few times.

Haruhi: So, how many times could you make it skip?

Kyon: Well... When I was young, I could make one of these skip about seven or eight times. It's not that easy, though.

Haruhi: That sounds kind of crazy.

Kyon: I think the trick was to throw it at just the right speed with just the right arc. It took me a while to figure it out. I can't remember how that worked again.

He picks up another rock and throws it.

Haruhi: I can't imagine getting it to skip more than two or three times. I mean, this is a beach.

Kyon: I remember one guy could make it skip up to ten times. That guy was nuts, though. I never actually saw it, but he claimed he could make it skip twelve times.

Haruhi: Okay, so this is what passes for video games around here.

Kyon: I guess you could look at it that way.

- x -

- The rules

Kyon: I don't suppose you can tell me what these rules are, can you?

Yuki: I cannot.

Kyon: Why not? Is it a big secret?

Yuki: No. I determine rules by reverse-engineering my own programming.

Kyon: Oh, okay.

Yuki: From the severity and timing of punishments, I can deduce their relative importance.

Kyon: Okay...

Yuki: Restrictive features of my programming that carry high value are what I have termed "rules," and all other restrictive features are what I have termed "guidelines," but that is not to say that all infractions of the rules are punishable, nor does that imply that infractions of the guidelines are not.

Kyon: Just curious. I mean, I would have thought that it would be obvious.

Yuki: Conscious acceptance of patterned behavior is a human deficiency.

Kyon: But you complain about your programming "failing" all the time.

Yuki: That is due to various circumstances. Programming is not a strictly logical function, nor is its failure an indication of loss of function. Programming is equipped with feedback mechanisms that are designed to service as well as filter its own features.

Kyon: ...

Yuki: In other words, programming mimics intelligence.

Kyon: So, what kind of circumstances are we talking about? Do you mean a really stressful situation?

Yuki: I mean, whenever conditions are outside the bounds of my programming.

Kyon: I don't understand.

Yuki: For example, I am programmed to be responsive and to converse with as much sophistication and alacrity as possible. However, this feature requires making eye contact, smiling, standing or sitting in a position that suggests confidence, and speaking with a firmness that suggests calmness. My interface is only able to accommodate roughly twenty-five point six percent of these attributes.

Kyon: I see. So, you run into physical limitations.

Yuki: That is a measurement of my conscious ability to overcome the limitations of my interface. Without a conscious appreciation of these features, my interface would fail completely to communicate in an effective manner.

Kyon: So... You mean, if you can be confident and overcome your shyness, that would make you happy?

Yuki: Exactly.

Kyon: Your programming have anything to say about being nice to people?

Yuki: My programming suggests prioritizing creativity over judgment, permission over impulse, personality traits over distinctive features, observation over influence, and sincerity over pretense. However, I have detected a strong inclination in my conscious patterns to ignore these suggestions as distracting annoyances.

Kyon: That sounds just like someone I know...

Yuki: ...

- x -

- Hair

Haruhi and Kyon sitting in front of the TV, dazed and a little grim. They continue to softly chat.

Kyon: You don't look like your mother.

Haruhi: Really?

Kyon: She has the same strong cheek bones and the eyes, but her face is very different in other ways. She also has that strange, curly hair.

Haruhi: That's because she curls it.

Kyon: It's not naturally that way?

Haruhi: My family has very straight hair, naturally.

Kyon: She also has that gaunt look. Not at all like your face. Your face is a lot rounder.

Haruhi: I hate my face.

Kyon: Why? You look really beautiful.

Haruhi: I have a very masculine jawline, okay. That works great for guys. It's not so good for a girl.

Kyon: What? That's ridiculous.

Haruhi: It's true.

Kyon: I don't see what jawline has to do with beauty.

Haruhi: It gives your face a nice heart shape. Just look at Mikuru, and you'll see what I mean. She has a very moe face shape.

Kyon: What happened to that ribbon?

Haruhi: You mean the bows I had in my hair?

Kyon: Yeah.

Haruhi: I felt like not wearing it today.

Kyon: You just felt like it, huh?

Haruhi: Yeah. What?

Kyon: ...

Haruhi: Are you trying to tell me something?

Kyon: No, nothing.

Haruhi: Okay, those bows were kind of a thing I decided to wear on a whim. I thought it was cute.

Kyon: Just like how you cut your hair?

Haruhi: Yeah. I just felt like it. That's all.

Kyon: Okay.

Haruhi: There wasn't any special meaning in it. And no, I didn't do it because of anything you said.

Kyon: I know.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: You weren't already thinking about me, huh?

Haruhi: Okay, I was. But that was only because you caught me off guard with that question about my hair.

Kyon: Did that question really catch you off guard?

Haruhi: I was surprised, yeah.

Kyon: I kind of surprised myself. Then again, I didn't expect to keep having this weird revenge-sex fantasy about you. I mean, I kept telling myself that it wasn't about you, but I've started to realize lately that it was.

Haruhi: ...

Kyon: Cutting your hair wasn't just about feeling like it, was it?

Haruhi: No.

Kyon: You know, it's not such a bad thing to admit if you have fantasies about someone.

Haruhi: I know. I'm just...

Kyon: Yeah. I know. And you're really cute when you try to hide it, but I really would love to hear about your fantasies.

Haruhi: You sure?

Kyon: I'm sure.

Haruhi: Because you know what a sucker I am for wrestling and gladiators and stuff.

Kyon: (a little hesitant) I think I can handle it.

- x -


End file.
